Lycanthropes paid a premium when eating at buffets, and for a rare change, I didn’t mind the doubled cost for our lunch and dinner. The first buffet he took us to had the promised barbecue chicken, and to get my filthy little hands on it, I had to stand in line. Everyone in the buffet understood the importance of the barbecue chicken line.
The beleaguered chefs working the ovens and grills ruled with iron tongs, too.
The taco bar was worth writing home about, so I did, making use of Sebastian’s cell phone to take pictures and send them to my uncle, who could handle image distribution as needed. My uncle seemed less than impressed with Sebastian’s offering, resulting in me calling the bastard, issuing a hissed warning of imminent death if he criticized my choice of delicious buffet, and hung up before he could defend himself. Sebastian chuckled and didn’t answer his phone when it rang.
The second buffet had steak, and I would have eaten it exclusively had Sebastian not placed filled plates of other food in front of me.
For both meals, I ate at least three times what I normally did, and I beat Sebastian in quantity of food consumed in the shortest period of time. Eating my way into a food-induced coma hadn’t been a part of my plans, and I only took my turn behind the wheel when he was too fatigued to continue driving safely.
Out of the sixteen hours it took to reach Cincinnati, I drove four of them, and I handled the last leg of the trip while he slept. My virus appreciated the lion’s vulnerability, as it convinced her he trusted me to handle the important matters while we watched over him. Or he trusted my general driving skills. Either way, my virus approved.
While my virus behaved and settled down to enjoy his quiet company, I wanted to drag him off and have my way with him to make sure no one had any doubts he was mine.
I needed to apologize to Sebastian sometime soon, as I expected I would spend at least a few months convincing myself his willingness to engage in any sort of relationship with me was real. I had a difficult enough time making friends.
The flinch ruined that for me, and no matter how hard I tried, I remembered, and few made any real effort to convince me they cared enough to keep from flinching down the road.
I made people as uncomfortable as they made me.
The fear Sebastian would change his mind would crawl beneath my skin for a long time. Making him roar from frustration had been a way of keeping him at arm’s length, although I should have known better. Could something as simple as being standoffish actually drive off a lion? Or any lycanthrope, really?
Lycanthropes lived and breathed being difficult and enjoyed challenges. If I judged all lycanthropes by my parents, the virus would take over the world in a single generation. My uncles had convinced me most lycanthropes took their time and had few children, as most of the women didn’t appreciate the mechanics involved with becoming pregnant.
Children only happened when the couple worked hard enough for one, the woman was in the right part of her cycle, and the soon-to-be father kept her in bed long enough. My parents had mastered procreation, and I harbored secret suspicions the pair wanted to dominate the record charts with how many times they reproduced.
I still wondered how they managed to keep us all straight. I couldn’t, and I’d been born into the insanity.
We reached the spa at a little after three, and I debated if I could make him roar for me if I startled him awake. As I’d learned Sebastian could be sneaky when he wanted to be, I asked, “Do lions roar when startled?”
“No,” the lion replied.
“Well, that’s a damned shame. If you hadn’t replied to me, I had been planning on finding out how badly I could startle you. I wanted to find out if I could earn a roar. I thought about other ways to wake you up, but I would never be able to look my daddy in the eyes again after engaging in such things in the cab of his truck. We have arrived.” The spa, located deep in the heart of the city, had a parking lot, and my daddy’s truck had barely fit into one of the spots. I’d needed to use the camera system to park, as the spots hadn’t been designed with big trucks in mind. I unbuckled my seatbelt, stretched, and reached for the back so I could grab my purse. More like a cobra than some self-respecting cat, Sebastian kissed my cheek. I froze and blinked. “What?”
“I would have kissed your lips, but I would have had to move you around, and I didn’t want to make a scene in the truck when we can make more than a scene in our room. You also stated you wouldn’t be able to look your father in the eyes if I did such things with you in here, so I’m being good and patient. Also, I am able and ready to pay whatever fees are required to enjoy a week with you.”
I touched my cheek, which was as scarred as ever. “I’m confused,” I admitted.
“By me having no problems with kissing your cheek, by the fact I wanted to kiss your cheek, or that I have plans for you once we’re checked in and in our room?” With a wicked chuckle, the lion got out of the truck, opened the cab’s back door, and went to work grabbing the bags of crocheting supplies and my personal belongings. “I’ll have to skip out somewhere for clothes, but there’s surely a mall around here somewhere. I’ll go during your first pampering sessions in the spa before looking into what we can do as a couple.”
“I should have taken you to your place, wherever that is, for some clothes. I’m sorry.”
It had been pure luck I’d had a shirt he could wear, as his shirt hadn’t survived our night together.
“I’m not. It would have added even more time to the trip, and I need some new casual clothes anyway. I tend to make my suits and buy my jeans, mainly because making jeans is a serious pain in the ass. However, I’m thinking I’m going to be making you several pairs of jeans. They will have pockets. Real pockets.”
I sucked in a breath. “Pockets?”
“Big enough pockets you will only have to carry a purse should you want to.”
“That’s some seriously dirty talk, Sebastian. If you’re trying to get me out of my clothes, it’s working. But we have to check in first. Though to be honest, you just have to breathe for me to want you out of your clothes. I should blame my virus on that one, but I’m an equal player in this. I accept responsibility for my share of lust. My virus was not the only picky one in this whole mess.”
