THE NEXT DAY was Sunday. Harvey suggested a walk to Vatuwai Falls, the relatively remote waterfall Dr Tora had recommended to them the day before. They’d spent the past hour walking inland from the nearest village, holding hands when the width of the track through the forest allowed. Of course, with Della wearing her sexy denim cut-off shorts, which made her backside look great, single file also had its advantages.
‘There it is,’ Della called excitedly over the sound of tumbling water. She shot him an excited smile and rounded the final bend in the forest track ahead of Harvey, disappearing out of sight.
Harvey lengthened his strides to catch up, Della’s enthusiasm contagious. But she made everything better, brighter, richer. They laughed together. He slept more soundly with her in his arms. She even made the workday pass quicker. What was he going to do without her back in Australia? And how had she sneaked so close that he’d opened up and told her about his mother?
‘I’m going in,’ Della said as he joined her at the edge of the water.
The falls were nestled in the shade of the island’s lush rainforest, the pool beneath ten feet of cascading water, cool and inviting. And they had the place to themselves. Della dropped her backpack and took off her T-shirt and shorts to reveal her gorgeous bikini-clad body, her stare full of that familiar challenge that boiled his blood. Harvey’s mouth, already thirsty from the heat of the day and the physical exertion of the trek from the car, dried further with longing. How could he want her again when they’d had sex at sunrise? How would he ever switch off this ravenous craving? How would he see her in the future and not want her the way he wanted her now?
It was crazy, but since they’d started to get to know each other on a deeper, personal level, since he’d seen her fears and insecurities and felt comfortable to open up to her about his past, he’d started to imagine things. Terrifying things. Things that took the control he loved and snapped it clean in two.
Could Della and he have something more than a sexual fling? Could she ever take him seriously? Could she ever want a man like him? Della dreamed of the whole fairy tale, and he was not only severely rusty when it came to feelings, he was also scared that he might be broken. Maybe it was just the magic of Fiji, the dreamlike bubble away from reality. Perhaps it was that until they’d been forced to spend time together, he hadn’t really known the real Della at all, and it was just messing with his head.
‘Careful,’ he called as she gingerly traversed the rocks at the edge of the pool before stepping into the ankle-deep water. They were at least an hour’s walk away from the nearest village and further to proper medical care. If one of them slipped, had an accident out here, they’d be in serious trouble.
‘Come on, Harvey; it’s lovely.’ Della ignored his warning and waded into deeper water, the surface lapping against the tops of her thighs, wetting her coral-pink bikini bottoms. Before his brain could re-engage, she dived under the water and surfaced closer to the plunge pool at the base of the waterfall.
Harvey dropped his backpack next to hers and quickly removed his T-shirt and shoes. He was already wearing board shorts, so he followed Della into the pool, the shock of cool water on his skin a welcome reset to the fire she’d set in his blood. When the water reached his hips, he dived in and swam in swift strokes after Della.
‘Keep up,’ she said, turning onto her back and laughing.
Della was a strong swimmer—she’d told him it was the only sport Brody wasn’t good at, because he didn’t have the patience to train—and she loved to throw out challenges. Normally he was happy to accept them. But today, maybe because he’d told her about his mother last night, maybe because he’d been reminded how Della’s family was also his, how he needed the Wiltons more than ever what with Bill’s diagnosis, he was feeling exposed. Needing to get his hands on her to switch off that part of his brain focussed on reason and problem-solving, the part wondering if they could possibly work in the real world, when Harvey had abandoned the things Della wanted years ago, he powered through the water, catching up to her at the base of the waterfall. Della laughed, tried to get away, splashed him in the face.
She might be a stronger swimmer, but Harvey was faster. He snagged her around the waist, treading water as he dragged her nearly naked body against his, so she was all soft curves and slippery skin, taunting him with the things he couldn’t have. Because soon, he’d have to give her up, give this up.
The minute they touched, Della back in his arms where she felt way too right, need roared through his blood. ‘You always keep me on my toes, do you know that?’ He dipped his mouth to hers, captured her smiling lips and kissed her.
She draped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him back, her lips parting, her tongue sliding against his so his arousal flickered in his shorts. ‘Well, just because you like to be in control, we can’t have you growing complacent.’ Laughing, she wriggled free of his arms and kicked away.
