‘There it is!’ Grandad Abe hooted. ‘What a sight for spookery eyes.’
Nobody spoke.
All of us, including Manky Old Maloney, were flabbergusted and watched in silence as the tracks took one last swoop under an archway of fiery red coral and curved towards the building at the centre of the glowing pleasure gardens.
‘The Briny Ballroom,’ Abe chuckled. ‘We’ve reached our destination.’
As we approached, I wasn’t even sure what I was gawping at. The building was a kind of colossal clear orb, held in place on the seabed by huge claws of gleaming gold.
The Atilantus rattled around a final bend and passed through an opening into the base of the humongous glass ball.
I don’t think there are enough words in the whole world to fully describe what we all saw as our fish-train chugged into the small arrivals station, just like the one below the hotel reception.
‘This way,’ Grandad Abe said as we came to a shaky stop. He floated past me, onto the wooden platform, then gestured for us to follow. Everyone clambered out through the metal ribs of the fish skeleton, eager to get a better look.
I swayed onto solid ground with knees like jelly, although I didn’t care one little bit. I felt like someone had reached inside my head and scrambled my brains with an egg beater, but that wasn’t going to stop me now! The shock of meeting my long-dead great-great-great-grandad yesterday was enough to make me think I was dreaming, but riding a mechanical fish skeleton into the depths of the ocean, and discovering a whole new part of the hotel ALL BEFORE LUNCH was verging on BONKERS and I LOVED IT!
‘Come on, darling,’ Mum said to me, practically hopping with delight.
Ahead of us was a railing, just like the one in the ‘Welcome Under’ room, and I couldn’t wait to reach it and get a better look at the cavernous place.
We all shuffled over to the balcony edge like we’d had few too many sips of bluebottle brandy, and…
‘CORRR!’ Maloney cooed as she doddered up next to me. She planted her stumpy hands on her hips and peered about with a grin on her face.
‘What did I tell you, Maudlin?’ Nancy said, her eight eyes bulging with surprise. She gave the little leprechaun a nudge with her nearest elbow. ‘I said you’d thank me when we got here.’
Maloney didn’t reply, she was too busy gawking, and I can’t say I blame her. Everything Grandad Abe had said was true.
The Briny Ballroom was HONKHUMPTIOUS!
No … it was more than HONKHUMPTIOUS!!
It was HUMDEFFEROUS!!!
Before us, underneath the high walls and ceiling of glass, stretched the most enormous circular dance floor I’d ever seen. It looked a bit like the floor of the hotel reception, with loads of patterned rings spiralling into the centre, but instead of black and white tiles, it was paved in thousands and thousands of tiny blue and purple seashells. Right in the centre, where Great-Great-Aunt Zennifer’s fountain would have been if we were back at home, was an ornate tree carved out of silver.
Beyond the tree there was a bandstand with a roof above it like the dome in Granny Regurgita’s tower-bedroom, and around the edge of the dance floor were lines of entertainment stalls and amusements. I could see a pink-and-yellow-striped helter-skelter slide, a carousel with multi-coloured seahorses around it, and a ferris wheel with carriages made from giant clams.
There were food wagons, and fortune-teller tents, and rows of wobbly mirrors, and all of it – absolutely everything – was covered in a thick blanket of cobwebs and dust.
‘Well?’ Abe said, after we’d been gazing at it all for what seemed like an eternity. ‘It might be in need of a good old clean-up, but you’re all most welcome. Lovely, isn’t it?’
‘Och, it’s a beauty!’ Nancy sighed, fanning herself with her four hands.
‘Yes!’ Abe laughed. ‘And how we partied here!’
I glanced upwards when a large cloud-like blob caught my attention as it moved around the outside of the glass walls, distracting me from my family’s nattering.
‘Gosh!’ Mum cried. She’d spotted it too.
Everyone stared as the shape twisted and shimmered, darting this way and that, gliding up towards the top of the ceiling. For a moment, it looked like the giant blustery blizzard that had visited our hotel just a few weeks ago was out there in the depths, until, sparkling with the coloured lights from the pleasure gardens below, the entire cloud dived straight through the glass walls and I saw it was an immense shoal of fish!
