84.

REMIND YOURSELF FREQUENTLY WHAT YOUR CHILDREN REALLY WANT

Let’s face it. Your kids don’t really care if you’re a flight attendant, a salesperson, a waitress, a computer expert, or a chef. I can tell you from firsthand experience that they are not impressed if you are an author or a busy professional. My guess is that my kids would be equally un-impressed with me if I were a doctor, lawyer, or even a movie star. The fact that you work hard and sacrifice in their behalf may be appreciated, but not nearly to the extent that any of us feel is appropriate and deserved. No, what really matters to kids is your time—and your willingness to listen and love unconditionally. Period!

It’s one thing to say “My kids are the most important part of my life,” and it’s something else altogether to back that statement up with actions. I know this isn’t easy, and I also know that there are many great and often legitimate excuses why we can’t make our kids our top priority, but the fact remains: Our kids don’t want our external successes, they want and need our love.

This is not a strategy designed to make you feel guilty about how little time you have for your kids. Believe me, I often feel guilty myself when I have to leave for the airport before my own children have even gotten out of bed, or when I have to take an important phone call at dinnertime or miss a school play due to other plans. The goal of this strategy is not about guilt, it’s about love. It’s a friendly reminder that, although parenting can seem overwhelming at times and you might think it will last forever—it won’t. Instead, you have a short window of opportunity in which to spend time together and develop a mutually loving and respectful relationship before your children are grown up and out on their own.

At times it’s been helpful to me, and I believe it might be helpful to you, to be reminded that what our kids really want isn’t our money or our success—or our constant reminders of how hard we work. What they really want is us. Obviously, this doesn’t mean you don’t need to earn a living or that success isn’t (or shouldn’t be) important, only that, to our kids, these things are secondary. I doubt very much that any of us, on our deathbeds, will wish we had spent even more time at the office or in pursuit of our dreams, but I suspect that many of us will regret not spending more quality time with our children. Knowing this is the case, why not make a change, however slight, in our priorities?

What our children really want (and need) is our love. They want us to listen to their stories without something else on our minds and without rushing to be somewhere else, to watch their soccer games not because we feel obligated to do so but because there is genuinely no place we’d rather be. They want us to hold them, read to them, be with them. They want to be the center of our universe.

Just this morning, I was with a good friend of mine discussing how quickly our children are growing up. It reminded me of how precious my own children, and all children, are. In that moment, I made a commitment to myself to keep my priorities straight, however inconvenient it may be. I hope you’ll make a similar commitment.