Luke couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
The men sitting in his grandfather’s living room wanted him to invest his time and money in a project to revitalize Divine’s downtown area?
Not a chance.
His feelings about Divine had been mixed even before his accident in high school. It had been turning into a tired, dreary town when he was a boy, and it was worse now. Fixing its problems would take a huge chunk of money and a hell of a lot of luck. The challenge was interesting, but it would mean practically moving back to do it right.
“Gentlemen, I’m sorry, my business interests are in Chicago,” he said finally. “And I doubt I could even get investors for a project like this.”
The mayor sighed heavily. “We had to ask. Here is my card. If you happen to get any ideas about what we could do, please let me know.”
“I’ll be sure to pass on anything that comes to me. And I wish you luck,” Luke said as he took the business card, aware of the irony in his words. Except where Nicki and his grandfather were concerned, the thought of Divine dying quietly didn’t bother him that much.
Well…actually, it did bother him.
He thought about the people at the nursing home and what Nicki had said about their hard work, sacrifices and successes. The lady with arthritic fingers, who had once taught piano and violin lessons to scores of students, who now had trouble placing a bingo chip on her card. Or the man who’d flown bombers, hoping the world would be a safer place once the ravages of war healed. A woman who had fostered children with such love and care that she’d formed lifelong bonds with them.
How did they feel about Divine fading away?
Somehow, he knew it hurt them the way it was hurting Nicki to see the place she loved getting so old and worn out. Doubt hit him.
“Look,” he said. “I will think about it. Divine is a special place, it ought to survive.” Interestingly enough, he meant what he was saying. Divine should have a chance to survive.
“Thank you for your time,” Willard said.
They shook hands and Luke saw them out, then turned to see his grandfather regarding him silently. It had been years since he had sought the older man’s advice, years since he’d listened to anyone but the voice inside his own head.
“I suppose you think I should do it.” It was less a statement than a question.
“Only if your heart is in it.”
Hell, his heart hadn’t truly been in anything for longer than he remembered. Not even in living. But he had a funny conviction that things were about to change.
“I need to talk to Nicki,” he said abruptly.
“I thought you might feel that way,” Granddad murmured, the faintest smile on his face. “She’s out back.”
Nicki listened to the creek gurgling and tried to focus on the peaceful sound, but guilt ate at the edges of her concentration. She shouldn’t have interfered, no matter how much she thought she was helping.
After a while Luke stepped into the clearing and sat next to her, stretching his tanned legs toward the water. His face didn’t reveal anything, not even a hint of what might have happened back at the house with the city council, although she feared the worst. She wanted to ask, but the words stuck in her throat.
Would he guess she was behind the proposal?
Maybe Willard and the others had told Luke it was her idea for them to come and ask for his help. It would be natural for them to think she’d discussed the matter with him.
Nicki dipped her foot in the flowing water and thought about the way she and Luke had worked together in the garden. They’d gotten far more done together than she could have done alone. It was lovely now, the ponds clean and fresh, water trickling from one pool to the next—a cool oasis in the middle of sultry Illinois heat. Flowers bloomed profusely, and as the season wore on, would give way to new and different blossoms, each having their time to shine.
She pulled her legs back and dug her toes into the grassy bank. “I asked them to come,” she said. “Willard and the others.”
Luke didn’t say anything and she peeked in his direction.
“Luke?”
“I guessed as much.”
“Oh.”
They were quiet for a while longer.
“Um…what did you tell them?”
He sighed. “At first I told them no. Then I told them I’d think about it. But my life is in Chicago, not Divine, Nicki. I couldn’t wait to leave when I was a kid, and I can’t imagine coming back long-term. This place…there’s just so many bad memories.”
Disappointment warred with Nicki’s guilt. “I know you’re upset with the people here, Luke, but you could really help turn things around,” she said, desperately. She’d had such bad judgment when she’d gotten married, but now, because of Luke, she was starting to believe in herself again. She just couldn’t be wrong about him. “If you care about people and have real values, you want to help your neighbors. Do you really prefer the prestige of developing strip malls and massive office complexes in cities that don’t even need more strip malls and office complexes?”
