Through a white haze, Miller saw Austin with Remi. Austin was holding his little hand so the baby could wave.
Then they were gone and Miller could hear arguing. Two voices. Miller was pretty sure one of them was Wes saying, "I'm way hotter. Austin is jealous of me."
Then Lawrence was saying, "Clearly Austin feels more threatened by me."
Then it was Wes again. "I could steal Miller away any time I wanted."
"You're delusional," Lawrence was saying. "Have you seen Austin? Even I couldn't steal Miller away from him."
What was going on?
The next time Miller opened his eyes, his head felt much clearer. Austin was smiling at him and kissing his hand. Looking around, Miller could tell he was in a hospital room with a curtain separating him from someone else in the other bed.
"Are you awake for real?" Austin was asking.
"I don't know. I saw you with Remi and he waved," Miller said, trying to put things together.
"Yeah, he waved, but I might have helped a little," Austin said. "He misses you."
"Aww. I can't wait to see him." Miller was glad that sweet image of Remi was real, but now he wondered about the rest. "And did I hear Lawrence and Wes arguing about which one of them you were jealous of or something?" Miller asked.
"They what? I warned them to let you rest," Austin said, his voice getting growly.
Miller started to laugh, but then hissed and stopped himself as he felt pain in his side. "Did I get stabbed?" Miller asked.
"More like a cut. Your ribs stopped the blade from going too deep. And you have a head injury too. But it's not too bad, a few stitches," Austin said and touched his hair. "And in case you don't remember, you took that knife trying to protect me, and let me tell you, I'm pretty of mad at you about that." Austin didn't really look mad though, just tired, worried, and scared.
Miller squeezed his hand as best he could. "I did what I had to. I couldn't let him take away anyone else I love."
"Miller," Austin said and it took Miller a minute to realize what he just said.
"I... Where's Remi now?" he asked so Austin wouldn't feel pressured.
"At home with Harriet, but I'll bring him to see you before visiting hours are over," Austin said.
"No, you don't have to. Take him to the park or something, someplace nice."
"He wants to see you too, and we'll take him to the park together," Austin said.
The doctor wanted to have a look at Miller so Austin left promising to text everyone to let then know he was properly awake now. Then Austin came back to sit with Miller and hold his hand.
"What I said before," Austin said. "I don't want you to think I'm not grateful you saved me. Every time I hold Remi, I think of how I'm in one piece because of you."
"You saved me too. How did you know?" Miller wondered.
"Harriet saw you go across the street with some guy and said you didn't let her know. That wasn't like you so I went to find you."
"Right. I wouldn't just leave without letting her know. Thank you. What... What happened to Edgar?"
At the mention of his name, Austin turned very grim. "Back in prison. They'll know better than to let him out now. I can't believe they let him out in the first place and without giving you a heads up."
Miller remembered what Edgar said. "He said he had terminal cancer."
"He deserves a lot worse for hurting you," Austin said. "Sorry, but... No, I'm not sorry."
"I don't expect you to be. He could have killed you too. Taken you away from Remi. It's unforgivable." Miller felt his anger rising. "He must hate me to come after me like he did. But no matter how much he hates me, I hate him more."
Austin nodded then leaned over him and stroked his hair. "I was scared for you." He gave Miller a soft kiss. "I didn't want to let you out of my sight. I still don't."
"I got to live out the terror my mother must have felt in her last moments, except you were there to save me. That's the only reason I survived," Miller told him.
"You survived. Hold on to that," Austin urged him.
"I don't mean to be so angry."
"You have a right to be," Austin told him. "But if you want something more positive to think about. When you're out of here and feeling better, I want to take you out on a date. A real one. But just so you know, we did already have a date, only I didn't tell you."
"Is it my head or are you not making any sense?" Miller asked.
"When we went to that French place. That was a date. But I didn't tell you," Austin said, still not making sense.
"Aha. I'm pretty sure that doesn't count."
"Fair enough. I'll make it up to you," Austin said with a smile then his smile faltered and he admitted. "You scared me. I just can't lose you. From now on I'll make sure to hold onto you like crazy."
***
Every time he was away from Miller, Austin could feel his fear rising. It was like that day when he went running across the street, the whole time knowing that Miller wouldn't just go off without a word, that something had to be very wrong, and he might not be in time to stop it.
After something like that, Austin couldn't breathe easy until Miller was out of the hospital. Seeing him every day wasn't enough. Austin needed him home. That's when he would know everything was really alright.
On the day he was released, Belle insisted on helping bring Miller from the hospital. Austin took her along as he brought Miller home. Then it turned out she couldn't help Miller walk from the car to the front door.
"I'll fall over," she said pointing at her high-heeled shoes.
"Just as long as Miller doesn't fall," Austin told her. He was holding Remi, who got fussy as soon as he parked in front of the house.
Belle sniffed at Austin while Miller sat back down in the car. "No rush. I'll just rest for a while," he said.
"You think you can hold the baby while I help Miller inside?" Austin asked Belle.