Complacent? How could he ever feel settled around Della? She made him unstable, as if he was spinning at the centre of a whirlwind, caught between opposing emotions—fear that he could never be what she needed and an almost overwhelming desire to let her in anyway. But he’d spent twenty years keeping people, including Della, out.
Needing her touch to dampen some of the panic, Harvey caught her again, gripping her waist. ‘No chance to be complacent with you around,’ he mumbled against her lips, stealing another kiss. To douse the heat they generated when they touched and to pay Della back for the splash to the face, Harvey kicked his legs, guiding them both under the cascading wall of water. The force and shock of the water hitting their heads broke them apart, gasping.
On the far side of the falls, Della laughed, reached for his shoulders and kissed him playfully. ‘You always have to win, don’t you?’
‘Of course.’ He grinned, his stomach hollow. There was one aspect of his life where he hadn’t excelled: relationships. Even if Della wanted more than these two stolen weeks in Fiji, with him of all men, was he capable of giving her more than sex? He didn’t want to let her down or cause her pain. She’d been hurt enough in the past, and hurting her would mean disappointing, possibly losing, all the Wiltons. But could he really walk away, knowing that this attraction between them had always been there, knowing that he would see her again and again, knowing that now he had nowhere left to hide? She knew all his shameful secrets.
She kissed him, her tongue surging against his as her legs wrapped around his waist under the water. Her bikini-clad body scalded his skin, driving him from memories to the present. Harvey gripped her waist, his toes touching the rocky bottom of the pool. Behind the waterfall, the sunlight was dappled, and the natural pool of shoulder-high water extended into a cave carved from the rocks of the overhanging cliff. Some primal urge shifted through him, a feeling that they might be the only two people on the planet. Nothing seemed to matter beyond how her touch, her kisses, her saying his name made him feel...invincible.
‘Why can’t I keep my hands off you?’ he groaned, growing harder inside his swim shorts as she dropped her head back, exposing her neck to his kisses.
‘I know what you mean.’ She gripped his waist tighter with her thighs, her breasts bobbing on the surface of the water, their creamy curves teasing him, as if begging for his touch, his mouth. Harvey cupped one breast, his hand sliding down her bikini top and raising the nipple to his lips.
‘Harvey...’ She sighed and slipped her fingers through his wet hair, releasing her hold on his waist so she slid a little further down his hips.
The heat of her bathed his erection through his shorts. He was struggling to think again, his only instinct to bury himself inside her and chase the mind-numbing oblivion that was never far away when they touched. If he could focus on this, on pleasure, for just a few more days, surely his perspective would return once he was away from the temptation of Della.
Harvey untied the top of her bikini so the cups fell. He switched sides, his grip on her waist tightening as he laved the other nipple. He looked up. Della was watching him, her eyes heavy with desire.
‘I want you all the time,’ he said, turning them around and backing up against the rocky ledge at the edge of the pool so he could hold her there with his hips. ‘What are we doing to each other?’
‘I don’t know, but let’s not stop yet,’ she said, gasping when his hand slid between her legs and inside her bikini bottoms.
He was out of control for her, a rage of hormones and terrifying feelings. Fear gripped his throat. What if this all-consuming need for each other didn’t fade once they returned to their respective lives in Australia and New Zealand? What if a part of him always pined for Fiji, for Della? What if seeing her back in the real world brought the nice, neat life he’d constructed for himself crashing down around his head? What if she was the only person who could fix it, but she didn’t want him?
Before his thoughts could disappear down that blind-ending tunnel, Della slid her hand between their bodies, inside his shorts, and cupped his erection, massaging him in her tight fist so his mind blanked. Harvey dragged his mouth from hers, the last thread of reason strung taut to the snapping point. ‘We don’t have a condom.’
‘I’m okay without it if you are,’ she said, kissing the side of his neck while she continued to stroke him under the water.
Harvey groaned, capturing her lips once more. They trusted each other. Knew each other. Neither of them would put the other at risk. Because he was consumed by desire, because she was looking at him as if he could give her everything she needed, Harvey untied one side of Della’s bikini bottoms so the fabric slid away from between her legs.
