I wasn’t sure what time it was. There was no way to tell. I thought maybe I could see some light under the crack in the door, but it could have simply been that my eyes had adjusted to the darkness just a little. I knew I’d slept, or dozed at some stage. I knew it because I dreamed that I’d been able to find my way out and run away. Dreamed that I’d been sitting beside Paul and telling him how scared I was but that at least now it was over.
Horror washed over me when I woke, still in this storeroom, my clothes now damp with sweat, blood and God knows whatever else that was lying on the floor. I desperately needed to use the toilet – was determined not to go where I was. I knew it was a silly logic, but it was the one way I felt I could keep control of the situation. But as the hours passed and there was no sign of Michael and the door remained steadfast no matter how many times I’d rammed my shoulder against it, or kicked it, I’d had no choice. I had to pee in the small space where I stood, barely four foot by four foot wide. That was when I truly started feeling all my hope ebbing away.
My heartbeat had settled, though. The adrenaline had stopped pumping in shocking surges through my veins. Exhaustion forced me to sit, to focus on breathing. I was hungry. I was so thirsty I could cry, but in these moments I wasn’t in any immediate threat.
The lull allowed me to gather my thoughts. If I could disarm him. If I could plead to his good nature. Surely it couldn’t all have been a lie? But then again, he’d lied to Clare. If I could talk to him, reason with him, find out why. Wasn’t that what they said to do, get someone who’s threatening to hurt you to talk to you, to start to see your humanity …? Then again, I’d already shown Michael all of me.
The sound of something rattling, then the heavy thud of footsteps on tiles, awoke both my senses and my fear. I could hear someone approach, someone who was walking purposefully, as if they knew where they were going and why. The creak of a door, followed by the sound of the footsteps coming even closer, forced me to try to curl myself into as tight a ball as possible in the darkest corner of the storeroom. It was a foolish and futile attempt to hide, but it was all I had.
‘Morning, sunshine. It’s another beautiful day!’
I heard his voice through the door as he scraped the furniture back. The door opened and I didn’t turn my head to look at him. I couldn’t bear to see him.
‘Now that’s not much of a welcome, is it?’ he said.
I was aware of him around me, close to me. The smell of him, the heat from his body, the warmth of his breath on the bare skin of my shoulder.
‘I mean, I wasn’t expecting you to jump into my arms, but maybe a kiss?’
I recoiled further as I felt the brush of his lips on the top of my head.
‘Anyway, it’s time to rise and shine,’ he said, pulling at my arm, ignoring my yelp of pain, dragging me into the main classroom.
It was lighter, but only just. Thin slivers of light cut through the spaces between the wooden boards. The classroom looked no more appealing in the daylight than it had the night before. Clearly, we weren’t the first visitors to the abandoned building. There was evidence it had been used as a drinking den. I glanced around, trying to find my bearings. Trying to place exactly which classroom I was in, which way would be the easiest way out – if there was a way out.
‘I’ve brought you some water,’ he said, reaching into a rucksack he’d placed on the floor and taking out a bottle of still mineral water.
I looked at it, not wanting to take anything from him. But being so thirsty it was all I could do not to grab it out of his hands.
‘Take it,’ he said, holding it out towards me.
I hesitated.
‘Look,’ he said, ‘you can take it yourself, or I can force it down your throat. It’s really no odds to me; although a part of me would like to watch you choke.’
I took it. The seal was still intact, which offered me a little reassurance, so I opened it and put it to my lips. It was ice-cold and felt so good as it hit the back of my throat. I drank my way through the full bottle, only thinking afterwards that I shouldn’t have been so greedy with it. I didn’t know when I’d get more. Or if I would get more.
‘There are toilets across the corridor,’ he said. ‘The water’s been switched off and well, some of them are a bit smashed up, but if you need to go …’
I nodded. If anything, I’d be able to gauge exactly where I was if I got out of the classroom again.
He pushed me towards the toilet block. It was as grim as he’d said it would be, but at least it afforded some privacy. I thought of how I’d been forced to relieve myself in the storeroom and my face flushed red with embarrassment.
‘You’re not very talkative this morning,’ he said. ‘It’s not like you, Rachel. Normally, you chat away to me. Banter. This is quite disappointing.’
