Jack in the Box $2.99 Big Deal

Earlier this year, Jack in the Box came out with their $2.99 Jumbo Deal, which consisted of two beef tacos, a small fries, a Jumbo Jack and the feeling in your stomach that you’re doing something horribly wrong by eating it all. It was great for those who wanted their Jack in the Box saturated fat and sodium fix in this tough economy.

But, like most of the money in everyone’s retirement funds, this cheap meal disappeared. Thankfully, Jack has been kind enough to bring back a $2.99 meal, and this time it’s got a name that was probably conceived with the help of the old name and a Roget’s Thesaurus – The Big Deal.

The name is not the only thing different about this $2.99 meal. It comes with a small fries, a beef taco, either a chicken sandwich or cheeseburger and, most importantly, a beverage, which was something the Jumbo Deal didn’t have, making it hard to satisfy your thirst caused by consuming all the sodium in it. This orgy of trans fats, which by the way is the least sexiest orgy ever, has enough variety to make sure there’s something for even the pickiest stoner.

Despite having variety, none of the items in the Big Deal were new or interesting. The cheeseburger was so boring that I’m surprised the microwave oven used to warm it up didn’t fall asleep. If you’ve had a mediocre cheeseburger in any time of your life, whether it be in a school cafeteria or at some shitty diner at 3 a.m., you’ll have an idea of what this wimpy cheeseburger tastes like.

As for the beef taco, well, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the Jack in the Box beef taco is one of the most vile fast food menu items. It takes some huge balls to deep fry an entire taco and then sell it to the public. Not even Taco Bell is willing to do that, and they put out a lot of crap.

Jack in the Box’s Natural Cut Fries may not have been circumcised and still have the potato skin on them, but they are quite possibly the most limp fast food fries around. I’m talking seeing your grandma naked and in spread eagle position limp.

By themselves, the boring cheeseburger, deep fried taco and limp fries, aren’t going to encourage me to raise my blood pressure and harden my arteries by eating them. But when all of them are offered together with a medium drink for only $2.99, it makes the cheeseburger a little exciting, the fries a little crispy and the taco a little less greasy.