Activating Your Receiver
Are You Pickin’ Up What the Divine Is Puttin’ Down?
Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving . . . we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving . . .
BRENÉ BROWN, The Gifts of Imperfection
The world — and countless people in it — cannot wait to conspire with you to help you meet your desires and cannot wait to gift you with blessings.
can you imagine that?
There is something wildly potent and much needed that is asking to get into this world through you. The quantum field, the collective soul, your Feminine Genius is, right now, like a radio broadcasting your next inspiration to you.
Roaming loose through the world there is a force for truth, beauty, and creativity wanting to welcome you into your life, imprint itself into your body, and planning to work you, change you, and mold you into the woman you are aching to become.
can you let it in?
If you are like most women and get squirmy about receiving, then your answer to each of these questions is likely no. I too was squirmy for most of my life, and, at the beginning of our work, most of my clients and participants are as well.
To receive, in the gift sense, means to be given, to be presented with, or to accept delivery of something, such as a gift or an offering.
To receive, in the radio sense, means to detect, to pick up, or to be a receptacle for a signal or a broadcast.
To receive, in the hostess sense, means to greet, to welcome, and to take in, such as a houseguest, communion, or confession.
How else are you — like a light bulb — to illuminate, except by first receiving the electric energy that then becomes light?
ACTIVATING YOUR RECEIVER
There are a good many reasons you — like so many women — might discount the power of receiving and (purposely or accidentally) deactivate your receiver. You may think that receiving means you have to take everything that is offered, hook, line, and sinker. Or you think that you don’t deserve what is offered. Or you expect or feel entitled to what you want, and thereby conflate your grabbing and grasping with receiving. Or you believe that receiving will turn you into a charity case, and you do not want to be perceived as incapable or undependable.
Additionally, you may think that if you accept help or support, you will “owe” whoever has helped or supported you, and you do not want to be in anyone’s debt. You might associate receiving with a loss of power and control, or an inability to protect yourself. Perhaps when you have received in the past, others got angry or envious. You might also doubt that there is enough to go around, so if you receive, you fear you will therefore rob someone else. You could fear that the world and the people in it are inherently indifferent or malicious, and therefore dangerous to rely on or receive from. And perhaps most surprisingly, receiving can confront you with the wonderful and uncomfortable truth that you are powerful and worth giving to.
Receiving, whether in the form of help, money, a compliment, a desire, a vision, or a gift, might make you feel out of control. You feel reprehensible, guilty, greedy, and bad. So when you refuse to receive, you adopt the strategy of giving, giving, and giving, and feel the relief that comes from feeling in control. You feel virtuous, innocent, helpful, and good. However, when you elevate giving and demote receiving, you unwittingly remove yourself from the universal cycle of give-and-take. You limit your ability to hear your own truth and become unable to be positively affected by life and your fellow human beings. Activating your receiver is a healthy challenge to all these assumptions.
Shortly after relocating to San Francisco from New York City, I was at a dinner party at the home of some new friends. Glass of cold white wine in hand, waiting for the hot tub to warm up and the kale-and-quinoa appetizers to be ready (ah, California livin’), I cruised my hosts’ bookshelves and ran across a book titled Pronoia by Rob Brezsny. The book is fantastically fantastical, devoted to a concept that Brezsny coined, which is essentially the opposite of paranoia.
During my twelve years as an East Coaster, I became intimate with the concept of paranoia, which means that you believe that the world and the people in it are out to get you. If that is your worldview, as it is for many women no matter where they live, it makes good sense to give the finger to receiving. My own paranoia took the form of perfectionism, as it does for many women. I assumed that the world, and the people in it, just couldn’t wait to sink their teeth into me. So becoming perfect, in body, speech, and in action, would protect me, I thought, against anyone finding fault with me, hurting me, or rejecting me, ever.
In contrast, pronoia says that the Universe is conspiring to shower you with blessings. I had to stop and consider: What might my life be like if I knew that I lived in a world that not only adored me but was also listening intently to what I wanted? What might change if I knew that I lived in a land that simply couldn’t wait for the next opportunity to bathe me in milk and honey?
