You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
–Jim Rohn
DeMarco Murray was the talk of the National Football League in 2014. In just his fourth season in the league, all with the Dallas Cowboys, he led all running backs with 1,845 rushing yards and was ahead of the second leading rusher by nearly 500 yards.
Things were looking up for Murray. He hit his stride at just the right time; 2014 was the last year of his contract. Translation: he’d set himself up for quite the payday. He was about to become the belle of the free agent ball. He was now available to entertain contracts from any and every team in the NFL. Any team lacking in the running back department drew up a contract and sent it his way. After such an incredible season, he had plenty of suitors willing to pay him $8–$10 million a year to repeat his success.
When the dust settled from the bidding war for Murray, it was the Philadelphia Eagles—one of his former team’s rivals—that secured DeMarco and his impressive running abilities. He would be joining an Eagles offense many thought would be dynamic. Head Coach Chip Kelly, former University of Oregon coach and offensive guru, stood at the helm. Kelly was known for his fast-paced offensive schemes, and football fans across the country were excited to see what he could do with the explosive talent of Murray.
So how’d it go? Murray stormed on the scene in Philadelphia and racked up a whopping…702 rushing yards in 2015.
Well, he must’ve gotten hurt, right?
No, not at all. In 2014, his breakout year of 1,845 rushing yards with the Cowboys, he played in all 16 games. In 2015, that first year with the Eagles, he played in 15. His playing time was essentially the same as the year before, but his rushing totals decreased by half...and then some.
So, what was it? What I haven’t mentioned to this point is what some suggest was the cause of Murray’s ascent and subsequent fall from grace: the Dallas Cowboys offensive line. During the 2014 season, the Cowboys offensive line was widely considered the best in the business. Offensive linemen essentially have two jobs: protecting the quarterback and pushing the defense around so the running back can break free. The five 300+-pound men wearing Cowboys’ uniforms each week performed their tasks at a consistently high level.
While running behind this offensive line, Murray’s job was a little easier. Sure, he was a talented player, but having the “big uglies” in front of him increased his rate of success. They literally paved the way for him to do what he does best, opening up space for him to run week after week. When he left Dallas, he left those five men in the process. When he arrived in Philadelphia, he had less help around him, less support to lean on, and his numbers dropped significantly. He was the same player, but by leaving the support system he had in Dallas, his productivity screeched to a halt. What seemed to be a bright future in Philly turned dark quickly.
Contrast DeMarco Murray’s story with that of LeBron James. Upon his arrival to the National Basketball Association, James spent seven seasons with his hometown Cleveland Cavaliers. He was one of the most physically talented players in the league during those seven seasons, winning the MVP award in two of them. His skills and showmanship drew comparisons to all-time greats like Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson, but he knew he wouldn’t reach true upper echelon status until he could win a title. As hard as he worked and despite his skill level, he couldn’t bring home a championship. Year after year he and the Cavs would impress in the regular season, then falter in the playoffs.
After the highs and lows of those initial seasons with the Cavaliers, LeBron signed as a free agent with the Miami Heat, joining forces with fellow superstars Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh. Wade already had a championship ring, and Bosh was an up-and-coming talent in the NBA. James spent four years in Miami, reaching the NBA Finals in all four. In two of those trips to the Finals, he exited with the honor of Finals MVP and a championship ring.
What changed? What was different? He had been a great player prior to his time with Miami. While in Cleveland, he was a two-time Most Valuable Player. The notable difference wasn’t LeBron at all; it was the players surrounding him. They were talented for sure, but, more important, they were seasoned. They knew what it took to win. They had the work ethic to get it done. In Cleveland he was a solo artist, but in Miami he was part of a harmonious group.
These stories illustrate how powerful it is to surround yourself with a Circle of Success. I use these athletes’ experiences because, in sports, there are metrics to show notable progression or regression. In the case of LeBron James, he was able to secure two league championships in his Circle of Success. DeMarco Murray saw his productivity slip by more than 50% once he walked away from his.
Find yourself a Circle of Success. If you can’t find one, create one. Few things create a more powerful and positive change than getting around people who share the same attitudes, beliefs, and goals as you.
I am proud to be a part of the Thrive Tribe, my Circle of Success. I’d love to take credit for its incredible culture, but I’m only one of many who have helped build it. It’s amazing to see the safe and supportive space within the Tribe. It has been a place where people with little to no fitness experience have cultivated a healthy lifestyle and transformed their daily lives. Sure, I may lead the pack, but we all help each other grow and get better each and every day. Having a group of like-minded people around you is a priceless asset.
Make a conscious effort to surround yourself with positive, nourishing, and uplifting people—
people who believe in you, encourage you to go after your dreams, and applaud your victories.
