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Angustias was in her bedroom. She kept walking from one side of the room to the other. She hadn’t been able to sleep well last night and ever since she woke up she had been thinking about last night’s events over and over in her head. She thought of a thousand different things that she could have said. If she had just acted differently, things would never have come this far. She wouldn’t be facing an engagement now with a man who wasn’t compatible with her. How had things gotten to this point?
“Miss.” Her maid came running into the room. “The Count of Beaufort has come to see you.”
Angustias felt an unexpected pain in her stomach. The count had sent her a note this morning asking to speak with her in the afternoon. He wanted to talk about what had happened. Angustias put on her shoes and looked into the mirror. She usually wasn’t vain over her appearance, but today she wanted to look good for their meeting.
Angustias hurried downstairs. She found the count sitting calmly in the front parlor.
“Good afternoon, Lord Beaufort.”
“Good afternoon, Miss Walton.”
“Please, sit,” said Angustias when she saw him stand up.
“I could not stop myself from coming to help ease your fears. I know this must be completely unexpected for you. Yesterday I claimed that we were engaged and today everyone knows it.”
“What were you thinking, milord? How could you do this to me?”
“I have done nothing. The only thing that I am guilty of is following my instincts. I wanted to prevent Lord Bexley from damaging your reputation and that was exactly what he was trying to do, was he not?”
Angustias blushed when she remembered trying to free herself from Bexley and the count arriving just in time to save her.
“I should thank you, but I wish that you had thought of a less controversial way to save me, something other than marriage,” she protested.
“Do you think I am not aware? I wish there was a way to go back in time and not interfere in what did not concern me,” Isaac said suddenly. He was tired of hearing her complaints. When he heard her moan, Isaac knew that he had gone too far with his comment. Angustias looked hurt.
“I beg for your forgiveness, Miss Walton.” Isaac tried to take Angustias hand in his.
“Don’t apologize.” Angustias turned away. “I know that the last thing that you want is to marry someone like me. I know that I don’t look beautiful like the women that you visit. I don’t dress inappropriately like them. I don’t wear clothes that leave nothing to the imagination. I am definitely not half as fun as those loose women.”
He looked at her with surprise. “I see the little hypocrite has teeth,” he said, entertained.
Angustias eyes widened. “I ask for respect, milord. I am not a hypocrite. I am just a decent woman, but it is obvious that you can’t tell the difference.”
“Can I not?” Isaac smiled. “In that case please educate me because from what l have seen things that are good for everyone else are sins according to you. If you have fun, I imagine that the next day you would go straight to the church to confess to the priest.”
“You are unbearable!” Angustias exclaimed. “I think it’s best we undo this whole engagement and we each go our own way.”
“Don’t you think I would have done that already if I could do it? If we break the engagement, both of us will suffer the consequences.”
“Lord Beaufort, I think that you are aware of our differences. We will be very unhappy if we get married. I don’t love you. You are the last man on this earth I would choose as a husband.”
Isaac knew he was not right for her. Nevertheless, Angustias words hurt him.
“Miss Walton, I could not care less about you as a woman, but by trying to save you from one shameless libertine I have condemned you to live with another one. Now we have to accept it. The only solution I can think of is to live our life the way each of us wants to.”
“I don’t understand.”
“It is quite simple. You will have a life full of luxury. You will be able to do whatever you wish and I will not interfere with your life.”
Angustias gave him a glance full of disbelief. “In exchange for what?”
“That you do the same,” answered Isaac calmly. “I will also live my life and you will not interfere.”
“Don´t even think about it,” answered Angustias. “I may not love you but I won´t tolerate inappropriate behavior from my husband.”
“The thing is that I will only be your husband in front of others but we will not become intimate, or have a conjugal life inside our home. I am a very discreet man. Nobody will know that I am seeing someone else. From the outside, we will appear as the perfect married couple.”
“That’s not going to happen.” Angustias was sure she didn’t want that in her marriage. Not even if it was a fake one.
“Very well, then. We will announce that we have decided to break our engagement.” Isaac stood up and walked towards the door.
“No! Please, wait.” Angustias didn’t know what to do. Just thinking about the public gossiping about her and her mother hearing about it, made her want to die. “Fine, I will marry you but we won´t be intimate. That way we will both get what we want. You can continue to live your licentious life and I will have the marriage that my family wishes for me.”
He looked at her in confusion. “But that is not what you want. That is what your family wants for you.” Isaac observed her for a moment. Her face was sad and she looked resigned.
“I don’t want anything for myself. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices and if my mother having mental tranquility and peace means that I have to get married, then that’s what I will do.” Angustias looked at him fearfully. “I just ask that you grant me one wish... well, two wishes.”
“Whatever you want.”
“Promise me that if you won´t respect me outside of the house. Then you will inside of the house. Don’t bring women into our home. Don’t humiliate me that way. Also, don’t force me to become intimate with you when we are married.”
“I promise,” Isaac answered solemnly, thinking that Angustias would come to him in the end. After all, there was no way this woman wouldn’t surrender to his charm.
****
The planning for the wedding happened quickly. It had been decided that the wedding would be formal but intimate, with only a few guests. Isaac didn’t like the pomp used by high society. He disliked the excess of spending money to fill the stomachs of people who would only be criticizing everything. Angustias agreed with him.
