“Where am I? Now, that's an awfully good question, Ms. Galjour. Up a tree, out on a limb, in a deep swamp someplace. That's about as close as I can come. Oh, and in the dark. It's officially night now, and I'm not going by my watch. In fact, I can't really see my watch. I must say I'm awfully surprised to hear from you. I thought, well, you'd ditched me.” Joe T. Evangeline found himself speaking in surprisingly calm tones into his revived cell phone. Something flitted by—a bat, perhaps?
There was silence on the other end of the line, and in a panicky moment Joe T. thought he'd lost his miraculous connection. But Julie spoke up.
“Joe, I'm so sorry. I was avoiding you. I was. I had to. It's complicated and I hope you'll understand. But, Joe, I know about the money—the safe-deposit box money. I know it's nothing. I know it was a misunderstanding. But I had to find out for sure. I had to know before I could talk to you. I'm sorry I might have thought the worst of you for a moment. I, uh…”
“Ah, the money,” Joe T. replied. “The dreaded money. That's exactly why I'm here, you know. Lost in the swamp. Basically it's about the money. You're the second—actually, third—person to bring it up today. So, how is it you know about the money? Is it all over the news? Am I already ruined? Vilified?”
“No, it's not all over the news. And, no, you're not ruined or vilified. I know the true story because I went to see your brother.”
“You went to see Jimmy T.?”
“Yes, I did. He explained the whole complicated mess. But, Joe, why didn't you tell me this? There's no shame in it.”
“I almost did, you know, at our lunch. I dunno, I was embarrassed, I guess. Honestly, I was a little drunk when I spoofed Huff. When he barked out ‘Name your price,’ I spit back a bad movie line—I threw out that ridiculous number and said, ‘Send it to a safe-deposit box in care of my brother, Jimmy T.’ I thought he'd see how ludicrous this was, but the truth is, I should've never gotten on the plane with that creep in the first place. And I guess I was a little embarrassed for my brother and his sad life. Jimmy T. would never tell you, but his ex isn't an honorable person. Who knows what the money really went for. So, I wasn't very nice to him at first.”
“Well, he admires you, Joe. And he told me what you were trying to do to make up the shortfall—sell the land you own outside of town. He does feel awful about it.”
“Hmm, so do I, but after browbeating Huff over his stupidity and promising to return every penny, I have to keep my word.”
“Right, I know. And it's admirable. But listen, all this can wait till I see you next. Where are you really?”
“Ah, well, sad to say, I'm where I said I was. I'm in a tree near a bayou. My boat has floated away—God, I was such a bad captain. I caught a fish and was prepared to eat it—even raw—but it's in the missing boat. I'm telling you the complete truth, and I want you to know that from now on I will only tell you the complete truth, no matter what it is. Well, okay, maybe I'll reserve a white lie or two.”
“Joe, really. You don't have to be a saint. Just being a good man will do. But now—well, your situation sounds so weird.”
“It is weird. Okay, here's the deal. I went to the fair—Lagniappe on the Bayou. Surely you know it?”
“Yes. I know it, and I know you were there because I'm in touch with Ray.”
“Ray?”
“Yes, Ray called me to say you had gone missing.”
“And why would he call you?”
“I don't know. Maybe he thought I'd heard from you. But of course I hadn't. I've been frantically trying your cell phone for an hour. As have others.”
“Yes, well, I'm guessing I've floated within range of a cell phone tower put up courtesy of some oil company, which is certainly an irony. Anyway, back to the story. I went there to drown my sorrows and forget about you and the fact that you had ditched me. While there, I was, uh, approached by a winsome young woman of the type who used to approach me all the time. She slipped a note into my hands suggesting a rendezvous of unspecified purpose. Intrigued, I went with uncertain motives. Then, basically, she and her husband kidnapped me.”
“Kidnapped you?”
“‘Borrowed’ was their term. See, somehow, they know about the money, too. Some disgruntled person in Tom Huff 's employ got fed up with him and raided his private stash of documents, and it got leaked to them.”
There was a long silence.
“Julie? Julie?” said the Guv. “You still there?”
“Yes, Joe, I'm here. And that's how I know. It was leaked to me as well. But why would these people care? What about the money would make them kidnap you? Did they want the money themselves?”
“No, as far as I can tell, these are basically honorable people. See, because I couldn't return Huff 's money promptly, I ended up doing a favor for him, even though I hated to. And this favor, well, though it seemed a trivial thing at the time, ended up causing quite a mess. These people wanted me to fix the mess and brought me out to their camp, but, well, I decided to escape. And sadly, I succeeded, and then …” The Guv trailed off. He felt unbearably weary.
“Joe,” Julie said. “Don't worry about it now. We'll have plenty of time to talk after we get you out of there. How's your cell phone battery?”
“I dunno,” said the Guv. “I'll check.” He removed phone from his ear and pushed the light button.
“It's not great, I'm afraid.”
“Okay, here's what we'll do. You hang up. I'm going to call Ray and he'll try to call you. If he can't get through for some reason, I'll tell him everything I know. And you have no idea where you are?”
“Not really. But I have the names of my captors—Justin and Grace Pitre. They own a swamp island and a few hundred surrounding acres, which they took me to visit, so surely the place appears on some property map. I must be somewhere in proximity of their camp, since I can't imagine I paddled more than a few miles, though at the moment it seems like hundreds.”
“And you're really in a tree?”
“I'm afraid so. It involved a complicated and ultimately futile maneuver to try to flag down a passing boat.”
“But you're not hurt?”
“No, just tired and thirsty.”
“Joe, I'm really sorry. I'll hang up now and get Ray to organize a search party immediately.”
“Thank you, Ms. Galjour. That would be nice. But listen, I don't want Ray to broadcast this to anyone. This would be a hard one to explain to my friends in the media. Just tell Ray to get the Pitres’ names to my pals in the State Police. They can run the property records and figure out where I might be.”
“Okay, Joe. I'll relay all that. And you'll be found, I just know it. Just sit tight. And if you haven't heard from Ray in five minutes, call me back, okay?”
“Yes, ma'am.”
“I'm hanging up now. Please do look after yourself.”
“You know me, Ms. Galjour. I'm a survivor.”
“Yes, I know. I'm counting on it.”
“Oh, and one other thing before you go?”
“What's that, Governor?”
“I'm very happy that you called. I, uh, missed you.”
There was a silence, and then Julie Galjour replied, “I've missed you, too. And, listen, when you're back, I want to help you. I want to help you untangle all the things you think need untangling. Okay? You can count on me, Joe. I mean it.”
“Well, something to look forward to,” he replied. “Something to—whoa, wait! What the hell!?”
“Joe?” said Julie. “You there? Joe? Joe! Joe, please, answer me!”
But Joe T. wasn't there.
There was a loud crackle of static, and then the line went dead.
The Guv, of course, could explain the silence.
He found himself suddenly staring into the glare of a spotlight—a glare that so startled him that he'd dropped his cell phone into the watery black depths.