Miller had just sent off a marketing report that wasn't even due yet and he was feeling good. But then the doorbell rang. That was followed by a knock. Then the bell then more knocking then Miller opened the door to find Ben standing on his doorstep.
"Austin isn't here. He's at work," Miller told him though he expected Ben to know that. "He should be here pretty soon though." Miller was hoping that Ben wouldn't stick around, but he was still there shuffling his feet on the doormat.
"Right, right. I just wanted to stop by and say hi to you, and, you know, the baby, since I couldn't make it to your party or whatever," Ben said while looking uncomfortable.
Miller couldn't imagine why he was there. It wasn't to say hi to either him or the baby. "Well, Remi is sleeping right now."
"It's mostly you I wanted to see. I have a friend, a girl, she's looking for a place. I thought this place might work fine for her."
"I'm not looking for any more roommates," Miller told him.
"But you might be once Austin moves out, right?" Ben said.
"Moves out?" Miller said and his chest got tight.
"You know, once he finds a place for him, the baby and Diana," Ben said and Miller shut his eyes while he tried to absorb what he heard.
"What?"
"You know she's coming back, right?" Ben said and looked like he just now realized Miller didn't know anything about it. "Oh, shit, man. I guess he didn't want to tell you till it was a sure thing, and he found another place. You know how it is. With what he can afford, it's tough and Diana isn't gonna be easy to please."
"Diana is coming back," Miller said still a step behind.
"Yeah. She said she wants to be with Austin so they can raise the baby together."
"Together?" Miller said dully.
"Yea, like a happy little family, but I'm betting that ancient sugar daddy of hers dumped her ass. So what should I tell this girl?" Ben asked and Miller just stared at him. "You know the girl who's looking for a place."
Miller said nothing, he couldn't. Finally he shook his head. "No. I... I can't."
"Umm, OK. So... See you, I guess," Ben said, shrugged and walked away with a dismissive backwards wave.
Miller shut the door, and leaned on it, feeling numb and heavy. His mind was blank, but deep inside him a terrible pain was starting to bloom and grow until it reached every part of him. All the hope inside him was being extinguished and dying, leaving only a terrible hollow feeling.
But then his mind started working, clutching at straws. Would Austin plan to move out, move in with Diana and not tell him? Miller didn't even know that he had spoken to her.
Was Austin afraid of how Miller would react, that he would make things unpleasant?
The news was like a knife in his heart. Miller couldn't pretend he would have reacted well once Austin told him. He might have yelled, screamed at him that Diana couldn't be trusted, that she would betray him again, that she wasn't worthy of a man like him.
But Austin didn't tell him. He wasn't even here, and Miller was left to suffer alone, crushed under the pain, too overwhelmed to even move.
He just wanted to curl up into a ball, right there on the floor. But Harriet was in the kitchen, Remi was sleeping and Miller had to hold it together.
He walked into his office and turned away from his desk. Right now he couldn't face work. He couldn't face anything. He just wanted to hide, shut everything out.
He couldn't do that so he tried just to breathe, to tell himself maybe it wouldn't happen, maybe Austin wouldn't move out. It wasn't a sure thing, not yet. Anything might happen.
But once Austin came home and he heard the news from him, Miller knew he would be devastated all over again.
Austin would be home soon too. Miller didn't know how he would hold it together and not lash out like a wounded animal. No, he had no right to lash out. Austin never promised him anything. He had to stay calm and wish Austin the best.
That seemed impossible. Miller needed to talk to someone, get some perspective. He dialed Lawrence. All along Lawrence thought going after a straight guy was hopeless. He would talk some sense into Miller.
As expected, Lawrence wasn't exactly full of sympathy. He stopped just short of saying 'I told you so', but he was more than willing to come up with various ways of cheering him up. Most of them involved going out to pick up guys. Since Miller only barely managed not to cry, he knew he wasn't up for anything like that. Lawrence next suggestion was a trip to some beach.
"Barbados? Bermuda?" Miller asked sarcastically.
"I'm up for anything," Lawrence said.
"So you're picturing us at some beachside bungalow, sipping rum concoctions and getting tanned?" Miller asked.
"And watching guys in Speedos go by," Lawrence added.
"Are we wearing Speedos too?" Miller asked since the whole thing was pure fantasy.
That made Lawrence think. "Hmm, you in something so skimpy. Interesting."
"Stop picturing me in anything but swim trunks," Miller told him.
"Does that mean you want to get away? I do have some vacation days coming to me," Lawrence said trying to turn his fantasy into reality.
Miller thought about how hard it was going to be to stay in this house after Austin and Remi were gone. "Lawrence, the way I feel, I think I'll let you take me away somewhere and get me half naked. Let me know what days you can take off," Miller told him though he wasn't looking forward to it at all. Then he heard the front door.
It was closing, not opening, and Miller turned around and saw Austin walking away. He went straight upstairs without even a hello.
Miller finished up with Lawrence. To his credit, Lawrence did manage to distract him for about half a minute, but now Miller couldn't think about anything except Austin leaving so he could be with Diana.
Miller was dreading the moment Austin would tell him his plans, but Austin had gone upstairs without a word and hadn't come back down.
Was that because he didn't know how to tell Miller about Diana? Well, Miller wasn't about to follow him up and demand answers. He still needed time to get himself under control.