“You don’t understand.”
“No, I don’t.” Nicki knew she was overreacting, but no matter how guilty she’d felt, and how much she’d personally questioned her goal of involving him, she really had believed he would want to help. “What are you getting in Chicago that you can’t in Divine? Money? Don’t you already have enough for two lifetimes?”
“Be reasonable, Nicki. Something like this would require me to move back here, and you know how I feel about Divine.”
She knew.
She knew people had acted badly when he got hurt in high school, their hopes of reflected glory dashed. Divine had gotten so excited about their winning football team and its charismatic captain—who was already being courted by colleges and professional scouts—they’d forgotten he was human like everyone else. But she also knew it was more than that. A lot of them just hadn’t known what to say and how to act around an injured boy whose life had just been drastically altered.
So were they.
And life had gone on its way.
“It was an accident—that’s all,” she found herself exclaiming. “You just can’t accept that neither you nor the town is to blame. I know that you never got to play professional ball like you dreamed, but why can’t you see that what you have is at least as good as what you lost?” she demanded, frustrated nearly to tears. If he never let go, it would keep hurting him forever.
“Nicki—”
“You were on top of the world back then, positive you had control and that nothing bad could ever happen,” she rushed on. “Then it was taken away and you felt helpless. So you got angry. And I get that. But you’re still so angry you can hardly see straight, so you just charge on alone like you’re still on that football field.”
“I’m not angry,” Luke said tightly. “I was, but not any longer.”
“Yes, you are. And now you won’t let yourself believe in anything real because you don’t want something that counts to be taken away again.”
He glared at her. “Money is real. You should know that, you’re sensitive enough about it.”
That he used her own insecurities against her to make a point made her talk even louder and quicker. “Money is how you pay the mortgage. It buys food and takes care of medical bills. It’s a good thing, yeah, but it’s just money. It’s what you do with money that matters.”
“I’ve done things that matter,” Luke said tightly.
“Have you done anything like what the city council just did, coming here today?” she nearly screamed. “Those men aren’t stupid, they know you have good reason not to like them. But they still swallowed their pride and asked for help because they care about this town.”
“Yeah, I thought they had a lot of nerve,” he retorted. Yet, his certainty was waning. Wouldn’t a better man want to help because it was the right thing to do? The man he wanted to be because of Nicki?
Nicki jumped to her feet, her eyes bright with surfacing tears. “Keep feeling self-righteous, Luke. I’m sure you’re going to, anyway. And don’t forget that it’s you against the rest of the world. I’m sure that will be a big comfort.” She spun and darted toward the house.
Damn. Damn. Damn.
Luke rubbed his head, wanting to go after her. But what would he say?
Staring into the swirling creek water, he thought about the way Nicki had opened his heart over the past weeks. She had so much love and goodness inside of her she’d managed to shed light on the darkness inside of him.
And she was right.
His way of dealing with the loss of his dreams was to act as if he were still on a football field, charging for the end zone and lone glory. Problem was, people got overlooked, or even run over, that way. People like Nicki and the decent folks at the nursing home. Nicki had shown him that those men and women were valuable and interesting and deserving of respect. All along she’d been making him see it wasn’t him against the world—that there were important things to do that had no link to turning a profit.
Before all of this, he’d never taken time to appreciate anything, including his success. Worst of all, all those years ago he’d run right past Nicki…the biggest mistake he had ever made.
She had found it in her heart to forgive Divine for the past. She’d forgiven him for the mean, angry way he’d treated her as a kid. Could he do any less?
Luke had been intrigued by Nicki’s inner peace, and now it crept around his own heart. He’d worried about losing control again, but he trusted Nicki…surely that was a pretty safe control. And if mistakes were to be made, they should at least be made while acting for the right reasons.