After the dinner party and the discovery at the bookshelf, I allowed the concept of pronoia to become more than a nifty idea, to totally saturate me, body and soul, and to become my new worldview. Over a few months, I started to assume that the energy of life was good-natured, and operated like benevolent gnomes, genies, or fairies that hid behind trees and in my mailbox, in anticipation of sending me little bolts of joy, placing gifts in my path, directing me to fabulous parking spots, and otherwise demonstrating how much the world loved me, wanted me in it, and wanted the best for me. For me as well as everyone else.
The idea of pronoia helped me see that people are mostly kind, and that when they are judgmental or mean, it has more to do with the wounds they are nursing or the hard rows they are hoeing, and nearly nothing to do with me. And that, given half a chance, people are just dying to open up, light up, and reveal their magnificent hearts to me. I started to see that in my hands was the key to feeling safe, happy, and held in my own world, and having other people feeling safe, happy, and held when they were with me.
Without receiving, you can’t let in the important stuff — like love, raises, acclaim, care packages, fairy magic sprinkles, and guidance about your next move in life. But when your paradigm becomes pronoia, receiving starts to seem like a really good idea.
You might assume that to receive you must become passive, but this is not the case. Receiving may be the Feminine Genius juxta-position to the Masculine Genius strength of actively “making shit happen,” but there is nothing passive about receiving. Receiving actually requires your intention and willing participation. You do not have to get your PhD in doormat and let whatever or whoever walk all over you in order to become a great receiver.
Becoming a great receiver helps you re-understand that your needs, wants, and desires are not repulsive but are in fact some of the most wildly attractive forces in the world. The skill of receiving is an important step in literally attracting to you that which you want. While your Masculine Genius executes and acts, your Feminine Genius attracts and magnetizes. By activating your receiver, you draw things toward you and let them in.
Receiving is also trustable and generous. It is the opposite of selfish. How else do others get to give their gifts if they are prohibited from contributing to you? Although you may think that asking for help will make you burdensome, consider what happens inside others whom you ask for help. They step out of their own life dramas and troubles, if even for a moment. As they help you, they show up as capable, wise, proactive, and present, even if moments before they may have been feeling overwhelmed, bored, or sorry for themselves.
One of the abilities that engenders the most trust and respect between people, says the researcher and writer Brené Brown, is the ability not only to give support but also to ask for and receive support. Activating your receiver allows you, like a light bulb, to give and receive light. And you have a golden receiver, right within your body: your Oracle. Your Oracle is like a radio antenna, or as I prefer to describe it, your Oracle is your direct line to the Divine, getting signals, loud and clear, expressly for you and your Feminine Genius path. Allowing Feminine Genius to signal to you, give to you, nourish you, and shape you is the ultimate act of trust and strength, not of weakness. Turning on your receiver might take some practice. And so, let’s practice.
RECEIVING PRACTICE #1 TAKING IT IN
1 Imagine a dear friend giving you a genuine compliment.
2 Imagine her words entering your body like a morsel of delicious food, or a beautiful scent, or a color you love.
3 Imagine tasting her words and the intention behind her words. Savor them. Chew. Taste. Swallow. Imagine the compliment being absorbed into your bloodstream, nourishing and strengthening you.
4 If the scent or color metaphor resonates more with you, fully breathe in her words and the intention behind them. Imagine them imprinting you, like drops of colored ink saturating a glass of clear water. Imagine them wafting through you, like the smell of newly cut grass, fresh and delicious.
5 Let her words add to you, change you, feed you, and affect you. You may even want to imagine the energy of her compliment nourishing and “charging up” your Oracle, like recharging a battery.
6 If you’re practicing this in real time, I recommend these responses:
• “Thank you, it’s true.”
• “Thank you, I receive that happily (or fully).”
• “Thank you, I accept.”
You can apply this practice to more than just a friend’s kind words. You can practice this with all manner of things you are offered, such as physical gifts, a smile from a stranger, or the sensations you feel from a lover’s touch. And with things that are just hanging out in your world waiting for you to receive them, like sunshine, birdsong, a scent drifting by, or a hot bath. Or things you want to attract to you, such as a right-fitting partner, a new mentor or teacher, or clarity on a new direction for your work.