She eyed Remi suspiciously. "Maybe. If you promise he won't drool on me."
Of course she had never held a baby before. And of course Austin couldn't promise her he wouldn't drool. "I'll put him in the carrier," Austin said.
"I can wait," Miller said.
"You couldn't wait to be back home," Austin pointed out, but he wasn't sure Miller could have wanted it more than he did.
"Just being in front is good enough for now," he said and smiled at Austin. He was so good and patient.
"Maybe I'll carry you," Austin said and grinned at him.
"No."
"Maybe later," Austin said and helped him to his feet.
While leaving Belle to watch over the baby, he walked with Miller. Austin kept one hand around his waist, and Miller had his arm over his shoulder.
Miller moved slowly, but he didn't lean on Austin too much. "You can lean on me harder than that."
"I probably will in a second," Miller said and he sounded winded.
It was slow going but they got inside and Austin lowered Miller to the living room couch. "Just sit there and look pretty," Austin told him with a kiss.
As he was going back out, Austin heard him grumble, "Pretty."
When he got back, Austin would need to tell him he was the prettiest thing he'd ever seen. But since Belle came in too and started hovering, Austin didn't get a chance. Plus he was busy with Remi. He got Remi's bottle ready and then let Miller hold him and feed him.
"You should be lying down, resting and relaxing," Belle said to Miller.
"And miss out on this. I haven't gotten to hold Remi all this time," Miller pouted at her.
"It can't be that nice to hold a baby," she said.
"Shows what you know," Austin said.
Belle wanted to do things for Miller, but it turned out she couldn't really do much. Once she left, Austin could spend some time with Miller in peace.
"She means well, but I don't think she has one useful skill," Austin said dropping next to Miller who was cradling Remi as he slept.
"Belle recently started a job in investment banking. She doesn't need useful skills," Miller told him.
"I just like having you all to myself. You want me to put Remi in the rocker?" Austin said, putting an arm around Miller.
"No. I missed holding him."
"And he does look comfortable," Austin said. "You need anything."
"No. I have everything right here," Miller said as he smiled and leaned into him.
Austin didn't get to enjoy their time together for long. Casey dropped my next, but it turned out she wasn't there only to see Miller. She took Austin aside and gave him some news. She wanted to talk out in the hall so Austin knew it must be serious.
"You can expect a phone call from Diana," she said. Austin had questions, but that's when his phone sounded. "That's probably her. I told her this would be a good time to call."
Austin couldn't ask her what was going on as he got his phone out, and Casey stepped away to let him talk.
"Austin. Hi. Sorry I didn't call before." It was Diana's voice, a voice he hadn't heard for so long, and now she might turn his whole world upside down.
"You didn't answer my texts or tell me what was going on," Austin said. "You didn't tell me I was a father. And you left our son. You left him." He just couldn't hold back his anger and disappointment in her.
"He had a good nanny, he was fine, and he's fine now," she said. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Jeremiah. I didn't know he was yours. Not really. But I'm ready to put things right. I'm giving him up to you."
Austin couldn't believe what he heard. "Diana?"
"I know you'll be a good dad, the best dad. I wanted give Jeremiah everything I missed out on, but I guess that's not meant to be. I have my own life and he has you. It's for the best," she said.
Austin shut his eyes. "Would you at least do a video call so you can see him and he can see you. He's growing. He's..."
"Look Austin..." She sighed.
"Don't you want to see him?"
"No. He's yours now. Sorry about everything, Austin. Really." And she hung up leaving Austin to stand there, not knowing how to feel. Not happy or good. Not even relieved.
How can she not want to see him? Austin couldn't imagine being separated from Remi, not seeing him. It hurt him just to think of it. How could she do it?
Casey came over and patted his arm. "It is good news, isn't it?"
"You know already?" Austin said.
"She's signing away her parental rights. Her lawyer sent over the paperwork. Remi is all yours."
"Right. I guess that's good, but it doesn't feel like good news. She didn't even want to see him."
"It's probably easier for her that way. It's for the best."
Austin hated hearing those words again. "Oh God, that's what Diana said."
"Don't dwell on how Diana failed him. Be happy that she's not standing in your way," Casey said.
"I just can't feel happy about this."
"Well, try. Go hold that baby of yours until you feel better."
She left and Austin did as she told him. Sitting next to Miller, he took over holding the baby since he was awake now.
Anxious to hear the news, Miller looked at Austin eagerly. "Did she give you news about the custody case?"
"I spoke to Diana. Finally."
"Is she coming back?" Miller was worried about that.
Austin shook his head. "She's giving up her parental rights. I wanted to let her see Remi on video, but she said no. I..." Austin shut his eyes then kissed Remi.
"You can't be happy to hear that she's turning her back on Remi," Miller said. He understood better than Casey did. "At least you don't have to worry that she'll try to take him away from you."
"I am glad about that."
"Sorry it had to happen like this." Miller reached out his hand. "Sit with us for a while."
Austin did and then he smiled as he looked at Remi then at Miller. "We fed Remi. Now we need to feed you."
