From Suffering to Peace

Contemplative traditions often point out that the world we live in is like a conjurer’s trick. Not that the world is an illusion, but that it is like an illusion. That is an important distinction. The world we live in is real. But what we see, think, and believe does not necessarily reflect what is so. We see life through a range of conditioning, bias, and projections. And what we make of experience is affected and often distorted by influences from our past as well as from the views of family, friends, culture, society, and religion. Therefore, we need to not only be aware of thoughts, but we need to mindfully discern what is true from what is simply a distortion.

My friend Jane once adopted a beautiful golden Labrador puppy from a local animal shelter. The puppy had previously been owned by a man who had gotten quite sick and did not have the ability to take care of her. Sadly, the man not only neglected the dog but took out his anger on the poor defenseless animal, who became traumatized and terrified of men.

Now in a good home and well loved, the dog is relaxed with my friend, and with her female friends and even female strangers. But when the dog sees a man, she cowers and runs for safety. The violence and neglect of the previous male owner conditioned Jane’s dog to fear all men, no matter how kind and mild. The dog sees the world through the lens of her harsh history with one man, which is deeply rooted and difficult to mitigate.

As much as we like to think we are independent and autonomous, we are no different from that puppy. We are formed like clay at an early age by the social and cultural milieu we are born into. We are also shaped by our biological hard wiring. For example, as a species, we have been conditioned over millions of years to be wary of snakes, spiders, and centipedes, since many such creatures are poisonous or even deadly. If we see a snake or spider, our anxiety level instantly goes up as the amygdala in our brain triggers our fight-or-flight response. Then, if we recognize that the creature is harmless or no threat, or we see that the coiled thing lying in the bushes is just a piece of rope, we may breathe a sigh of relief.

The challenge is that our perceptions are often wrong, mistaken, or misplaced. In the Indian Pali language, the term vipalasa captures this tendency perfectly. It refers to the perceptual distortion we have when we behold something and mistake as permanent things that actually change or perceive things that are actually painful as pleasurable. “Behold” means more, for example, than visual perception; it includes our expectations, assumptions, and perspective. We get caught up in such distortions all the time without realizing it.

Like my friend’s puppy, we are often biased with preconceived notions that neither reflect actual reality nor predict what will happen. For example, most children love puppies, and they often harangue their parents to get one. Kids imagine only the cuteness and companionship of the dog. Parents, however, see much more: years of arduous dog training, a constant source of mess (from shedding hairs to peeing on the carpet), and an ongoing, daily responsibility that includes feeding, dog walking, and expensive vet bills. The dog is the same, but everyone’s perceptions are quite different. Which ones are true?

Or consider romance. When we are attracted to someone, what do we see? The mind focuses on what is pleasurable and alluring, while overlooking or ignoring what is disagreeable or potentially problematic. When perceptual bias kicks in with full force, we obsess over and idealize our new love, so that we literally don’t see anything wrong with them. Yet as we know too well, when the honeymoon stage is over and infatuation ends, the blinkers to our perception fall away. We start to see the blemishes and faults that we were oblivious to before. Such is the dawning of clear awareness. Sometimes we wake up in a relationship and wonder where our fairy prince or princess went! As one cartoonist put it: “Marriage is a Cinderella fairy tale…just in reverse. You start out at a ball in a beautiful gown and end up spending all day cleaning up after people.”

Conversely, aversion, fear, and negativity can distort perception just as strongly. When gripped by reactivity, or any strong emotion, we just don’t see straight. When scared, we see only threats, like my friend’s puppy. When angry, we fixate on what is wrong, negative, or problematic with ourselves, with others, or the world. When in love, we experience the world as softer, more beautiful, and kind.

When we remain unaware of these distortions, we tend to believe our perceptions are reality. For instance, I had a fear of the dark growing up, and I remember the first time I camped in the Rocky Mountains. At night, I was convinced that every sound was a sinister predator, and I was afraid to leave my tent. One time I dared to step outside, and I laughed upon seeing that the ominous sounds I mistook for a mountain lion were made by a squirrel rustling in the bushes!

