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My heart feels like it’s slowly ripping apart.
Piece by piece.
Little by little.
It feels like every part of me is fading away until I can’t feel anything at all—I’m completely numb.
My life.
My world.
It’s all upturned and in utter chaos.
How am I supposed to get through this?
Alarick and I just had the biggest fight we’ve probably ever had. I don’t know what to do. My heart belongs to him, but to know all this time he has known about my sister and never told me, that’s soul crushing. It makes me feel like I will never get through, like no matter what I do, I’ll never be able to trust him again. A love without trust, is a pointless love.
He has kept so much from me.
So damned much.
Right now, I’m so angry and so hurt, that I can’t even look at him.
I can’t think straight.
Then there’s Karen, my friend, someone I trusted.
I know why she went to Alarick; I know she was worried about me, and I know she was confused and wouldn’t have meant to hurt me, but she did hurt me. Without her, without that friendship, I’m left with nothing. Who can I talk to if the one person I trust doesn’t keep my secrets?
I just can’t do this right now.
I need someone to talk to, someone to confide in, and I don’t have anyone. No mother. No sister. No family.
I feel sorry for myself right now, that much is true, but it’s hard not to when you’re in crisis mode and you don’t have a single soul that you can just sit down with and cry until your heart feels just a little better.
I need someone.
My phone rings, and I stare down to see Waverly’s number flashing across the screen. We’re becoming good friends, and I’m glad for it.
“Hey,” I say, answering the phone and swiping my eyes where the tears are still fresh.
“Hey, girl, are you okay? You sound like you’re crying?”
“Yeah, I’m just having a hard time right now. How are you?”
“I’m okay, I was wondering why you haven’t been at the club the last few days. Judging by the mood Alarick is in, I’m guessing you two are having issues?”
“Something like that, I don’t know when I’ll be back there. I have some things to sort out here and I just need some space.”
“You don’t sound like you’re doing so good; do you want me to come over?”
“I don’t think we’re really allowed to be seen together. You know, for obvious reasons ...”
She snorts. “I am stealth, honey. I’ll find a way. Do not doubt it.”
“Alarick isn’t going to be happy with that.”
“Alarick can fight me then.”
I chuckle. I do like her, there’s no doubt about that.
“You leave it with me, I’m going to find a way to you. I promise you that. Sit tight.”
I hang up after a few more laughs and swipe my tears. I reach down in the room I’m staying at back at Cohen’s, and pick up a picture of Magnolia and myself. My heart aches and my nostrils burn at the threat of even more tears. I miss her so much. I miss them both so much. I wish they were here right now so I had someone to talk to, someone to tell me we’re going to get through this.
I put the picture down and stand, walking out into the living area. The house is quiet, Cohen is at the club, and I made him promise not to let Alarick come here for a few days, that I needed space. He agreed, but told me he can’t get involved and isn’t going to keep Alarick out for long, that he’s got to respect his President also.
I get that.
But I only need a few days.
The reason being that I’m going to get out of here. I’m going to find somewhere to go and look into Cova myself.
I know it’s wrong.
I know it’s dangerous.
But I also know I can’t sleep until I know more about Cova.
I’m going to go through Mom’s things, the things we packed into boxes and never read through. I know she’s got to have something in there, some information, anything at all. Even a picture. I want to help King, I want to find where my sister was sent, I want to get her back.
I know there is one place I can find that information.
One place where it’ll be easy for me to access.
But I’ll be going into the devil’s pen.
I have a plan, though. A plan that could ultimately put me in harm’s way, but I think it’ll work.
I think I can convince Dax to tell me where Cova is.
I just have to have something to give him, that’s going to mean more than her life.
I only want one thing and, in exchange, I will give him something he’s wanting.
The club off his back.
I know it’s a risk, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take.
Right now, the only thing that matters is getting the information he hangs onto so dearly.
I’m not making a smart choice, but I’m making a choice all the same.
I just hope it works out.
Because if it doesn’t, I’ll lose everything.
Everything.
~*~*~*~
“QUICK, BEFORE ANYONE sees me.”
I stare at Waverly, halfway through Cohen’s open back window. She’s flushed and red and looks like she’s been running.
I literally have no idea how she got here, how she got the window open, and why she’s stuck halfway through it. But I can’t help the laughter that bursts out of my mouth at the sight of her.