"I'd say not to bother, but you have to eat too," Miller said.
"So you're eating for my sake. Hey, whatever it takes." Austin was just glad that Miller was willing to eat since he didn't have much of an appetite.
After they ate, Miller insisted on checking his emails, but Austin didn't let him get to deep into work. Miller was on the couch with his laptop when Austin made him set it aside.
"I guess I'm done with that," Miller said. "Did you want to watch something or..." Miller stopped because Austin was looking into his eyes, trying to figure out if this was the right time.
He didn't know, but he couldn't wait.
"There's something I've been meaning to tell you," Austin said, then he got real nervous. He couldn't stop though. Back at the hospital, Miller had told him something, and now Austin had to have his say too. With his heart beating like crazy, he took Miller's hand. "I've known this for a while, but I didn't know if you'd want to hear it. Now I can't wait another minute to say it. Miller, I love you."
Miller's eyes got wide as he bit his lip and got teary eyed. "I... I love you too. I think I might have let it slip at the hospital." His voice was soft, scared, and Austin had to take him in his arms.
"You did, but I wasn't sure you realized you said it."
"I kind of did, but then I got scared and... Oh Austin." Miller cupped his face. His hand shook, but he had the most beautiful smile on his face even if tears did fall from his clear, green eyes.
Saying "I love you" again, Austin tightened his arms around him so they could kiss. He had to be careful of Miller's side, but their kiss was long and sweet. Through it Austin tasted Miller's tears but he tasted happiness too.
At bedtime, Austin wouldn't have even considered sleeping anywhere except Miller's bed. When he helped Miller to his bedroom, Austin told him, "I'm inviting myself into your bed tonight."
Miller frowned. "You better not. I've been having nightmares. Worse than before. I had them at the hospital. I'll keep you awake."
Austin shook his head. "There's nowhere else I'd rather be than with you. And you having nightmares is all the more reason for me to want to be here and hold you."
"But, Austin..."
"You think I'd let you go through something like that alone. No way. Now let me get you undressed," Austin said and approached him while wearing his best 'I'm up to no good' expression.
He took hold of Miller's hands and kissed them before starting to work on getting his shirt off. It was one of those nice, buttoned shirts Miller liked to wear. Austin undid each button slowly and heard Miller's breathing speed up. "Hey now. You can't get too worked up," Austin warned him.
"Then stop seducing me," Miller said.
Austin kissed him lightly, just a quick touch of their lips to let him know he was only going to do sweet and gentle things to him. Under his fingers, Miller's shirt fell open and Austin's eyes went straight to his bandages. A different angle and that knife could have done serious damage.
Taking his shirt off, Austin stroked his hair and kissed his face then his neck, lingering where he could feel his pulse, feel that he was alive. Austin licked him there too as his hand caressed over his chest then reached down for the fly of Miller's pants. His other hand skimmed down the back of his neck then lower until it was pressed against Miller's lower back.
Austin stopped as he whispered, "Promise to take it easy."
"I'll try," Miller panted.
"Can't get too excited or I'll have to stop," he threatened and Miller gave an unhappy moan. "Be good for me."
Austin quieted him with some quick kisses as he opened up his fly but didn't touch his cock despite Miller's pleading moans. "I'm doing this my way," he told Miller.
Austin pulled his pants and boxers down then he carefully lowered him to the bed. Making sure Miller was comfortable, Austin started kissing him all over.
He hovered above Miller, not resting his weight on him. Miller wanted contact though and let him know it. His hands were busy trying to get him out of his clothes, roaming Austin's body, turning him on when he wanted to stay in control.
It was hard, but for Miller's sake he knew he couldn't rush. Austin did take his clothes off and watched Miller moan as he took in the sight of him naked. Miller's hands were on his thighs, gripping, demanding, so Austin knew he better get back to it.
He kissed from Miller's lips over his throat to his chest. Flicking one nipple with his tongue, he rolled the other between his fingers. Miller cursed and clutched at his hair.
Austin let his beard rub over Miller's middle and down to his abs. Then he licked and kissed, making his way to Miller's cock.
Finally he took Miller in his mouth, slow and easy. He made sure Miller stayed still. If Miller strained against him, Austin stopped and gave him a stern look.
He sucked and licked, always listening and watching to make sure Miller wasn't overdoing it. He had to fight himself too. Austin wanted to make him come so hard, blow his mind.
Instead, he sucked gently, building up pressure only a little at a time as he felt Miller was getting closer. When he was ready to come, Austin moaned around his cock, went a little faster and was rewarded with Miller's bliss.
"You were good," Austin praised him and kissed him.
Miller only moaned but then he saw that Austin's fist was now around his own cock.
"No, mine," Miller said. He tried to sit up, but Austin didn't let him. He got close and Miller took hold of his cock at the base then slowly slid up, taking over as Austin released his grip. Austin gave himself up to him, and let Miller pump him to his climax.
He then dropped down next to Miller and told him, "I never want to be without you. Now go to sleep and rest easy. I'm here to watch over you."