Chapter 8: What You Do in the Dark

The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.

–Jimmy Johnson

Peyton Manning’s late nights in the film room behind closed doors created his legacy. Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak spent endless hours holed up in Jobs’s garage in the 1970s, planting the seeds of what has grown into the mammoth company known as Apple, Inc. Michael Phelps, the most decorated Olympian of all time, didn’t earn his 23 gold medals in the spotlight of the Summer Olympics. It was the hard work he put in far away from the flashing lights and the medal ceremonies that created his rise to greatness. It’s been said he swims six to eight hours a day, six days a week when in peak season. You don’t see his training. You just see the triumphant celebration as they place another gold medal around his neck.

The point? Success isn’t earned out in the open. It’s earned in the moments behind closed doors when no one’s watching. As you start down the path to a healthier lifestyle, this concept is paramount. Posting your progress pictures on Facebook or choosing the best filter for your healthy meal on Instagram isn’t going to make a big difference in your long-term success. They might give you some positive feedback and make you feel good about what you’re doing, but the likes and the comments aren’t going to keep the weight off. Having a public forum of people holding you accountable is great, but they won’t be there when hunger strikes or you’re feeling lethargic before a workout. What will you choose to eat? Will you choose to work out, or not? No one will know what you do. It’s you versus you.

You get rewarded in public for what you do in private. Simple as that. A comment like, “Wow, you look GREAT” won’t ever come your way unless you make GREAT decisions when no one’s around. Your actions in private directly correlate to how good or bad your results are. Notice I said good OR bad. These moments of private action can work for or against you.

Let’s highlight a moment we’ve all encountered before: the late-night snack. You wake up in the middle of the night and your stomach is just shouting at you. You feel you must appease it with something from the kitchen. Everyone’s asleep. No one knows you’re up. There are zero eyes on you. This moment is a microcosm of success or failure. Maybe you opt for a glass of cold water. Maybe you reach for something a little more filling, a little sweeter. Ice cream with a side of cookies. Why not? Because this private moment will spill into the public in due time.

Whether you choose the water or the ice cream topped with cookies, no one will ever know. You won’t go on Facebook or Twitter and post, “Hey guys, I just opted to satisfy my late-night craving with a tall glass of water instead of a bowl of ice cream!” First, no one’s up to see it. Second, most people won’t really care about your moment of victory in the kitchen. They’re too busy posting about politics or what their four-month-old kid likes to do (apparently it’s not much more than eat, sleep, and poop). This moment is exclusively yours. No one will ever know what you choose. For now, anyway. Your choice will show itself over time.

Each time you choose the glass of water, you’re making a small deposit into your “health bank.” You’re making a quality choice and, after enough deposits, the wealth you gain is the health you see. Each time you choose the ice cream, you’re making a withdrawal from your “health bank.” With each pint of ice cream you devour in the night, you’re subtracting hard-earned gains and progress in your health and fitness. After enough withdrawals, you’ll be left saying, “Where did my healthy body go?” It’s a gradual process of improvement or deterioration. Consistency in either direction can make or break your healthy, fit body.

In truth, a glass of water is all you’ll ever need to satisfy a late-night urge for consumption. Drink it down and let it settle. Your mind and body just needed a distraction in the middle of the night; the water will play that role just fine. If you choose to go for something more—a cookie, a banana, a bowl of ice cream—you are creating space for a new ritual. And the last thing you need is a late-night ritual involving sugary, calorie-heavy food.

A river cuts through rock, not because of its power,

but because of its persistence.

–Jim Watkins

Like a river cutting through rock, your progress towards a healthy lifestyle and body will be decided by your consistent efforts. A river carves its way around and through rocks using time and persistence. Your body is the rock and your eating, exercise, and mindset habits are the river. It will take time, but with consistent effort and persistent application, you will carve out the health you desire.

It will take hundreds of good decisions, not just one or two. You can’t expect a six-pack because you chose to start working out after 20 years of sedentary living. Ninety days of exercise won’t cancel out the bad habits you’ve practiced for years. You need to give it time.

Similarly, one bad meal or cheat day isn’t going to cancel out six months of hard work in the gym. Keep your “health bank” in mind here. The more deposits you make, the more you can afford a withdrawal here or there. If you’ve spent the last six months to a year eating well and exercising regularly, a weekend filled with greasy food and drinks won’t cancel out all of your hard work. It will take some withdrawals away from the “health bank,” but it won’t decrease your balance to zero. It’s a slippery slope, though. Don’t let one weekend turn into a week, a month, or a year of indulgence. Your “health bank” will be empty before you know it, and you won’t even realize all your credit is disappearing.