–Jack Canfield
Let your mind wander for a minute, here. Think about the times you’ve tried to lose some weight or improve your nutrition. (Maybe that time is now.) You woke up one day and decided you were going to live a healthier life. Now consider the people closest to you and the effect they had on the outcome.
Let’s start at home. Odds are, your spouse didn’t have the same weight-loss epiphany on the same night that you did. It’s hard to get your partner to hop on the healthy bandwagon, no matter how much he/she loves you. It’s hard enough changing your habits; good luck changing someone else’s.
Over time, your partner may tempt you away from your healthy habits intentionally or unintentionally. If you lose some weight, they greet your success with a supportive celebratory dinner or a reassuring “you’ve earned yourself some ice cream for all of your hard work.” Little by little, these small, well-intentioned rewards steer you off course and lead you right back into your old comfort zone. Sooner or later, the fire inside to create lasting healthy habits is extinguished. You’re right back where you started.
Now, let’s take a look at your social circle. Over the years, you’ve grown close to your friends. You’ve created an image of yourself. This image generates certain expectations they have of you. If you woke up one day and decided you were no longer going to abide by those expectations, your friends might not be accepting.
If you stop going to happy hour and start hitting the gym after work, you change the dynamics of your relationships. If you quit eating pizza and drinking beer on football Sundays with your buddies, they may have some questions. They might not understand why you want to be any different from the person they know. They might think your changing is a threat to your relationship. Eventually, they’ll attempt to chip away at your new habits, bit by bit. You’ll get a text saying, “Come out with us tonight. It’s just one night.” They’ll dress their requests up in guilt so you feel bad if you don’t show up. “Just one night.” “Just one drink.” “Just one pizza.” Beware of the “just one’s.” They’ll get you every time.
I’m not suggesting you cut all ties with anyone less motivated than you.
Have a conversation with your spouse about your goals and why they mean so much to you. Make it clear why being healthy is important, but also why it serves a purpose in your relationship. Put simply, the healthier you are in body and mind, the better partner you can be to your husband or wife. If they can’t appreciate that, then you have a bigger problem on your hands.
With your friends, give it time. There’s going to be a period when what you’re doing and how you’re acting is going to make them uncomfortable. This isn’t your fault. Over time, they’ve attached themselves to a certain idea of who you are. The moment you change your image, whether for bad or for good, it’s going to rub them the wrong way. As time goes by, though, some will see you for who you really are and want to stick around. Others will continually be put off by your attempts to change. They are attached to the former person, and you can’t spend your life trying to fit into the box they’ve created for you. It’s okay to grow past some people. It’s all right if you move forward and they choose to stay stagnant. You don’t need their dead weight pulling you back into your old ways.
My point is this: changing your mindset and habits is going to be extremely difficult when everyone around you isn’t moving in the same direction. Not only will it be difficult, but it’s also going to be a lonely road to travel. If your friends are donut eaters, you’re going to end up being a donut eater. If your spouse snacks all night long, you’re going to find yourself doing the same. You need to get around people who will support and inspire you to keep growing.
Your environment needs to support your goals. The people, places, and things you immerse yourself in need to align in some way with your target. If your current support system isn’t being supportive of the healthy lifestyle you’d like to lead, you need to seek out people who will.
By creating or finding a Circle of Success, your mechanics and your mindset will increase exponentially. If you come see me at my fitness studio, I am going to show what a quality workout looks like (mechanics), but also surround you with like-minded clients all working towards a healthier version of themselves (mindset). All of our workouts are done in a community format. It’s never one-on-one. It’s always in a large group. Why? Because when we work out together, we can feed off of each other’s energy and create a positive atmosphere for our exercise. It is a living, breathing Circle of Success.
Circles of Success aren’t limited to health and fitness, either. Take me, for instance. I constantly put myself in the company of like-minded individuals as I look to better myself and my business. I’ve participated in several mastermind groups, landing me in the same room with successful entrepreneurs looking to improve their businesses. We shared processes that worked, things that didn’t, and helped each other become better at what we do best.
It’s imperative to have people reminding you of your aspirations in life—directly or indirectly—every single day. More importantly, find successful people who can help guide the way.
Frank Shamrock, famed MMA fighter, has a great way to think about your Circle of Success: Plus, Minus, Equal. Put simply, you should have people in your Circle that are above, below, and equal to your skill set. The purpose of the plus people is obvious. They are the ones with more knowledge, skill, and experience than you. You want them around to help teach you and guide your journey to growth.
The equal ones are similar to you and your current abilities. You want them around so you can compete and compare your growth. You are on the same trajectory of change as your “equals,” so you can use them as measuring sticks for your development.