I hoped he wanted to get me out of my clothes, and that once he did, he had a plan that didn’t involve at least six hours, as we didn’t have six hours before I was scheduled to be pampered. I hadn’t anticipated needing to choose between being pampered or romping around in the hotel room making full use of the expensive bed designed to withstand even the most amorous of lycanthropes.
I doubted the hotel was prepared to handle a lynx and a lion on a mission. I wasn’t even sure what our mission was while in the resort anymore, but I didn’t care. We were on a mission, and that was that.
The lion grinned. “I have no problem with being the subject of your lust. I’m even man enough to recognize that our viruses spiking and adapting to each other plays a large part in our mutual reactions right now, but I’m still going to enjoy and appreciate it. I’m also very grateful you took mercy on me, and not because I was the first half-decent man to cross your path. Anyway, I sometimes make jeans for my mother. She makes this complaint early and often, so every year, I make her at least two or three pairs of jeans for Christmas. As I fully plan on doing gentlemanly things to and for you, you will always get more pairs of jeans than my mother receives each year. To establish which woman in my life is of utmost importance. I’m a smart lion, Harri. I know what women want. Women want pockets.”
I stopped and stared at Sebastian. “Did you just call yourself half-decent? What happened to your lion ego and pride? That is not egoistical lion commentary. That was almost self-deprecating. And I should know. When it comes to my face, I’m the queen of making such commentary, and that’s the kind of commentary I would make. Well, about my scars, at least. The rest of me is feline perfection.”
“We’re going to have to work on how often you get injured taking on a bounty. That rate is not perfect, Miss Murder Mittens. I’m expecting actual perfection out of you in the future.”
I heard the challenge in his tone, and as always, I bristled. “Or what?”
“I’ll be too busy tending to your injuries to be able to worship your body and make you purr to my satisfaction.”
As far as threats went, his hit dead center, and my virus roused, aware of the risk to her pleasure and general happiness. And mine, too. Somehow, I’d become involved with an utterly ruthless, wicked lion. Sometimes, only telling the truth sufficed. “You are a ruthless lion,” I declared.
Most flinched when I glared at them, but all I did was make Sebastian grin. “I can be. I’ll be exceptionally ruthless about safeguarding your life. Yes, you’re a bounty hunter. I’m not expecting or even asking you to stop doing that work. It’s important, and you’re good at it. I just want you to come out on the other side of each job less likely to need transfusions in some damned hospital because you took on how many males twice your size at one time?”
“It was only six.”
Sebastian roared at me. “That’s five too many.”
Sure enough, I purred at the evidence of his frustration and displeasure. My eyes widened, and he glowered in my general direction.
I, idiot that I was, kept on purring.
He waited for me to silence my enjoyment of his roaring, which took several minutes longer than sensible or dignified. His glower eased to a smirk. “I win, Wells.”
Damn it. “That was a good roar, and I deserve to purr after frustrating you into doing it.”
“You deserve to purr daily for a variety of reasons. I hope to be responsible for most of your purrs. Now, march, Wells. Don’t ladies get agendas for these spa events? I wouldn’t want you to miss any of your planned activities. And I need to go buy clothes while you’re being pampered.”
In reality, I delayed dealing with the next few minutes of my life, which happened relentlessly each and every day. I sighed. “They’re going to flinch when they see my scars.”
“That’s a reflection of them and not you. Just remind yourself I don’t flinch. Keep a count of flinches, grimaces, gasps, and anything else others do that hurt your feelings, and I’ll reward you for enduring them. I’m sure I can come up with many ways I can reward you. Just be aware I do enjoy when you’re tamed and quiet, as you’re anything but tamed or quiet most of the time.”
I grinned at him. “I’m really not, and I can’t begrudge you wanting some quiet after I’ve spent all day frustrating you for the sake of my purrs and happiness.”
“And it will be one of my goals to make you purr daily. I can’t purr, but I’m sure you can think of something in exchange.”
“Roar, obviously. Daily. For my enjoyment.”
“How about you making me roar for my enjoyment?” In what had to be a first in the lion’s entire life, he pouted. “What about me, Harri Wells? Don’t I deserve daily satisfaction?”
“You roaring because I frustrated you is satisfying for you. And I want to make you roar from frustration daily.”
“How is that satisfying for me?”
“Well, you’re the one who said my purring makes you happy. That’s a trap of your own making, Sumners. But don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you.”
“You’re something else.”
“You’re the one who wanted me as much as I wanted you and that roar of yours. You only have yourself to blame for how this turned out. I refuse to feel any shame in this. For once in my adult life, everything has gone right for me, and I will enjoy this while it lasts.”
He smiled. “Oh, don’t you worry about that. As long as I have something to say about it, you’re going to be enjoying a lot about life, but especially the evenings. I have many plans for our evenings.”
“That better be a promise, Sebastian, or I will show you the power of a lynx’s utter disappointment. And any sane woman, lynx or otherwise, would be completely heartbroken following that level of disappointment.”
“How scary. A lynx’s disappointment. Do you know what is far scarier than a lynx’s disappointment?”
I regarded him with interest. “What could possibly be scarier?”
