Chapter Six

As it turned out, carnival bathrooms were woefully underprepared for emergencies of the excrement variety. Sera scrubbed her hands clean, did her best to mop up what had rubbed off on her shirt and jeans, but the stench was saturated in her clothes.

At least the task gave her something to think about, something beyond the hormone frenzy that had claimed her senses outside. It was hard to think sexy thoughts when washing off feces. Even so, she had no luck in ridding herself of the knotty sensation claiming her gut, the heavy knowledge of the complication she’d created in an already complicated situation.

It wasn’t as though she had to worry about how this would affect their friendship. As soon as Colin’s powers were unlocked, his destiny would take him away, and she’d never see him again. Colin’s existence, his importance, had always been big picture, whereas hers was miniscule. He was an asset against Hell; she was a cosmic joke who couldn’t stay out of trouble to save her life.

Perhaps that was why she was stalling now. The thought of never seeing him again, the knowledge that her mission was in its last stage, and that afterward…

Afterward…

Sera blinked, irritated with herself. She shut off the faucet and reached for another stack of paper towels. If she took too much longer, Colin was liable to push his way into the ladies’ room, and that wouldn’t do much to aid their low profile. What had happened earlier—both their hot make-out session and Colin’s subsequent swim in cow dung—had already drawn too much attention.

She licked her lips, fluffed out her hair, and raised her gaze to give herself one last cursory check before joining her charge outside.

But instead of her reflection, she found herself blinking dumbly into the all too familiar icy blue eyes of the Archangel Camael.

“Holy fuck,” she said, jumping back and slapping a hand over her chest. “Warn a girl next time.”

Camael scowled. Over two decades had passed since she’d seen him face-to-face, yet he looked for all the world just as she remembered. He had the same sturdy build, complete with huge shoulders and bulging biceps. His hairstyle hadn’t updated, the long, blond tresses cascading in waves to his shoulders. Even his wardrobe—a white button-up and matching slacks—remained the same. It was a blast from the not-so-distant past, and a look at her future.

The endless future.

From the look on his face—furrowed brow, tense jaw, flared nostrils, and deep frown—Camael wasn’t here to pat her on the back.

Crap.

“You are dawdling,” he said by way of greeting. “We grow impatient.”

“Gee. Hello to you, too.”

Camael’s eyes narrowed. “I have no time to fool with idle pleasantries. You know well what is at stake, and yet you are idling in…” He looked around. “A sanitation facility.”

Sera held up her hands. “Hey, it was either this or walk around smelling like a Porta-Potty. Not the best way to stay under the radar.”

“Neither is accosting your charge with your mouth.”

She winced. “Saw that, did you?”

“All of Heaven saw it,” Camael barked. “What in our Lord’s name were you thinking, Seraphina?”

“To blend in,” she retorted. “That’s what I’ve always done, isn’t it? Made sure he didn’t attract any unwanted attention.”

“By making a spectacle out of yourselves, you thought to avoid unwanted attention?”

Sera shifted her weight between her feet. “I…I lost control of the situation.”

“No,” Camael replied coldly. “You lost control of yourself.”

At that, she had no retort. It was the truth, after all. The second her lips had touched Colin’s, her restraint had flown out the window, and years of feeling things she knew she shouldn’t had bubbled uncontrollably to the surface.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her tone softer. “It…it won’t happen again.”

“No, Seraphina.” Camael’s tone was dark and uncompromising. “It cannot happen again. You have known your role these twenty-five years, have you not?”

“It was an accident. I didn’t mean to—”

“He harbors feelings for you. You are aware.”

Sera pursed her lips, her heart thumping hard and the glass around the last bit of willful ignorance shattering.

Perhaps that was why this hurt so much. Because even with the distance she’d insisted on, even during his relationship with Harlee—as painful as watching that had been—Sera had known. In fact, knowing how Colin felt had made it hurt all the more.

