I was in my office when Damien stopped by.
He didn’t verbally announce his presence. He just stepped inside, dressed casually in jeans and a sweater. He helped himself to the chair in front of my desk.
I closed my laptop so nothing obstructed my view.
He stared at me with wide eyes for several seconds. “You need to tell him.”
Guilt washed over me. Several weeks had gone by, and I was getting bigger and bigger. It was a miracle Hades hadn’t figured it out by now. Maybe he just assumed I was gaining weight and didn’t dare act like he noticed.
“Sofia, it’s been long enough.”
“I know…”
“The longer you wait, the more he’s going to be blindsided. And if you decide you don’t want to keep the baby, you’re running out of time for that too.”
“That’s not an option.” I was aware of the life living inside me, the little person developing in my womb. This was a real entity to me, and I could never live with the guilt of taking its life away. If I really didn’t want to raise the baby, I could give it up for adoption. But I didn’t think I could even do that.
“Either way, he deserves to know. This is your husband we’re talking about. That man has been nothing but good to you, and it’s ridiculous to think that would ever change. I know you’ve been through a lot, but his feelings are no different than they used to be.”
For the last few months, I’d felt uneasy. I wasn’t sure where I belonged, if my value had changed. My emotional instability prevented me from reading the truth right in front of me. Hades hadn’t changed…I had.
But this was totally different.
I was still afraid he would leave once he knew the truth.
And I couldn’t blame him if he did.
Damien continued to watch me. “I’ve kept your secret, but I can’t do it much longer. When I look him in the eye, I feel like a traitor for not telling him this. It needs to come from you. So, do it soon.”
I had been dragging my feet because I knew it would change everything. I didn’t want to accept my fate, accept my future. Would we survive what was about to come? I was already afraid Hades would walk out at any moment.
“Don’t be scared.”
“You have no idea what I’m going through…”
“No,” he said. “But I know your husband better than you do.”
Damien’s words pierced my conscience. Whether Hades was the father or not, he deserved to know what was going on. He wasn’t just a man I was seeing. He was a man I’d pledged a lifetime to. What happened to me happened to him.
It was too cold to sit outside on the terrace, so we sat at the table inside. We finished a great meal Helena had prepared for us. There was always a basket of fresh bread, and I ate more of it than I usually did.
Because now I was eating for two.
Wine was always poured, but I never drank from my glass. Thankfully, Hades didn’t seem to notice.
Our dinner was spent mostly in silence. We were closer than we had been before, but not back to normal. There was a distinct distance between us, like we each had our own secrets. Now was the right time to tell him…but I didn’t want to.
It would change everything.
It would make this real.
In a couple months, I would be a mother. And I had no idea who the father of my child was.
I took a deep breath, and when I finally found the courage to come clean, he spoke instead.
“Damien and I are working on Maddox.” It didn’t matter if it was deep winter, he preferred his shirtless attire, his sweatpants that were low on his hips. He wasn’t back to weight training or his previous exercise regimen, but he was still strong. His chest muscles were like two slabs of concrete, and his stomach was so tight you could grate cheese on it.
The mention of my greatest enemy made me forget what I was about to tell him. “What does that mean?”
“It means we decided to hit him where it hurts…his business. That seems to be the only thing he cares about. We are going after his distributors, the guys on the ground that sell his drugs on the streets. He has bigger partners that ship his product to the rest of Europe. I’m taking those guys out too.”
That sounds like serious business. “That sounds like war…”
He wore a brooding gaze, like he could snap at any moment. During quiet moments, he seemed to be the angriest. He probably relived the terrible things we both endured, and it pissed him off all over again. His eyes returned to mine. “It is war.”
War meant there was a battle on two sides. Someone had to lose. I just hoped it wasn’t us. “Couldn’t you just track him down and kill him? He’s gotta live somewhere, right?”
He shook his head slightly. “The guy is never in the same place for long. And he doesn’t have allies…he doesn’t let anyone in. So I can’t torture anyone for answers.”
