part0016

Many philosophers, prophets, and saints have tried to put their finger on the human condition. Some say that there is something fundamentally wrong with us, and we carry around the burden of original sin. Some say that we're fundamentally good, and the negative side of our existence is a temporary situation – a crust of dirt and grime that's built up over time and hides our pure nature.

Whatever the case, they all agree that something is wrong. They share the basic intuition that the human situation is not ideal, but that we could have something better. Some better kind of existence is a genuine possibility for us.

You could say that the point of a spiritual system is to give us a roadmap showing the way from Point A to Point B, along with a few useful techniques to speed us on our journey. But where and what exactly is Point A ? Like authentic presence, it has also been described in many ways. It is alienation from the divine. It is a fallen state of sin. It is the darkness of ignorance.

However we label our situation, the fact is that pain is what clues us into the fact that something is wrong. I'm not talking about the ouch kind of pain, like your hand getting hit by a hammer. I'm talking about emotional pain. The pain of loss. The pain of feeling alienated or alone. The pain of thwarted expectations and unfulfilled desires. The pain of worry and stress. The pain of anguish, sadness, irritation, confusion, anger, hatred, disappointment.

This pain is such a fundamental part of our lives that it seems woven into the very nature of things. Many of us just take it for granted that pain is a part of life and never try to do anything about it. Others try to sweep it under the rug, pretend it's not there, and put on a happy face. Still others try to make it go away with different remedies and fixes – anything from medication to meditation.

The path of authentic presence, however, acknowledges the reality of pain and believes it has a lesson to teach. When we pay attention to it and watch it, we can learn about it – what it is, where it comes from, how it distorts our perceptions and affects our mental state – what it means .

The path of authentic presence is not about trying to cure or get rid of our pain. Instead, we treat it like a guest. We invite it to sit at our table. We say, "Come in, sit down, have some tea. Let's talk. What's bothering you?"

When we achieve some kind of communication with our pain, we can gain insight into it and effect a transformation. Somehow, just by giving up our struggle with it, the pain becomes less painful. We accept that we might have something to learn from it. That attitude of openness allows genuine insight to take place. Then we can begin to understand how the whole thing fits together. If the mind is like an ecosystem, what is pain's ecological role?

Painful emotions or states of mind are bound up with what we might call the egosystem . The egosystem is an entire complex of mental and emotional habits that is self-sustaining. Once it exists, it takes on a life of its own. It exists just to keep maintaining its existence. That is very circular, but the egosystem rarely stops to question such things. It just keeps churning through emotions and mental states, thoughts and narratives, just to keep itself going, a relentless locomotive. The egosystem is terrified of stopping its perpetual motion.

The egosystem is exactly what we think of when we think I- thoughts and me- thoughts. The egosystem is you – and me. The driving force behind ego is a fundamental sense of insecurity. The movement and energy of living situations are too much. They're just too intense for us. They start to seem like a chaos that will overwhelm us, and we fear getting drowned in them. That leads us to want to grab hold of something solid, to find a fixed point in the chaotic push-and-pull of existence.

This motivating insecurity is like a seed, and the rich soil of our minds gives it the perfect growing conditions. Once the seed is planted, it evolves into a whole thriving, all-consuming organism. It's a weed that takes over the whole garden.

Once the fundamental insecurity takes hold, it grows roots and branches. Ego is sustained by thoughts and beliefs, and mostly these take the form of narratives. We tell ourselves stories about ourselves. These stories define who we are – where we are, where we've been, where we're going, and what kinds of challenges we face on our way there. For the most part, our self-narratives are just convenient fictions. They're not really true, but they're good enough for our purposes.

The problem with these narratives is that they generate a lot of pain. We become preoccupied with the past and the future, so that we are unable to enjoy the present. Have you ever got so lost in thought about your plans, or wandered so far down memory lane, that you became totally unaware of your surroundings? Maybe something jolted you from your reveries and suddenly brought you back to the present moment. You realized you were not really there at all. Your awareness had stepped out of the office and gone on a vacation.

