As you build your new life, you must create a structure for your dreams, discipline, and determination to stand on. This involves a commitment to change what needs to be changed and to make the decisions that need to be made to gain control of your life. You have this unique opportunity to start all over again and create a life full of purpose and satisfaction—the way you were designed to live. And in the process, find your peace and joy.
You reveal the path of life to me; in Your presence is abundant joy; in your right hand are eternal pleasures.
Psalm 16:11 HCSB
After a divorce, you wonder, Where do I go from here? What now? To answer that, you’ll need to make an assertive, prayerful effort to create the life you want. Such an important journey requires total honesty of self, openness to direction, vulnerability, and responsibility. You must take control and commit your life to God, of you allow other people’s expectations and agendas to determine your life. Be proactive, listen to God’s direction, and do not be a reflex to the constant life stimuli coming at you. Use this workbook to dream, to decide, and to dwell in the space where God’s will is for you. And choose to make the next chapter of your story the greatest one yet. It can be the best part of your life if you are willing to do the work and establish the structure to make it happen.
Let’s begin by looking at your life and clarifying where you want to be. Add any thoughts, people, places, or things you want in your life:
I want to be aligned with:
I was designed to:
Before you begin building your new life, you have to give yourself permission to be honest, direct, raw, vulnerable, and real. Remove all expectations your family and others have for you, and even some of the expectations you have for yourself. Don’t come into this process with defenses up, being the brave soldier with a stiff upper lip. Put down your guns. Be curious about who you are now and what you want in your future.
Go easy on yourself—especially when emotions you have stuffed down for so long begin to surface. Don’t be judgmental or harsh when you face uncomfortable and difficult issues. Let the issues, hurts, goals, and big dreams come up. Only this way can you gain power over your life by facing all of your “stuff.” Permit yourself to simply be God’s child and to explore and discover, in childlike faith, all you are and all your soul longs for. Ask God the tough questions. It will take courage, but you cannot step into a focused future without it. You may need to isolate yourself from some people in order to look honestly at your life so their influence doesn’t direct you.
The assessment you’re about to do is for your eyes and use only. It is a tool to determine where you are now and how you want to build your future. But you must know where “here” is before you can reach the “there” God has in store. In this questionnaire, you are lovingly giving yourself permission to honestly open up your heart.
Week 1 will be the most extensive of the eight weeks. Give this assessment the time it needs. Don’t rush through it, but ponder what your heart wants to say and what your soul needs. Give yourself at least a full undistracted hour to complete the assessment. This is your life; it’s worth the time and effort to plan for it.
Some questions may seem simplistic but they are important. It may be the first time you’ve asked yourself such questions. If not, it will help to review your responses to them. Answer them honestly, without shame, blame, or guilt. If you are in a group, you may share what you feel relevant to share.
Are you ready? Take a deep breath, clear your head and heart, and let’s begin.
As he thinketh in his heart, so is he.
Proverbs 23:7 KJV
How would you describe your life overall right now? (Examples: I’m relatively content but wanting more, unsettled, sad, angry, depressed, unsure what I want, undefined, directionless, without a strong feeling either way, etc.)
How are you doing right now in these areas?
Although each area is important, which of these areas are the most prominent to you right now?
Are you living your life in faith or in fear? Describe what that means to you.
In what area of life do you feel successful right now?
In what area of your life do you feel there is something lacking?
In the past six months, when were you the happiest?
What made this time or occasion happy? (Security, relationship, status, etc.)
What is your biggest fear right now?
How could this fear be calmed? Is there an external force that can calm your fear, or does it need to come from within?
What do you hold on to when you are afraid?
Have you created a support system in your life? If not, why not? If so, how?
Who within your network of family and friends would you consider to be part of your true support system?
Do you have a best friend—someone you confide in who allows you to be totally open, vulnerable, and unguarded? If so, who is that person and how honest do you allow yourself to be with him or her?
Are you as social as you want to be?
What social activities are you currently participating in?
What new social activities would you like to participate in?
In social settings, do you seek out people or do you wait for people to approach you?
