sierra
“So,” Heather said, sipping her champagne after Christmas dinner, “how was your day?”
I drew my finger across the rim of my glass and bit back a grin. “Good.”
She arched her brow. “Just good? Steven didn’t ask you anything?”
“No …” I glanced over at her. “What would he ask me?”
Heather stiffened and grabbed my hand, leading me all the way across the room and toward the leather couch near the floor-to-ceiling windows. We had just finished dinner with Michelle and her submissive as well as Hector, and I was feeling tired already.
She glanced over her shoulder at the brothers. “Hector said maybe Steven would …”
After sitting next to her, I furrowed my brow. “Would what?”
“Give you a contract.”
“A contract for what?” I asked.
She gently scratched her forehead with her manicured nails. “To be his submissive.”
I stared at her quizzically.
“Usually, in a BDSM relationship, you have a contract that clearly and legally outlines the boundaries of the dynamic,” she said. “Apparently, Steven asked Hector for advice about contracts, which is something he’d never done before.”
My lips curled into a frown. “Oh.”
She sipped her champagne. “Maybe he’s saving it for another day.”
“Or another girl,” I whispered, the words tumbling out of my mouth before I could even process them in my brain. I knew it wasn’t true, but between this and Steven not really telling me what my diamond necklace was at first … it made me wonder.
But I didn’t want to think about that right now. Today had been amazing.
“Excuse me?” Heather said, staring at me, completely pissed. “You’d better take that back, Sea. We both know that man is head over fucking heels for you. Don’t you even think that there is another girl in the picture.”
I laid my head back against the couch and stared behind me through the window. “I know, but …” My heart raced. I didn’t know why I had been so jealous suddenly. Maybe it was because I was beginning to fall so hard for him.
Butterflies fluttered in my stomach.
He had seemed so good with the kids today.
So happy …
“But nothing,” she said. “If that ever happened, you know I would be the first one to”—she made a snipping motion with her index and middle fingers—“chop off his … precious penis.”
A giggle bubbled up past my lips. “I know.”
“He’s just waiting,” she reassured.
“But for what?”
“Maybe he prefers … something else and isn’t sure if you’re ready for it,” Heather said.
I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “What else could he be into? He’s relatively open with me—at least about sex.” Though with personal things, he was still a bit distant. And I mean, I understood why, but I didn’t know the reasons for him …
Not wanting to make it official.
Heather moved closer to me on the couch and gently nudged my shoulder with hers. “I know you’ve wanted a family since what happened a few years ago, but don’t be so hard on yourself. I don’t even know Steven, but he seems really happy with you.”
“What can it be? What do I need to fix about myself?”
“Nothing!” Heather said a bit too loudly. After recovering by throwing Steven, Hector, and Michelle a small smile, Heather cleared her throat and lowered her voice. “You don’t have to change anything about yourself. He might just be into … something different. And there’s nothing wrong with you both learning what you’re into.”
My eyes burned with tears. “I don’t want to be with anyone but him.”
Maybe I wasn’t pleasing him the way I’d thought I was. He had needs. He couldn’t just teach me the ropes forever and be happy about not getting what he desired in return. And if I didn’t please him, then someone else would.
“What do you think he’s into?” I whispered.
After shrugging, Heather looped her arm around mine and rested her head on my shoulder. “I don’t know. You should talk to him about it. Hector is into some more punishment and discipline kind of stuff. It could be something darker that Steven hasn’t shown you yet.”
Punishment? Discipline?
I chewed on the inside of my cheek and caught Steven peering at me from the table with his siblings. Once I shot him a smile so he wouldn’t worry about me, I glanced down at my lap and bit back a frown.
Was that what Steven really enjoyed? What if I couldn’t take the punishment he wanted to give me? Would he break up with me? He seemed to like spending time with me. If he didn’t, then he wouldn’t have invited me to stay for Christmas break with him. But why couldn’t he tell me honestly what the necklace meant? Why didn’t he want to make things serious?
“Stop getting into your own head about this,” Heather said.
“I’m not,” I reassured.
“You totally are.”
Once I finally gathered the courage to look over at Steven, I swallowed. “I’m not.”
He hadn’t seemed to take his eyes off me since the last time I’d pulled my gaze away, his curious eyes suddenly wide with worry. He excused himself from the table and walked over to us casually, but I could tell that something was wrong.
“Are you okay, love?” Steven asked, sitting next to me on the couch, his arm curling around my shoulders and his worried gaze on me. “You look like you’re about to get sick or cry or … both right now.”
Heather glanced between us, sent me a smile, then walked over to sit with Hector, Michelle, and her submissive.
I turned a couple of inches toward Steven and straightened my back. “I’m great.”
“You’re a terrible liar,” he murmured.
After shaking my head to tell him that I really was fine, I placed my hand on his knee. “We were just talking about the class,” I said to Steven, nerves bubbling up inside me. “Are we going to … have a Discipline class?”
I remembered, a while ago, Steven had told me that I wouldn’t be able to take his discipline, so maybe this really was what he was waiting for. Maybe he wanted to be sure that I could handle all aspects of being his submissive before he asked me.
He stiffened, as if he hadn’t expected my question. “Do you want a Discipline class?”
My stomach twisted, but I wanted to please him. I wanted him to want me, to love me. Nobody in this world had made me feel so good about myself and about my life in a very, very, very long time. With him, everything felt so … right.
“Yes,” I whispered because I would do anything to please him.