Truthfully, Colin’s feelings for her were hard to miss. She didn’t know when they had evolved, or how he’d made the leap from friendship to something more, perhaps around the same time she had. Regardless, pretending to be blind to Colin’s feelings, and ignoring her own, had become an art form. To such a degree she felt she might have gotten away with leading Colin to seize his destiny without acknowledging how much this was costing her had even the smallest thing gone differently.

“Yes,” Sera whispered. “I know.”

“And you have had ample opportunity to dissuade him of any future, yet you have not.”

She released a long breath. “It’s…it’s harder than I thought it would be.”

“Then make it simple. Tell him directly that following his ascension, you will never see him again.”

Say the words out loud? Make them real?

Sera didn’t realize she was shaking her head until Camael leaned forward, bracing his hands on the counter on his side of the mirror.

“You have no choice, Seraphina. This was always the way it was going to be.” He paused, his eyes narrowing to slits. “The talisman has been secured for today. In the wake of your failure to retrieve it, I ordered one of our vassals to ensure its safekeeping.”

She swallowed. “A vassal?”

Camael’s frown deepened. “You did not think you were our only security measure, did you?”

No, she supposed she didn’t. Still, to hear her supervisors had been so certain that she’d bumble the assignment didn’t do much for her ego.

“There is no more room for error, and you do not have the luxury of time,” Camael continued. “As of now, you have twenty-four hours remaining on assignment. Use this time wisely to make it perfectly clear that Colin has no future with you, and explain the rest of his heritage. Hold nothing back.”

“Twenty-four hours?”

Camael nodded. “Twenty-four hours. Colin must be ready to ascend within that time. And then you must part ways.”

Sera expelled a trembling breath, her temples pounding, something hard and cold seizing her heart and squeezing tight. At once, everything that had occurred since she received the note, every step she’d taken and every truth she’d imparted, came crashing down around her. Sera couldn’t conceive of a world without Colin.

And the thought of him on his own and trying to navigate the world he was about to enter absolutely broke her. He needed someone. Someone he trusted. Someone who knew him.

He needed her, just as she needed him.

And they had less than twenty-four hours before they had to say goodbye forever.

Even with a modest clean-up, there wasn’t a nonchalant way to walk around the carnival after having fallen in shit. That combined with Camael’s dismissal was enough to convince Sera to find a place to stay for the night—preferably somewhere with a working shower.

After lining the car seats with newspapers, she and Colin set off to find somewhere to camp for the night. This chore succeeded in providing distraction enough from what they weren’t talking about, but Sera wasn’t naïve enough to think the reprieve would last.

Once they had selected a motel, though, the lack of alternative topics began to strain. And the atmosphere only intensified the moment the door closed behind them, enclosing them in a small room with a single, full-sized bed.

Well, that wasn’t awkward.

Sera stared at the solitary mattress for a long moment, weighing her options. The motel had its pick of rooms. She could go check to see if any had double beds, but that would draw even more attention to a tense situation, especially since she and Colin had shared beds in the past. She could also grab her own room, but leaving Colin on his own was asking for trouble. While she was reasonably confident his siblings would be off the trail until tomorrow, Colin could get himself into a mess of trouble given enough time alone to think, brood, and possibly act.

Also, Camael would likely read her the riot act again if she left her charge unsupervised.

So she and Colin were sharing a bed. Tonight of all nights. With all this shit—figurative and literal—between them.

Fantastic.

Sera sighed, pulled her attention from the bed and eyed the door that led to the shower. Shower. Something immediate to concern herself with, and damn, she could really use one.

Just as quickly, an inner voice arose to remind her that a shower wouldn’t do her any good if she didn’t have something clean to wear afterward. Which she didn’t.

Colin waved toward the bathroom. “Ladies first.”

She blinked, shook her head, and mimicked his gesture. “No, I insist.”

“I am not above standing here until you’re finished.”

“Dude, I’m telling you, between the two of us, you definitely took more shit.” Sera quirked an eyebrow, doing her best to keep from trembling. Doing her best to sound like everything was normal. “For the good of mankind, take the first shower.”