Sonia couldn’t attend the wedding because of an unexpected trip to her country house. Angustias was told the marchioness was sick. She would have liked to visit her as soon as the wedding was over but she was still unsure about how her life would proceed after the ceremony. According to Isaac, they would leave for his country estate in Essex immediately after the celebration. They would spend a few days in a small cottage that was near the main house. They would stay there for a few days to make people believe that they were having a honeymoon. Later, they would return to the main house because Isaac needed to attend to some business. This would be their main residence and they would only return to London to attend to business. During these occasions, they would stay at their Mayfair house. Angustias would be far from her friend and from everything that was familiar to her. It terrified her, but she had chosen this path and wouldn’t change her mind. That afternoon Angustias received a visit from Isaac who arrived with a beautiful bouquet of flowers.
“Good afternoon, Angustias.”
“Good afternoon, Lord Beaufort.”
He looked at her for a moment. “Please, I have told you to call me Isaac. It is not right that we are about to get married and we still have this formality between us.”
“I’m sorry. I’m used to calling you by your title.”
Isaac laughed. “Don’t you think it’s time to drop the formalities?” He handed her the flowers.
“Thank you, they are beautiful.” Angustias lowered her face to smell the flowers. “They smell wonderful. I never get tired of receiving flowers. They are my favorite gift.”
“You do not have expensive tastes.”
Angustias blushed again. “I wouldn’t know. I am not used to getting gifts, actually. You are the first person to give me so many of them.”
“That’s surprising coming from an heiress but I believe you.” Isaac searched his pockets. “I have something else for you.”
“Another gift?”
“It is something that belonged to my family and I would like you to have it. It is not expensive but it belonged to my mother. It had sentimental value to her.” Isaac opened a small box that contained a delicate gold necklace with a pendant in the form of an angel holding a rose.
“It’s beautiful.” Angustias thought it was the most beautiful gift that she had received during her life.
“I am glad you like it.” Isaac sat down.
Angustias sat down in front of him and Isaac stood up again to sit next to her. She was surprised and tried to move away a bit.
“Don’t move away.” That day she looked especially beautiful. Angustias wore a yellow dress that made her look very fetching. It made her ebony hair stand out. Isaac wondered how he had never noticed her beauty before despite her somber appearance.
“I don’t think we should sit this close.” Angustias voice was almost a whisper.
“Why do you think that?”
“People could start talking.”
“My dear, what could they say about two people who are about to get married? The only thing they could say is that we wish to be together. That we want to hold hands...” Isaac placed a hand over the gloved hands that she kept firmly on her lap and started to trace small circles on the exposed wrist. Angustias watched, hypnotized by the movement.
“I would like to get to know you better, Angustias. You are very special, very different from the other women, it made me curious.” Isaac’s hand gently touched her cheek. Angustias closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation. Isaac’s hands were a little rough, but gentle.
Suddenly, the butler came in carrying the afternoon tea. Angustias jumped in surprise and the tender moment was gone. Isaac felt like smashing the tray over the butler’s head and also on the footman that accompanied him. After that, Angustias’ cousin and aunt arrived and Isaac became bored with the superficial conversation. He apologized, pleading he had things to do and left.
****
A few days later, Angustias sat in front of her vanity. It was the most important moment in her life. Or it would be, in a few hours. Her maid was fixing her hair while her cousin was powdering her nose and putting rouge on her lips and cheeks.
“I don’t want to look like a clown,” Angustias told her cousin Eulalia.
“Of course you won´t. You will look beautiful.”
“Oh, Lord. I am so nervous,” Angustias said fixing her dress.
“It is probably because of your mother,” answered Eulalia.
“Maybe. I want to please her but the only thing she does is make everything more difficult and tells me that I condemn myself if I get married. But if I tell her that I don’t want to get married she says that it is my duty to go through with it. It’s what she expects of me. That my aunts have helped me and I can’t repay them like that.” Angustias pulled her gloves on nervously. “I don’t understand her.”
“The important part is that you want to marry him, right?” Eulalia asked in an offhand manner.
“Yes, of course. I want to marry him,” Angustias responded a little distracted.
The door opened and Angustias mother walked in. Her cousin, a friend of hers, and the maid that was helping Angustias get dress went silent.
“Please, allow me a moment alone with my daughter.”
They left and Angustias and her mother remained in the room alone.
“You look good.” Her mother observed her carefully. “It´s a pretty dress. Perhaps a bit too opulent for my taste.”
“I don’t know, mother. I didn’t choose it myself. My friend the marchioness insisted on giving it to me as a wedding present.”
“I see...”
“Do you have something important to tell me, mother? Before the wedding night?”
“You know well that I do, Angustias. I must remind you that you have to do your best to make this night pleasant for your husband. Although, it will not be pleasant for you. A woman never enjoys the marital union. She only accepts because it is her duty to procreate. Unfortunately, it is the only way to provide heirs for your husband.”
Angustias swallowed. This wasn’t the conversation she wanted to have with her mother before her wedding. She would have liked an “I love you” or “Everything is going to be all right, he seems to be a good man,” or anything similar. But Florencia Walton would never say something like that. As a matter of fact, Angustias remembered very few times when her mother showed any affection, much less any kind words. From her aunt and uncle in America and her cousins, she remembered receiving smiles and kind gestures. Also from her family in England but from her own mother she only received reproachful words and the fear of god put into her.
“Are you listening to me, girl?”
“Yes, mother. I hear you well.”
Florencia Walton took a good look to see if her daughter was speaking the truth. She sighed.
“I will go now. I want to pray for your marriage. May it be better than mine was, while your father was still alive.” Angustias’ mother left without saying anything more, leaving her daughter alone, full of uneasiness about her future.