As funny as this can be, this perceptual distortion can lead to far more serious consequences, such as racism and prejudice. Infants are not born prejudiced. Babies are color blind. While our evolutionary biology conditions us to be more fearful of what we consider the “other,” racial bias is primarily the product of socialization, which distinguishes people based on skin color or ethnic origin, and then posits one group as inherently superior to all others. Such perceptions of superiority have no basis in fact, but bias often runs deep and overrides reason or judgment.

With mindfulness, we bring awareness to these veils of perception. We can become aware of our own bias, of the lens we look through. This can help us recognize when our conditioning is influencing our perception and is affecting what we believe — say, that certain people are smarter because of their socioeconomic class or that darkness represents danger and should be feared.

Perhaps the biggest perceptual distortion is about our sense of self and identity. We perceive our sense of self as stable, consistent, and enduring over time. But if we take a closer look at our inner experience, we behold our sense of self as forever moving, fluctuating, expanding, contracting, and shape-shifting, and this affects our perception of life around us. For instance, consider how our fluctuating sense of self-worth makes us view things and the world differently. When we feel good about ourselves, we view our work with appreciation and satisfaction. When we feel depressed or insecure, we can judge and critique our work more harshly. It is the same work, but our perceptions cause us to see it differently.

I encounter this when I teach. How I feel on a certain day determines to some degree how I perceive my lecture. If I feel any flicker of self-doubt, I tend to fixate on what could have been said better or what was flawed. I have learned to not wholly trust my evaluation of a particular talk, given the inevitable distortions of perceptual bias. Rather, with awareness, I try to see both the event and my perceptions of the event and to hold it all lightly. This is freeing, giving me room to avoid either inflation or deflation and the perhaps distorted view of my personal vantage point. In the same way, I also hold lightly the views and perceptions of others about the very same talk. I may receive two comments following the lecture, one saying it was fabulous, the best talk they’ve heard me give, and another saying or implying it was confusing and not helpful. They both heard the same talk, but which perception do we believe? Is either of them real?

Finally, perhaps the most common perceptual distortion is thinking that what is impermanent is permanent. How often do we believe conditions, feelings, or events won’t change, only to be surprised and thrown when, naturally, a shift happens? Believing our feelings of romance will last forever, only to be disappointed when they fade? Thinking our flu virus will go on forever when of course it heals in due course? With practice, we can develop a meta-attention to our experience that helps us get closer to the reality of what is happening rather than seeing through the lens of bias and misperception.

• PRACTICE •

Seeing through Perceptual Distortion

It is hard to see our own perceptual distortions. The world seems to be a certain way until we realize that our lens, our perception, is coloring the world. This contemplation explores how your vantage point influences your perspective and thoughts. Begin by standing in front of a mirror. Pay attention to the thoughts about yourself that arise. Do you like or dislike what you see? That preference or bias will determine what you choose to focus on.

Do you notice and fixate on whatever seems problematic? Or do you observe those things you like and appreciate? Do these observations and perceptions, whether negative or positive, seem to reflect the bias of the moment? For example, are you tired and feeling grumpy, and is this mood influencing your attention and judgments? If so, consider how your gaze might change if you were feeling joyful or energized. If you have had a particularly successful day, how might that affect what you behold in front of you? Then ask yourself the question: Which thought, idea, or view about myself is real? Indeed, I suggest doing this contemplation on consecutive days and observing how your perceptions, thoughts, views, and judgments differ or change.

Further, continue this reflection throughout your day. While watching the news, sitting on a bus, or participating in a meeting, notice how you view the people around you. Is the lens through which you perceive influenced positively or negatively by something? Is that perception a reflection of your mood, your current state of mind, your energy, how your day has gone thus far, or any other factor from the past or present?

In this way, try to become more aware of the conditioning, perceptions, filters, and biases that are influencing how you are perceiving in any moment. Learning to hold our own views and biases lightly allows us to meet experience more clearly, as we come to see through the distortions that are forever moving through our perceptual landscape.

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