Do you have a significant other in your life? How does this person enhance your life? Or do they add stress to your life?
How does this companion treat you? Is this acceptable to you?
How does this companion encourage you?
Is there something missing that you would like to see happen in this relationship? If so, what?
On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your total debt? (one = bankrupt/unmanageable; five = balanced and controlled; ten = very little debt/debt free)
What debt causes you the most concern right now?
What do you see as your biggest financial issue to face going forward?
Are you optimistic about your financial future? Explain.
Do you consider yourself a spender, saver, hoarder, or well-balanced in spending?
What is one specific financial goal you have for the upcoming year?
Are you an emotional purchaser? What does your emotional purchasing look like?
What money-tracking system do you use for budgeting, and does it work for you?
What research have you done to find another money-tracking system that might work better for you?
If you have children, list their names and one word to describe your relationship (such as healthy, rescuing, distant, argumentative, loving, supportive, nurturing, etc.).
What are your most joyful times with your children?
How often do you encourage them to talk about their goals and dreams?
Do they know you have dreams for yourself as well as dreams for them?
Have you ever shared your dreams and hopes for your future with your children?
What are your points of tension with your children?
When do these points of tension occur?
What could help to reduce this tension?
Who is your support network in raising your children? Or are you parenting alone?
What core values are the most important to you? (For example, honesty, kindness, independence, etc.) List them here.
What is one goal you want to reach with the rest of your life?
Do you have an expressed theme or a defined purpose in your life? If so, what is it?
What unfinished business is holding you back from living the life you want (finances, relationships, lack of forgiveness, fear, unbelief, other people’s expectations)?
Have you ever developed a mission statement for your life? Can you write it out? The mission of my life is to
If you want help writing a mission statement, answer the following questions.
What do I know as absolute truth for my life?
What makes me feel fulfilled and gives me purpose?
To what and whom am I utterly committed?
How do I define success?
What important things do I want to accomplish in my life?
What three foundational spiritual truths do I believe in?
What long-lasting dream am I striving for?
What important relationships am I devoted to and spending time and energy on?
What are my guideposts, morals, and ethics in my life?
Now go back and write out a mission statement that fits your responses (see p. 29).
How would you take this mission statement and turn it into a vision for the next ten years?
Are you satisfied with the control you have in your life?
What is one thing you would change in your life to have more control?
How much control do you currently have to make this change?
Is there a power struggle in your life? With whom? Who’s winning?
How have you dealt with your past life challenges? Have you ever thought you wanted to change how you deal with current challenges?
What challenge have you experienced you don’t feel you handled well? What lessons did you take to heart to handle the issue differently in the future?
Can you state, “I have a clear vision and I know exactly the direction I want my life to go”? Why or why not?
Define what you want for the rest of your story and what you want your life story to be. Be bold!
As you look at your life right now, what is one thing for which you can say, “This is not what I want in my life”?
Do you have self-defeating or self-sabotaging behavior in your life? What is it, and do you know why you do it? Was this behavior taught or is it your own coping skill?
What healthy risks have you taken in the last year to help yourself grow?
Do you believe that risk is necessary for you to grow? Explain.
How do you feel about your life after taking this assessment? (Circle where appropriate.)
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Discontented/Hate my life |
Love my life |
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1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
What area of your life jumps out as positive?
What jumps out as negative?
What area(s) would you like to change?
How ready and committed are you to make changes in order to create your new life?
Until you are ready to change, nothing will change. What does it mean to be ready? This acronym explains.
You must be willing to take risks because nothing changes without risk. When you are willing to take risks, you are ready to move forward and make changes in your life.
When you realize you are enough and you have enough to create a great life, you are ready to move forward and make changes. Stop clawing to be more. You are enough in who you are.
You have to do something to make change. When you have made your plan of action, you then need to take action. You must do something to move forward before your life can change.
When you are determined to focus and stop giving excuses for your life or letting others determine your life, you are ready to move forward and make changes in your life.
When you begin to listen to your heart’s longing and trust your gut and your God, you are ready to move forward and make changes in your life. Stop being led by others and listen to your own soul.