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“Zariah, you know Karen and Merleigh, right?” Briella asks as we walk into a local bar and restaurant in the middle of town.
Karen and Merleigh are sitting at a booth, and both girls smile at me as we approach. I give them a smile and a wave, saying, “Yeah, I know them. Hi, ladies.”
“How are you, Zariah?” Karen asks.
I take a seat on the squeaky red chairs and scoot over so Briella can squish in beside me. I shift in my tight, black dress, mostly because it has been way too long since I’ve put a dress this short on. I feel slightly uncomfortable but also really empowered to look anything like a cop right now. People look at you differently when you’re in uniform. They immediately get their backs up. It’s a damned shitty feeling.
“I’m okay, glad to be out and about. How are you?”
Karen smiles and tells me what she’s been doing lately, and Merleigh tells me that she’s started working at a local café and how good it feels to finally be doing something with her life. I feel for the poor girl—she had a hell of a time after being sold by Dax, and she’s been fighting her way back up to the surface since. That takes guts.
Cova, the other girl rescued, not so much.
Briella told me only days ago that Cova is getting worse. She’s been living with them and does nothing but sleep all day. She’s worried because no amount of therapy seems to be working. She’s sinking deeper and deeper into depression, and Briella is worried about how she’s going to get her out of it.
Cova has problems, big problems. She has lived a life many of us just can’t begin to understand. She fell for a man that is dangerous, a man who twisted her imagination into something that simply wasn’t real. She doesn’t know left from right, let alone how to move forward with her life. I actually feel bad for her.
I’d like to talk to her, but I’m not sure that would do any good right now.
“How is Waverly doing?” Briella asks me as a waitress places a round of white wine on the table. We all take a glass.
“Last I heard, she’s enjoying it. Mykel not so much.”
Briella laughs. “I can’t imagine any of those bikers liking the big city life.”
“No, me either,” Merleigh giggles.
“I’m glad they’re away from all of this, though,” I tell them. “They deserve a break after everything that happened. Waverly really went through a lot.”
Dax messed with her head, and Mykel and she have only just gotten on their feet to see where the relationship might take them. It’s a big deal.
“They really did,” Briella agrees. “What about you, honey? How are you doing with all of this? I know you’re pretty involved, and it must be hard.”
I take a sip of the drink—a long, long sip—then exhale. “I’m doing okay. If I had answers I might be better off but, honestly, I don’t even know where to start to get those answers. It’s so damned hard to find anything out. It’s all very well hidden. Anyway, let’s not talk about the case, we’re here to drink and have fun!”
All the girls raise a glass and we get to drinking. Then we eat. Then we dance. And as the night goes on, we get merrier and merrier, and I feel the stress of the world slowly fading away from my shoulders. Like maybe, just maybe, I can breathe for a second.
“We should go to the club; they’re having a party!” Briella announces after we’ve sweatily danced it out to another song and shot down another shot.
It’s not a bad idea but, at the same time, it’s a really bad idea. A huge part of me would love to go, but the other part of me, the smart part of me, knows it’s not good for me to be seen there right now. With everything going on, if I’m noticed or the cops are called out there, it’ll be very, very bad for me and this case.
“I probably can’t,” I tell her, my voice a little slurred. I’ve had way too much to drink. “If I go there and get caught, I’m risking the entire investigation and my career. I don’t think I’m ready to lose either.”
Briella gives me a guilty look. “My god, I’m such a bad friend. Of course you can’t go there! What was I thinking?”
I laugh. “It’s not your fault.”
“We can just go to another bar,” Karen suggests, wiggling her hips to the next song that comes on.
“Sounds fun.” Merleigh grins, her eyes a little glassy.
“I’m in!” Briella claps.
We all finish our drinks and get out of the bar into the fresh, cool, night air. The moment we hit it, I feel the alcohol rush to my head. It’s funny how that happens. You always feel the effects so much more clearly when outside in fresh air. I sway on my feet a little more than I’d like to admit, and I find myself grabbing Briella’s arm to steady myself.
“Oh, boy, I think you’ve had too much to drink,” she asks, her eyes concerned. “Are you okay, honey?”
“I’m fine, I just ... I didn’t realize how drunk I was until we walked out here.”
“You should get home; I don’t want you passing out.”
She’s right, I really should. I’m not overly confident that I can actually get in and out of a cab, though, and that’s horribly embarrassing to admit.
