The ward was quiet when I woke. Cliona had left and Constable King had gone for a break. She’d assured me she’d be back with any news. I’d managed to drift off for maybe half an hour, but although I was exhausted to my very core, I was too filled with adrenaline to sleep any longer.
There were two men in the frame for an unthinkable crime – two men who were both closely connected to me – two men I loved. My son-in-law, who I’d come to rely on, and my only son who, despite his many faults, at one time had been a good and caring man.
And all this had been connected to my beautiful but troubled daughter.
How had I got things so wrong? Had I been a dreadful parent? Was I ultimately to blame for what had gone so terribly wrong in both their lives and mine?
Maybe if I’d been there more for Michael. Maybe if I’d argued with the paramilitary henchmen who’d ordered Aaron from the country. If I’d reported him to the police that time. Yes, he’d have gone to jail, but maybe he’d have received help for his alcohol addiction, counselling for his anger and his grief over the death of his sister. He could have had a true fresh start. I’d been naive in thinking such anger and hatred would only ever be shown against me. That he wouldn’t focus it on other people. I’d been stupid to think I was a good mother by letting him go and not pressing charges.
I looked out of the window from my room in the South Wing of Altnagelvin Hospital at the cloudless blue skies, the rolling hills. At the cars moving along the road. A bus. People going about their ordinary business. I heard the chatter of the staff outside my room as they prepared to serve dinner.
And I thought about Rachel Walker. Thought of her family. Wondered if she was alive. Had she survived? Would she bear the physical and emotional scars I did for years to come?
I turned my head at a knock on my door. One of the staff nurses stood there, looking at me sympathetically. No doubt they’d all been made aware of the high drama coming out of my room. I was probably a great talking point in the staffroom.
‘Elizabeth, look, we don’t normally do this, but we’re aware today’s been an unusual and stressful day for you. We’ve a visitor here, says she’s your niece? Sister is prepared to let her in for ten minutes, but we’ll have to remind her of the visiting hours.’
I nodded. In truth, I’d almost forgotten about my sister and her daughter visiting given everything else that had been unfolding. It was strange it was just my niece who’d come to see me – we’d never been particularly close, but I didn’t feel I could turn her away given that she’d travelled so far to see me. Perhaps my sister was tired from the journey. Or resting, maybe. Or, knowing her, she’d taken one look at the farmhouse, pulled on the Marigolds and started with a ‘proper clean’.
I used the automatic controls to raise the head height of the bed and waited to see my niece. I was shocked to see Ingrid Devlin walk into the room instead.
‘I’m sorry for fibbing,’ she whispered as she walked across the room to me as if we were best friends or co-conspirators. ‘I knew they wouldn’t let me in unless I said I was family, but I had to see you.’
She pulled a chair close to my bed and sat down. I didn’t want her here. She had no right at all to be by my bedside, especially not now.
‘Why are you here?’ I asked. ‘I don’t want to see you.’
‘I get that you’re suspicious of me,’ she said. ‘But you’re my best lead on this story. And I need to get as much as I can.’
‘I’m not a “lead”,’ I told her, reaching for the call button by my side. ‘I’m a human being. Not just a story. Constable King’ll be back here shortly, you know.’
‘Have they told you about the car?’ she asked.
‘Ingrid, please. Can you leave?’ My finger hovered over the call button.
‘The car he was driving. The man who Rachel Walker was seeing. I told them, you see.’ She looked down. ‘I’d been following her. Even on the evening she disappeared. I’d seen her earlier, driving to the police station. I’d seen them before, too, having a rendezvous near the bridge.’
‘Ingrid, I don’t know what you think this has to do with me,’ I said, pressing the button.
‘Don’t you realise? I was able to tell the police what car he was driving. I know they suspect your son-in-law. My source told me that. But it’s not him, Elizabeth. It definitely wasn’t him. The man she was seeing was driving a red car. You must be so relieved. If you could just give me a line or two about how police implicated Michael and how wrong they were?’
Her voice trailed off as the ward sister arrived at my door.
‘Please,’ I said. ‘This woman isn’t my niece. She’s a reporter.’
‘Elizabeth, please. Just a line …’
‘Do I have to call security?’ the ward sister asked firmly.
I just turned my head to the side, tried to block it all out. If it wasn’t my son-in-law, Michael, if the man was driving a red car – just like Laura’s – that meant the worst of my fears had come true. Aaron had come back. And he was worse than he’d ever been.
I ignored the cacophony of noise, the arguments back and forth between the ward sister and Ingrid, until I felt a hand on my arm and looked up to see Constable King looking down at me.
‘Elizabeth, we have some news.’
‘It’s about Aaron,’ I said. It wasn’t a question.
She nodded.
‘Has he been arrested?’
She pulled a chair over and sat down.
‘There was a police operation to arrest him. He’d been holding Rachel Walker in the old St Catherine’s building. She managed to escape after site security was alerted to unusual activity. Aaron was left inside the building and we sent our armed response unit in to try to locate him.’
I closed my eyes. Prepared myself for what she’d say next. I already felt it in my heart. Felt that he was gone. Properly this time. Not away to another country.
‘During the course of the police operation, our helicopter noticed movement on the top of the building,’ she continued. ‘We saw there was a man standing there. I’m very sorry, Elizabeth. We sent an officer up to talk to him and, we’re truly, very sorry, but before police could get to him, he jumped.’
‘He’s dead,’ I said.
For the second time, I knew this wasn’t a question but a statement of what I knew in my heart.
‘I’m afraid so,’ Constable King said. ‘He sustained catastrophic head injuries. Medical teams were at the scene and were with him in less than a minute, but there was nothing they could do. They believe he’d have died instantly. I’m so very sorry.’
The words swam over my head as if I were watching a scene in a TV show.
I took a breath. ‘And Rachel? Is she okay?’
‘She’s receiving treatment. Her injuries aren’t life-threatening, but I’m not sure I’d say she was okay.’
I nodded. ‘Thank you,’ I said to Constable King before turning my head away again.
‘Michael’s been released without charge. I thought you should know that. He’s back with the children. It would appear that Aaron used his name when signing up for the writing course. We obtained a copy of his student ID, which confirmed this.’
I couldn’t speak.
I just wanted to close my eyes.