Colin snickered and favored her with an exaggerated pout, which was supposed to earn an eye roll or a laugh, but instead made her want to burst into tears. Navigating conversation with him right now was downright impossible, for every time he opened his mouth, Sera’s awareness of the ticking clock intensified.

Thankfully, the motel they had selected was one of those with a by-the-hour pay option, so the clerk hadn’t seemed too scandalized by Colin’s and her haggard appearances. Though Sera didn’t really give a crap what sort of impression she left, she figured it was better to be forgettable in the event Colin’s sister stopped by asking questions.

Then again, kicking some demon ass would take her mind off the inevitable goodbye in her future.

While simultaneously eating into her remaining time with Colin.

Ugh.

When Colin failed to get the expected response, the twinkle in his eye—which had been, admittedly, a bit muted since their intense make-out session—faded even more.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she replied quickly.

“Sera…”

She sighed, the sound heavy and embellished. “Really, it’s nothing. Just a long day. And tomorrow’s bound to be even longer.” At least she didn’t have to make anything up. “But, seriously, get your ass under the nozzle before I lose my appetite.”

“Do angels even have appetites?”

“You’ve seen me around chili cheese fries. What does that tell you?”

“That Idaho probably has you on their no-fly list.”

Sera forced a grin and nodded. “Yeah. And I’m hungry. So go shower so I can shower and we can decide what to do for eats.”

Colin studied her for a moment longer. It didn’t surprise her that she hadn’t convinced him all was sunshine and daisies. He had a way of seeing through her.

And tomorrow, he’d be a footnote in her otherwise long, lonely existence.

Dammit, she couldn’t lose control just yet. Once he was out of her line of vision, the world could crumble around her. She’d wait.

“Yeah,” Colin said slowly. “Okay.” He turned to head into the bathroom, then paused. “What are we gonna do for clothes?”

“Huh?”

“I didn’t exactly pack an overnight bag when we left earlier. And I’m pretty sure ninety percent of the smell is coming from what I’m wearing.”

Sera motioned to the door. “Think I saw a Dollar General up the road. I’ll be back in a flash. And I can do a check for supplies.”

“Supplies?”

“Yeah.” She waved at him. “Going to work a little mojo to make sure your sister and any other sibs won’t recognize you. It won’t buy us a ton of time, but we won’t have to be quite so careful when we go back to the carnival tomorrow.”

“A spell. You’re going to do this with a spell.”

“Yep.”

“And you need…supplies.”

Sera nodded. “I’m pretty sure I have everything, but it’s good to be prepared.”

Colin frowned and took a cursory look around the motel room. The motel room wherein the only things either of them had brought inside were, well, themselves. “Where are these supplies?”

“In the car.”

“In my car?”

“In the trunk.”

“Pretty sure I would’ve noticed if I were driving around with a bunch of witchy tools in my trunk.”

She rolled her eyes. “Like you do regular trunk inspections.”

“I do use it, you know.”

“Yeah, well, you wouldn’t have found these supplies.” Sera grinned and shifted her shoulders. “I hid them under the false floor, where you kept the spare.”

Colin didn’t look impressed. If anything, the dip in his brow lowered. “What happened to the spare?”

“There wasn’t room for it.”

“That didn’t answer my question.”

“I’m sure it’s in a safe place.”

“You don’t know?”

“Well, I kinda forgot where I left it.”

He nodded slowly, as though the line of conversation was hard to follow. And truthfully, she doubted she could throw stones if the thing that tripped him up was the fate of his spare tire. Throughout every curve the day had thrown them, Colin had proven to be a tremendous sport. Even during that first stretch where he’d fired questions and gotten testy with her answers.

“So what were you going to do in the event I needed a spare?” he asked.

“I guess the world will never know.” Sera grinned and made a shooing motion toward the bathroom. “Now get in there and scrub. I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

“With supplies for this spell you’re doing.”

“Yes.”

“Angels…do spells.”

Sera lifted a shoulder. “Angels do a lot of things.”

Colin looked at her a moment later, then broke off with a small shake of his head. “Yeah,” he said, and turned for the bathroom. “I’m getting that.”

