Chapter 24

Annie received a call from Charles Rooks the morning her grandmother’s short obituary ran in the Oakland Tribune. “I have Leota Reinhardt’s will as well as some documents she was having me hold for her children. I’d like to hand-deliver these. Could you contact Eleanor Gaines and George Reinhardt so we could all meet at my office? I’m located near Lake Merritt.” He gave her the address and telephone number and asked if it would be convenient for them to meet the following afternoon.

“I’m sure they’ll be able to meet with you, Mr. Rooks,” Annie said. “I’ll call and let them know.”

“I need to speak with you as well, Miss Gardner.”

“Me?”

“Yes. I can’t meet with the others without having you present.”

Surprised and confused, she agreed to attend.

“There was no mention of a funeral service in the paper,” Mr. Rooks said over the telephone. “If it hasn’t already been held, I’d like to attend. Would that be all right with you and the family?”

Annie closed her eyes, willing herself not to cry again. “There wasn’t a service, Mr. Rooks.”

Uncle George had said there was no point in going to such expense when Grandma Leota hadn’t attended church for years. When Annie had argued that she had taken her grandmother numerous times over the past months, he said, “Has anyone called to ask about her?”

“Arba comes by frequently.”

“She’s a neighbor. She can pay her respects at the house.”

He was adamant. Why would anyone care to attend a service for an old lady they didn’t know and who hadn’t been part of their congregation for more than a few months? Had she given lots of money? No. Then no one would bother. Nothing could dissuade him.

It was Jeanne who told Annie later that she didn’t think her husband could get through a funeral service. Jeanne said he’d only been to one and swore after seeing his friend in the casket that he would never attend another funeral as long as he lived.

“No service at all?” Charles Rooks said.

“Not a formal service. Some of us gathered here at her home and had our own memorial for Grandma yesterday.” Arba Wilson and her three children, Mother and Fred, and George and Jeanne and their children had been there. No one had said very much. Annie hadn’t had time enough to prepare anything in the way of pictures or mementos. Not that her mother or George would have wanted to view them.

Her mother had seemed beyond tears in her grief. Annie wondered what would happen to her mother now. She wasn’t angry anymore—the resentment had been exorcised. Instead, her mother was consumed by guilt and shame for all the wasted years. And for not listening to whatever it was that had told her to turn around and go back and see Grandma Leota the night she died.

“I lost my chance,” she’d said. “I’ll never be able to tell her . . .”

If only Grandma Leota had been able to hang on to life a little longer! One day would’ve made so much difference. The doctor said he was certain she had passed away peacefully. Annie was grateful for that. She imagined her grandmother closing her eyes, going to sleep, and then waking up with the Lord. Oh, if only Grandma had been at home.

“I’d like to send flowers, Miss Gardner.” Charles Rooks’s voice pulled her from her thoughts. “Where is her resting place?”

“That decision hasn’t been made yet, Mr. Rooks. Grandma Leota told me she wanted to be cremated.” Annie would pick up the ashes when the funeral home director called her.

“Oh.”

She knew decisions would have to be made, but she didn’t feel comfortable discussing them with Charles Rooks. She didn’t know anything about him, other than the fact that he was an attorney who had handled her grandmother’s will. She wished she could discuss things openly with her mother and uncle. Her mother had cried when Annie received the call that she needed to sign the papers for her grandmother’s cremation. Her uncle said he had no idea where to have her buried. After all, what did it matter?

Annie met her mother, Fred, and Uncle George in the lobby of the office building where Charles Rooks practiced law. Her mother looked pale and wan; George looked calm. “I’ve contacted a real estate firm about Mother’s house,” he said on the elevator ride up. That seemed to bring life back to Annie’s mother.

“What about Anne-Lynn?”

“I assumed she’d want to move back in with her friend and go back to art school,” he said defensively, glancing at Annie. “Or move back home. Isn’t that what you were hoping would happen, Nora?”

Annie looked away. The surge of anger that rose inside her was far from godly. She knew she had no right to judge anyone, but her heart cried out against them.

“We don’t have to discuss this now, George.”

