Chapter 13

Leajka

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The liquid from the goblet slides smoothly down my throat like water, but it has an airy quality. It doesn’t bubble and fizz like Amelia’s Irn-Bru, nor does it taste like nothing. It’s woody, like the earth, but when it gets to my belly, a warm fire smolders.

When the goblet reaches Amelia, she downs the last drop. A smile beams from her face, but her eyes are lost to vast impenetrability.

Tyrren has vanished in the crowd, but Emeric’s arm is around me and the other grips my palm firmly. Once more, I’m swept into his presence. It’s like nothing else matters. His hungry lips tell me he wants me. His eyes consume me.

Longing radiates from my belly to my chest to my mind. I feel wild and on the edge of leaning in for a kiss. It’s dangerously exciting.

A whisper enters my mind, a warning of the dangers of dancing with the fae. Wandering into a fae ring brings mischief or madness. Traps and tricks. Confusion and curses.

But I’m also fae so what should it matter?

I close my eyes as we dance, letting myself slip away.

The light behind my eyes is yellow, then orange, and fades to crimson as shadows creep in around the corners. I feel weightless like I’m falling away from everything I’ve ever known. I listen for my breath, but there is only the sound of fire crackling. There is no ticking of the clock, no minutes or hours creep by.

It’s as if I’ve danced right into another realm, a place where nothing matters except merriment and mayhem. Glorious mayhem. My true nature pushes past all the confines I’ve created to be a good girl. It’s getting darker behind my eyes now.

I want other people to dance and dance and dance with me until they too lose themselves to the shadows.

Loud cries surround me from this distant place, belonging to people who’ve danced in the fae court and never returned. They drown in fear and sorrow. Part of me likes the sound of their desperation. I want to hear the people plead and lament.

They continue to sob. Their panic doesn’t pierce me. I’m on the edge of darkness. I am the darkness.

I’m awakened to being unseelie fae. There is no way for me to hide or escape this truth. There is no stopping me. It also explains my reckless behavior. I can no longer deny my nature.

The shadow inside grows, leaving little more than a pinprick of light, as small as a distant star in the sky. Inside of it, there are memories. I have the urge to glimpse them one last time.

Me crying. My mother leaving. I’m alone like I’ve always been. That singular sound makes me feel the sorrow of the world and everyone who’s ever been lost to the dancing court. My own eyes fill. I cry.

It’s like my mother is suddenly here, extending her hand for me to take. I do. At last, she’s returned. She wants me to go with her. I’m not alone after all.

The darkness recedes and light fills my awareness. There’s good in me too. I hope.

I blink open my eyes. There’s a hand in mine. Anticipation builds. She’s back.

But the person gazing at me is neither my mother nor Emeric.

Amelia’s face comes into focus. Sandpaper lines my throat as I try to swallow. We’re in the corner of the ballroom. I try to sit up but am heavy, cloudy. Amelia helps me.

“Are you okay?” she asks gently. “You were dancing, spinning, not stopping, then you collapsed.” Concern rumples her features.

My head throbs. “Emeric and I were dancing and—”

She shakes her head slowly. “You were out for a while. It scared me. There were rumors that there were demon attacks on campus—boys’ dorm, ours. Demons have never been on campus until now. Rumor has it that it must be the new vamp—they’re always working with demons.”

My thoughts drift to Tyrren. I want to defend him. I sit up and hold my head in my hands. “Tyrren probably left when he saw me with Emeric.” I have a sudden urge to find my best friend.

“I haven’t seen either of them,” Amelia says.

“Not all vamps lead demons. In fact, some of them vanquish them from the world.” But I’m angry with my uncle and don’t know what to think. I do need to find Tyrren though. He’s the easy target. “Thank you for helping me, Amelia.”

“You had an intense experience. Usually, the dance lasts all night, but in light of things if you’d like we can head back to the dorm.” She scans the room, probably looking for Aaron.

I want to relay what Tyrren said but now probably isn’t the best time.

We make our way slowly along the glistening sidewalk. Clouds mask the stars and moon. It’s as if they’re also obscuring something else, something that I’m right on the edge of knowing—other than that I’m unseelie fae.

Back in our room, Amelia twirls in the mirror. “I’m not a girlie girl, but I don’t want to take this gown off.”

I’ve already changed and am resting my head on the pillow. “Has anything like that ever happened to you?” I ask.

“Danced so much that I collapsed? Typically, it’s something that only happens to humans in the hands of unseelie fae.” Amelia smooths her dress.

“It was like I was having a strange dream or entered a different reality.” I describe the shadows and then the light. I fear it’ll fade.

“That could mean you’re unseelie fae. If so, just try to stay in the middle.”

“When I was there, I didn’t want to. I liked the shadow side and...it scares me.” My voice is faint.

Amelia reaches for my hand and gives it a squeeze.

I think of my mother. Of the light.

“I don’t know how to explain it, but the more you resist it the stronger it will get. Instead, you have to let it exist inside of you. The thing about fae is we’re paradox, opposites, light and shadow. Even unseelie choose which to act on. You don’t have to do bad. Unless, you know, you want to end up in jail.” She grins at the irony.

An argument builds in my mind. Like shadow and light want to do battle. “Why didn’t I know all of this? Shouldn’t there be an instruction manual on how to be fae?”