‘How did they do that?’ Dad gasped. ‘Are they ghosts?’
‘Ha ha! What nonsense,’ Abe scoffed. ‘No, Bargeous, they’re not spook-salmon.’
‘But they just swam through solid walls!’ Mum joined in. ‘And now … well…’ Mum pointed with a look of amazement on her face. The hundreds of little fish were soaring through the air like birds.
‘Ah! That’s where you’ve got it wrong, my friends,’ Abe replied. ‘I know what you’re thinking, but this place isn’t made from glass.’
‘It’s not?’ Maudlin grunted. The novelty of discovering the ballroom was wearing thin and I could see she was getting grumpy again. ‘Well, you could have fooled this old flubberchub! What are you talking about, you phantom fool?’
‘We’re standing inside a bubble. It’s enchanted with mer-magic, so the local sea life can swim straight through it as though they’re still in water. Marvellous, if you ask me.’
Abe floated to the nearest end of the railway platform, then turned and beckoned for me to follow him.
‘See, Frankie?’ he said. ‘Give it a go.’
I ran over to where my great-great-great-grandad was waiting and gently touched the see-through walls. They were cool and slightly squidgy.
‘Now, one gentle push,’ Abe instructed.
I couldn’t help whooping with excitement as my hand passed straight through, into the warm waters on the outside. I wriggled my fingers and watched as tiny bubbles formed along them, tingling and popping.
‘THAT’S AMAZING!’ I shouted and shoved my whole arm through the wall. I could feel a gentle pull from the deep currents that were swirling around out there in the dark. It tugged at my wrist and rippled my shirt cuff.
‘Not too far, my boy,’ Abe said. ‘You don’t want to slip and end up on the wrong side.’
I pulled my arm back in, then turned to Mum and Dad and waved to show them my soaking wet sleeve.
‘BRILLIANT!’
We watched as more and more sea creatures glided through the walls and emerged from their hiding places, attracted by our unexpected appearance in the bubble.
There were brightly-coloured schools of clown fish that darted around the abandoned food wagons, and stingrays that swooped in and skimmed the shiny floor like fast-moving pancakes. Herds of spiny sea dragons ventured out from among the branches of the silver tree, rabbitfish chased each other around the carousel, and a green sea turtle flapped lazily over our heads.
‘Get away!’ a cracked voice suddenly yelped behind me, ruining the magic of the moment. I turned to see Maudlin Maloney swatting at a large eel-like creature that was trying to nibble at the bundle of trinkets tied to her belt. ‘Be off with yer!’
‘Oh! I wouldn’t do that if I were you,’ Grandad Abe said, raising his hands as the ancient leprechaun started batting at the ugly thing. ‘That’s a lesser-spotted-blurtle! They go pop if they’re attac—’
BOOM! SPLAT! SQUELCH, SLOP!
Maloney planted a hefty WALLOP right between the blurtle’s eyes and the unfortunate creature exploded in a cloud of slime, showering the grizzly bad-luck fairy in strings of ooze and blobs of stinky … I don’t know what.
Anyway … it doesn’t take a genius to guess that Maudlin was absolutely hopping mad about it. I wanted to laugh so much, but I wouldn’t have dared in a bajillion years.
‘Are you okay?’ Mum asked nervously as the leprechaun flicked a chunk of blurtle from the end of her stumpy nose.
Maloney didn’t speak. She just stood there, dripping in sea gunk.
‘Looks like it’s sushi for dinner,’ Nancy whispered to me, stifling a giggle.
Maudlin balled her hands into fists and scowled at the rest of us.
‘I think I’m done with all the nicey-niceness, Abraham,’ she croaked. ‘Forget the blunkin’ fish! Forget the BLUNKIN’ fun!
‘Now, now, Maudlin,’ Abe said. ‘Plenty more to see.’
With that, Grandad Abe hurried off down the stairs, and we all followed before the furious leprechaun could argue.
Nobody wanted to stick around beside her just then. There were wisps of smoke coming out of her ears.