“There’s no reason to get so upset, Eleanor.” George looked at her disdainfully. “I doubt the house will sell that fast. Annie can stay for however many weeks or months it takes to unload the place. In fact, that would be convenient. Someone will have to maintain the place until we find a buyer. Annie could go on living there rent free. Of course, if you want to keep the house, Nora, we can have it assessed and you can pay me for my half.”

Annie pressed her lips together and fought tears. She didn’t want any of them to see the effect Uncle George’s words had on her. How could he talk this way? Unload the place. What a terrible way to speak about Grandma Leota’s home. All the years of memories bound in that wonderful little house. And the garden! Grandma’s refuge. She had said once that she met there daily with the Lord. Annie could imagine how much it would hurt Grandma Leota to know her son had no sentiments about her or her property. He couldn’t wait to sell it and collect whatever money it would bring. Money! Bloody lucre! That’s all he seemed to care about.

That can’t be true. Oh, Lord, that can’t be true.

“I don’t want to discuss this right now.” Her mother was angry, her voice cracking.

“It’d be easier on everyone if we made these decisions as soon as possible.”

Uncle George couldn’t wait to get on with his life. Was that it? He wanted to avoid the grief, the guilt, the emptiness he must now feel with no chance of ever working things out with his mother?

“The least we could do is wait until we find a decent resting place for her!” Annie’s mother said.

“She should be next to Papa, don’t you think?”

“Fine, George. Do you remember where Papa is buried?”

“I was in Vietnam—”

“And I was in the midst of a divorce!”

The elevator doors opened and Annie stepped out. Seeing a drinking fountain, she headed for it. She leaned down, wishing she could cool her face in the cold water. How could they go on like this so soon after Grandma had passed away? Uncle George reminded her of a carrion crow, picking at Grandma’s remains. And Mother. What would happen to her mother’s life now that she had no chance to ask for forgiveness?

Oh, Grandma. If only you’d lived another day, another week, another month, another year. I love you so much. I miss you. There were so many things you still had to teach me. So many wonderful stories to tell. I wanted more time. Oh, God, why didn’t You let me have more time with her?

Fred touched her shoulder. “Are you all right, Annie?”

She straightened. He must think she was going to drink the fountain dry. “I’m trying hard not to say anything I’ll regret.” Lord, give me strength. And a case of laryngitis.

Fred put his hand on her shoulder. “The last few days have been very hard on your mother.”

Annie could see just how hard. Annie wished she’d explained weeks before what had been going on all those years ago. “I should’ve had it out with her long ago.” Perhaps then there would have been time for her mother to be restored to Grandma Leota. But she had been silent and patient, just as Grandma Leota had been silent and patient all those years. Now Annie wondered if her mother would ever get over the guilt and sorrow for all the years she had stayed away, nursing her grudges and refusing to seek the truth.

Will she go back to blaming Grandma, Lord? Will my mother start thinking Grandma Leota cheated her from a chance of reconciliation? Like death was the last dirty trick . . .

How she wished Grandma Leota had felt free to speak up years ago! I know your reasons for keeping silent, Grandma, but what good did it do? Oh, Father, even if she had told Mother and Uncle George the truth, would they have listened?

Fred looked troubled. “Your mother had the feeling we should go back to the hospital the night your grandmother died, but we didn’t act on it. I wish we had, Annie. Now it’s going to be like a raw wound. One more burden for your mother to carry, along with all those years of bitterness.”

“I’m afraid for her, Fred. Grandma loved her. I know she did.”

“I’ve no doubt of your word, Annie, but I wish Leota had had the chance to say it for herself. As it stands, I don’t know if your mother will ever be able to believe it. Especially considering the guilt she carries now.” He looked tired and sad. “We’d better join the others.”

Charles Rooks greeted Annie when she entered his office with Fred. Her mother was already seated in a brown leather wing chair. Uncle George had taken the other in front of the attorney’s desk. Annie and Fred took the sofa against the wall. The attorney introduced his secretary, who offered everyone coffee. They all declined. Uncle George was in a hurry, as usual. He had a business appointment in San Francisco in two hours. People who moved fast didn’t have time to think about their losses.

The secretary closed the door quietly on the way out.

Charles Rooks passed out copies of Grandma Leota’s will. Annie wondered why he gave her a copy, until he started to explain that there was no property to dispose of in the will. It had merely been drawn up to make sure Leota Reinhardt’s wishes were not thwarted.