“Our parents are supposed to teach us. After the Wicked War, when so many died or fled the Borea realm, schools like this one were started.”

“But now we’re the ones being punished.”

“Good thing Emeric is going to help us bust out of here.”

“Like a jailbreak?” I ask.

“Like the fae rising up against the nats and even the vampires. We’re going to finally get some respect.”

The unseelie in me likes that idea. The rational, reasonable girl that was raised around natural mortals and vampires alike doesn’t understand why we all can’t peacefully coexist. The split causes a heaviness to sit in my bones.

I want to tell Amelia how whenever I’m around Emeric, it’s almost like I’m entranced. When I’m not around him, I think of him with a warm fondness. When we’re together, it’s more of a burning desire. Then there’s the inner conflict with Tyrren. He’s capable and confident, careful and caring. Amelia told me to live in the middle. Is that where my heart is?

Instead, I say, “Lately, I wake up feeling like a different person. Like the girl I’ve looked at in the mirror all my life was just a placeholder for who I’m becoming. I’ve switched from being concerned with school, friends, and work to a wickedly bad girl to someone who wants to do the right thing and now back again. The truth is, I’m sort of afraid of myself.”

“Classic unseelie.” Amelia lifts and lowers a shoulder like it’s no big deal. She holds up a can of Irn-Bru. “What you do is what matters not necessarily what you think or feel because although they’re real inside of you, they’re not to the rest of the world.” She opens the soda and bends the tab back and forth. “I got Q. Is there anyone here whose name starts with Q?”

I do the same and my tab breaks off on the letter T again.

“So not E for Emeric. T for Tyrren. Interesting.” Amelia waggles her eyebrows.

“For someone who can do magic, you put a lot of stock in soda top tabs.”

She laughs. “I’ve never been in a love triangle before. Lea, caught between Emeric, the guy who’s going to lead us to rebellion and save us all, and Tyrren, the resident vampire bad boy who defaces school property and hates all fae except one.”

It’s definitely not a love triangle. I practically snarl at that last part about Tyrren. “That is not true.”

“Everyone knows Tyrren did the graffiti. He can’t help that he didn’t know you were fae. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.”

I swallow back what she said and focus on the edges of everything else.

Amelia inclines her head as if to explain something to a toddler. “Have you ever heard of the X-Crew? They’re a bunch of vampires out to cause trouble. Chaos. Anarchy. Disorder. They love playing with fire. They put unseelie fae to shame with their naughtiness. Tyrren is probably in it.” She purses her lips. “He didn’t know about your true identity and you didn’t know about his. Star-crossed lovers. A tale as old as time. But if you’re smart, you’ll align with Emeric because he’s about to bring the vampires down.”

Amelia has a point but not about the love-anything. I hid my true identity from Tyrren.

I want to trust Amelia and tell her the story about my uncle and how Tyrren is here on wrongful charges. But she’s also unseelie fae and I hardly trust myself. Can I trust her? “Something isn’t right,” I mutter.

“Exactly. Fae are locked up. Vampires and demons roam the streets. There’s a conspiracy against us. Something definitely isn’t right.”

“Nothing’s ever right.” But like she said before, it doesn’t matter what I think or feel. It matters what I do.

I pull on my boots and hurry from the room. Amelia follows, her gown swishing. “Where are you going?”

“To find Tyrren.”

“Wait for me, I’ll go with you.”

But I don’t.

Because it’s the night of the masquerade dance, the usual lockdown is lifted. Music still filters from the common quad. Otherwise, the campus is quiet. Fog has crept in from the water, bringing with it a dank, sulfuric odor much like the subway.

Movement comes from an alcove of one of the buildings. Cole and Felix emerge. I’m not surprised they weren’t at the dance. I wonder if there’s a special vampire event. Ivan has regaled me with stories of the palace where he used to live—though he never specified where it was. It was probably the Nefral Palace that Amelia mentioned. I always assumed it was in Transylvania or elsewhere in Eastern Europe and not another realm.

“Hey, Lea,” Cole says.

I keep walking until they step in front of me.

Felix tries to grip my arm, but I wrest it away.

“There’s so much you could give us.” Cole’s voice bites.

“Like a kick in the—?” Memories of a similarly foggy night flood back, threatening to paralyze me.

The two of them chuckle.

“You’re so tough. We like it. Why don’t you join us? We’ll show you what you’re missing out on.” Felix’s lips brush my ear.

“I thought we were on opposite teams.” I stand my ground.

He smirks.

The roar inside grows. My circuitry switches to impulse. Magic wells, but the playing field isn’t even. My power is suppressed.

Felix grabs hold of me. The others pin my arms. “Come on. It won’t hurt.” His lips brush my neck.

Although the vampires at RIP Jr despise fae, they don’t typically feed on us. I know that much. My magic is static but begging for release. I jerk my head and bite down hard on his ear.

He grips it, struggling against the pain.

“Make me your target and I will make you mine,” I shout savagely. A fire stokes inside of me.

Cole laughs. “He told you she was going to be trouble. Anyway, she’s meant to be his. No biting.”

I don’t know who he is or what they’re talking about, but my anger burns dangerously like a flame in the wind. The wild, untrained parts of me want to destroy them.

Then I hear someone say my name and it’s like a whisper, a soft caress, a fulfillment of desire. “Leajka.”