“What are you doing, you crazy woman?” I laugh.
“I told you I’d find a way to get here, and I did. But my god, those bikers can run fast.”
Oh, god.
“You’re going to give them a damned heart attack!”
She climbs in and then waves her hand. “Eh, it’ll do them good. Keep them on their toes.”
“Until you get back.”
She grins. “Yeah, that. But, I had to see you and I wasn’t going to let anything get in the way. Not even a bunch of angry bikers.”
I’m grateful.
So grateful.
Even so I text Cohen and tell him she’s with me and not to barge in the front door and carry on. Just let her stay here and watch the house. He replies back and lets me know that Mykel is going to have her ass on a platter, but that’s for a later date. I laugh, show Waverly, and then the two of us flop back onto the couch with a bottle of vodka.
Exactly what I need.
“So, tell me,” Waverly says, pouring a drink. “What’s going on between you and the king?”
I snort. “You have such a way with words.”
“Well, he is the high ruler and all of that. Might as well call it as I see it. He is a grumpy bugger, though, isn’t he?”
I nod, sipping the vodka and squinting as it burns my throat. “You’re not wrong.”
“What did he do to upset you so much?”
I exhale. “It’s a long story.”
She leans over and refills my cup. “We’ve got all night.”
I tell her everything, excluding King being alive, and then wait as she processes it. For a moment, she just stares at me, eyes wide, and then she says, “Oh lordy, I’m starting to get it. He didn’t tell you that you had a sister?”
I shake my head. “No. He knew for years, at least. He didn’t tell me because he said he didn’t want me to get hurt, or risk my life trying to find her, but it wasn’t his place to decide if I knew about her or not. I wonder, if I didn’t find out, if he would have ever told me. Those kind of secrets destroy people, and I feel like I can’t trust him like I used to. What else is he keeping?”
Waverly nods. “Yeah, that’s a big one. I’m feeling you. I wouldn’t react well to that, either. You deserved to know you have a sister, even if it was a risk to tell you.”
“And it bodes the question: what if we took Dax down, and I never found out. Would he have gone on forever never telling me about her, leaving her out there? She might not be alive, of course, but what if she is? What if she’s out there and he was going to leave her forever in hell, just to keep me safe?”
Waverly takes another sip of vodka, and then exhales. “Yeah, look, this is a tricky one for sure. I can’t imagine that he’d never tell you, but then if he hadn’t told you thus far, maybe he wasn’t ever planning on doing that. He’s the only one that can answer that for you.”
“He may have been trying to keep me safe, waiting until Dax was gone to go searching, but the fact is, Dax is the only person who knows where she is. If he dies, and I don’t get those answers ...”
Waverly nods, fully understanding. “I know. You’ll never find her. Well, that’s what I’m here for. I am going to make sure you guys get hold of that slime ball, I promise you that.”
“Alarick is never going to let me near this situation, he’s going to keep me away from it. I just ... I need answers.”
Waverly purses her lips. “Well, you know, I am going to be finding out where he lives, hell, I’m probably going to be in his house ... Maybe I can help you, while helping them. I’ll work both ways. They will think they’ve got control, and in the meantime I’ll be looking for you, also.”
“I can’t ask you to risk your life like that.”
She snorts. “Honey, I’m already risking it by going in there. What’s a little more research. I might be able to help you out. Like you said, they plan on killing Dax and being done with him, but maybe we can get the information on your sister before that happens, and it’s a win win for everyone.”
“You’d do that for me? You don’t even know me.”
She smiles and, for a moment, I see full warmth shining through her eyes. She reaches over and takes my hand. “I don’t know you, but I do know that having nobody, that’s a sucky feeling. You’ve lost so much, the very least you can do is get your closure on this.”
I swallow and smile warmly at her. “Thank you, so much.”
“Oh, honey, it’s nothing. I’m happy to do it.”
I know this is wrong, on so many levels, but if I can get this information without ever having to speak to Dax, then maybe this will go down smoothly.
It’s a hell of a lot better than my plan, and right now, it’s the only option we have.
Alarick isn’t going to let me close to this, especially now I know about Cova.
The only way I’m getting what I need is through Waverly.
If the club ever finds out about this, we’re going to know about it.
But it’s worth the risk.
It just has to be.