“A crying lion, which is what will happen if I don’t get to indulge in my plans for this evening.”
The woman at the counter, young, spry, and with perfect pale skin, stared at me with wide eyes. Like the rest of her face, her makeup was pristine, and she’d gone with a dark, smokey eyeshadow, partnered with black mascara to bring out the blue of her eyes. She didn’t flinch. She didn’t gasp. She didn’t do anything other than meet my gaze.
Then, as though she was utterly blind, she smiled. “Welcome. Do you have a reservation?”
I glanced at Sebastian, who chuckled, pressed his hand to my back, and pushed me forward, fiddling with his phone in his free hand. Taking that as a cue to stop acting as though my last brain cell had fainted, I set my purse on the counter. “I do, it’s under Harri Wells. I have a week-long package. I wanted to know if it was possible to add Sebastian to my room and package.”
I’d gotten the best the hotel had to offer, but I’d gotten confused about how the packages worked. I’d purchased the most expensive one, and somewhere in the marketing material had been something about add-on guests, but her smile fried what was left of my brain.
The wide eyes bothered me a hell of a lot less than her smile. Was it real? Was it fake? How had she not flinched? Did the spa give their employees copious amounts of pixie dust to ensure perfect professionalism?
Was she an angel hiding with some remarkably human and female disguise? A succubus on the prowl?
No, that didn’t make sense. Incubus? No, that also didn’t make sense.
What was even going on?
“That is absolutely no problem, Miss Wells. Will your companion be joining you at the spa?”
Sebastian’s answering and equally bright smile stunned me almost as much as the woman’s behavior. While I lost the base ability to function, he took over, nodded, and said, “If at all possible, yes. I do have one errand to run tonight that should take me about two hours, but if it’s possible to join her for the rest of her sessions to as much as can be accommodated, that would be appreciated.”
“Miss Wells purchased one of our complete packages, which gives her the option to be accompanied by a companion as she sees fit. Give me a moment, and I will print a copy of her schedule.” With a smile the match of Sebastian’s, the woman input something into the computer, turned, and headed to a cubby, where a printer dutifully went to work. She returned with several sheets of paper. “It is not unusual for guests to bring companions to get to know them better in a soothing environment, and we have found men enjoy their time at our spa as much as women. Circle the sessions you wish to attend, sir, and I will have you added to her reservation.”
Sebastian set his phone on the counter, took out his wallet, and handed over a card to the woman while he checked out my schedule, picked up the pen, and circled everything except the sessions scheduled to begin in a few hours. “Thank you very much, ma’am.”
“Of course, sir.”
Within five minutes, she checked us in, gave me a pair of key cards, and gave me directions to our room, which was located on the top floor of the resort. When I’d booked, I’d gotten every bell and whistle I could, taking advantage of a sale and rewarding myself for a rare change. If anyone looked into my affairs, nobody would suspect I’d be hunting bounties in the evenings and early mornings.
Sebastian’s presence changed my plans, but with him working with me, we could probably bag several of the bounties in a few hours each. I wouldn’t ruin everything by booking in even more work.
With the big bounty, I would have enough to begin living a normal life.
On our way to the elevator, the lion chuckled. “I had intended on upgrading you as much as I could, but it looks like you’d upgraded yourself. I may have checked the spa’s offered packages on my phone, and I compared it to her printout. I had been prepared to spoil you, but I’m pleased you did a good job spoiling yourself.”
“I haven’t taken an actual vacation since I became an adult, so I figured I’d mix work and play. But with you helping, the work won’t take long, not until it’s time to deal with the main problem. But I need this spa trip, Sebastian. I need it. And I need the money from those jobs.”
“What are you planning on doing with the money you’ve earned? With your track record and my help, I am confident we’re going to catch the main bastard and get rid of him.”
“A house. I will get a house. I’ll even allow you to live in my house. You can be my most prized servant. You’ll even be paid, although to acquire your payment, you’re going to have to work for it.” To make it clear I meant to lure him to bed and cruelly use him to make my virus happy, I leered at him.
Leering while scarred horrified most, but Sebastian chuckled and rolled his eyes. “You are such a cat.”
“I am. I’m a lynx. I’m a most proud and fluffy predator. Lion manes are really fluffy, too, so I’m looking forward to you shifting for me so I can play with your mane. That was my plan all along, to get my hands on you and your mane, Mr. Mane.”
“Sure it was. You might be an excellent cat, but you’re a terrible liar. Your expression when you realized I actually wanted you is now one of my most priceless treasures. You couldn’t even begin to believe or imagine that I might actually want to tie you to my bed and do wonderful things to you.”
“I probably looked like I’d been slapped across the face a few times. I’m still waiting for someone to pinch me and wake me up, but I’ve pinched myself a few times and haven’t woken up. I even took a nap in my new dream-like reality, and when I woke up, a lion was driving my daddy’s truck, and this was a pretty damned good reason to purr. Or so I think.”
The decor in the resort reminded me how simple and modest of a life I—and my family—lived. If I hadn’t known it was a lycanthrope friendly establishment, I would’ve worried about leaving dirt on the polished marble floors, or on the end tables decorated in a bewildering and eclectic collection of statuettes, flower vases with real and fake bouquets, and random bowls filled with stuff.