‘What are you going to do to me?’ I asked as I emerged from one of the cubicles and looked him directly in the eyes. Those green eyes I’d fallen for … How stupid I’d been!
‘Well, you see, we have a problem. This wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Not yet, anyway. I wanted to play with you a bit more. And Julie, too. She’s not like you and Clare, is she? Not a slut like you two. It was harder to get under her skin. She’s no idea, of course, of who I really am. She thinks I’m just the friendly dad at the school gates. The one who helped to change her tyre when it was flat. She doesn’t know I was the one who let the air out, but still …’
He was speaking quickly – had an almost manic air about him. I noticed he was still wearing the same clothes as the night before and his eyes were red-ringed, as if he hadn’t slept much, if at all. He kept stepping from foot to foot, glancing around him, then back at me. Each time he looked at me he wore an expression as if he’d just seen me for the first time. It was unnerving.
‘Back into the classroom,’ he said.
I did as I was told and followed.
‘Anyway, Rachel, the thing is, I don’t quite know what to do with you. I mean, ultimately I do, but things have changed. They haven’t followed my plan. So I’m going to hang onto you a for a bit while I work it all out.’
‘How long?’ I asked. The thought of being here in this space with him was making me feel sick to my stomach.
‘I’ve not quite decided. But don’t worry; you’ll be safe here until I do decide. This site’s deserted. It’s the perfect place to keep you, to be honest, and you’ve got to admit, there’s a certain poetic justice to it.’
‘I don’t know what you mean,’ I said. ‘What am I supposed to have done – what are we all supposed to have done – to deserve this?’
He shook his head, pulled his fingers through his hair. Then, without warning, he turned and kicked at the door, growling as he did so. I startled and took a few steps back before he turned to look at me again.
‘The fact that you don’t know,’ he said, ‘just proves you deserve it. It meant nothing to you, did it? You didn’t even notice and you certainly didn’t care. So self-involved. Not caring what impact your actions had on others – as long as your life was perfect, that was all that mattered. You and Julie and Clare. All the same.’
‘What makes you think my life is perfect?’ I asked him. ‘If my life was perfect, would I have been falling for another man? You know, Michael, you know what I felt for you. You know it was real. I believed you.’
‘You were putting your own needs above those of your family. You plead and cry “My girls, Michael, think of my girls.”’ He mimicked my voice as he spoke, ‘But what thought did you give to your girls when you were fucking me? And then, like everyone else in your life, I became disposable, didn’t I? Pretend it was about them, all you want, but it was about you. You’d had your fun. Christ, Rachel, you begged me to fuck you just minutes before you broke it off.’
He was twisting my words, my actions and my motives. It wasn’t like that. Or was it? Had I been too blind, too selfish like he said, to see what I was doing? But even if I was, I didn’t deserve this. Any of it. I couldn’t hold back my tears as I thought of who I’d hurt because of this.
‘You’re crying now because I’ve called out your lies and your selfishness. It hurts to look in a mirror, Rachel, doesn’t it? To learn what kind of a person you really are.’
I put my hands over my ears. I didn’t want to listen to him. He didn’t understand.
He just stared at me, his eyes roaming over my body before he pulled a seat across the room and sat on it.
‘You can stand there all day,’ he said, ‘hands over your ears, but I’ll still be here. Nothing will have changed.’
I watched as he delved into the rucksack, pulled out two pre-packed sandwiches and threw one across the room to me.
‘Eat,’ he said. ‘And let’s not go through some stupid song and dance with you refusing to eat. You’ll be hungry. You’ll eat it anyway, no matter what you say, so just cut to the chase and eat it now.’
I lifted the chicken salad sandwich off the floor, fetched the other abandoned school chair and sat on it. I couldn’t deny I was hungry, but my stomach was tight with tension. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to eat. I took a small bite; it turned to sawdust in my mouth but I knew I needed to keep up my strength. I forced my way through one sandwich, leaving the other in the packet. I wouldn’t make the same mistake that I’d made with the water again.
He eyed me suspiciously before reaching again into his bag and rolling a can of Fanta across the floor to me.
I lifted it, popped it open and took a long drink before sitting it back on the ground.
‘What now?’ I asked him.
‘Now,’ he said, putting his own drink can down then standing up and brushing the crumbs from his jeans. ‘Now, Rachel, we have a little fun.’