Luke rose and threaded his way through the garden. He loved Nicki…she was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He would plead temporary insanity and hope she’d forgive him one more time for being such a jackass.
Back at the house he was met by his grandfather.
“I know,” he said before Granddad could get a word out. “I screwed up.” He had screwed up a lot of things. Nicki was right; the accident was just an accident. And people made mistakes. He was no more perfect than anyone else, which was okay. “Where is she?”
“I’m not sure. She didn’t come inside, she just got in her car and left.”
Luke gulped.
He couldn’t think of a single place Nicki would go. He tried to think, praying for an answer, and an idea slowly came to him.
Nicki sat on one of the ancient bleachers and gazed onto the old football field. Grass rolled off in the distance beyond the goalposts, and in the golden evening light everything was quietly at peace. Insects droned and a breeze rippled the nearby trees.
She sighed.
She’d never seen a football game when she was in high school, but she did remember everyone’s excitement over Luke’s athletic ability, the awe that, maybe, finally, they would win the long-coveted state title. The nearby town of Beardington had won three times and it was a terrible local disappointment that Divine hadn’t even once taken the trophy home. Of course, in the grand scheme of things, a trophy didn’t mean that much. But it was a matter of pride, of accomplishment, something to inspire a place that had been knocked down a few too many times. Earlier that year a tornado had hit the granary, and the out-of-state owners decided not to rebuild. The oldest church in town burned to the ground, a victim of faulty wiring. Worst of all, an entire family died when their car lost control and jumped the guardrail. Football had given the town a distraction, something good to dream about.
“It looks so harmless,” she murmured, still searching the playing field for an answer. The goalposts showed their need of paint, the grass was clipped short and a water sprinkler was on the far end. The refreshment stand stood locked and empty, and the barrels used for trash were chained together under the eaves of the equipment shed.
“A lot of memories in this place,” said a voice. Somehow, she wasn’t surprised it was Luke.
“Not for me. I never saw a game here.”
“Never?” He grabbed the rail and swung up beside her.
“My father wanted me to study, not waste my time on friv—” She paused, knowing Luke wouldn’t call football frivolous. “He didn’t want me involved in noncurricular activities.”
“You know my opinion of your father.”
She shrugged. “He had his flaws, but he was so lost and alone. No matter how it seems, I know he wanted the best for me. He just didn’t know how to show it.”
Luke figured Nicki’s father had been a lot like him…disappointed by life and angry, without even knowing it. Maybe that was why Nicki understood him when he hadn’t understood himself.
“He should have let you be a kid.”
She shook her head. “I realized a long time ago that he was scared, Luke. Insecure. Tired of his failures. He wanted my life to be better than his, and didn’t know how to make it happen except by pushing me to be better. Maybe it wasn’t the way I wanted to be loved, but it was all he had to give.”
“I guess.” Luke looked at the football field where so many of his dreams had resided, thinking it ought to hurt more.
The band had played. The cheerleaders had shaken their pom-poms and shouted routines with all their might. He’d ruled the world. Invincible. And he might have gone on to be a famous football player if things had turned out differently. Although, he suspected that reality wouldn’t have been what he thought…that he might still have ended up sitting with Nicki in the empty stands at their old high school, wondering how his life had become so empty.
“What made you come here?” she asked after a long while.
“I was looking for you.”
“Why?”
“Because I realized I’d been an idiot. Thankfully, it doesn’t have to be a permanent condition. Though I am counting on you for the cure.”
Nicki laughed and loved Luke McCade more than ever. “Well, I’ve always been book smart and heart dumb, so I’m not sure how much help I can be.”
“You’re not heart dumb,” he murmured. “You have a beautiful heart—it matches your beautiful outsides.”
She put her head on his shoulder. It wasn’t so long ago that she would have avoided any reminder that she was reasonably intelligent, her brains and scholastic accomplishments having been such an issue in her marriage. But it didn’t seem to be with Luke.
“I know how you can cure me, Nicki,” Luke whispered.
“How?”
“By saying you love me, like I love you.”