The minus people are there for you to teach. As you create better habits and improve yourself, showing them the way will help ingrain your new knowledge and skills over time.
If you were to join one of my Circles of Success—the Thrive Tribe—you would be entering into a plus, minus, equal support system on day one. I would represent the plus person within the Circle, providing guidance and helping you to reach your goals. The equal representatives would be my current and former clients that are, like you, pushing themselves to change their lives. In the beginning, you would be the minus person, learning from everyone around you. As you gain experience and begin to progress, though, you would have others you could mentor and teach about your journey, leading them to a higher level.
By having all three of these elements in your Circle of Success, you will ensure your continued progress towards any goal you choose.
How do you cultivate such a Circle? How can you find the community necessary to propel you forward? Look for a fitness studio (or gym similar to mine) that emphasizes group exercise classes. By entering this community, you will immediately have people around you to support your goals and to assist you down the path of achieving them.
There are groups of people in your local community that want the same things as you. Go to meetup.com and search for people in your area with the same beliefs and goals you have created for yourself. Most of these groups are free and can put you in the same room with people who will inspire and motivate you. Just by searching “health and fitness,” you will see how many people out there want what you want: a healthier lifestyle and a group of people with whom to share the mission.
If you want to take it one step further, you can invest in yourself and join a mastermind group as I have in the past. These mastermind groups cost, but by putting “skin in the game,” you will quickly find you have more stock in your success. You’ve added the need to get your money’s worth on top of your original goals. This will hold you accountable and keep your mind pushing towards and past your markers of achievement.
DeMarco Murray and LeBron James discovered that being around like-minded people with similar aspirations makes success more attainable. Do what you can to avoid years of “do it yourself,” willpower-fueled ambition. It can only get you so far. If you want to lose weight, find someone who has done it and who can teach you. Find some people on the same journey and share the highs and lows along the way.
Teamwork makes the dream work. Find your team. Find your Circle of Success.
Testimonials from the Thrive Tribe
Meet Chrissy C.:
I wanted to work out with Jay to get some exercise and see my friends that were already a part of his Thrive Tribe. I have been around fitness my entire life; I am a personal trainer and Pilates instructor.
After a few months, I started to “hear” Jay. He was full of positive comments and suggestions. His Facebook posts seemed to speak only to me. His call topics were exactly what I needed to hear. I was able to connect almost everything he said and did into my life, and it had nothing to do with fitness. I had experienced a tough few years moving across the country and losing my father. I thought I was dealing with things fine. However, with Jay and the Tribe’s help, I honestly felt, for the first time in my life, I was able to set realistic goals and take action. I have always set goals, don’t get me wrong, but this was different. I saw myself and my life through a different perspective and it was one I was able to act on. Life is real, it’s challenging, and it’s totally what we make it. Jay inspired me to want to be better—and to make my mark in this world.
I am so blessed to have found Jay and to include him in my Circle of Success. I went to him for a little workout, but instead I gained inspiration, crazy motivation, and an entire new outlook on how to navigate and get the most out of this beautiful life!
I feel beyond blessed to have Jay’s coaching and the Tribe in my corner—they fill a void I had no idea I had.
Jay’s Journal
“We are who we hang around.” Keeping this in mind as I move through my day will help me make decisions from where I want to be as opposed to where I am now. Knowing I have amazing people surrounding me keeps me centered and focused on my goal of becoming my best self.
Your Journal
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Actions to Overcome the Overweight Mind
POWER Action Step: It’s time to do some inventory on the people closest to you. Based on Jim Rohn’s quote from the beginning of this chapter, I want you to write down the five people you spend the most time with, then assess their role in your success.
Step 1: Write down the five people you spend the most time with
Step 2: Fill in your three musts across the top of the table (Must #1, Must #2, Must #3 from last chapter’s POWER Action Step)
Step 3: Circle a (+) or a (-) in each box to indicate if that person is a positive or negative influence on that Must.
Step 4: Evaluate your results. Hopefully you chose your responses genuinely. If the majority of these people are producing positivity, that’s amazing. Keep those people close! They will be an asset to you as you move towards your goals. If you’re seeing a lot of negatives, it’s time to reassess those around you. You don’t need to excommunicate the bad eggs from your life, but you should find room for more people to serve you better. If you have negative influences around you, whether well intentioned or not, they’re only going to hold you back. It’s okay if Person Three moves to Person Six or Person Eight while you make some room for positive influences in your Circle of Success.
SUPER Action Step: Your Circle of Success is a fluid group of people that should be monitored from time to time. As you grow and evolve, your Circle should be doing the same. Your SUPER action is to revisit this POWER action every three months and constantly audit the people you keep closest to you.