“What are you talking about? What wishes?” Uncle George was clearly confused—and getting angry. “There’s an estate. Granted, it’s not much, but she had a house, free and clear. That’s worth something in today’s market.”

“Anne-Lynn Gardner owns the house.”

“What?” Uncle George turned toward her, his face reddening. A bubble of laughter came from her mother, quickly choked back by a soft sob.

“No, I don’t!” Annie stared at the lawyer, disbelieving. “You’re mistaken, Mr. Rooks.”

“There’s no mistake, Miss Gardner. We discussed it at length when I met with Mrs. Reinhardt at her home. I have a copy of the deed right here, which your grandmother mailed to me.”

“But that’s impossible!” Annie felt all the warmth draining from her.

“Yeah, right,” Uncle George said, his face mottled. “I should’ve known.”

“She must’ve had you sign the papers,” Charles Rooks said calmly. “I imagine she said they were for something else. She made her wishes clear to me when we talked last. She wanted you to have the house and the garden. The garden seemed to be the most important thing to her. She said you tended it the way she once did.”

Uncle George glared at Nora. “I should’ve known this would happen. I thought it was Corban Solsek who was after something. I should’ve looked closer to home!” He glared at her again. “Were you a part of this scheme?”

“Think whatever you want, George. What does it matter now?”

“Mom wasn’t part of any scheme.” Annie didn’t even try to keep the outrage out of her voice. “There wasn’t any scheme. I’m telling you both, it’s a mistake! Grandma asked me to sign some papers, but that was only so that I could handle paying her bills.”

Uncle George stood up and faced her. “Tell me straight out you don’t want her house!”

Tears welled. “I would never have asked Grandma for the house, Uncle George. Not in a million years. You should know me better than that.” Clearly, he didn’t know her at all.

“It’s fair, George,” her mother said in a broken voice. “It’s exactly what we deserve. It shouldn’t surprise us that Mama disinherited us. We abandoned her years ago.”

“Speak for yourself, Eleanor. I’ve never held on to grudges the way you do.”

“No, you just didn’t care one way or the other. You’re just like our father.”

He went white and then red. “That house belongs to us!” He looked back at Charles Rooks. “I’m going to fight you on this.”

“I’m afraid you don’t understand, Mr. Reinhardt. None of this was my decision.” His voice was cool now. “However, I’m not finished. Please, sit down and we’ll get to the rest.”

“The rest of what?” Uncle George took his seat. “Mother didn’t have anything except the house.” He looked weary and sick. “What about savings? Or a checking account.”

Annie blushed, sick at heart.

Charles Rooks explained quietly. “Anne-Lynn Gardner’s name is on both accounts.”

“Why should I be surprised?” Uncle George’s voice was riddled with enough sarcasm to tear Annie’s heart to shreds. “How much was in those accounts? Are we allowed to know what’s been stolen from us?”

“Grandma was living on Social Security.” Annie couldn’t keep her voice from wobbling. “There was never more than a couple hundred dollars in her checking account. She told me she’d arrange for a transfer of funds from her savings whenever insurance or taxes came due.” Oh, Grandma Leota, how could you do this to me? Is this retaliation for all the years of neglect? I can’t believe it! I won’t! “I’ll sign everything over to you and Mother. I didn’t stay with Grandma Leota because I wanted something from her. I stayed with her because I loved her.”

She hadn’t meant to cry, but she was. She wanted to get up and run out of the room, but Fred moved closer and put his hand on her knee as though to hold her there. She’d have to crawl over his lap or the coffee table to escape.

“I’m going to fight this!” Uncle George said again.

Charles Rooks lifted his hand. “Your mother thought you might. So she made stipulations to make sure you wouldn’t be able to do so. She only had to give you one dollar to prevent you from contesting the will. She made it one hundred dollars each.” Uncle George started to speak. “I will say again, Mr. Reinhardt, I have not finished. Allow me the courtesy to proceed. All of you. Once you do, you’ll find you have nothing to contest, nor would you want to do so.” He looked squarely at Uncle George. “The more you say now, the more you’ll have cause to regret later.”

“Get on with it then.”

Annie was shaking violently.