“THANK YOU, IT’S TRUE”
Okay, it is good not to gloss over this one: “Thank you, it’s true.” Inspired from my mentor Regena, who shared it with me on the steps of her brownstone many years ago, this simple, bold phrase has never left me. If you feel your cheeks flush with discomfort at the thought of responding thusly to an incoming compliment — good. Do it anyway. We women are overtrained to deflect, play humble, and self-efface at any chance we get, but especially when we are praised or are about to get something we actually want and have worked hard for. Self-appreciation is not the same thing as narcissism, although women are notoriously confused about this fact. The bearer of the compliment is just stating the truth of what they see or feel. Give them — and yourself — the respect of acknowledging that truth. Allow yourself to shine.
If this is still a sticky point for you, imagine for a moment that you find the perfect gift for someone you love. Maybe it’s in a tucked-away store you have never before been in. You know that it is just what your friend has been wanting, so you buy it, flushing with pleasure as you do. You wrap it carefully in beautiful paper, and decorate it with little paste-on jewels and handwritten words that are meaningful to your friend. Then imagine yourself heady with anticipation in front of your friend, holding out the lovingly created gift. And then imagine your friend shutting down, turning away, and saying, “I couldn’t possibly. I don’t deserve that.”
That is what we women do daily to love, gifts, appreciation, praise, and our deep desires (that we are busy working our asses off for but are too well trained in deflection to actually receive). Instead of giving the finger to the pronoiacally inclined Universe, and all the gnomes, fairies, genies, daemons, and loving people in it, remember that receiving is far from selfish. It is actually honoring and empowering.
Here’s an example of how important it is to receive. I have never met my client Vanessa face to face, but over the phone, her voice is surprisingly deep and resonant. One morning, she shared with me how she’d benefited from one of my online courses: “I have struggled most of my life with being in my head and disconnected from my body and spent a lot of my life being numb, not allowing myself to feel the good because I didn’t want to feel the bad. I used your course the first time to call in my life partner. I benefited so much that I immediately repeated it, and I met my partner two weeks into my second round.”
Vanessa went on: “I started by somaticizing and feeling the possibility of him out there somewhere, wanting to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him. I felt that I had always blocked myself somehow from having what I truly want in a relationship. I realized that I hadn’t been open to accepting this. The course really helped me open up, recognize when it was coming to me, and allow myself to have it. From the very first time I met him (now my partner for over two years) and every day since then, I say to the Universe, ‘Thank you, I accept.’ Both he and I had done a lot of other ‘work’ to be ready for our relationship, but I know that the final step for me was clearly seeing the beliefs I had that blocked by ability to receive. It feels powerful. Truly amazing.”
Vanessa opened herself to receive, to beautiful effect. But being open to receive a partner also has another meaning I want to share with you. The number one thing that our partners want most in intimacy is to feel accepted, seen, and known. Women who are used to giving but not receiving often block the ability to truly receive a partner and to have their beloved partner feel accepted, seen, known — rather than held away at a safe distance.
This is a tragedy that can be averted or reversed with your skillful practice of receiving. Even if it is a physical gift or actual words, it is really energy that you are receiving. So whether the thing to be received is physical or emotional, animate or inanimate, already here or about to be here, draw it toward you, receive it, and let it nourish you. Magnetize it to you. Let it come to you. Take it in.
But, hold on a moment. What about when you don’t actually want the offer, the phone number, the ogling, or the gift that’s coming your way? What about when you are not looking to call in a partner at all, but a guy comes up to you at a party, gives you a stunning compliment, and hands you his number on a cocktail napkin? What about when the construction worker catcalls as you walk by? What about when your aunt Edna wants to bring by a fresh tuna noodle casserole, and you don’t eat gluten or large deep-sea fish? What about when your mama wants to give you a third helping of mashed potatoes at dinner, and you are stuffed? Then, you say yes to the intention, while you say no to the offering.
There are going to be times when you do not want your receiving channel open at all. It is more than okay to take down your antenna part way or all the way. Here’s one way to practice that.
RECEIVING PRACTICE #2 THANK YOU, BUT NO
Try out these sentences — and improvise your versions thereof:
• For Aunt Edna situations: “I really feel your care and the attention you put into making this for me (offering this to me), but I can’t accept.”
• For cocktail party instances: “You seem like a man that fully appreciates the power and beauty of women. Thank you, but no.”
• For Mama’s mashed potatoes circumstances: “These are wonderful; I can taste the love in them, but no thank you. I’m full. I’ve got exactly the right amount.”
• For the construction worker’s whistles: skip to Receiving Practice #3.