She braced her arms around his shoulders as she sank a little lower, her stare holding his. ‘I want you, Harvey.’
Triumph rocked him. He gripped her waist and pushed inside her, the heat of her fanning the rampant flames in his belly. Could she want him for more than sex? Could he give her what she deserved, what she craved? Commitment? But what if he failed, let her down, ruined things for them and for himself?
‘Yes,’ she hissed as he filled her, her lips parted on her soft gasp, distracting him from thoughts that had no place in what they’d agreed to: a fling.
He cupped her face, bringing her mouth back to his, pressing his tongue against hers, overtaken by an uncontrollable sense of wildness to focus only on this physical connection they’d found and moulded into something unfamiliar but so meaningful.
‘Don’t stop,’ she said when they parted for air. She spread one arm and clung to the rocky ledge at her back while Harvey gripped her waist under the water, held her close to the rhythmic thrust of his hips.
‘You’re beautiful. I’ve never wanted anyone this much,’ he choked out, watching arousal darken her eyes. ‘You know I’ve always felt this way about you, don’t you, since that first time we met?’
She gasped at his honest declaration, something in her stare telling him she too had denied their attraction. But there was no point hiding it. She made him crazy and always had, this possibility there between them since the start, as if waiting for the time to be right. But was right enough? As soon as Della was ready to date, she’d be looking for the one. Whereas Harvey was so far behind when it came to relationships, he might never catch up. They might never be on the same page. What if he tried and failed?
Because he didn’t want to think about where that would leave him once they returned to normality, Harvey dived for her breast, raising it to his lips and sucking. Della cried out, one arm around his neck, holding him close.
‘Yes, yes,’ she moaned, so he picked up the pace, driving her higher, even as he fought off his own release. He could give her this, give her a part of himself he hadn’t given anyone in twenty years. He’d let Della in emotionally. It was no wonder he felt bombarded by unfamiliar impulses.
‘Della...’ he groaned, his hips jerking erratically, faster and harder, his need for her boiling over.
She gasped, her fingernails digging into his shoulder as she shattered in his arms, holding him so close as her orgasm crested that all Harvey could do was crush her to his chest, bury his face against her neck and follow with a harsh cry.
‘Are you okay?’ he muttered, his lips against her skin, as he held her tight and came down from the high.
She nodded, retying her bikini top at the back of her neck. Slipping from her body, he helped her retie the bottoms, his insides trembling. What was she doing to him? And how would he return to his solitary life when he’d allowed her so close he feared she might be able to see through him as if he was made of glass?
Silently, they swam back under the waterfall to the main pool, holding hands as they waded ashore. Harvey glanced her way as they sat on the rocks in a shaft of tree-dappled sunlight to dry off and rehydrate. Was she, like him, moved by the intensity of what they’d just done? Was he being a fool to think she could ever take him seriously when it came to more than sex? Della was a practical, intelligent woman who knew exactly what she wanted. Could he ever be enough?
‘Just to reassure you,’ she said, leaning against his arm, ‘because you’ve gone suddenly quiet—I’m on the pill. No need to worry about an unwanted consequence.’ She looked up at him, the way she’d looked at him last night when he’d told her about his mother, as if he finally made sense.
‘Thanks for the reassurance.’ Harvey snagged her hand, raised it to his lips and pressed a kiss there. ‘But I was thinking how we only have a few more days left, and how it will be extra hard to leave Fiji this time.’ Because as soon as the real world encroached, they would be over. Did she still want that? Was there any part of her that wanted to see where this could lead?
She nodded, releasing a small shuddering sigh. ‘I know what you mean.’ She smiled at him, her expression relaxed. ‘Best holiday ever.’
Harvey pulled on his T-shirt, needing to be less exposed. ‘But you still want a baby, right?’ he said, some inexplicable force in control of his words. ‘Just not mine, obviously.’ His gut twisted. With fear or some foreign ache? But he wanted Della to be happy, even if he couldn’t be the man to make her so.
Della stilled, glancing over at him as if he’d asked some sort of trick question that required a considered answer. ‘I do,’ she said, looking down at her feet, flexing her toes in the water. ‘But perhaps when I’m ready, I’ll... I don’t know...go it alone. Use a sperm donor. After all, I’m nearly thirty-eight. My time for finding Mr Right is running out.’