I peered into one such bowl, wondering what the point was of putting dyed glass balls into sand. I pointed at it. “What is this, Sebastian? I don’t understand the point.”
“It’s art. Things like that make some people happy. The spheres are probably from a high-end glass artisan, and the sand is probably from somewhere exotic. I feel I should warn you now that one of my new missions in life is to make you purr, and having me around is a pretty damned good reason to purr. I am a lion. I am the best of lions, and I don’t think you should purr for other lions. I’m the jealous kind.”
I refrained from reminding him I rarely purred for anyone. Did I even know a second lion? No matter. I had the important lion in my clutches, and I would train myself into believing I deserved a lion all to myself if necessary. “We’re lycanthropes, Mr. Mane. We operate on jealousy with a splash of spite. I hope lionesses don’t think lions are to be shared like mundane prides. I am not good at sharing. And anyone who tries to share my lion is getting a beatdown.”
Still chuckling, Sebastian wrapped his arm around me and marched me to the elevator. “You have nothing to worry about. On to more important things. I am very pleased with the amount of pampering you signed yourself up for this week. I’ll make sure I’m appropriately dressed and otherwise prepared to join you. I take it you were planning your hunts for the morning?”
When I took the time to think about it, I realized I’d set up a hell schedule for myself, and I’d planned it without anyone around to help me. With the help, it counted as insane but possible. Without help? It went beyond merely insane. “After dinner and in the morning. I don’t sleep as much or as well as I should, and I’ve been working evenings lately. I figured I could nap during some of the treatments. Like the one where I’m supposed to put cucumbers over my eyes for some reason and just chill out. For an hour. While listening to some nice music. Someone is going to paint my nails and toes while I relax. That’s tonight, and you’re going to have to tell the spa people how to get a hold of you, because after that, I’m going to be asleep. And I will not want to wake up. Who would? Not only will I be pampered, I will be pampered in such a way where my nails will be beautiful when they’re done.”
I would pick a bright and daring red.
“I’m sure they’ll wake you up, but if you’d like me to be around after you have been relaxed into a stupor, I’m sure I can amuse myself in the waiting area of the spa until you’re freed from their clutches. And if you’re that tired, I’ll enjoy tucking you into bed.” The elevator door chimed and opened, and Sebastian waited until I went inside before following, tapping the button for the top floor. “Lions are masters at pampering. We are obviously kings and queens over all other living things, and royalty are pampered. But as we’re more solitary than our mundane counterparts, we’re usually required to pamper ourselves. The chosen beloved of royalty are also pampered. That’s you, in case you might attempt to deny how you should be treated like the queen you are.”
“Goodness, Sebastian. Your ego has noticeably inflated. Do you know what happens when your ego gets too inflated?”
If his grin broadened any more, his face might crack in half. “You will do your best to pop my overinflated ego, aiming for making me roar as many times as possible within a ten minute period. I win, because when I roar, you purr, and controlling your happiness pleases me greatly. And when you’re unhappy, I’m unhappy, and nobody wants an unhappy lion, Wells.”
“Do lions get married?” It could go either way with feline lycanthropes. My parents had married, but they’d married because when popping out litters every few years, being married helped with the taxes and simplified matters for them. None of my mated uncles had married, as they hadn’t seen any point in doing so.
They’d caught their mate, and they didn’t need a piece of paper to establish their status as mated.
“We do. Often elaborately. Do you know what wedding days are?”
“Tax-cut day.”
“Present day, my lynx. It’s a day where everyone we know is required to give us presents for having found happiness. We get prizes for mating and officiating it.”
My eyes widened. “My parents got a courthouse marriage. They skipped getting presents?”
“If they have an actual wedding ceremony, everyone close to them is required to give them gifts.”
I grabbed my new phone out of my purse, eyeballing the box. “Is this a good phone, Sebastian?”
“It’s a really good phone, yes. There are better on the market, but for its price? It’s damned good and will do just about anything you want, especially on the game front. Do you need help setting it up? I’m pretty sure you’re using a flip phone that can’t even use the internet.”
My pride demanded I lie, lie, lie to cover my ignorance about phones. Instead, I grabbed my old phone out of my purse and held both out to him. “Yes, please.”
He took the phones. “Glad to help. I’ll show you how to do it when we’re in the room, and if you weren’t planning on getting a case, I’ll pick one out for you while I’m out.”
“Do they really need cases?”
“Yes. We’re lycanthropes. We are masters at breaking things accidentally. That makes cases necessary. Not putting a case on your phone is like mimicking those who put coffee cups in CD holders when you’re a lycanthrope. And in my not-so-humble opinion, even when you’re not one. Phones are expensive. Put yours in a case.”
I gasped. “You heard about that call?”
“I may have called your boss using my CDC credentials during an inquiry on lycanthropes in high-stress workplaces located in your area. It was a legitimate call. Mostly. And as I’m clever and insufferable, I did my survey requesting specific examples. There’s only one female lycanthrope in his employment. You. I heard about the call. One of my new goals in life is to put you into a job you actually like. And I have no doubt you’re good at your job. I just want you to have work you like. That is not a smear on you, your work ethic, or even your job, only because even your boss is aware you do it because of personal reasons, not because it’s the job you want. And yes, your boss knows about your scars, and however much it disgusts me, he admitted he shows you some favoritism because of them.”
