Within the final three weeks of our tour, I had a non-combat back injury. The battalion aid station officers told me that if I was injured in country, I would have to stay in Iraq or go to Germany for medical care. They said it would be in my best interest to not say anything until we get back to Camp Pendleton. So I waited, injured, without even my command knowing that I was injured.
When I got back to Camp Pendleton, I immediately sought care with the Navy Medical Center, and their response was outstanding. The day after I reported my back injury I was actually seen. I was getting therapy, and I thought that this was great. “I served my country. I did my tour in Iraq, and I’m being taken care of.” That is exactly what I expected. I expected a two-way system, where I serve and then they support. I thought that everything was working out for me.
When I was honorably discharged in 2005, I looked forward to a new chapter in my life. I was in garrison at Camp Pendleton. They told me what was going to happen. They told me that my medical records would be transferred and the VA health-care system will take care of me. There was all of this good information that led me to believe I would be taken care of. I really trusted the system.
When I got out of the military, I became a full-time student. At that time, I enrolled in the Long Beach VA Healthcare System. Today, three years after returning from Iraq, I haven’t even gotten past the paperwork. I’ve gotten X-rays and MRIs, but that’s where it ended.
I don’t understand why there is such a delay. What’s the issue? It doesn’t make sense. I just got paperwork and talk about how I should conduct myself now that I’m a civilian, and that’s where it ended.
From 2005 until 2006 they sent me letters while I waited on my disability claim. I had adjustment issues. I needed to see a psychiatrist. I needed to get some kind of counseling to figure out what was going on with me, because at the time I didn’t think PTSD was an issue. They informed me that I had two years’ worth of free medical care, but with appointments one or two months apart, two years’ worth of free medical service is nothing. And because I was a full-time student, it was even harder because they wouldn’t schedule appointments around my schoolwork.
I began to realize that adjusting to civilian life was going be challenging. I tried to be optimistic about my future, but even after I got my AA degree I was still dealing with the VA health care system, which was more of a roadblock than anything else.
After graduation, I couldn’t find a job. The jobs I did find wouldn’t pay enough. I left the military with $17,000 in the bank and good credit. But the $17,000 I saved went to zero. My expenses were overwhelming and I couldn’t pay them. I was having adjustment issues with jobs. My credit score went very low. I couldn’t believe it. This must have been how Vietnam veterans felt when they came back home.
I heard about Iraq Veterans Against the War through a friend of mine, Jeff Key, who served with me in the 4th Light Armored Reconnaissance. We touched base when I didn’t think I was going to be able to help myself. He told me if I went over to his place in Hollywood I’d be able to stay there, but it wasn’t immediate. Jeff was traveling and no one was there. So this was considered couch-surfing. I didn’t consider myself homeless.
So I ended up sleeping in my car for one day. I was in Hollywood. I decided to walk around, see if I could find a job. I reached this corner, I can’t remember the name of the block, but there was a food wagon that was serving free food to homeless people. I decided to take that opportunity to eat some free food. At first I was thinking, “I’m just hungry and this is free food, and I’m gonna go for it.”
I stood in line and noticed the Friends Helping Friends organization was there with a video camera documenting homelessness. As I stood there watching everybody else around me, I looked at myself and I thought, “I’m now an Iraq War vet. I’m standing in a line with homeless people, being served free food and this is actually happening to me.”
At that moment reality hit, and it hit so hard that suicidal thoughts began. I broke down several times. I cracked the day after that. Once I was able to get back to Jeff’s place, I told him many times about ending my life because this is not exactly how I wanted it to be. I lost dignity, self-respect. I was in a very dark place for a considerable amount of time.
I had a relationship with a girl. That went away as well. She couldn’t understand the situation I was in, so I ended that relationship. The school situation never picked up, and I ended up having to find a job that barely paid anything. It was through Jeff Key that I found my way back into life. He introduced me to Iraq Veterans Against the War, and through them I found a place that helps vets recuperate and continue their lives after the military.
As I pulled my life back together, I was again surprised that the VA system wouldn’t help me, even at this time of need. I was reluctant to go back to them, but I was told if I didn’t go back then they’d never know, and I’d be another casualty of the system. So I did go back and, unfortunately, I’m back at square one. They still want me to fill out more paperwork. That’s where I stand to this day.