“Could I lure him out?” Of course, I didn’t want to be the bait. I never wanted to see that man again. Just looking at him would make me shake. But my desire to kill him outweighed my fear. I was willing to do anything to see him dead, even risk myself in the process. It wasn’t just vengeance for what he did to me. But for what he did to my husband.
Hades’s eyes narrowed on my face, and his eyebrows furrowed. There was a hint of rage in the look, like he was about to tell me off. But he wrested control of his emotions and let it go. “No.”
“It might be easier that way.”
“I said no.”
I didn’t press further because it was like poking an angry bear. If I pressed my stick into his side too many times, he would eventually turn on me and maul me to death. The quiet companionship we’d had minutes ago was long gone. The only thing left to do was the one thing I didn’t want to.
So I didn’t.
I couldn’t drag my feet any longer, so I took myself to the doctor. If I were going to keep this baby, I needed to make sure everything was okay, that I grabbed my prenatal vitamins and did everything I could to prepare for how my life would change.
I never had been afraid to do anything alone before Hades came into my life. But now it felt so strange to be by myself. He should be there with me, holding my hand and telling me everything would be okay.
But even if he knew the truth, would he say those things?
Maddox was a man he hated more than anyone. Could Hades realistically accept this child if it weren’t his? Would he be a supportive husband? Or would he turn me away for good? He said he would always be there…but he had no idea what was coming next.
The doctor gave me the news I’d been waiting for.
I was almost four months along. That meant it was possible the baby could belong to Hades. But it was equally possible that it didn’t. The doctor also said he could tell me the gender of the baby.
But I didn’t want to know. My husband didn’t even know I was pregnant. I didn’t want to get that far ahead. But at least the baby was healthy.
That was something to be thankful for.
I was in my office when Hades came by. Instead of waiting for me to stand and greet him, he lowered himself into the chair and rested one ankle on the opposite knee. His hands came together, and he stared at me with wide-open eyes.
My skin turned cold. I didn’t like that look. He never stared at me that way…like I was his enemy. I could tell he was angry, could feel it in the air around us. It made my heart race painfully, made my skin turn warm.
Hades kept up his stare and said nothing.
I shut my laptop and put my stuff away. “I’m ready to go.”
He continued to sit there. “Where were you?”
I froze on the spot.
His malicious eyes stayed glued to my face. “I came by, and you weren’t here. No one could tell me where you’d gone.”
“Why didn’t you just call?”
His eyes narrowed. “Why don’t you just answer my question?”
I grabbed my purse and tried to breathe through the suffocation. “I had a personal errand.”
“What kind of errand?”
I started to lose my temper. “You don’t tell me every little thing you do.”
He rose to his feet. “Because I can take care of myself. How can I protect you when I don’t know where you are?”
“You said I had nothing to worry about.”
He stared at me for a while, like he didn’t have a rebuttal.
“It was personal. Just leave it alone.”
His anger died away, and his eyes slowly softened. He probably understood how much he was cornering me, how uncomfortable he was making me. “You can tell me anything. How many times do I have to say that?”
“I will tell you. I’m just not ready.”
Whenever we were home, the only space I got was in the bathroom. If I visited the rest of the house, I would run into my mother. She was nosier than he was, so she wouldn’t get off my case.
I stood in the shower under the warm water. My hair stuck to the back of my neck, and my hand grazed over my slightly extended stomach. Now I could really feel the person inside me. It wasn’t that obvious, but I was so thin that any weight gain was noticeable. But this wasn’t general weight gain. It was all concentrated in one spot. If someone saw me in just my underwear, they would assume I was in the early stages of pregnancy.
I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I could just pretend the baby belonged to Hades, and that would help me be happy. I could keep lying until I believed it. But if the baby came out with blue eyes and similar features to Maddox, I would have to lie every moment of every day to convince myself otherwise.
I was deep in thought when I noticed the slight click of the door behind me. My eyes snapped open, and my body turned rigid when I realized I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t afraid to be naked with my husband because he would never pressure me into something I wasn’t ready for. But now that I was buck naked, my belly would be impossible to hide. I could keep my back to him, but that wouldn’t work for long.
My heart started to race when I realized this was the moment. Hades would know the truth, and it would change everything…for better or worse.