“Really?”
“He gives you more days off than others with your seniority. He also factored your gender into it, because he wrongfully assumed you were actively looking for a man.”
“I have the pickiest virus. She has never liked men. She has only liked one man. And for her to like you, you had a lot of criteria you needed to meet. Honestly, I love my virus because of that. She could have made my life so much worse.”
“The virus is essentially sentient, Harri. Your virus knows how much it hurts when people flinch because of your face. She wouldn’t partner you with someone who couldn’t handle you as you are, just like my virus refuses women who don’t meet his criteria.”
“Your virus has criteria, too? Like what? Vicious huntresses? I may have a scarred face, but I am excellent as hunting, on two feet and four.”
“That is definitely a turn on. I like competence and skill. So does my virus. You top the charts on the competence and skill chart. And if I could purr, I would have been in that sewing shop when you took out that wolf.”
“I was the queen of cool, calm, and collected on that hit. I’m so proud of myself.”
The elevator opened, and Sebastian checked the brochure we’d been given, which gave us a map of our floor, along with the information we needed to enjoy our visit to the spa. He pointed to the left. “Our room is about twenty miles that way. Also, your general behavior during a hit is part of why the CDC likes hiring you. Cool, calm, and collected is also highly professional.”
“I’m still surprised the CDC assigned you to me, especially considering we’re unmated lycanthropes.”
“Were, not are. We were unmated. We’re now happily mated. The CDC hires a lot of observant, competent people. My boss is particularly observant and competent. My boss recognized I was moodier and crankier than normal, so he started watching my file to figure out what was making me less moody and less cranky. Through the powers of deduction, and reports of me roaring at you over the phone, he concluded that despite appearances, which involved me being forced to the point of roaring from frustration, my conversations with you made me significantly less crabby. So, he sent me here in the hopes I would become happily mated to you. Let me note that there is a very strong emphasis on happily. I’m very happy today. I am sending my boss a nice Christmas present this year, and once I convince you to marry me, an invitation to our wedding.”
I considered my savings account, and assuming we pulled off the job, I could easily afford a wedding. A nice one, where I got to show off a pretty dress in front of all of my brothers and parents. And I could invite my uncles and their families, too. We could even do it at an actual venue rather than in the yard. “How big is your family?”
“Not as big as I would like, but it’s big enough. Lions don’t like staying unmated for long, and while most lionesses limit things to a child every fifteen to eighteen years, we’re long lived and tend to mate early. I’m considered to be a holdout, but that’s because after the first time I met you, I decided I would be keeping a close eye on you, which means I really didn’t have interest in other women. At the time, I hadn’t been planning on mating with you, but I had an interest.”
“My reaction to people flinching at my face?” I guessed.
“That was a big part of it, yes. I didn’t flinch, but when I saw you, I wondered what sort of hell you had endured to emerge with so many scars. I’d guessed a car accident rather than a fire. I hadn’t guessed your whole body is likewise scarred. And since the scars are a sore point, and I would only discuss them after you brought it up, I wasn’t going to ask. Nothing I had on you implied it was a result of domestic violence or an attack, so I tried not to worry about it much.”
“My family would not react well to anyone raising a hand against me. Unless we’re actively mating, in which case they’ll cheer me on and tell me to kick your ass so hard you retaliate and show me a good time. Because we’re lynxes, and that is encouraged.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. And make sure I swat you a time or two while a lion. To establish my physical superiority and goad you into indulging with me. Honestly, I’m liking general lynx behaviors. Lions are needy and indulge often, and it’s looking like my little lynx is in dire need of attention and indulgence.”
“I think you’re right. Lonely lynxes don’t purr often. I have been a very lonely lynx.”
“Those days are over, although I am hoping I’ll get some of your growls and hisses, too. I’m a lion, not a completely pampered prince. I like the whole package. The purrs are nice, but I want the growls, hisses, and every other sound I can get out of you, too.”
“Screaming.”
Sebastian stumbled a step. “What? Screaming?”
“Lynxes scream at each other as part of the violent little dance involving the creation of litters of kittens. Or for practice for the creation of litters of kittens. There is a lot of screaming involved. My parents notify everyone within at least a mile when they’re going at it as lynxes. The screaming is far less noticeable when they’re humans, but nobody even bothers calling the cops anymore. There’s a permanent note over at the police station that any screaming coming from the Wells property is probably a warning of more Wells kittens on the way. The louder and longer the screaming? The higher the chance of a new litter in development. If there’s a report of domestic violence at my parents’ place, the cops check the neighbors’ porches to see if there might actually be a problem. If there are lynxes piled on the porches of various neighbors’ porches, they just return to the station. It’s not worth pissing off amorous lynxes to confirm it’s just lynxes being lynxes.”
Sebastian snickered. “We’re going to need to get a home sufficiently distanced from our neighbors. Lions are loud. I’m amused I need to worry about if lynxes are louder.”
“I’m pretty sure we take the top prize for being loud and creepy. Lynxes sound horrifically like someone is being flayed alive. A lion’s roar? Loud but generally not a problem unless you’ve just pissed off a lion and you don’t want the lion pissed off at you. Me? I like pissing off one specific lion. I do not want other lions roaring at me.”