Jealous at the idea of Della with another man, Harvey pressed his lips together. Her lifestyle choices were none of his business. He certainly wasn’t qualified to be the man of her dreams. It had been many years since Harvey had allowed himself to think about wanting a family. But would she truly be content to go it alone?
‘That’s certainly one way to go,’ he said, keeping his voice light, although his throat burned. ‘But isn’t the adoring husband a crucial part of your dream life?’
Could he bear to watch Della walk down the aisle again now that they’d become...not friends exactly. In fact, there was no label for what they’d become. But for Harvey, it was the most meaningful connection he’d ever had. Why else would he have confided in her about his mother’s abandonment? Why else was he constructing wild and improbable imaginings where he was a different man, a man worthy of Della? Especially when those imaginings put a huge part of his life—his valued place in the Wilton family—at risk.
‘He was crucial...’ Della rolled her eyes, looking mildly embarrassed. ‘But I’ve kind of had my fingers burned. Maybe pushing so hard for a family was what scared off Ethan. Perhaps it’s better to have part of my dream than to push for it all and end up with nothing again.’
Pricks of unease tensed Harvey’s shoulders. ‘Didn’t he know you wanted a family before he proposed?’ If Ethan had known the first thing about Della, surely it was that she’d always wanted to be a mother.
‘Of course he did,’ Della said, ducking her head so he could no longer see her eyes. ‘But obviously he wasn’t ready, or I asked for too much and ended up losing everything.’
Harvey gripped her arms, turning her to face him, his heart racing. ‘Why shouldn’t you have everything you want? It’s not that you asked for too much, it’s that Ethan sold you a lie or said one thing and then changed his mind.’ His protective instincts built to a frenzy. He didn’t want Della to ever doubt herself, or be scared to risk another relationship, scared to trust her judgement.
Despite being out of his depth, Harvey cupped her chin and raised her gaze back to his. ‘Don’t make that about you, when it was clearly his issue. You shouldn’t have needed to convince him, Della. He should have understood your dreams and supported them. That’s the promise he made when he married you. I was there; I heard the vows.’
Della stared, speechless, blinking up at him. Then she dropped her gaze. ‘Marriage is complex, I guess...’ She shrugged, a small, vulnerable smile on her lips. ‘Despite the way Brody makes it look easy.’
Harvey winced, hearing the hint of dismissal in what she left unsaid. Of course Harvey had no right to offer advice, knowing so little about commitment and nothing about marriage. She knew it. He knew it. Just because they were good together, just because he’d started to wonder if they had a future together, didn’t make him some sort of instant relationship guru.
‘You’re right,’ Harvey said, reaching for his towel to dry his legs. ‘I’m the last man in the world qualified to give relationship advice. I’m not even sure I’m capable of being in one after avoiding them all these years.’ He shoved his feet into his walking boots, withdrawing because he was so obviously out of his depth, and she could see right through him. She wanted a husband, a baby, and he was ill-qualified to make her the promise of even a real date.
‘Maybe you’re right to go it alone,’ he added, stowing his towel in his backpack. ‘Why wait around for some perfect guy to sweep you off your feet? If you want a baby, you should have one. Cute tiny humans. What’s not to love?’ Harvey shut his mouth. He had no idea what he wanted. But the idea of Della being a solo parent was almost as unsettling as the idea of watching her date men who were better qualified than him to be in a relationship.
Feeling powerless again, he reached for her hand and pulled her to her feet. ‘Come on. Let’s head back to the car. It’s getting late.’
Eyeing him with curiosity, Della dressed and pulled on her backpack. They set off along the track through the forest, hand in hand once more. Harvey took some deep breaths, willing the storm inside his chest to abate. He needed to be careful. His thoughts, his imaginings were writing cheques he wasn’t certain he could afford. He was the last man on Earth who should make Della any sort of promise. In a few more days, and they’d be back to their real lives. All he needed to do was silence the crazy possibilities in his head, enjoy the rest of their time together and try to ensure that their new close relationship survived once they’d each moved on.