“Very well.” Charles Rooks nodded. “Your mother made provisions for both of you.” He looked from Annie’s mother to her uncle. He lifted two manila envelopes and held them out, one for each of them. “I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the provisions your mother made for you.” He leaned back in his chair, saying no more, just watching them.

Uncle George opened his envelope quickly and slid the contents out. He leafed through the documents, his face paling, then filling with color, then paling again to a pasty white. He went back and looked at them again more slowly, studying them one by one.

Annie’s mother held her envelope as though it had a snake inside it. Annie had never seen her look so uncertain, so frightened. Uncle George said the Lord’s name under his breath. Trembling, her mother opened her envelope and began to go through the contents, one document at a time. A frown. Confusion, then comprehension. She looked utterly devastated as tears slipped silently down her white cheeks.

“Your mother was a remarkable woman,” Charles Rooks said quietly. He leaned forward again and clasped his hands on his desk mat. “She told me she purchased those stocks years ago on the advice of a good friend. A very wise and astute friend, I would say. She had those documents in her house up until a few weeks ago. She had no idea what they were worth. When I told her, she asked me to keep them with her will.”

Uncle George started reading aloud. “Exxon, Proctor & Gamble, Coca-Cola, DuPont, AT&T.” He shook his head. “IBM, General Motors . . .” He looked as though he’d been poleaxed. He stopped reading, but he didn’t raise his head. He shut his eyes for a long moment and then said, “We should get Mother a headstone. Something really nice.”

Nora gave a hoarse sob, dropped the papers, and covered her face.

Uncle George winced. “I didn’t mean that to sound so . . .” He looked up at the attorney. “How did she do it? I didn’t think she ever made that much money.”

“I imagine she invested a few dollars at a time during the years she worked for a living.”

Grandma Leota had worked a long time.

Annie watched her mother tuck the documents back into the envelope as though she couldn’t bear to look at them. Her hands were shaking. She scrubbed the tears from her face like a child. Annie ached for her. Grandma Leota had tried to show how much she loved her daughter. But Annie could see this inheritance had only added to her mother’s burden of guilt.

Oh, Lord, will she ever understand?

Uncle George rose first. He extended his hand to Charles Rooks, thanking him as though he were the one who had poured the bounty upon him. Then he turned and looked at Annie. She saw the flicker of shame cross his face. “I’m sorry, Annie. I was out of line. I should’ve known better.” He checked his wristwatch. “I have to run.” He took a step toward the door, then paused. “Do you need me to go to the funeral home and help you make arrangements for a stone? I could meet you tomorrow.”

“Grandma told me what she wanted, Uncle George. I’ll take care of it.”

“Tell them to send me the bill.”

Her mother rose. She didn’t shake hands with Charles Rooks. She held the closed manila envelope in her left hand as she turned toward Fred. Still trying to take it all in, Annie started to follow them out of the office.

“Miss Gardner,” Charles Rooks said. She paused in the doorway and looked back at him in question. He came around his desk. “These belong to you.” He handed her the file containing the deed to Grandma Leota’s house and a short note in her grandmother’s writing with the savings account number, location of her safety-deposit box key, and a Scripture reference: Isaiah 40:27-31. She thanked him and went out, catching up with her mother and Fred at the elevator.

They rode down in silence. Fred kept his arm around her mother. Annie didn’t know what to say. Her car and Fred’s were parked side by side in the basement lot.

“I’m sorry about the house, Mom,” Annie said. “I never intended for Grandma to give it to me.”

“Don’t apologize, Annie. You loved her. That’s far more than I ever did.” Her mother raised her head, and Annie saw the anguished look on her face. “Don’t ever apologize.” Her mother’s heart had been softened, then completely broken.

“Oh, Mom,” Annie said. Weeping, she embraced her, feeling her mother’s anguish as though it were her own.

Annie was shocked when she saw the small, wooden box that contained Leota Reinhardt’s remains. It wasn’t much bigger than a shoe box and weighed only a few pounds. The funeral home proprietor informed her that George Reinhardt had called and said he would take care of any expenses for a stone or urn or whatever Annie told the proprietor she thought her grandmother wanted. Annie had already paid for the “Direct/Budget Cremation (Noncommemorative)” before Uncle George had decided to be magnanimous.

“We should get her a nice stone.”