My head spins.
God, this is not good. I knew I had drunk quite a bit, I just didn’t realize how much until this very moment. It hit me like a hurricane, and now I can’t stop my world from spinning. I grip the pole like it’s my very lifeline and try to stop myself falling onto the ground. This is really very bad.
“I don’t think I can get in a cab,” I say, praying I’m not slurring my words.
“It’s okay, let me call Alarick and see if we can get someone to give you a ride. It’s okay, we’re not going to leave you until we know you’re home safe,” Briella says, hanging onto my hand.
Karen smiles and steps forward, putting her coat around me and Merleigh tells me she’s going to get me a bottle of water. I’m so embarrassed, I drop my head and close my eyes, trying to stop my head spinning. I know I’ll regret this in the morning, but there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it now. Right now I am trying to focus on not passing out on this floor.
I’ve never felt like this before, at least not that I can remember. I went from zero to a hundred and for whatever reason, I’m finding it hard to control myself. My world is spinning, and even though I’m working hard on keeping it together, with every passing second it’s getting worse and worse.
“Someone is coming,” Briella says, hanging up the phone. I didn’t even hear her make the call. “It’s going to be okay.”
“She didn’t get drugged, did she?” Karen asks, rubbing my back. I can barely feel her hand there, everything feels numb.
I feel like I just might vomit.
“I don’t ... I don’t think so. The waitress served us most of the drinks, we only got a few from the bar.”
“Were we dancing with drinks? Gosh, I can’t remember. I’m pretty drunk also, to be honest.”
“Me too,” Karen admits.
Merleigh returns a few minutes later with a bottle of water. Out of all three of us, she’s the most sober and calm. She hands it to me after unscrewing the cap. “Drink this super slowly, you don’t want to make yourself sick, honey.”
I drink the water but as soon as it hits my stomach it feels like it’s going to come back up. In fact, I’m wondering just how long I’m going to be able to hold the contents of my stomach in for.
We find a bench and the girls help me over to it, I stumble more than once and it feels like I’m getting worse and worse, not better. I sit down and drop my head between my legs and my world spins to the point I’m no longer sure if I’m standing or sitting. I can hear myself groan and the voices of Briella, Karen, and Merleigh fade in and out.
Then, out of nowhere, there is a familiar male voice.
It takes me a moment to pick it.
“What the fuck happened her?”
“We were just drinking and dancing. We walked outside and she just got sicker and sicker,” Briella explains.
“She drugged?”
“We’re not sure.”
“Hey, Zariah.”
A warm yet calloused hand slaps at my face a bit and then lifts my head. I see Kendric squatting in front of me. Oh, no. No way. Why, out of all the people who could have come, would it be him?
“You called Kendric?” I slur, trying to jerk my head away, but all it does is make me fall off the chair and right into his arms.
“She’s in a bad way, you’re certain she wasn’t drugged?”
“We’re not sure,” Karen tells him.
“I’ll take her home, you girls need to go, too.”
They do as he asks and with one quick motion, I’m in his arms. My whole world spins, and I grip his shirt in a pathetic attempt to stop it. I bury my face in his chest and groan, my stomach turning. Please god don’t let me vomit on this man. Please. I don’t think I can come back from something like that—I’m a cop, it’s so unclassy it’s not funny.
“Call us when you know she’s going to be okay,” Briella tells Kendric as he turns and starts walking away.
With every bounce, I feel like my stomach is going to explode and Kendric is going to wear it.
I hold my breath, trying to stop my world from spinning, trying to stop the vomit from rising up, but when Kendric reaches his truck and jerks a little as he opens the door, I know I can’t hold it back any longer. “I’m going to be sick!” I tell him frantically, squirming to get out of his arms.
He puts me down, and I barely get to my knees on the curb before vomit spews from my mouth. I’m horrified. Even with every disgusting retch, all I am thinking about is the fact that Kendric is watching me. He’s watching me, and he’s never going to unsee this. Why not give him another reason to hate me? To be disgusted in me?
When I’ve finally emptied the contents of my stomach to the point there isn’t a single thing left, I turn my head and look up at Kendric who has kneeled beside me and has my hair in a big bunch in his hand. He was holding my hair back? God, I didn’t even know he was that close. I close my eyes and murmur, “I’m so sorry.”
“C’mon, let’s get you home.”
