98.

DEFER GRATIFICATION

At first glance, this suggestion may appear more suited for work or money-related issues than it does for life at home. However, if you look closely, you’ll see that the identical principle applies in both cases. I’ve been rewarded again and again by taking this strategy to heart around my home.

To defer gratification means you either do something you may not necessarily want to do or give something up now so that you will be rewarded later. You defer or postpone your gratification because, presumably, the deferred reward is greater than the present cost or effort.

One obvious application of this strategy lies in dealing with your kids. You might, for example, desperately want your cranky child to take a nap. However, if it’s five P.M., you might be wiser to stick it out and put him or her to bed for the evening at seven. If you allow the child to take a nap now, he or she will likely be lively and rested when you are ready to go to sleep for the evening, perhaps keeping you from getting the sleep you need. In this case, you are postponing your gratification (your quiet time) for a few hours so that you won’t have to endure a sleepless night. Or your child might be crying because he or she wants a big bowl of ice cream or some other tasty treat. You remember, however, that virtually every time you allow the child to eat too much sugar he or she gets crabby and irritable. You decide that it’s better to let the child cry and complain for a while now (and get over it) so that he or she will be less grumpy later. Again, you are deferring your gratification for a short while because the payoff is worth the trade-off.

There are many other times when deferring gratification may be a good idea. You might, for example, really want to watch a certain television program, but your spouse may want or need to talk to you. Despite being disappointed about missing your favorite show, you might be wise to turn off the set and give your spouse your undivided attention. You give up a little something now for a much happier spouse later. Your relationship is enhanced and your life is less stressful as a result.

One of my own favorite ways to defer gratification occurs when the kitchen is a mess in the late evening and both Kris and I are exhausted, ready for sleep. Almost always, I force myself to stay awake long enough to clean the kitchen (deferring sleep) so that in the morning we wake up to a clean house. Both of us find that there is something peaceful about waking up and not having to start the day off with a messy kitchen. It makes the beginning of our day a little easier.

I think you’ll discover that if you consider deferring gratification a little more often, it will be far easier to avoid sweating the small stuff at home.