On Monday morning, Miller was beyond nervous. Why did he volunteer to babysit when he didn't know the first thing about babies?
He was committed to it now, and Austin was going to be leaving for work any minute. Right now he was changing Remi while Miller paced the foyer, waiting anxiously.
"Time for the handoff," Austin announced as he appeared with Remi in his arms.
Taking a deep breath, Miller took the baby from him. "Does Remi look worried? I think he looks worried. Maybe he doesn't trust me."
"He trusts you. Look how he's drooling on you already. You'll do fine. You have all the numbers just in case, and Harriet will be here soon," Austin told him and he took the baby's hand and kissed it. "I'll be home soon and I'll miss you so much."
Miller couldn't help melting and then he got worried that Remi would start crying as soon as he saw that his daddy was leaving. But as they walked Austin to the door and he stepped outside, the baby stayed calm.
"Good baby," Miller praised him then he took his little hand. "Wave to Daddy, wave to Daddy." Miller made the baby wave until Austin was out of sight. With him gone, Miller tried not to let fear overwhelm him. Instead he focused on the baby's sweet, trusting face.
"Remi, you and me are on our own. But we're OK. I'm going to take good care of you, just like your daddy showed me."
Miller walked around the house showing the baby random things which the baby dutifully ignored. Remi did like going over to any window, and then at one point he grabbed hold of Miller's hair and wouldn't let go.
"You're tiny, how are you so strong?" Miller asked. Getting himself free helped pass the time until Harriet showed up.
As he opened the door to her, Miller found that he hated to give up Remi. But he actually had his own work to do. That didn't stop him from constantly going over to spend time with the baby.
Of course Harriet noticed and she finally said something about it. "At first I thought you were checking up on me, but you just can't stay away from this little guy."
"I'm hopeless. And I can only imagine how Austin must feel."
"He'll be video calling at lunchtime so he can say hi to the baby," Harriet told him.
"Oh good, but don't tell him I've been a freak," Miller begged her.
"You haven't been," she told him, and Miller was very glad that Remi had such an understanding babysitter.
Miller had set up an office in a small sitting room that used to be filled with flowery upholstery and too many small side tables. Now his bookshelves lined the walls and his desk gave him a view of the front yard.
The view of the front meant that Miller kept looking out the window every second when it was time for Austin to get home. Finally seeing his car pull up, Miller went over to let Remi know his daddy was home.
Raising an eyebrow at Miller, Harriet told him, "Why don't you take Remi to greet his dad?"
"Me?" Miller said but he didn't need to be talked into it. Taking the baby, he went to open the door. Seeing his baby boy waiting for him put a big smile on Austin's face.
"Someone is happy to see you," Miller told Remi then tried to hand him over to his dad, but Austin shook his head.
"I was in such a rush, I didn't want to take the time to change at work. I'll just change my clothes real quick and clean up a little," Austin said then he leaned close to the baby and made him giggled. "I'll be right back to cuddle you. Yes, I will."
When he came back, Austin talked with Harriet to find out how Remi's day went. To make up for her late start, Harriet offered to give Austin some pointers for giving the baby a bath.
"You want a lesson too?" Austin asked Miller.
Miller didn't think he'd need to learn something like that, but he didn't like being so ignorant about babies so he agreed.
Harriet suggested they use the kitchen sink though Remi had his own tiny bathtub. She had Austin do the bathing while she helped out.
"He's a natural at being a dad," Miller said seeing how well Austin did.
Harriet agreed. "He really is." When she smiled at Austin, Miller watched him, but he only had eyes for the baby as he gently dried him off.
"My boy is all clean, nice and clean," Austin cooed to the baby then kissed his little face and held him close to keep him warm.
Later on, after Harriet was gone and Remi was asleep, Austin confessed to Miller. "I didn't want to put him down for his nap. Being away from him was harder than I thought."
"You missed him," Miller said with a smile.
"Sure did. I know Harriet is a great babysitter, but I was glad you were here with the baby too. It gave me peace of mind," he said and Miller was so touched, he actually felt tears come to his eyes. That's why he quickly turned away and watched Remi in his rocker.
"Remi sleeps in the rocker all the time," Miller said. He wondered if a crib would be delivered at some point.
"Yeah, he seems to like it," Austin said. "But I have to get him a crib. All of Remi's stuff is what his nanny brought over. That was nice of her. I would have been lost without all the baby things and the instructions she left."
"I guess things got complicated for you pretty quickly," Miller said.
"Sure did. I was looking at all the different cribs and couldn't figure out which one to get. I want a good one that Remi can grow into, but I might need to save up for it."
"I could..."
"Don't say you'll lend me the money," Austin warned him. "You're doing plenty for me and Remi already."
Miller nodded, and Austin was right. Miller was going to offer him money. But he wasn't surprised that Austin was too proud to even listen to his offer.
It did give him an idea though but he planned to keep it to himself for now.
While the baby was sleeping, Austin got himself some food and that made Miller wonder, "Did you skip lunch?"
Austin looked guilty so he didn't even need to answer, plus he was wolfing down a simple sandwich with just ham and cheese so fast.
"What are we doing about dinner?" Miller asked him. He knew he shouldn't presume to include himself in Austin's dinner plans, but he didn't trust him to eat properly.
"I haven't thought that far," Austin said after swallowing then quickly taking another bite.