She waited until the door clicked before turning to leave. The thought of leaving him for even a few minutes didn’t rest well with her, but for her mental well-being, he couldn’t walk around in nothing but a towel.

She’d have to settle with saying a quick blessing over the motel room. Sera had never been terribly proficient at charms and wards, a situation not aided by the fact that her inner catalogue of incantations used for earthbound protections had gathered dust over the years. The one she’d used before—the one she had committed to memory—was applicable only to permanent residences and, once established, didn’t need to be refreshed but once every five years or so.

Still, a bastardized version would do in a pinch. At least until she returned.

Her sprint through the Dollar General, though, proved fruitful, save in the underwear department. She selected several changes of clothes, as well as all the junk food she could fit into the mini-cart. By the time she left, the aisles were wiped clean of peanut butter cups and cotton candy. The look the clerk gave her was speculative and judgmental, but Sera barely paid attention.

She was just eager to get back.

Upon returning to the motel—which hadn’t been torched in her absence—Sera dug out her magical supply kit from the trunk, gathered her purchases, and hauled the lot back into the room.

She stopped short when she crossed the threshold.

Colin was standing across from her, nothing but a towel around his waist. His face was pointed downward, his eyes—from what she could see—narrowed in what looked like deep thought. His hair, which she was accustomed to seeing in a wild forest of curls, was plastered to his skin, still visibly wet from the shower. In fact, all of him was visibly wet. The hard lines of his chest, the tight muscles in his arms, the dusting of hair that worked its way from his navel before disappearing under the towel. He wasn’t wearing his glasses, which made him look both older and younger at the same time, though her brain couldn’t figure out how the hell that worked.

Sera’s mouth went dry and her throat tightened. It wasn’t as though she hadn’t known Colin was sex on legs. She had—it was just easier to ignore when he disguised himself with a questionable wardrobe, a bad haircut, and glasses.

From Sera’s observations and considerable amount of time spent studying the human race, Colin was a rare breed of male. The shy kid he’d been throughout adolescence had seemingly never gotten the memo that the rest of him had grown up. His body had toned and hardened, either from his love of jogging or the grace of demonic genetics. But Colin was prone to cover his lickable abs under graphic tees and his toned legs behind baggy cargo pants. His naturally curly hair, which was quick to make the leap from Q-tip to afro if he wasn’t careful, was a point of annoyance with him, but he didn’t do anything to style it. Contacts were likewise on his can do without list, because the thought of putting his fingers near his eyes freaked him out.

So yes, it was easy to forget that aside from being the person she loved most in this or any other world, the man was downright yummy.

It was less easy when he wore nothing but a freaking towel.

“Shit,” Sera muttered.

Colin’s head whipped up, and he started. “Oh. Didn’t hear you come in.” He reached for his glasses on the communal nightstand, then slid them over the bridge of his nose.

And, of course, her female hormones chose that moment to find glasses sexy as fuck.

He frowned. “Sera?”

“Oh, I…ahh, sorry.” She kicked the door closed behind her and tossed the supplies on the bed. “You’re…umm, naked.”

Colin arched an eyebrow. “Umm, yeah. I thought we agreed it’d be a bad idea to put on crap-covered clothes after showering. Kinda defeats the purpose.”

Sera released a high-pitched, shrill laugh in return and earned another puzzled look.

Get your shit together.

“Right,” she said, and gestured at the bag she’d deposited on the mattress. “Umm, some jeans and tees. Aside from one lucky pair of boxers, they were out of underwear.”

“Out?”

“Yeah. And the bras—” She stopped short, then cursed herself when his eyes dropped to her breasts by the power of suggestion alone. She then cursed her body for responding, particularly her traitorous nipples, which hardened under his perusal.

“Bras?” Colin asked, hoarse.

“Yeah, they were—ahh, out. Of my size, at least.” Sera rumbled another awkward laugh to combat the sudden heat in the room—which of course didn’t work—and for whatever reason, decided to clarify what she meant by waving at her breasts. Not that it was necessary—his gaze hadn’t moved, and her body hadn’t stopped noticing that his gaze hadn’t moved.