“That is because you’re smart.”
“Sebastian, I pissed you off for fun because I’m my mother’s daughter and the idea of getting my ass handed to me by a big, muscular lion is highly attractive. That is not smart. Kinky, possibly. But not smart.”
“It’s smart because the lion you like pissing off for fun has no interest in harming you. You were just using alternative flirtation methods because simpering or fluttering your lashes is not one of your skills.”
While I’d assumed Sebastian’s complaint our room was twenty miles away from the elevator counted as a minor exaggeration, we hiked down an endless hallway to the end, where a set of double doors had our room number on them. “I’ve screwed up somewhere, Sebastian. Those doors are single, and they have numbers that aren’t ours. This room has two doors, but the number matches ours. I know I indulged, but I don’t think I double-door indulged.” I winced at the panic in my voice. “I’m pretty sure I didn’t indulge in this sort of room, Sebastian.”
Sebastian took the keys from me, inserted the card, and the red light turned green. He opened the door and peeked inside. “The keys work, so this is definitely the right room. Oh. This is really nice, too. Perfect for a lion to lounge between long sessions of pampering his lynx. If you’re worried, I’ll talk to the front desk to make sure everything is okay, but I’m pretty sure it is. Hotels do this sometimes.”
“This?”
“Upgrade rooms. If a penthouse suite is empty, they’ll bump a guest up, especially if the guest has purchased a higher quality room already. Was the room charge what you expected?”
My face flushed. “I didn’t even bother looking. I prepaid the actual room fee and spa fees. I pay the resort fee at the end.”
Sebastian set the bags down, grabbed hold of my wrist, and pulled me inside. “More enjoying, less panicking. If it’s not a free upgrade, covering the difference will be my contribution, as apparently, someone paid for two people to enjoy the spa without having a planned guest with her.”
Oops. “I’m not good with money and vacation planning, apparently. I didn’t know what anything on the brochure meant. I just assumed expensive was good, and the website gave me all sorts of spa options, so I clicked them all.”
“You’re something else, my little lynx. Did you happen to tell your family which spa you were going to?”
I thought about it. “Probably, to prevent the whining and the crying.”
“And your family was overwhelmed with guilt they hadn’t sent you to Hawaii, correct?”
“A laptop, several thousand in cash, some makeup, and games for my new laptop. The cash was too much, but I think Uncle Henry provided most of it, because my parents? They can’t afford much of anything with the number of kittens they keep around. I’m not sure how my daddy paid for his truck and new car. The rest of the escapees make more than I do, so I didn’t feel too badly about mugging them for their money. But we all chip in for the kittens—or fixing things around the house. Lynx kittens get into everything. And break everything. Honestly, it’s amazing the house is still standing. It’s definitely too small for the number of kittens living in it, though. But lynxes sleep in cuddle piles often, so it’s not like they really need a bedroom each. There needs to be a bedroom per litter for the most part. I was weird, as after I hit my teens, I opted to sleep in a closet rather than with any of the litters. My brothers snore.”
“Your brothers are also male, and your virus would have gotten cranky around randy teenaged boys. Teenaged boys are walking hormones.”
“They really are. They cried the first time I hid in a closet to escape them and their stinky hormones.”
Sebastian chuckled. “Poor, sad little lynxes. Now, stop worrying and come enjoy the nice room. It was probably your uncle, and he probably called the hotel and made arrangements for any upgrades you hadn’t taken care of yourself.”
“He really would,” I complained, but I stepped into the room, which oozed modern luxury with a splash of rustic. The hotel had gone with warm colors over a cool gray backdrop, creating an odd but welcoming effect. To my delight, there was a fireplace in the sitting room, and a gift basket waited on the coffee table wrapped in metallic red crinkly cellophane. “Nobody told me there’d be presents.”
“My bet is on the guilty clan of cats who want to make sure you have a good time at your retreat. It must be so difficult for you, forced to acknowledge your family loves you. But you are a lynx. You do enjoy making things as difficult as possible.” Sebastian closed the door and engaged the deadbolt. “Once you have unwrapped your present, I’m going to drag you off, as manly lions tend to do, and unwrap my present. And I made sure to bring all of the required accessories needed to keep you tamed and quiet for my enjoyment.”
Meow. “I like you make it perfectly clear what you have in mind, so I know I need to hurry up and see what’s in this basket so I can be unwrapped and become a present.”
“I must send you to your first spa pampering content and purring. I’ll also make arrangements for dinner, as I’m expecting you will be a relaxed mess of a woman by the time the spa is finished with you.”
I looked forward to it. “I don’t normally eat as much as I have been,” I confessed.
“Your virus is going wild taming my virus, just as mine is going wild taming yours. Then there’s the issue of your blood type changing, although it doesn’t have to change by much.”
“How much is not much?”
“I’m fairly certain, after looking over your file, you’re going to be switching from a negative to positive blood type, and the little I was able to look into it from the CDC’s files, this is the fastest of the changes from lycanthropy mating. You should be fully switched within a week or two, especially if I’m taking close care to expose you to as much of my virus as possible.”
I stared into his eyes. “How absolutely tragic for me.”
He laughed. “Go open your present. I want to listen to you purr.”
“Why do you assume I’m going to purr because there’s a present?”