He helps me up and into his truck, and then hands me the bottle of water Merleigh gave me. I take a small sip and press my cheek against the cold glass of the window as we drive. I fade in and out of consciousness, struggling to keep my eyes open. When we arrive home, I must be out, because suddenly Kendric is shaking me and trying to wake me from my sleep. “Hey, wake up.”
I groan and slap at his hand, but he shakes me again and then carefully pulls my arm until my face peels off the window and I’m sitting up straight. Then he gets out of the truck, goes around to my side, and helps me out. I’m still wobbly, still spinning and feeling a whole lot like my body has made something else for me to vomit up because my stomach is angrily turning once more.
This is the worst feeling I’ve ever had.
It doesn’t feel right.
It doesn’t feel like something I’ve experienced before.
After an embarrassing search through my bag, I find my keys and hand them to Kendric. He opens the door, flicks on the lights, and then walks me over to my couch where he grabs a pillow and lays me down. Then, he’s gone. He returns a minute later with a bucket, a towel, some water, and aspirin.
He’s making sure I’m going to be okay.
He can’t stand me, he could leave me here to choke on my own vomit, but instead he’s making sure I’m okay.
That takes a hell of a human.
But I already knew Kendric was a hell of a human because he gave his freedom to protect his club.
“You’ll vomit some more, but it’ll get better with every passing hour. Keep drinkin’ the water and don’t move, just stay here and sleep it off. You’re goin’ to feel like crap in the morning. I’ll sit by you until you fall asleep.”
I stare at him with hazy vision, my head feeling a little less spinny now that I’m lying on the pillow and not moving around. “Why did you help me?”
“I didn’t get much choice; I’m the only sober one. You know, waitin’ for a trial and all ...”
Ouch.
“I’m sorry, Kendric,” I murmur, closing my eyes. “I should have protected you.”
“Not goin’ to talk about it now while you’re drunk. Just get some sleep.”
A knock at the door has my eyes popping open. Who the hell would be here visiting me at this time of the night?
“Zariah, it’s me!”
Reece.
You’ve got to be kidding me. What the hell is Reece doing here, he’s supposed to be with Jayden for the weekend. Oh, god, I don’t want my son to see me like this. I don’t want him to think I’m hurt, or sick ...
“That’s my ex, don’t answer it. I don’t want my son to see me like this.”
Reece keeps banging on the door. “Know you’re here, I can see the light on, hear your voice. Open up or I’ll go get my key ...”
“I’ll deal with this,” Kendric murmurs, standing and walking toward the door.
“Oh, no,” I say, reaching out a hand to stop him, but it’s pointless, utterly pointless. There is no stopping him.
He swings open the door, and with blurred vision I see Reece and his face as he takes in the huge biker standing in my door frame. Kendric is big, and he’s scary, and he doesn’t take a lot of shit.
“Who the fuck are you?” Reece growls, crossing his arms.
Oh, no.
Oh, boy.
“I’m a friend of Zariah’s; she got sick tonight and I was called to bring her home from a bar up town. She’s sleepin’.”
“You fucking her?” Reece demands, his voice angry and low.
“No, I’m not fuckin’ her, I’m helpin’ her.”
“Why do I find that hard to believe? I’ve got her son and she’s here fucking someone else when we’re not even fully over. Zariah!”
Oh, no.
My heart hammers against my ribcage, and I want to get up and fix this. I don’t want Reece to think there is anything going on between Kendric and me, not because I care what he thinks, but because I know what’ll happen if he loses his temper.
“She is asleep, I’m not fuckin’ her, and if you don’t leave I’ll make you fuckin’ leave.”
“Who the hell do you think you are, man?”
“You don’t wanna find out.”
Kendric slams the door and my mouth drops open as I watch him lock it, even though Reece is pounding on the flimsy timber. He turns to me and our eyes meet. For a moment, the silence in the room is almost deafening.
“I’ll stay until he’s gone, go to sleep.”
I want to fight him, I really do, but I’m barely able to keep my eyes open.
Slowly, I drift off into slumber.
Not before mumbling a thank you to Kendric, even though he doesn’t answer.
I owe him that much.
~*~*~*~
I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING in the same spot I went to sleep, sprawled on the couch with a really bad taste in my mouth and a headache that’s making me wonder if I should just go back to sleep or force myself up to face the day. Either way it goes, I didn’t die during the night and that’s something. I try to recall the events of the evening, but they’re mostly a haze. I recall the drinking, the dancing, and then Kendric bringing me home.