Think about your actual bank account. If you consistently put money in without taking much out, your wealth will grow over time. If you keep making withdrawals and only make a deposit here and there, your wealth will remain stagnant. Those repeated deposits day after day, week after week, will eventually pay huge dividends. Every time you make a withdrawal, you’re threatening the progress of your wealth accumulation. And that’s if you’re starting from zero. If you’re in debt, your wealth can’t grow until you’ve paid back the money you owe. Once you get squared away, you can begin to build and accumulate wealth over time.

Your “health bank” operates in the same fashion. Make deposits consistently and you’ll see progress. Make enough withdrawals and you’ll see your health deteriorate. And the debt? That’s when you’ve been ignoring your health, or treating it so badly you have to put in work to get back to square one.

Some of my clients get frustrated when they don’t see progress fast enough. They’ve come to me 75 pounds overweight and expect to lose it all in a few months. They’ve been accumulating debt in their “health bank” for so long they have to “get back to even” before they can accumulate the wealth of health they deserve.

Consistency is key. To harness the power of a healthy body, you need to make quality choices every single day when no one is watching. Making those deposits into your “health bank” will produce rewards over time.

Remember: you get rewarded in public for what you do in private.

Be persistent in private. Know your continued efforts will create amazing changes in your life if you’re willing to see the process through. What you do in the dark will be shown in the light. Not tomorrow or the next day, but give it time. Be the river that cuts through rock.

Testimonials from the Thrive Tribe

Meet Anisa S.:

People often asked how I lost 56 pounds. My response usually goes, “With hard work, perseverance, determination, and consistency.” I always refer back to Jay Nixon and how his program has changed my life in many ways. The person I am today is not the person I was a year ago. I have had a complete transformation, not just physically, but personally as well. When I walked into the studio on the first day, I was overweight, dealing with PCOS, irregular cycles, borderline diabetic, depressed, mourning the loss of a child, going through a divorce, and completing my Master’s degree. I was never putting myself first. I accommodated people to appease them. It was starting to take a toll on me. I was becoming a person I did not like at all. At 33 years old I felt completely lost in life. I had no idea where my journey was going to take me. I thought the first thing to help myself was to get healthy.

The first day I wanted to throw up and couldn’t even complete a lap. Yes, I had “worked out” before, but never at the intensity of my first day with Jay. I can honestly say I hated the process at first. The first few months into the program, I just coasted. I was still very insecure about myself and doubted myself daily. I would make excuses as to why I didn’t want to work out or why the eating was too hard. After talking to Jay about some personal issues and how to deal with problems in my life, I was better able to handle them with ease and a sense of calmness. I knew I needed to put myself first in life before I could help others.

The first step was to zone in on my fitness and nutrition. I was working out one day and it just clicked. I wanted to be happy and I knew my “WHY.” After that, I fell in love with the process. I woke every morning at 4:30 a.m. and worked out. I gave one hundred percent of myself to get better every day. Before I could realize what was happening. I was running faster, picking up heavier weights, and pushing myself. Jay always says, “You must fall in love with the process to reap the benefits.” Jay has saved my life and I am thankful for him every day. He is not just a personal trainer, I am blessed to call him my friend. The person I am today is happy, healthy, fit, confident, and strong. I deal with life situations differently and it has made relationships better in my life. I went from 175 pounds to 119 pounds. I look at myself and I don’t recognize the person I once was. I love myself now and that is the greatest gift I could have ever given myself. If I had the opportunity to go back and talk to the “pre-transformation” me, I would tell her, “You are worth it, you can do it, and you are amazing.” The accomplishments and pride of getting fit is worth the discomfort you will experience at first. I wake up cheerful, confident, and ready to conquer the day because of the guidance of Jay, who I like to call my life coach.

Jay’s Journal

It’s not one big thing that makes you successful. I know my success is dependent on consistently doing the little things day in and day out. Today I will master the little things.

Your Journal

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Actions to Overcome the Overweight Mind

POWER Action Step: I want you to keep a running log of the small actions you take when no one’s looking. Find an app on your phone or keep a small journal on you at all times. Every time you opt for vegetables over fries at a restaurant, make note of it. Every time you go for a run when you didn’t really feel like it, write it down. By keeping this continuous log, you are building evidence that proves you CAN make the tough decisions when no one’s watching. This evidence will propel you forward with the confidence that you can and will stay on track towards your goals. Get that app up and running today!

SUPER Action Step: Right now, chances are you have some guilty pleasures you enjoy away from the public eye when you’re stressed, depressed, or emotional. Use the space below to record and plan the behavioral shift that will empower the actions you take in private.

Example of Current Behavior: You overindulge in comfort foods at the end of a high-stress work day.

Shift to New Behavior: To diffuse the stress of your work day, you should go for a hike or do a quick 30-minute workout. This change in your physical state will make you feel SO much better than the food that was supposed to bring you “comfort.”

Current Behavior:

Shift to New Behavior: