Chapter Twenty

 

 

Mitch held the door for Jane to go ahead of him. She edged by as if he had some disease, avoiding any contact. Taking her cue, he chose a seat a few chairs away from her. They sat in silence until the inner door opened and Rose invited them in.

Once they were all seated, Rose asked, “How did the homework assignment go?”

She didn’t waste any time getting to the point. Mitch cleared his throat. “We didn’t exactly get to do the assignment.”

“Oh? What stopped you?” She removed her glasses and sat back.

Mitch glanced at Jane. Her face was unreadable. “With the New Year and everything, things got a little chaotic.”

“Everything?”

“New Year’s Eve.” He slid another glance in Jane’s direction and noticed the flush spreading up her neck. “We had a family New Year’s dinner.”

“So others were present and that left you with no opportunity to talk alone?” Rose prodded.

“Well, not exactly.” Perspiration dampened his palms. “The kids were supposed to be there, but they made other plans.”

Rose nodded. “Oh, so you and Jane spent New Year’s Eve together.”

“Yeah. We had dinner and rang in the New Year. You know.”

Jane leaned forward and let out a huffed breath. “Oh, for Pete’s sake. We had sex. Okay? We. Had. Sex. It didn’t change a thing. I think Mitch expected it to resolve everything, but it didn’t. He was an ass before it happened and he was still an ass when he left again.”

“How do you know what I expected?” He shifted his gaze to Rose. “I didn’t even expect us to have sex. I’ve learned to not have expectations. That way I won’t be disappointed.”

“Oh, please.” Jane sat back, arms crossed over her chest.

Rose held up a hand to halt the exchange. “It’s not uncommon for couples that are separated, divorced even, to occasionally have sex. It’s familiar. They’re familiar with one another. Sex can be a release. Comforting.”

“This was anything but comforting,” Mitch said with a slight chuckle.

“Mitch, I don’t think Rose wants to hear all the fine details,” Jane cautioned.

“Actually, if it was a different kind of encounter for the two of you, it could be significant. Don’t be embarrassed. I’ve heard just about everything.” The therapist nodded to Mitch. “What do you mean by ‘anything but comforting?’”

“It was—different. For us, I mean. I felt like a man half my age. Three times in four hours? That’s different.”

“Is that all it meant to you?” Jane asked. “An ego boost?”

“Of course not.”

“But you’re very proud of yourself.”

Mitch shrugged. “I do think it’s impressive for a man my age. Don’t you?”

Jane glared at him and then turned toward Rose. “I think we never did the homework because he’s afraid of it. He used sex to keep us both off that track and then he managed to piss me off so that I’ve not talked with him since New Year’s Eve.”

Mitch gestured to thin air. “See, this is what I’m dealing with. It’s all my fault. Everything is my fault.”

Rose focused on Jane. “What stopped you from bringing up the homework assignment?”

“She was too busy having a great time for a change,” Mitch said.

“Who said I was having a great time?” Jane spat.

“You did, three times. Four if you count….”

“Stop it!” Jane shouted at him.

Mitch drew back, startled by her vehemence.

She drew in a ragged breath. “I’m sorry. I feel like this is a sparring match. What the hell are we doing here?”

After a long silence, the therapist asked, “Jane, what are you feeling?”

“Tired. Defeated. I’m done.” Jane reached for her purse.

“You’re quitting?” Mitch asked.

“I concede. You win. Whatever this game is, you win. I don’t want to do this anymore.” Her eyes glistened with tears. “I don’t know what I did to you, but we’re even now. Okay?” She stood. “I’m sorry, but I need to leave.”

“You’re just going to walk out?” Mitch asked.

She stopped at the door and looked back at him. “Why not? You did.”

It wasn’t so much her actions as the look in her eyes that sent a shiver through him. Empty. He was uncomfortable with the conversation and had taken things too far. Had he always done that? Maybe he was an ass.

“Mitch?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I asked if you want to talk about what just happened. We still have time.” Rose had not shifted position. Her face gave away no opinion or emotion.

“Should we do that without Jane present? I mean, it’s couples counseling.”

“Jane took herself out of the conversation. Why do you think that is?”

He leaned back on the sofa, his body deflating as he sank into the cushions. “I don’t know. It’s probably my fault. I went too far.”

“Do you do that often?”

“Jane says I make jokes to hide my true feelings.”

“What do you say?”

He thought for a moment. “I’d say she’s probably right.”

“Do you have any idea why you do that?”

He shook his head. “Not really. It’s a habit, I guess.”

The therapist didn’t speak, just sat and waited.

“No one’s ever scared me the way Jane does.”

“How does she scare you?”

He laughed. “How doesn’t she scare me? She’s beautiful. She’s smart, intelligent. Talented. She’s great in a crowd of people. You have no idea how many office parties she’s gotten me through. She’s one of the strongest people I know—mentally and emotionally.”

“Have you ever told her this?”

“No.” He focused on this clasped hands.

“Why not?”

“Because, for the life of me, I can’t figure out what she sees in me. And if I tell her how wonderful she is, she might realize she can do better.” A strange relief filled him after he’d spoken those words. Like a weight being lifted.

“You don’t think you deserve her, or you think she deserves better?”

He considered the question. “Both I suppose. What does that say about our marriage?”

“I think it says you must love each other very much to have kept at it for this long in spite of that kind of doubt.”

“I never would have thought of that.”

Rose smiled. “That’s what you pay me to do.” She leaned forward. “What do you think needs to happen now?”

He let out a breath. “I owe Jane an apology. I hope she’ll come back again.”

“So you want to continue therapy?”

“I want my marriage back. Or a newer, better version of it.” He sat back and exhaled. “And I didn’t even know that until this minute.”

“Good. Why don’t you and Jane give me a call to set up an appointment next week, after you’ve spoken with her?”

He nodded and stood. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Oh, and I’m not letting you off the hook with that homework. I think it’s more crucial now than ever. Make sure you do the assignment before you come back.”

“I’ll try.”

His intention was to drive directly to the house and beg Jane to forgive him for his behavior, try to explain himself. But half way there, he chickened out and stopped at his brother’s printing business. Maybe Dave was free for lunch. Maybe a long lunch and, by the time they finished, it would be too late to talk to Jane tonight. He was such a coward. For now, he could live with that.

~ * ~

Jane dropped her purse and car keys on the kitchen table, walked to the fridge and removed a bottle of wine. She poured a full glass and carried it to the living room, slumping onto the sofa. The knot in her throat made it impossible to swallow and she choked and then began to sob. New Year’s Eve had been remarkable. The tenderness and passion she and Mitch shared gave her hope that they could repair the damage they’d both done to their marriage. But it was all a big joke to him. She’d never felt as humiliated as she had in that therapy session. She gulped down the wine as the doorbell rang.

Jane strode to the front door and jerked it open. “If you’ve come to apologize, you’re too late.”

Stephanie blinked at her. “Whoa. I don’t know who owes you an apology, but….” Her sister-in-law frowned. “Are you okay?”

Jane couldn’t speak. She shook her head as tears spilled down her cheeks.

“Oh, honey. What happened?” Stephanie stepped inside and folded her into a hug.

“M-My m-marriage is o-o-over.”

Steph guided her back to the sofa. “Tell me what happened.”

Jane stuttered and sniffled through an account of the therapy session, leaving out some of the finer details of her night with Mitch. “It’s all just a game to him. I don’t know Mitch anymore.”

“Jane, you do know Mitch. You know how he and Dave are. They both have the same annoying habit of making light of things when they’re uncomfortable. It’s a survival technique they learned early. You have met their mother?”

“Mitch isn’t an adolescent any more. He’s a grown man who should be able to handle his own emotions by now.”

“Uh-huh.” Stephanie tugged a few tissues from the box on the coffee table and shoved them into Jane’s hand. “How did Mitch handle it when you were in labor with Kristi?”

“He behaved like a fourteen year old. If he’d made one more joke every time a contraction hit, I’d have killed him.”

“What did Mitch do when Rob took that header down the stairs and had to have sixteen stitches in his head?”

Jane sighed. “Fine. I get the point. Mitch has never been good at handling deep emotions. But this is our marriage. He made such a big deal out of my using him to help me work out a few scenes. What’s that got to do with emotions? It was acting.”

“I’m no therapist, but I took enough psych courses in college to know that Mitch just might have been feeling a bit insecure. You know how emasculating Charlotte can be.”

“I didn’t emasculate him!”

“Not intentionally.” Steph paused. “Can I be honest about something?”

“Of course.”

Stephanie drew in a breath and let it out slowly. “Okay. You know I love you like a sister. But—well—you have changed. You’re not as much fun as you used to be.”

Jane gasped. “I’m still me. I am.” She heard the plea in her last words. “Oh, Steph. What do I do now? I can’t be two people And I have to write.”

“Sure you do. That’s not the issue. Honey, Mitch loves you and he’s so proud of you. How many husbands would show up at every single book signing and allow your fans to call him Mr. DuMonde?”

“Then how did we get to this point?”

“Only you and Mitch can answer that question. Once you figure that out, you’ll know how to get back or to move forward.”

“What if Mitch wants me to choose?”

“Choose between what?”

“Him or Janelle DuMonde.” Even as she said the words, they sounded ridiculous to her. But it described how she felt, as if she had to make a choice between her husband and her career. He wanted her to go back to being Janie. He wanted things they way they had been for most of their life together. She needed to change, embrace her newly-discovered talent for writing. Mitch had been supportive, at first, until she began to gain recognition and success. “I know that sounds crazy, but that’s how it feels.”

“Just talk to him. Don’t let him get away with using humor to deflect your feelings or his own. When Dave pulls that crap with me, I remind him he’s an adult and I’m not his mother. Then I swear I’ll morph into Charlotte if he insists on being juvenile. Works every time.”

Jane leaned against her sister-in-law. “Thanks. So, what brought you by now?”

“Dave. He gave me a heads-up that you might need to talk. He didn’t give details, just said Mitch stopped by his office.”

Jane groaned. “I am so sorry we’ve pulled you two into the middle of this mess.”

Steph put an arm around her. “You’ve been there for us and I’m sure you will be again. Remember when I was pregnant with the twins and huge and so sure Dave must be cheating on me? You and Mitch saved our marriage.” She gave Jane a hug. “You want to grab some lunch, maybe see a movie? I’m famished. I swear this baby is going to weigh fifteen pounds.”

“I don’t think so, but thanks. I’m on a deadline and my concentration hasn’t been worth crap. The other night I wrote the same paragraph five times. But I can make you a sandwich.”

“That’s okay. I think a chocolate milkshake is calling me. Let me know if you need to talk or anything. Promise?”

“You’re at the top of my speed dial.” She hugged Stephanie and then walked her to the door. “Thanks. I was about to lose it here before you showed up.”

Stephanie placed her hands on Jane’s shoulders and looked her in the eye. “You’re going to be okay. Call me later.”

Jane nodded. When she closed the door, she leaned back against it for a moment. Her marriage had begun to feel like a nuclear reactor. She and Mitch were like atoms bouncing off one another, threatening to explode at any moment, the air between them turning toxic. She thought about the homework exercise Rose had given them. There was nothing stopping her from carrying it out. She went to her desk and pulled out a yellow legal pad and pen, writing across the top of the paper: What has been good in our marriage?