chapter 39

THE BAD DAY IN THE DINER

I sit at the Dragon. Ms. Blinny is pretty right about how this works. If I think about something before I tell it here, well, it comes out smoother. The story feels ready. It writes itself. From my voice.

So umm. I have been thinking. Remembering. Here is what. People used to be glad to see me. Even though I was this big sweaty kid. I think people liked me. Better. Before. Like Irene at the diner. In her hairnet. She always greeted me. Smiling. Stewart at the griddle too. But then we had a rough day in there. Not too long after Benny died. Both his dads were in the same morning Uncle Drum took me. A Saturday. I think it was. Andy and Franklin were at the corner table. And it was the first time I saw them after the funeral. I took myself right over to them. I said hello. I asked how was everything at their house. I asked about the stone wall. I just wanted to know. Was everything still the same. Or umm more like was anything still the same. Because tell you what. It didn’t seem like it was. Not for me. I was missing Benny so much. Thought I could tell them. But Andy he umm he just kept two hands around his coffee cup. Stared down into it. Never did look up. Franklin is the one who said it. Mason. Please understand. We just can’t talk to you. It’s too hard. Then he said could I leave them in peace. And I thought of the other kind of peace. Like pieces of pie. Because there is that case full of pies in the diner and my brain just umm took the wrong bus on that. But umm well what he meant was stop talking. Stop talking to them. He told me better if I go over to my own table. I remember because then Uncle Drum came up and gave a tug on me. We went and sat down. But Andy and Franklin got up. Left their corn cakes. Full stacks. They held tight to each other. Both their sets of shoulders were umm well kind of stuck in the one doorway. Two grown-up men. So sad. And shaking too. And Uncle Drum tapped on the table in front of me. He whispered for me to stop staring. But well it was hard to stop that because I needed to see them. And I know mostly you wouldn’t want to do this but umm I wanted to let the sad part worm all the way through me. Like getting it over with. Even though it was probably going to take longer than anything in the world. I thought Andy and Franklin were probably the ones that missed Benny like I did. I felt the same as them. So then. Oh. Yeah. And then on their way out Andy’s elbow. Or his hip. I don’t know. But that caught on the gumball machine in the entry. Holy cow. What could have happened then. I almost jumped up. But Franklin he stopped and turned back to put that thing steady before it could fall. Then they went out. Anyways. It was like that whole diner froze over. I looked around the place. Everyone there looked back at me with the sad-to-see-you faces. Sad to see you is not what people say. But they look that way. Now. So. That night I heard Drum tell Grandma something. He said, Having a broken heart is no excuse to break someone else’s. Our boy is hurting too. He meant me. Their boy. But. Well. Funny thing. What he said. Because tell you what else hurt. Uncle Drum quit taking me to the diner. He didn’t say why. But seems like that was because if people were going to just be all sad to see me then maybe better if I not go in there. Anymore. So that is how I umm I lost one of my places. I only see the diner from the bus now. Only see it on the loop through town.