“Your size,” Colin parroted. “Of…bra.”

“B-cups aren’t typically found in…well, places like that.”

Was it her imagination, or had his hand twitched?

“B-cups.”

Sera nodded shakily. “You’re repeating everything I say. Did you know that?”

Colin blinked. Once, twice, then dragged his eyes up to hers. “I’m repeating everything you say.”

Her lips quirked. “You did that one on purpose.”

“Guilty.” He swallowed. “So no underwear or”—he looked back to her breasts and licked his lips—“bras. Then…are you gonna shower, or…”

“Yeah. Then I’ll do the spell. To disguise you.”

He grinned. “Is it completely ridiculous that a part of me still can’t believe it? ‘Cause after seeing you defy gravity and pull weapons out of nowhere, I still want to call bullshit on this whole disguise thing.”

Sera shrugged, trying very hard for casual when she felt anything but. It was hard to pretend to not ogle his naked chest when it was just…there and ripe for the ogling. Add to the fact that she had yet to stop vibrating from the after-effects of the kiss that could have launched a thousand ships, and simply standing in Colin’s presence had her engine revved.

“Sera?”

“Huh?”

Colin waved a hand. “You were…staring. At my…” He blushed and looked away.

Dammit. She shook her head in a futile effort to clear it. “Well, you started it.”

His creamy skin started to turn pink. “Did not.”

“Did so. I said the word bra, and you zeroed in on the girls.” Sera gestured to her breasts again, because it had been such a great idea the first time she just couldn’t help herself. “So, that’s how that feels.”

Colin huffed out a breath, his brow furrowing. “Should we talk about this?”

“No.”

“Sera—”

“Look,” she said, hoping her tone sounded firm because her tone was all she had at the moment. “This has been a…weird day for both of us. Weirder for you, I’ll grant, but still, I didn’t exactly set out on today being the day any of this happened. At the carnival…we just…it happened.”

Terrific way to not actually talk about it. Sera knew that conversation was on the horizon, but she didn’t think she could stomach it tonight. Maybe tomorrow, with a clear head and fueled by several good winks.

But right now, with the night ahead—their last night—she didn’t want to make things worse by discussing all the reasons they could never be more than friends. Or even, following tomorrow, friends. She didn’t want him stewing over the fact that she would disappear from his life in less than twenty-four hours because, as someone currently carrying that burden, she knew it sucked beyond the telling of it.

Let him believe she had commitment issues or made a habit of reacting to intensely stressful situations by macking on the first available pair of lips. Anything was better than the truth right now.

Though, from looking at Colin, she found herself unconvinced.

“Please,” Sera said, her voice an octave above a whisper. “Just…just for tonight. We can talk about it later.”

Colin’s brow remained furrowed, but he nodded. “Okay.”

And that was it, except for the pregnant pause that followed. Seconds ticked by, the air between them stifling.

“So,” Colin said, his tone forced. “The disguise…spell. Or whatever.”

Her mind latched onto the topic like a drowning victim would a lifesaver. Sera plastered on a smile and gave an exaggerated nod. “Right, the spell. It doesn’t take much to whip up, but it’ll help you from standing out in a crowd.”

“So my relatives won’t recognize me.”

“Right.”

“Still don’t think I buy that.” He frowned and glanced around the room. “And…should I be concerned that they haven’t found us yet? Or at least my psychotic sister? Because she sure seemed to be right on our tail at Whistler’s.”

Yeah, and Sera still hadn’t gotten around to mentally unraveling that particular mind fuck. Had she possessed more presence of mind when Camael showed up, she would have asked how Savina knew where to be and when to be there. These were things no one should know.

But Sera kept her mouth shut. There was little sense in freaking Colin out. If Savina showed up, Sera would revisit her plan. Until that moment…well, it wasn’t as though she was at a loss for things to talk about.

“The important thing,” Sera said instead, “is that she didn’t figure out where the talisman was.”

“How do you know?”

“Because we both would’ve heard about it by now.”