Grandma, how would you feel about having a gigantic stone cross on top of you? Or some marble angels with great big wings? They could be playing harps! A bubble of laughter came from her unexpectedly.

“I’m sorry,” she said, mortified. What was wrong with her? She wanted to scream and cry and laugh at the same time. She stared at the papers. Direct/Budget. She felt so guilty looking at those words now. Since the doctor had been aware she had the power of attorney, all the arrangements had been left to her. She hadn’t known what to do. It had cost eight hundred and fifty dollars, almost everything Grandma had left in her checking account. That had taken care of everything: filling out official documents, sanitary care of Grandma’s remains, removing Grandma’s body from the hospital to the mortuary, refrigeration, use of facility and equipment, transportation to the crematory, and inurnment of cremated remains. All the things Annie wished she had never known about but had to under the circumstances.

Had Uncle George learned of his windfall sooner, he might’ve insisted Grandma Leota be embalmed and laid to rest in the “bronze, nonrusting” casket with the “champagne whitehall velvet” interior.

I’m going to lose it, Lord. I’m going to lose it completely and become hysterical. I want to pound on this table until it cracks in two.

Poor Uncle George. What was going to happen when the truth hit him between the eyes? No amount of money would ever ease his guilt. And her mother . . . Fred had called that morning and said she wouldn’t be coming to the funeral home to help Annie with the decisions at hand. Her mother was so sick she couldn’t get out of bed.

Annie’s eyes welled with tears. Her throat ached. Reading through the option descriptions, she realized her grandmother had been taken away in a cardboard box. Oh, God, how could I have let that happen? Grandma, I’m so sorry. She reached out and drew the box of Grandma Leota’s ashes closer. It was hard to breathe.

“Would you like to be alone for a few minutes, Miss Gardner?”

She nodded.

The man left the book listing services, products, and prices open on the table. He had been so kind to her when she called from the hospital. What must it be like to run a mortuary and see the dead and the grieving every day?

She had to get down to business and decide on an urn. Taking a deep breath, she reined her emotions in tightly and pressed them down deep inside. Still, feelings bubbled to the surface.

Oh, Lord, did they take Grandma away in her hospital gown? I never thought of that. I should’ve taken something nice for Grandma to wear when she was cremated. A nice suit. A pretty dress. A wedding gown. And her Bible. Grandma would have liked to have had that in her hands.

Annie opened the book and paged through it until she found the pages with the urns. She wiped her eyes, blew her nose, and studied the pictures. The urns were in various shapes and quite lovely. Painted chests, royal-blue cloisonné, ebony marble . . . urns of mahogany, cherry, maple, walnut, and poplar. The most expensive one was cast bronze on white marble and looked like a Roman vase. It was called “The Aristocrat.” Annie’s lips twitched. Oh, Grandma Leota. How you would love that! She laughed. She couldn’t help herself. It just bubbled out and then died. The cost was over a thousand dollars, but that would satisfy Uncle George.

The man seemed to know the precise moment to return to the small conference room. “Have you decided?”

“Yes, I have.” She turned the black binder around so that he could see the picture she tapped. “I’d like this one, please.”

“A good choice.”

Annie filled the first few days of Grandma Leota’s absence washing sheets and blankets and remaking the beds. She vacuumed, scrubbed the kitchen floor, scrubbed the bathroom floor, washed the windows, polished the furniture, and cleaned the stove and oven. She cleaned Barnaby’s cage every morning and made sure he had fresh food. He hadn’t said anything for a while, and she hoped he wasn’t going to get sick and die, too.

Arba came by the first night with a casserole. She didn’t linger. “You let us know when you’re ready for company,” she said and left. The casserole was still in the refrigerator.

On the third day, Annie went out into Grandma Leota’s garden.

The air was cold, the trees winter-barren, the ground hard. When Annie looked up at the lead-gray sky, her chest ached so badly she thought she’d die. She almost wished she could. At least then she would be with the Lord and Grandma Leota.

She heard the gate open and saw Arba and the children entering the garden. She tried to smile, but her mouth trembled. She couldn’t speak a word of greeting. The pain was still bottled up inside.

“Oh, honey . . .” Arba’s dark eyes filled with tears. “You need to let it out.”

She shrugged because she didn’t dare try to speak.