I don’t remember much after that.
Except Reece. I remember him coming to the door.
I turn my head to see if Kendric is still here by some small chance, but jerk with complete shock when I see Reece sitting at the end of the couch, staring at me. He’s so quiet I honestly didn’t even know he was there. The shock has my heart racing and me demanding in a scratchy, harsh voice, “What the hell are you doing?”
He stares at me, his eyes scanning over my face, tipping his head to the side slightly. “I could ask you the same thing.”
“Why are you here, Reece?” I groan, trying to sit up but my god my head is pounding. I reach for the bottle of water on the ground and manage to get myself up enough to drink it.
Only then do I look to the man still staring at me. There is a look in his eyes I’ve seen so many times before, this calm yet terrifying stare that tells me even though he looks like he’s not going to do anything, he can flip his switch in the blink of an eye and lose his shit. I’ve seen it happen a million times before, and I’m certain that one wrong word will have it happening again now.
“Who was that man last night?” he asks, his voice scarily calm.
“He’s a friend, he dropped me home because I was drunk after a night out with the girls. He left soon after. That’s it.”
Why am I justifying myself to this man? We’re over, right? I don’t owe him any explanations and yet, in the darkest, most broken parts of me, I worry that he’ll be hurt, that he’ll hate me for being with someone else, even though I wasn’t. I care about how my actions will make him feel because I have some stupid tie to him that I don’t understand. A toxic tie laced with acid and broken promises and dreams.
A tie I should really look at cutting and discarding, once and for all.
“Why don’t I believe you?” he questions, his eyes raking over my body.
What is he expecting to find there? A hickey?
I push myself to my feet with an exhale because I need a shower more than I need to sit here and justify my actions to him right now. I turn and walk down the hall, and when I hear his footsteps behind me, I stop and turn, looking back at him. “What are you doing?”
“I want you to answer my question, Zariah.”
“There’s nothing to answer,” I say calmly, continuing my journey down the hall toward the blissful heat of the shower.
Every step is agony; my head pounds like it’s going explode any moment.
“You’re lying to me.”
I exhale and, when I do, a slight snorting sound comes out of my mouth. It’s accidental, but I also know immediately that it’s the worst possible sound that could escape my throat right now. Before I can turn to explain myself, Reece’s hand is around the back of my neck and he’s slamming me into the wall. I smash into it with a thud that nearly brings me to my knees. He’s usually careful with my face, and as if realizing this, he jerks me backward until my back is pressed against his chest, head tipped back, his face turned into mine, his hand on my jaw.
“Who is he?” he growls, his voice a low whip.
“He’s no one,” I say, my voice strained. “He’s just a friend, he doesn’t even like me. I’m not lying to you, Reece.”
“If I find out you’re lying to me, that you’re seeing someone else, you’re going to hate what I do to you.”
I clench my eyes shut as I feel the tickle of his warm breath against my jaw. “You promised you wouldn’t do this anymore,” I whisper.
His grip releases just a little, and he growls into my ear, “Why do you provoke me, Zariah, why do you make it so hard for me? You know I love you. You know I don’t want to hurt you. Why do you keep pushing me?”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, heart racing.
He releases my jaw and spins me around until I’m facing him, only then does he take my face in his hands, thumb grazing down my cheek. “You know I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I know,” I say, my voice shaky.
“You know that I’m trying.”
“I know.”
“I love you; you know I love you.”
I swallow, and my knees tremble as he keeps stroking my skin. I know how wrong this is, I know I should fight him off, I know so many things about this situation is toxic yet I find myself unable to step back, unable to say no, unable to do anything but let him treat me the way he does. My body craves something deadly when it comes to this man. I’m a cop, I protect women like me all the time, I could stop him if I really wanted to, so why don’t I?
What am I so afraid of?
What keeps me locked onto this monster?
“I need to shower, Reece, please.”
“I’ll join you.”
He lets me go and, without question or argument, he walks into the bathroom.
I follow him, because I know there is no other choice.
I’ll go in there, he’ll kiss the pain away, he’ll light my body on fire with his touch, he’ll make me moan his name as he fills me with his cock, and then he’ll promise never to hurt me again.
Only he will.
And I’ll let him.
Because I’m so incredibly broken.