“I’m hoping you will purr because there is a present, and since your family was not expecting me to be joining you, the present is surely for you rather than both of us.”
“The traitors could have called yesterday,” I reminded him.
Sebastian eyed the basket with interest. “It could be a trap.”
“You like presents?”
“I am a proud and majestic lion, Miss Murder Mittens. I do not merely like presents. I love them. Lions require presents to maintain their emotional health. It’s a rule.”
“But is it a rule you just made up?”
“That’s entirely possible, but if you’re the one giving me the presents, I’m guaranteed to be a happy lion, and my happiness is mandatory.”
I liked the playful side to Sebastian I hadn’t seen before, and I rubbed my hands and approached the coffee table. “Whatever this is, it’s big.” I peered through the cellophane at the basket, which was large enough to hold an entire crochet project with room to spare, assuming I installed a nice slick lining to keep the yarn from catching on the reeds. “It looks handwoven, too. This is a nice basket, Sebastian. I will use it for crocheting.”
“That is stunningly practical. You haven’t even checked what is inside the basket, and you’re making plans for the container.”
“Presents are meant to be fully enjoyed, and I’m enjoying the thought of using this for crocheting. I’ll make a nice liner for it, and that will protect my yarn.”
“Do I need to help you open the present? If you stare at the wrapper and the basket itself all day, I will help you open the present.”
“Impatient lion,” I teased.
“After your present comes my present, and I want my present. And if you take too long, I’ll just toss you over my shoulder and carry you to the bedroom so I can have my wicked way with you. If you purr nicely for me, I’ll even help you shower before you adventure at the spa.”
“I sense I’m being trained to purr on command.”
“There are worse things I could train you to be doing,” the lion replied without any hint of shame. “I’m a lion. A selfish, proud, majestic, and egotistical lion, and I need you to purr for me.”
I rolled my eyes. “You are so damned strange, Sebastian.”
“That’s not purring for me or opening your present, Miss Murder Mittens.”
“This should be savored, Mr. Mane. Savored! Presents are rare and must be fully appreciated.”
“Right. Huge family, and that probably boiled down to minimal gift giving at Christmas. I’m an idiot. I’m sorry. Please, take your time, then. I will also make sure you have plenty of presents to unwrap over the holidays. I will have to research every holiday involving the gifting of gifts and use these as excuses to shower you with presents.”
“What about you? You need presents, too.”
“You are the present.”
“You deserve presents, too.”
“I’m sure you will think of something appropriate to give me. Your complete surrender in my bed makes an excellent present, and you can give that to me every night if you wish. And as I am a noble lion, I will make sure to show proper appreciation for any gifts you give me.”
“Aren’t you being too nice?”
“Not at all. It will take time for you to learn the true majesty of a lion. When I’m finished with you, you will know lions are the true top feline, and that for you to be loved by a lion makes you a treasured jewel of the feline world. This raises the place of lynxes to a close and beloved second.”
“Lynxes are so much better than lions. We can purr. All you can do is futilely roar whenever you don’t get your way. All talk, Mr. Mane.” I plucked at the red ribbon keeping the basket closed, peeling away the crinkly cellophane to reveal a stuffed bear, a ridiculous amount of chocolate, a bottle of champagne, two champagne flutes, and a gift-wrapped box that reminded me of a gift box for clothes, except a little taller than normal. I picked it up to discover it was a great deal heavier than a clothing box and chill to the touch. A little sticker informed me practitioner magic preserved the contents of the box, and the magic would last for a period of five years before it needed to be renewed. My eyes widened. “Sebastian, this box keeps things cold!”
“It probably contains a cheese board, weapons to assault your cheese, and cheese. Boxes like that show up at the CDC sometimes, which leads me to believe your uncle was involved. I bet it’s catnip infused cheese, since that’s the only cheese anyone should give to a feline.”
“Catnip infused what?”
“Cheese, usually an old cheddar to make it extra special.”
My mouth watered at the thought of cheese and catnip mixed together. “This must have cost a fortune.” I peeled off the wrapping paper to uncover a polished box crafted of dark wood and engraved with feathers. “This is really pretty.”
Sebastian sat on the couch and patted the cushion beside him. “Sit and enjoy opening your present. They probably went overboard. The presence of two flutes implies they made this arrangement after I stole you away from them.”
“You didn’t steal me, Mr. Mane. I stole you. And I denied them the right to beat you up at their leisure.”
“I plan on showing up as a lion one day and picking a fight with the entire clan. You can sit on a cushion I provide while a lynx and enjoy the show.”
That got a purr out of me before I could stop myself. As I’d already lost the war, I tore off the rest of the wrapping paper from the box and lifted off the lid.
As Sebastian suspected, the box did contain a cutting board meant for cheese, several wooden dishes bound together with ribbon, cheese knives, metal skewers for hunting cheese, and several blocks and rounds of cheese. According to the first block of cheese I grabbed, someone had gifted me with three pounds of old cheddar cheese infused with catnip. “How good is twenty-five year cheese?”
“Someone likes you a lot. That stuff will crumble when you touch it, and it is exquisite in its sharpness. Your uncle probably contributed to that, because I really like old cheddars.”
