Logan Airport
“So, what topic can I tell the ladies in my Bible study to expect from you next?” Grandma Lucy asked as she sat across from Meredith at a noisy café booth.
Meredith gave Grandma Lucy a slow smile. “I really don’t know what I’ll be working on.” That much was certainly true. Meredith felt guilty, sleazy somehow, since she couldn’t mention the fact she was no longer working or writing for Living Grace. According to the paperwork she signed with Living Grace’s attorney, a woman she herself had hired, Meredith wasn’t allowed to mention her resignation until next week’s press announcement. Still, the omission in her conversation with Grandma Lucy felt cowardly somehow. Like she didn’t have the courage to admit to the truth.
Grandma Lucy gave her hand a squeeze. “Well, the Lord is sure to guide you, isn’t he? But let me ask you something.” Grandma Lucy reached into her back pocket and pulled out a small-sized New Testament. “This came up in our discussion of Ruth.” Grandma Lucy flipped through the pages. “You said that in First John, the Bible tells us that …”
Grandma’s Lucy’s words were interrupted by a buzz from Meredith’s cell. Was it the board calling to say they’d changed their mind? Of course it wasn’t. But still, Meredith’s heart raced ahead until she pulled out her phone and read the text.
“What is it?” Grandma Lucy asked, glancing up from her Scripture. “Is everything all right?”
Meredith put her phone back in her purse. “Yes. My flight’s been delayed. That’s all.”
“It’s that snowstorm, isn’t it?” Grandma Lucy shook her head slowly. “You know, I woke up this morning with a feeling, a premonition if you will, that something about today’s flight wouldn’t go exactly as planned. So I said, okay, Lord, if that’s how you want it to be, that’s how it’s going to be, and that’s the most I spent worrying about it. Then my niece back home called to tell me how bad the weather is. Guess the schools have already announced they’ll be closed tomorrow. Don’t want to take any chances. A lot of the flights are being delayed. So I just told God that if he doesn’t want me on my scheduled flight, I’m fine taking any flight he feels like putting me on. I figure, what’s the worst that can happen? The flight attendants sit me next to someone who needs to hear about Jesus, right?”
Meredith tried to return the old woman’s chuckle. Tried to keep her brain engaged in the somewhat meandering conversational turn.
“I should probably head back toward my gate soon,” she muttered, half distracted. “I want to be close in case they make any announcements.”
“Of course, dear.” Grandma Lucy’s smile warmed Meredith’s aching heart. Grandma Lucy reached out and grabbed her hand. “You truly have a gift and an anointing, and I’m blessed that I got the chance to meet you in person. Here. let me take a picture. My niece is a big fan of yours, too. She’ll be tickled pink to find out we had a cup of tea together.”
Meredith smiled for the selfie as Grandma Lucy wrapped her up in a strong embrace. “May God bless you and keep you and preserve your spirit until the day of Christ,” the old woman whispered into Meredith’s ear.
Meredith felt awkward returning such an intimate blessing and instead gave the old woman one last little hug before saying goodbye. As she made her way toward her gate, she wondered what Grandma Lucy would think when she heard the news that Meredith had been fired. She couldn’t dwell on that now, though. She had to get to her gate. Everything was changing all around her. Her life, her future, her ministry. It made sense that even her flight itinerary would get rearranged.
She walked up to the ticket booth. “I just got a text that the flight’s been delayed,” she said. “Is there any word on when it’s going to be rescheduled?”
The man behind the counter shook his head, barely looking up from his computer screen. “Have a seat, and we’ll be making announcements as soon as we know anything.”
As soon as we know anything. May as well be the name of this chapter in Meredith’s autobiography.
She found a quiet seat near the window. Outside, the Boston sky appeared perfectly clear. Hard to imagine from this vantage point the massive storm front moving across half of the country. She’d hoped to get back home to Grand Rapids in time to buy a few groceries and lock herself in for the next couple days, nursing her wounds in peace and privacy. Now she wasn’t so sure about her plan.
Meredith let out her breath and loosened the strap of her heels. She was no longer the president of Living Grace, so maybe she wouldn’t feel the need to get so dressed up whenever she traveled anywhere. The next flight she took, she could show up in a jogging suit and tennis shoes. Maybe even throw her slippers into her carry-on if she wanted to make herself extra cozy.
Inside her briefcase was a half-edited manuscript that she was supposed to turn into her publisher in two weeks. When she told her agent yesterday what had happened with Living Grace and asked if she should still focus on polishing up her project, the response she received was far from hopeful.
“Well, you could always get it edited just in case …”
Meredith pulled out her manuscript, her sixth full-length book, not counting the dozens of Bible studies and workbooks she’d created in the past. This manuscript had been one of the hardest for her to write. When she felt God telling her to focus on this particular topic, she’d fought him for months. Cried, begged, worked herself into such a state she’d caught the flu and had to stay in bed for a full week.
And then she did what she told all her readers and all her Bible study participants and conference attendees and podcast listeners to do. She yielded her will to the Holy Spirit, embraced the work God had laid on her heart, and submitted to his calling. She wrote sixty thousand words even though she could have sworn every sentence would kill her.
When she gave her manuscript to her assistant to clean up, Angie told her it was the most powerfully moving writing she’d ever read. And dangerous too.
“You know some people aren’t going to like this,” Angie warned her.
Meredith knew. But it certainly wouldn’t be the first time her words had gotten Meredith in trouble. Just last year, she’d come under fire for a blog post she’d written urging pastors to stop guilting Christian wives to remain in dangerous and abusive situations. Based on the reactions of evangelical leaders, you might have thought Meredith was advocating cannibalism.
Did she feel ready to broach another controversial topic, especially one as explosive and personally traumatic as sexual abuse within the church? No. But Meredith had been talking on her podcast and to her audience for the past year about authenticity, and she’d finally found the courage to take her own advice and talk about her deepest shame.
Her agent was hesitant at first. Said he wasn’t sure the Christian community was ready to discuss this degree of sexual assault in such a candid manner. Would Meredith consider writing another women’s Bible study instead?
But Meredith had insisted. And because her agent knew there were a dozen or more of his colleagues in the Christian market who’d line up to start bidding on her manuscript if he was stupid enough to reject it, he signed her on. “We may have to tone some parts down,” he warned her, but she knew that in the end she’d have the final say. She was Meredith Crowley. Bible study leader, bestselling author, number one podcaster in both the Christian women and Christian living categories.
The story would get published how she envisioned it, and it would inspire and encourage thousands of believers. Her work would open up the doors of communication, get Christian leaders and pastors and ministers talking about this dirty little secret the church didn’t want exposed. With every other book she’d written, she’d enjoyed the unanimous support of the Living Grace board of directors. The same men and women who looked her in the eye yesterday and demanded her resignation were the men and women she’d called on the phone crying if she didn’t think she could finish her manuscript. Through every book in the past, they’d encouraged her. Prayed for her. Supported her.
Losing your job was one thing, but what about being torn away from your entire family?
Meredith glanced at the clock. One of the tips she gave women who wanted to find more time to connect with God was to make the most of waiting periods. Recite Bible verses to yourself while you’re standing in line at the grocery store. Get a Bible audiobook to listen to while you’re in the car. If you find yourself with time to spare and not a whole lot to do, go to the Lord in prayer.
Meredith decided to take her own advice. She bowed her head and prayed.