TO RECEIVE OR NOT TO RECEIVE
Remember Violette who has often wondered what to do with the intensity of her feelings instead of, as she put it, screaming like her hair is on fire? Violette’s receiving channel is naturally so wide open that she is often on the verge of tears or ecstasy, feeling the depth and intensity of her own emotions, those of her friends and colleagues, and also that of the collective human (woman) experience. Often, she stops whatever she is in the middle of, and — unable to do much of anything else for a while — lies down, allowing it all to pierce her to her bones.
However, for Violette, being able to adjust when she receives, what she receives, and how much she receives — so as not to be always knocked over and totally incapacitated from the sheer magnitude of it all — has been a gift.
Here is a version of what has helped Violette.
RECEIVING PRACTICE #3 TO RECEIVE OR NOT TO RECEIVE?
It is as important to be able to take something in as it is to say “No, thank you” and keep that something out. And, it is also important that when you let it in, you have a say about how much you let in. These are two powerful somatizations (visualizations you feel in your body) so you can have choices, and begin to conduct the energy of what you receive. Try them both and see which works best for you.
THE CELL MEMBRANE
Think back to biology class for a moment and recall how cell walls in the bodies of living organisms work. Cell walls are the layer of protection between the vulnerable interior of the cell and the external environment. Cell walls can change and adjust their permeability, meaning how many particles they let into the interior of the cell (and when), as well as how many particles they let out (and when). This cell membrane somatization is incredibly useful for restoring the choice and power to you, in terms of what energy gets into your interior (and when) and what gets out (and when).
So, imagine there is a cell membrane surrounding you that has four settings:
1 In and Out: you welcome the energy coming in, and you let energy out as well.
2 Neither In nor Out: you do not let energy in, nor do you let energy out.
3 In but Not Out: you welcome energy in, but do not let any energy out.
4 Out but Not In: you let energy out, but do not welcome any in.
Now, pick a feeling or a quality of energy that you want to experiment with. For example, something like badass, energizing, loving, or sexy. Using that feeling or quality of energy, practice maneuvering between the four settings the next time you walk down the street, order coffee, or sit in a staff meeting. For example, practice letting sexy energy out, but not in. Or, practice letting loving energy in and out. Or, let energizing energy in, but not out. This practice is great for feeling centered and powerful even in the intense energies of the daily commute, fiery conversations, cocktail parties, management meetings, and everything in between.
THE DIAL
Right now, pay close attention to each of your five senses: what you can touch with the palms of your hands or surface of your body; a sound you can hear in the environment around you; a scent you can smell nearby, however faint; an image you see that draws your attention; and a taste lingering in your mouth — or one remembered.
With each of these five senses in turn, imagine there is a dial on each of the five, and dial it up. Let the sense fully in, thereby making it richer, fuller, more saturated, and more intense. For example, try touching one of your fingers to the palm of your hand and moving your finger slightly. Imagine there is a dial on the sensations you feel, both at the tip of your finger and on the palm of your hand. On a scale of one to ten, ten being the most intense, dial up the sensations you feel to about an eight or nine.
Relax any tension in your body that might be resisting feeling more. Let the sensations in fully, thereby making them richer, more saturated, and more intense. You can experiment with intentionally leaning in and thereby intensify the sensations by intentionally reaching toward them. And you can also experiment with intentionally leaning out and thereby intensify the sensations by attracting them toward you.
You will likely notice that either leaning in or leaning out works better for you. This is a great practice for everyday moments, as well as erotic ones where you want to intensify (or simplify) your sensual experience. The dial is also good for helping you turn an overwhelming moment into a calm one, or an ordinary moment into an ecstatic one.
The Feminine Genius skill of receiving requires your deliberate intention, consent, and action. Receiving is an important aspect of cultivating your light and letting your power flow. Like a radio antenna, receiving allows you to connect intimately with the divine field of Feminine Genius, your Oracle, and the people in your world. Receiving allows you to get nourished and juiced up, and to reap the rewards of all your hard work. Receiving lets you honor others for their tender hearts and their contributions. And receiving allows you to honor yourself as well, as you abstain from the collective dimming and refuse to diminish your gifts. Like a light bulb, receiving allows you to be seen as you truly are: a source of light.
How else can you let in — and let out — the truth of who you are?
If you wish for light, be ready to receive light.
RUMI