“Uh huh. So the talisman…”

Sera shrugged, shooting for casual. “Safe for tonight. She can’t touch it but to destroy it, and even that takes a lot of firepower. She wouldn’t be able to make a dent before Camael and company showed up to blast her back to Hell.”

Colin made a face. “How…reassuring.”

“It should be.”

“And if the talisman is destroyed, I keep on as a human.”

“Yes, that’s right. Until your magical birthday, at least.” She paused then, and frowned, her brown knitting. “Or maybe it’s so deeply connected to you that you’ll just…” She embarked on a crazy sequence of hand gestures even she couldn’t follow. “Poof.”

“That? That was poof?”

Sera nodded. “Poof.”

“Since when was it poof? Earlier, you said I’d just be human until I turn thirty-three. Now it’s human with a chance of poof?”

“It’s a small chance. Maybe no chance. Probably no chance, really. Camael would have been more specific if that was the case.” Plus she was talking out of her ass to avoid talking about other things, but admitting as much likely wasn’t the best way to change the subject.

“Not reassuring.”

“A small, maybe nonexistent chance,” she reiterated. “I shouldn’t have even said anything about that. The poofing.”

“Yeah. Nothing good could come from me being informed.”

“No, because you don’t need to worry. It won’t come to that.”

He studied her a moment longer, then shook his head, chuckling and looking away. “It’s only my life. Glad you can be so cavalier.”

“I am not cavalier about your life, dumbass. I just…” She drew off, inhaled, and forced back the instinctive snark. “I know how things work is all. Sorry. I forget you don’t. Destroying the talisman would be a last resort for anyone because Hell wants your firepower as much as Heaven does.”

“Seems I’m the popular fella,” Colin mused. “Where were these guys in high school?”

“You’re touched by God, Colin. Of course you’re popular.” She paused. “And that’s why none of your siblings are going to be dumb enough to try and destroy the talisman before they get a chance to see what side you’ll play for.”

“They think I might go Angelus on them?”

She blinked.

“You know…soulless Angel? On Buffy?”

“You are such a nerd.”

Colin shrugged. “I’ve never denied it.”

She held his gaze a moment longer, then broke off with a sigh. “I guess, sure, for the sake of argument…if Angelus is the bad version of Angel, then yes, they want to see if you’ll go Angelus.”

“I’d almost have to. Angel was a really boring character.”

“And you were accusing me of being cavalier.”

He brought his hands up. “I just…why in the world would they think I’d side with the devil? Or the asshole demon who raped my nun mother?”

“Because Heaven is boring as fuck and Hell, for all its major downers, might be kinda bitchin’?”

He just stared at her. “Are you going Angelus?”

“No, dummy.”

“You really seem to hate Heaven, is all.”

Sera pulled a face, her body tightening as she combated resentment and fear. “It depends on who you are in Heaven. Either you’re guest or you’re staff. I’m staff. I’m just…not looking forward to going back to that. I like it here.”

Colin frowned. “Why can’t you stay here?”

Such a loaded question. Sera swallowed hard, the words pressing against the back of her lips. He couldn’t have handed her a better opening if he’d tried. But still, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Not yet.

“That’s a long conversation,” she said instead. “And you’re still in a towel.”

He blinked and looked down as though he’d forgotten.

She moved forward, intent on getting to the bathroom before he could stop her once more. “I’m gonna take a shower while you get dressed. And then we can do the spell.”

“You’re running again.” The words were low, not quite accusatory but nearly so.

“I’m still smelly from the carnival.”

“I want to know these things, Sera. I deserve to know.”

When she reached the bathroom door, she paused and turned to face him. “You’ll have plenty of time to grill me after the shower,” she replied.

“Don’t think I won’t.”

She didn’t. Not for a second. And deflecting his questions would only make things more strained between them. Colin wasn’t an idiot. He had to know she was stalling.

All she wanted was one last night with her best friend.

But he was right. He did deserve to know.

And despite her reluctance, perhaps that would make things easier for him, if he knew about the future they could never have. As lovers, friends, or any part of each other’s lives.