"That's because you're still catching up on lunch," Miller said. "First question is do you want me to make something, or do you want to go and eat somewhere?"
"I don't want to put you to any trouble," Austin said.
"We don't have to make dinner plans together, if you don't want," Miller said thinking that might be the problem.
"Um, I kind of... well..."
Austin was trying to be nice, Miller realized so he let him off the hook. "It's no problem. You have the run of the kitchen, you can do whatever you like."
A heavy feeling in his chest made it a little hard to breathe so Miller turned, ready to walk away when he felt Austin's hand in his arm stopping him. The hand was gone almost immediately, but Miller's arm then his whole body tingled from the touch.
Austin was looking at the floor as he stammered. "I was going to say... I mean. I like company when I eat, that way I'm not just shoveling food in my mouth."
"Oh. Then since you just ate, we can have a late dinner. I'll cook," Miller decided.
"That sounds good. But I want to help you, maybe even learn to make something other than pasta and sauce," Austin said with a smile.
By the time they had dinner, Remi was already down for the night. When dinner was done, Austin helped with the dishes.
"Thanks for dinner, but tomorrow it's my turn," Austin told him.
Miller looked up from wiping the table. "You don't need to do that."
"It's only fair," Austin said.
They were finished in the kitchen and slowly meandering into the living room where Remi was sleeping. Miller wasn't sure what to do next. It seemed like too much to ask if Austin wanted to watch something. He should just excuse himself and let Austin have some time to hang out by himself.
But then Miller thought about how Austin had been on a tight budget recently. "Are there any movies you missed you might want to see? Or shows."
"I'll watch anything. Oh, I missed one of the Spider-Man movies."
"I think I missed a few of them. We can watch it," Miller said.
He let Austin figure out which one it was and just got ready to watch and relax. He was just taking a seat on one corner of the couch, when he thought about the sleeping Remi. "The movie won't wake the baby, will it?" he asked.
"Nah. At Ben's, he slept through most of what Ben was playing full blast – music, TV, video games."
"We'll keep it down anyway," Miller said and Austin smiled at him. "I would feel bad if we woke Remi."
"You're a real sweet guy," Austin said.
At his words, Miller blushed, but Austin had turned to look at Remi so hopefully he didn't see.
"Now I wish I had popcorn," Miller said. He was thinking of getting busy making them some snacks.
"I ate too much. I don't need it," Austin told him and dropped down to sit next to him on the couch.
"Why did you skip lunch anyway?" Miller asked while being far too aware of how close they were sitting.
"I wanted to make up for the work I missed. And I told the guys about Remi. Some of them were shaking their heads like I got a raw deal getting stuck with a baby to take care of, but some of the others wanted to take me drinking after work to celebrate."
"But you couldn't go because Harriet's time was up," Miller guessed.
"That wasn't it. I told you, I missed Remi too much. I couldn't wait to come home."
"If you ever want to go out with your friends, I'll watch him for you," Miller offered.
"That's nice of you, but I'm not dying to go drinking when I have my boy at home. Oh and one of the guys bet me that I'd be getting married in six months so I could give Remi a mom."
"Really?" Miller said and tried not to show how he felt about that.
"He's full of crap. I wouldn't do it like that. And I'm not in any hurry anyway," Austin said.
Though the subject made him uncomfortable, Miller couldn't help wanting to know more. "You mean you want to fall in love, not go shopping for another mother for Remi?"
"You get it. That's just not the right way of going about it."
"Were you in love with Remi's mother?" Miller wondered.
Austin frowned like he had to think hard about it. "I thought me and Diana were close. We had things in common, and I figured we could be there for each other. That together we could put it all behind us, help each other get over old hurts and make up for everything we missed out on. Is that love?"
"I don't know," Miller said.
"If Diana would have come to me and told me she was pregnant with my kid, I would have asked her to marry me on the spot. But without that, I don't know if I would have," Austin confessed.
"I see," Miller said.
"Sure doesn't sound like true love," Austin said with a sigh.
"You're just being true to your feelings, but I have no doubt you'll find a woman you'll fall in love with," Miller said as encouragingly as he could though the thought made him sad.
They watched the movie, and Miller could tell that Austin was really enjoying it. Afterward, they just sat and Austin told him how much he had loved superhero movies ever since he was a kid. "I was stuck between wanting to be the hero and wanting someone to save me."
Looking at him now, strong and muscular, Miller found it hard to imagine him as a boy who needed rescuing. At the same time, he tried not to think of his own childhood and the demons that waited there.
"Are you tired?" Austin asked noticing how he had withdrawn into himself.
"No, I was just thinking about needing a hero of my own."
"Now or..." Austin suddenly grabbed his hand where it rested on Miller's thigh. "I already think of us as friends, you know. If you want to talk, I'm right here. Any time," Austin said, his gray eyes earnest as he gazed deep into Miller's. But then he frowned, looked down, and stared at his hand holding Miller's like he didn't know how that could have happened.
"Ah, sorry," he said and let go. He got up quickly and went over to where the baby was sleeping peacefully in the rocker. "I can't wait to watch some Spider-Man movies with Remi."
"I'm sure he'll be a fan too," Miller told him.
Austin nodded. "I'm gonna take him up now. Goodnight."
"Goodnight," Miller said and watched him go. The whole time he was thinking how Austin had taken his hand without meaning to. But what he should have been remembering was that Austin said they were friends. And they could never be anything more than friends.