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KEEP IN MIND, AS WITHIN, SO WITHOUT

This philosophical strategy has helped me many times throughout my adult life. It’s greatest value is to help you regain your perspective when your life seems hectic or out of control. It stems from the understanding that your outer world—your environment, the noise level, the relative calm or chaos in your life—is usually a reflection of your inner world, the degree of peace and equanimity (or the lack thereof) you experience in your mind.

Many people have a strong resistance to this strategy because it can be quite humbling. Who wants to believe that a hectic life is caused, even in part, by a frenzied mind? After all, it’s easier to believe that your life is hectic because of your circumstances, schedule, and responsibilities. If you have the humility to admit, however, that this message is true, it can be enormously helpful, because while you have little control over your outer environment, you do have the capacity to change from the inside out.

One of my favorite books is Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Wherever You Go, There You Are. Consider, for a moment, the essence of this title. It correctly suggests that if you are nervous, hurried, and disorganized in one home, you’ll probably find a way to re-create a similar set of facts wherever you go. For example, have you ever met someone who is always late? Does it help if you give that person an extra ten minutes to get ready? No, it doesn’t. The reason is simple: The habit that creates the tendency to be late isn’t the clock, or the time of day, or even the number of things to do that day. Instead, it stems from an inner habit—the tendency to wait until the last possible minute to leave. You can change the external facts—where the person is going, who he or she is going to meet, and so forth, but the person will almost always find a way to show up late. He or she will always have an array of great excuses, but the fact remains; he or she will be late. This habit, like all the others, comes from inside the person and is reflected in his or her life.

The most helpful part of this information has to do with the question “What comes first, a calm mind or a calm life?” If you think about Kabat-Zinn’s title, the answer, while difficult to admit, is obvious: A calm mind precedes a more peaceful outer life. In other words, if your life seems overwhelming, the best place to start your improvement is within your own mind. Perhaps you need a break or a change of pace. Maybe you need a little more time for yourself; maybe you need to spend less time watching television and a little more time reading helpful books. Would learning meditation or spending time in prayer be helpful? Perhaps you need less sleep or to get up even earlier to create some alone time. Each person is going to require a different prescription because each of us has different needs. Yet, the very act of simply acknowledging that the root of the problem lies within—not in the circumstances in your life—is often helpful in and of itself because it places the blame where it really belongs: inside each of us. The next time you’re feeling overwhelmed or frustrated, slow down and take a look inside. If you do, I’m certain you’ll agree that your outer life is a reflection of your inner world. By simply noticing this connection, you may very well know what steps are needed to solve the problem.