86.

SPEAK SOFTLY

There is something nurturing and calming about someone who speaks very softly. For most of my life, I assumed that this was a quality you either had or didn’t have—you were born with a soft voice or you weren’t. And, to some degree, this may be true. However, in recent years I’ve discovered that speaking softly is a quality you can also develop. If you do, I think you’ll agree that the rewards are tremendous and measurable. These rewards will have a positive effect on the love in your family and in your home.

When you speak too quickly and with a loud voice, the energy you send out into the world (or into your home) can be somewhat frantic or nervous. Although your intentions may be somewhat different, it’s sometimes the case that the people around you will feel pressured or slightly agitated, which can, in turn, unconsciously encourage them to act even more hyper and irritated themselves. In other words, your voice feeds the cycle of nervous energy. It carries a great deal of power and authority and sends a message to those around you. So, if you send a message of impatience and agitation, you may be, without even realizing it, lessening the feelings of love, calmness, and respect in your home.

Obviously, everyone has a different voice, an individual temperament, and a unique communication style. I’m not suggesting that you (or anyone else) completely transform the way you speak, or that you pretend that you are someone you are not. What I’m proposing here is simply that you try to become a little more conscious about how your voice is being received by those around you. Further, I’m suggesting that if you make a gentle effort to speak a little more softly you might discover some surprising, almost instant, changes in the feelings around your home.

You, for example, will feel calmer and less stressed. As you quiet down your voice, you will actually relax the rest of your body, as well as your mind. Next, you’ll discover that as you quiet down, everyone around you will quickly follow suit. This latter benefit happens almost like magic and is a welcome relief in any home. Although I have a long way to go, I’ve already noticed, hundreds of times, that if my kids are acting frenetic and silly and I want them to calm down, the very best strategy is for me to quiet down first. Often, calming down starts with my voice, which leads to calmer feelings and behavior. If you think about it, it makes sense that if you want others to behave in a relatively calm manner, the worst thing you could do is be yelling and acting crazy yourself. Yet, how many of us haven’t done this? The truth is, if you really want someone to listen to you the best thing you could possibly do is to soften your voice. You’ll be surprised at how attentive and respectful your audience will become.

By all means, honor your own rhythm and your own voice over my suggestions. However, if you give this strategy a fair chance, if you make an honest attempt to soften your voice, however slightly, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the calming effect it will have on your family and on your life at home.