In general, thoughts about the past and future don't bring any satisfaction to us. Many thoughts about the future take the form of worry or anxiety. Or we might fantasize about what we want in the future. In our mind's eye, we might see ourselves getting a promotion, getting the perfect birthday present, watching our favorite team win, or getting the girl or guy of our dreams. Forget the fact that such thoughts might lead to frustration later. Right now, at this moment, they are keeping us from enjoying what we already have. We feel a twang of sadness that we're separate from the object of desire.

Another way the egosystem can create pain for us is anger. We have all sorts of stories and ideas about ourselves. We hold on to many belongings. We make a lot of plans and preparations for the future. The minute someone comes along and threatens those things, anger comes up. Sometimes anger actually achieves its purpose and removes the threat. But most of the time, it just escalates the situation.

Suppose you get into an argument with your spouse or partner. Some conflict comes up, and they are raising their voice at you, anger is flashing in their eyes. The go-to strategy of ego is usually to defend itself, its agenda and priorities. So now, instead of one angry ego, there are two. Both egos feel under attack. Both respond by pushing back with further aggression. In no time, the quarrel reaches a fever pitch. Both of you are speaking words that can't be unspoken and saying hurtful things you don't really mean. Maybe one of you even starts throwing things or getting violent.

Or maybe you just immediately roll over when your significant other quarrels with you. You take a strategy of appeasement. You just retreat and say sorry. But deep inside, you feel pretty rotten about it. Not only did they attack you, but you just surrendered. Your sense of self-respect takes a hit. You feel weak. Maybe you try to get back at them with passive-aggressive actions. You might not have the guts to stand up for yourself when they argue with you, but you can sure make them suffer for it in other ways.

There is a genuine alternative to getting into this toxic predicament. If your awareness is always turned to authentic presence, the slings and arrows others throw at you can't touch you. You might as well try to damage empty space with a bullet.

I can't tell you how to approach such scenarios. There's no rulebook for handling life's situations. It's not about executing a strategy or tactic – that would just be another manipulation, another way of trying to advance your agenda. It's about fundamentally altering your approach by dropping your agenda altogether. In a later chapter we'll talk more about how to work with negative situations through authentic presence.

The egosystem isn't just about our thoughts and self-narratives. It also drives us to action. Because of ego, we are constantly playing games, manipulating people and situations to get what we want and get rid of what we don't want. Usually these manipulations are totally opaque to us. We have no idea that we're even doing them, because we don't know what it's like not to play ego's games. That's because we don't have an experience of living authentically. We haven't made ourselves familiar with authentic presence.

Ego doesn't give up its habits easily. It goes down kicking and screaming. But when we finally do manage to start giving up our many self-deceptions and manipulations, it comes as a huge relief.

It's very raw and personal. At the same time, it's very refreshing. It's as if we had been living in a small, dark, dirty room, breathing the same stale air for ages. Suddenly someone pulls back the curtains and throws open the windows and fresh air comes pouring in. Sunlight fills the room. We realize that there's a reality outside of our dark little room. Not only that, but the world is so much bigger than we thought it was. It's a wide open, full of new and wonderful things. We feel a sense of curiosity and discovery about ourselves and the world.

Ego is very small-minded. It's completely preoccupied with protecting itself, holding its ground, keeping its territory, fending off threats. The mentality of ego is endless claustrophobia.

Authentic presence is wide open and vast. It has nothing to protect or hold on to. It's open, generous, and childlike. It wants to discover and experience. Its fundamental attitude is that life is an unexplored terrain with unknown horizons and limitless potential. While ego is concerned with wrapping itself in a tight cocoon, keeping its defenses up, authentic presence wants to emerge into the daylight.

I have already said that authentic presence is not a cure for pain. And it doesn't come all at once. It's a process. Painful situations still occur. But there are two ways of relating to them. You can relate to them in ego's way, or you can relate to them with authentic presence. If you relate to painful situations with ego, then you'll experience them as a threat, something you need protection from. But somehow, the process of protecting yourself just leads to more pain.

But if you relate to painful situations with authentic presence, each situation becomes a springboard to further discovery and ever fresher possibilities. You emerge unto challenges and situations instead of shrinking from them. And each emergence becomes an opening up. It widens the vistas of life.