“I’m more of a Monterey Jack woman,” I confessed. I checked the next block, and sure enough, someone had made sure I would enter a catnip induced coma using my favorite cheese as the vessel for my catnip high. “See? Monterey Jack! But there are more types of cheese in here?” I peeked at the wheels, discovering several types of soft cheeses and one smaller block of mild cheddar. “So much cheese. And this block will keep my cheese cold? So I can take my cheese anywhere without a refrigerator?”
“Yep. In five years, you’ll need to have the magic renewed on the box, but there should be instructions on where to take it underneath the cutting board. Once outside the box, the board will stay cool to keep your cheeses from warming up too much, too. It’s really nice, especially when you have a good cheese like that old cheddar or your Monterey Jack.”
“I like how you called it good rather than cheap.”
“If you love it, it’s a good cheese.” Sebastian leaned forward, peeked into the basket, and reached inside, pulling out several containers of crackers. “Apparently, your family is sending a message about what they think you should be doing.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Catnip can relax cats. Catnip can also make cats very frisky. Two cats high on catnip tend to get frisky. In bed. There’s enough cheese in that box to induce a week long cheese binge, Miss Murder Mittens. There’s also sausage.” He retrieved the sausage and set them on his lap before rummaging through the basket. I grinned as his curiosity took over. “It’s also catnip infused. You should store these in the cheese box if there is space.”
“I think those will fit. This is probably a hint to continue the family tradition of producing a ridiculous number of kittens.”
“You’re not fertile right now,” Sebastian announced. “Judging from your scent, we’ll have to start being careful in a week or two, although I’m not sure how lynxes differ from lions on that front. I didn’t do any research into lynxes like that. I was more worried about other things.”
I giggled. “Lynxes have set mating seasons. My parents just finished theirs. It lasts about two months. My litter is off-season. We’re just starting our season. My brothers are a little ahead of me, but we figure it was based on our conception dates. In-season lynxes are greedy assholes, and we get very grouchy when we don’t have company. I’m known to be pretty aggressive and cranky. My mother just assaults my father at least once a day. We just go hang out on the front porches of our neighbors when they’re going at it. Thus the whole cop thing I told you about earlier.”
“Are you on birth control?”
“Doesn’t work on female lynxes. At all. We completely ignore it. Or our virus wipes it out. But in good news, there aren’t typically any accidental kittens for lynxes.”
“How are there no accidental kittens for lynxes if you’re in-season and randy for two months? Lionesses are always in-season, and have more of a human reproductive cycle,” he informed me.
“My mother asked a doctor at the CDC once, and they gave her a nice check to retrieve a few eggs and do some experiments. She often lets them do something like that every time there is a litter to help cover the hospital fees and anything else if needed. It’s a thing. With as many kittens as they have? My parents need all the help they can get, and the CDC isn’t really all that bad. They pay fairly for things like that. But anyway, lynxes have really thick egg covers, so it takes a lot of sperm to get through it. The CDC asked an incubus and succubus to evaluate one of her eggs.” I shuddered. “And this is where we enter ‘I didn’t really want to know, but I do now’ territory.”
“Let me guess. They gave the number of times the average human or lycanthrope would have to ejaculate to have a chance of pregnancy.”
“Yes, they did. And because my mother is all about sex education, all of my brothers know, as do I. We even have a list for all known cat species. The list is in my email.”
Sebastian fetched my phones and went to work on them. “I’ll just get your phone set up while you continue exploring the box, because I’m now really curious how much prowess I need to display should we want children.”
“Well, the lowest of any of the numbers is thirty-five. I remember that only because upon learning this, my brothers may have gotten on their knees and bowed to my father.”
Sebastian went still. “The lowest number of times is thirty-five?”
“Yes.”
He gently set the phones on the couch beside him, lifted his hand, opened his mouth, and spluttered.
I understood. I still struggled to imagine the sheer amount of effort my father had to invest in order to make certain there were future kittens in the family.
My brothers and I were a lot more than the result of lust, although my parents had more than their fair share of that.
“Is your father a god or does he get medication?” Sebastian blurted.
“Possibly a god, because he is my daddy. But that talk keeps me awake at night sometimes, Sebastian. Thirty-five times? In one night? Hell, thirty-five times in a matter of hours? Inconceivable!”
“Obviously not, as your father has done a very good job of raising lynx numbers,” Sebastian replied in a dry tone.
I stared at him, and I realized I’d inadvertently assaulted him with a horrible pun. “I am so sorry. That was an accident.”
“Well, none of your brothers were accidents to say the least, and I see I have a great deal of work ahead of me. Do you know what this is, Harri?”
“What is it?”
“A challenge.”
“This year, I think we’re going to have to just come to terms with how challenging that challenge is. I mean, that’s…” The insanity that was my parents when they decided they wanted a new litter around befuddled me, and I shrugged.
“My pride demands I prove myself equal to your father, but I am a fan of your common sense. I’m going to need at least a year to strategize, Harri. And possibly a fertility test to confirm how much work I’ll have to do when we decide it’s time for kittens.”
I grinned at him. “Just think about it this way. If we fail at that challenge a few times, we win even when we lose, and we’ll just have to win some more next time.”
“I like the way you think. With that discussed, shall we sample some of that cheese and take this discussion to the bedroom?”
“Yes, please.”