Kenya came and wrapped her arms around Annie’s waist. “Mama says Grandma Leota’s in heaven.”

“What do you feel like doing?” Arba said, gently pressing.

“Screaming.”

“Then you do it, girl. Why should the old Israelites be the only ones to rend their clothes and wail?”

Annie started to cry.

“Ah, honey. Is that the best you can do for your granny?”

The pain burst forth then, and Annie did wail. Arba and the children surrounded her, laying hands on her, crying with her.

“That’s it,” Arba said over and over, weeping with her. “That’s it. Let it go, honey. Let it go.”

And Annie was the better for it.

During the weeks that followed, Annie went through Grandma Leota’s things. Grandma had precious few clothes. In her bottom drawer, Annie found the jewelry box mentioned in her note. Annie found the safety-deposit box key and put it on her key chain. There was a blue velvet box with a string of pearls and a note: All my love forever, Bernard. Another white box held an acorn, two blue feathers, three agates, and a package of sweet pea seeds, still marked ten cents.

Annie wondered what the collection meant. None of the items were worth anything, but they must have stirred memories for Grandma. She wished she knew what sentiment they held for her grandmother. She couldn’t help feeling she had lost an entire library of knowledge and wisdom when Grandma Leota had died. There was so much Annie hadn’t had the opportunity to learn.

Sam Carter called several times and came over every few days. One day he smiled at her tenderly. “You’re not going to let me get too close, are you, Annie? Still think I’m a rogue.”

“It’s not that, Sam.”

“I think I understand. Except for one thing, Annie.”

“What’s that?”

“You’re not Catholic. You can’t be a nun.”

She smiled at that. “You don’t think an evangelical Protestant can dedicate her life to God?”

“I suppose so, but what a waste.”

She laughed. “I should hope not.” Perhaps one day she would marry, but for now it didn’t seem to be God’s plan for her. She was content.

With the boundaries clearly drawn, Sam stayed the rest of the afternoon. They talked about Grandma Leota, life, the garden, what Annie planned to do about the house.

When she saw him to the door, he gave her a rueful smile. “I should’ve snapped you up when you were fifteen and madly in love with me. I lost my chance.” Leaning down, he kissed her cheek.

Corban came by and helped her take the boxes down from the attic again. She asked him if there was any chance he would get back together with Ruth, and he’d said not a chance in hades. Then he broke down and cried. Alarmed, she sat with him on the sofa and listened as he poured out his misery about his child being aborted. She’d cried with him then. She talked to him about the Lord and forgiveness, but he withdrew from that. He wanted to consign Ruth Coldwell to the pit and leave her there to burn for all eternity. The hotter the fire, the better, as far as he was concerned.

“We all sin, Corban.”

“Yeah, right, but not the way she did. What sort of woman kills her own child?”

“There’s no difference in God’s eyes between Ruth having that abortion and you wishing her dead and in hell for it.” She saw his eyes flicker. She didn’t want him to misunderstand her. “And I’m no better than either of you with the bitterness I allowed to take root in me. Sin is sin, Corban. There’s no big or small about it. It’s all the same in God’s eyes, and unless you confess it and lay it at the cross, it separates you from God. That’s why we need Jesus, so we can be reconciled.”

She got no further than that. He said he’d taken philosophy courses. She could see his anger. He said he knew all about Christianity. He said he was sorry to offend her, but he thought all that stuff about Jesus dying for the sins of the world was hogwash. It was too easy. And it was a crutch for people who’d messed up so badly nothing could be fixed. When they did things that bad, they ought to suffer for it. And then he was on his feet, apologizing for crying like a fool. He was out the door before she could say anything else. Annie had felt sick at heart, watching him drive away. She’d known the instant she mentioned the word sin, he wasn’t ready to hear the Good News. She’d seen the change in his eyes. The walls went up. He couldn’t get away fast enough.

Annie didn’t expect to hear from Corban again after that. Then he showed up on a Wednesday morning three weeks later. She was up on the extension ladder holding an electric sander to the paint-chipped eaves. He had to shout to get her attention.

She shut off the machine, lifted her goggles, and pulled the mask down from her mouth. “Well, hi, stranger!” She grinned down at him. “Come to help?”

“Sure. I’ve got some spare time.”

She took him at his word and put him to work.