Probably for worse.
He came up behind me and placed his hands on my hips. A moment later, his chest pressed into my back, and he rested his chin on my head.
I was so still.
His deep voice was audible over the shower. “Can I join you?”
I could feel his arousal against my back, feel the way his fingers dug into my skin. I could tell he wanted me, that he was growing tired of waiting. He gave me subtle openings to see if I was ready to change my mind, but if I didn’t take it, he let it go. “Yes.”
His arms wrapped around my chest and over my arms, and he held me close, his arms a protective cage that kept all the bad thoughts out. We hadn’t spoken much since he’d confronted me in my office a few days ago, and now he seemed apologetic about his behavior.
He bent his neck down and kissed me on the shoulder. Then his hands started to guide me in a circle, to turn me around so he could see my face.
I couldn’t control my breathing. It went haywire, deep and fast. My heart was beating at a frenzied rate. If I weren’t covered in water, I’d be sweating. When I made the full rotation, I looked him in the eye with fear written all over my face.
His eyes moved to mine, and he watched me for several seconds, taking in my features and reading them like words on a page. His hands went to my hips, and he probably thought my unease was because of this level of intimacy. “It’s okay. It’s me.”
There was no going back, so I grabbed both of his hands and placed them over my stomach.
Instantly, he noticed the expanded curves of my body. His fingers lightly pressed into me in reaction. His chin dropped, and his eyes moved to my swollen belly. He didn’t blink. He didn’t move. He needed at least five seconds to process what I had just revealed to him. His reaction was blank, and now he was impossible to read.
He gently pulled his hands apart so he could see my full stomach. When he truly understood what he was looking at, he lifted his gaze and looked me in the eye. It took a moment for his surprise to fade away, for him to understand exactly what this meant. He’d walked into the bathroom thinking he could bring us closer together. Discovering I was pregnant was the very last thing he’d anticipated.
I waited for the questions, waited for the fear and anger.
Instead, his eyes softened like wilted flowers. He became so tender, his face taking on a boyish charm. His shoulders relaxed, and a gentle smile spread onto his lips. When his hand understood what his brain had absorbed, he gently rubbed it over my stomach, trying to connect to the life inside me.
It wasn’t the reaction I’d expected. Instead of being relieved by it, I assumed he didn’t understand the situation, that there was a possibility it wasn’t his. That thought didn’t seem to go through his head, so I needed to bring him back to reality. “I’m almost four months along.”
His arm wrapped around my waist, and he pulled me closer as his other hand spanned my stomach.
I couldn’t bring myself to say it, to admit that this might not be a happy moment between a husband and wife. “I’m not sure…”
He gave me a strong stare. “It’s mine.”
I wanted that to be true more than anything else. “But…”
“It’s mine.”
“We could always check.”
He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter what that says. I’ll love this baby the same regardless.”
I couldn’t keep the surprise off my face. “Why?” He didn’t seem like the kind of man that would want to do something like this, take on the burden of raising a child that may not even be his. He could be cold and ruthless, so it seemed like aborting it would be his initial response.
“Because half of it is you.”
My heart started to slow once again, and my entire body relaxed. It was the first time I’d found peace in months, finally let the stress leave my shoulders.
“We can do the test, and if it says what we don’t want to hear, I’ll stand by whatever decision you make. But if this is something you wanna do, I’m here. I want whatever you want.” He slid his hand into my hair and pulled our faces together. “But I know he’s mine. I know that’s my son. And I know I’m gonna love him so much it kills me.”
I felt a small explosion inside my chest, adoration for this man. I never expected him to react this way, to be so supportive and loyal. Most men wouldn’t feel this way, be my rock through all this heartache. My heart throbbed in a whole new way, and I suddenly felt lighter than air. I was the luckiest woman in the world to have him, and I owed my mother my gratitude for making me marry him in the first place. I never would’ve found joy with anyone else, wouldn’t have the foundation and trust with anyone else. “Why do you assume it’s a boy?”
He rested his forehead against mine. “I just know.”
“And why do you assume it’s yours?”
He closed his eyes as he held me. “Because I know.”