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ELIZABETH
I looked forward to meeting Tyler for coffee in the morning. Even though it was in the kitchen and was nothing more extravagant than black coffee, the prospect got me out of bed and through the whole laborious morning ablutions of showering and brushing my hair and teeth.
Instead of standing in the kitchen as I’d expected, he sat at the table, enjoying his coffee. He tapped a plate in front of my seat and smiled.
I settled into the chair and smiled back. We had destroyed some kind of a wall between us the night before without baring our souls or any other dramatic event, just a simple coming together to resolve a few issues. I welcomed the plate in front of me. “Thank you.”
“Well, my secret is out. So I figured I might as well cook for you. No reason to continue starving you just because I don’t want you to think I’m any less masculine.” He winked and picked up his fork.
Our plates weren’t covered in simple fare. I would’ve been content with simple scrambled eggs and a slice of toast, but he had delivered gourmet omelets smothered in aromatic Gouda cheese that melted and oozed down the sides.
“This looks amazing.” I dived in with my fork, closing my eyes and murmuring my delight. He really was a terrific cook. I moaned softly and poked my fork through the air toward the plate. “Your talent is breathtaking. Keep this up and I’ll get so fat, you’ll need to roll me up to my room.”
He scoffed. “Please. You want breathtaking? Look in a mirror. It’s refreshing to see a brunette that doesn’t try to be a blonde.” Tyler cut a bite from his omelet and ate it as if he hadn’t just delivered the most charming compliment I’d ever received.
Before I could thank him, he continued. “The sale is going to go through. I didn’t really think Mac would turn down the offer, but I’m a little surprised he jumped on it so fast. He’s one of my closest friends and I didn’t realize how much my own image was destroying the brand, in essence destroying their livelihood.” He chewed another bite.
“This is all kind of surreal to be honest. Ryan doesn’t fit the brand but he’s a backend developer and no one who deals with the company even know he exists. It’s humbling to think I’ve been holding them back and no one said anything. I was thinking of starting another business, but I’m not sure I want to deal with the startup, you know? What are you going to do?” He looked at me like he expected me to have all of life’s answers right there in a spreadsheet and ready to discuss.
I swallowed the bite and sipped my coffee while I thought of a suitable answer. “Well, I had wanted this to work out,” I motioned between us with a loosely held hand and smiled awkwardly. “You’ve already said that isn’t going to happen, though. I’m gathering information together and trying to figure out the best way for me to make an impact. I can’t go back to Arkansas. I sold my business there and I signed a non-compete clause.” Would I want to go back, even if I hadn’t? No, definitely not.
Uncomfortable with the topic being on me, I redirected and speared a tomato with my fork. “What are you doing today? Will you be here?” I was torn on just what I wanted.
He shook his head. “Not until much later. I have a lot of work to do with Mac in the office over the next week or so.” Tyler wiped his mouth with a napkin. “The House Doctor will be here today. Do you have anything you can do around here to let her in?” He didn’t look directly at me as he spoke.
I knew where he was coming from. He didn’t know that I knew. Knowing made me very uncomfortable. “Yep. I can stay busy.”
The house was going to be a big job. I had asked Ronald to hire four of the most dependable high school or college kids in the area and have them at the house at nine that morning. If they weren’t late, Tyler needed to get going or he’d end up making them omelets as well.
“Thanks for covering for me.” He stopped for a minute and he gazed into my eyes, as if he was trying to see me, trying to recognize me for who I was.
Until he saw me as both the phone-me and the wife-me, he would never be successful.
After he left, I cleaned up the table and went out to the garage. The phone buzzed at my hip and I knew, just deep down inside, I knew it was him without having to look at the caller ID. “House Doctor.”
“Good morning, it’s Tyler Manning. I just wanted to confirm our appointment for this morning. I have someone at the house there to meet you.” The flirtation had dropped down a notch and I wasn’t sure if I was grateful or irritated. Why didn’t he recognize my voice?
“That sounds great, Mr. Manning. We should be there shortly.” A few feet away from the house were definitely short.
“Please, call me Tyler. Or Ty. Whatever is easiest or you feel most comfortable with. Would you be interested in breaking away about lunch time and meeting me down at Casa de Cinco’s? I’d love to buy you lunch and discuss the project.”
In the brief pause, we both silently acknowledged that wasn’t what he was asking me for. He had taken a professional tone and was just trying to get me to meet him. I could spot a come on a mile away and I’d been secretly wishing for one from him for a while. But I wanted it as his wife, not the owner of a handyperson company.
I had no reason not to meet him. For all intents and purposes, I worked for him and was justified in stepping away from the project to meet with him.
Unfortunately, I didn’t want to. I desperately wanted him to see who I was. Could he be interested in me as his wife? Or did that mean I had to try to steal attention from phone-me? The part of me that would take anything from him, no matter which part would get it, spoke before I could interject any sense into my answer. “Sure, that sounds great. How is eleven-thirty?”
Surprised, he agreed with more enthusiasm than I wanted him to.
Eleven-thirty. I was torn, it was like the phone-me wanted him to keep pushing her and getting to know her and then maybe when we met, he would fall for the wife-me. Yet, the wife-me wanted him to stay away from the phone-me because wasn’t it cheating? I wasn’t a fan of adultery.
Wife-me wanted him to acknowledge we were married and I was good enough for him to at least try with.
As long as he pursued phone-me, wife-me would never be able to succeed where she wanted to. Maybe I needed to close House Doctor before it took away my more basic dreams.
Unwilling to follow that train of thought, I got started on the house, placing a sign up on the lawn that declared “Renovations Performed by The House Doctor.” The business number was emblazoned beneath.
Ten o’clock came. Then ten-thirty. I checked every clock I could see, including my phone, about every two minutes.
At eleven, I stopped and sat down on the stairs that I was beginning to climb and stared at the floor. Doubt churned in my gut.
What was I doing? I didn’t want to meet him for lunch because I didn’t want him to know who I was. I wasn’t ready. I was becoming indifferent to him and the way he couldn’t decide what he wanted.
To be fair, he knew he didn’t want me or to be married. Maybe I wasn’t upset with him, exactly. Could I accept it might be me I was angry with?
I kept my rear on that step and watched my phone clock change, minute by minute, to eleven-thirty. My stomach hardened and I expected a phone call at any moment.
Would I answer? I’d already rejected him. I’d already turned him away by not calling and standing him up. I couldn’t believe I’d done that to a customer, let alone my husband.
My attempts at justifying my actions fell flat, but I continued anyway. I wasn’t going to meet him. He wasn’t being faithful and he was trying to get me to not be faithful to my supposed husband. I’m not sure what game he played, but I wasn’t very good at it and I didn’t want to play anymore.
A red alert buzzed on my phone. We had missed the first step of the ClickandWed contract. Even though I’d dodged every chance to do the first step with Tyler since he’d turned me down, my heart still tugged with remorse when I got the notice that we’d missed it.
A second buzz shook my phone. I knew for sure it was going to be Tyler, or rather hoped. It wasn’t.
The message was a new notification from ClickandWed.
“You may have already missed the first Step in our Building Better Marriages plan, but that doesn’t mean it’s too late! Please, remember to do the Steps to strengthen the foundation of your marriage. Getting to know each other is very important. Here is an alternate action Step to replace Step One that you missed. If you complete this one successfully, this will replace Step One for the contract and you will be able to continue forward to accomplishing your goals.
Find out information on your spouse concerning their hobbies or what their family life was like growing up. Do something to encourage sharing.
This will help set you set up for Step Two – Do something for your spouse. These Steps are important, if you want to succeed.”
With Tyler trying to see someone else and pushing me to see other guys, I didn’t want to do the Steps. I logged out and uninstalled the ClickandWed app.
Tyler didn’t want to be with me. I needed to make plans to move on and fulfill other dreams of mine.
Hardening my heart to protect myself would be priority. My first marriage had failed, which did it technically count as a marriage? And, anyway, who said I needed to be married to be happy? Who said I needed to be in love?
I couldn’t tell Alex what was going on. She would never understand.
It was the first time in my life I didn’t let my best-friend know I’d failed at something.