She sat upright, feeling suddenly vulnerable, the breath frozen in her chest. “Wh-what?”
“I love you.” Luke took Nicki’s hand and looked into her eyes. She’d already delivered one miracle when it came to his grandfather, and now he was praying for another. “It took long enough for me to figure out. I knew you were special in high school, but I was dumb and cowardly—and I probably don’t deserve a second chance, but I have to ask.”
“I thought…you said love was too much of a risk.”
Love was a risk.
But living without it was worse.
Besides, Nicki would never betray him. She was as true as the sun rising in the morning. And while life was fragile, which might make love chancy, he’d learned that love was what made life worth living in the first place.
“I said a lot of dumb things.”
He leaned over and kissed her lips.
“But loving you is the smartest thing I’ve ever done,” he breathed. “I’ll even move to Divine and work on the community project. Chicago wouldn’t be home without you. I want you as my wife. As the mother of my children. But mostly, as a friend and lover.”
A tear trickled down her cheek and he hoped it was for a good reason.
“Nicki, I missed the miracle that could have saved me fourteen years ago. Please tell me it isn’t too late.”
Nicki held on to the flat wood of the bleacher bench, a thousand thoughts spinning in her head. She’d fallen in love with Luke between their ridiculous water fights in the garden and watching his devotion to his grandfather, but she’d never really thought he would love her in return.
It seemed impossible.
Yet it was there in his eyes, stripped bare of arrogance and his self-defenses.
Love.
“Nicki? Please say something.”
“I…I do love you,” she said, her throat dry.
Luke had his mouth over hers before she could get anything else out. His arm supported her as he arched her backward in a kiss more incendiary than any they’d shared until that point.
Still she knew she had something to tell him, something important…but…with the kiss, she couldn’t remember what that important something might be.
It wasn’t until she was astride his lap and her sundress was being pulled down that she came to her senses.
“W-wait, Luke.”
He stilled, his chest heaving. “I know, this isn’t the place. How soon can we get married?”
Married?
Nicki shivered with longing. She wanted to be with Luke, she wanted his touch and his strength, the laughter in his eyes and the sharp intelligence in his brain. She wanted…him. But not if it wasn’t for real and always. Not if it wasn’t right.
She hadn’t been fair, forcing Divine back on him. And they’d been living in a bubble out of time; his world was elsewhere.
“I think you need to go back to Chicago,” she choked out. He might have agreed that making love on a bleacher bench wasn’t the best place for it, but his hands had stayed busy teasing the aching points of her breasts.
He nuzzled her throat. “You don’t like the city, you want to live in Divine.”
“I didn’t say we should go back.”
His hands stilled. “What?”
“Just for a trial period…to be sure I’m still what you want after you get your old life back. It wasn’t fair of me to try and force the issue about Divine. And after everything with your grandfather…you need to be sure.”
A breath hissed through Luke’s teeth. He nearly lost his temper, then counted slowly, taking in Nicki’s haunted face. Once, he would have reacted from wounded pride at her declaration, storming away in anger. But no matter how much it seemed as if she didn’t believe him, he knew it was more than that. As much as Nicki believed in love, she had never been wholly loved by the people closest to her. Was it any wonder she had trouble believing him now?
He framed her face with his hands, willing her to look into his face…to look into his soul. “I love you, Nicki. And this isn’t about Divine or where we’re going to live. I swear nothing will change, either here or in the city.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I know what’s in my heart. You set me free. No more looking back and asking what might have been—I don’t need that any longer. I just want to reach for the future and see what we can make of it. Let’s call my family and tell them to come for the wedding. Please, darling, I don’t want to wait any longer.”
“I don’t want to, either. But I’m not ever getting divorced again, and I need you to be sure.”
“I am sure.” He pleaded with her until it was past dark, then finally realized she wasn’t going to change her mind. What Nicki’s dizzying intelligence couldn’t grasp was that she wasn’t sure of him. And a chill went through Luke at the realization.
What if she never came to believe?