It’s Saturday. Wired is bouncing all over the place because he can finally have visitors again. While flipping around at breakfast, he tells me his sister is coming for the first time. My dad is coming to see me too. So, as usual, my energy is low.
Before the visit with my dad, I have to meet with Jackson. It seems the last few days of classes, I haven’t been pulling my weight. Trying to do poorly on purpose is harder than I expected. But I’ve been working at it. I plan to tell Jackson he can take early parole and shelve it. It’s just not going to happen.
When I meet Jackson in the visitors’ area, he’s got a sour face and his arms are crossed. He hasn’t even brought any snacks. I feel a rumble in my stomach. Not because I’m hungry but because I suddenly feel anxious. Maybe he isn’t taking the news too well. I wish I had a plan B ready.
“Hey, dude.” I lay the charm on thick and hope he buys it.
“Sit.” He gestures to the chair across the table from him.
As I plant my butt on the seat he lays into me. “What are you doing? Are you failing on purpose? I don’t get it, Kevin. You’re a good kid. A good kid who made a stupid choice that caused you and others a lot of pain. But you’ve taken everything we’ve pushed at you. You’ve been in here for two and a half years. How long do you figure you should be punished?”
“I dunno,” I shrug.
“I believe you can work this out. You can have a good life where you make better choices. But being in here isn’t good for you. The longer you stay in, the more worried I get. Settle into your studies so you can pass the tests. Graduating high school should be all that’s on your mind right now.”
That and staying in. To keep him happy, I say, “Fine. I’ll work harder. I am helping Wired.”
“I heard. That’s good. That will also help you to get on the probation board’s good side. Keep it up. How is the creative writing going? Did you finish the song you and Strummer were working on before he left?”
“I haven’t done much lately. But I will. I want to have something ready for the next session.”
“Good,” says Jackson, standing. “Planning for the future is what it’s all about. The writing class is a step in the right direction. Have a good visit with your dad. And keep your head up!”
We go out our separate doors. Jackson heads back to the world outside. I head back inside, to the gym, to sweep and mop. Afterwards, I shower and head to the visitors’ area for the second time today. I’m not sure how my dad will be with me, since I pissed him off on our last visit.
As I enter the room, I spot a girl sitting at one of the other tables. There are two problems right away. One, she has long legs and gives off a cool vibe as she twists one of her blonde braids. She looks my way and our eyes lock. In any other place, that wouldn’t be a problem, but we aren’t in any other place. Which leads to problem number two, I’m in here and she’s out there. Her blue eyes keep holding my gaze. I try a limp smile because I know this can’t go anywhere.
When I break eye contact with her, I look up to see Wired scowling at me. There’s problem number three. She must be his sister, Larkyn. Larkyn with a backwards k. That’s how he says she spells her name. I put my head down so Wired won’t give me attitude when our visits are over.
Dad opens the door and comes into the room. I point him to an empty table by the vending machine.
As Dad plops down in his seat, I sneak a glance at Larkyn. She’s still looking my way. Wired sits down and puts his hand over hers and she turns her gaze from me back to him. The guard lurches toward their table, so Wired slides his hand back into his lap. Dad does his usual hand-wringing motions while waiting for our silence to begin.
I am so focused on Larkyn I forget to be stressed about being with Dad.
“Well,” he starts. “I’m here. I’m on time. Anything you want to say about that?” There is an edge to his voice.
I deserve it.
Larkyn sneaks a sideways grin at me. I grin back. “No, I’m good.” I say out loud.
Dad gets up and heads over to the vending machine. “Coke?” he asks.
I nod. Dad returns to his seat and slides the can my way. He’s bought a root beer for himself and he throws a bag of red liquorice on the table after tearing open the package. He bites into one. I remember how we used to love watching movies and chewing on liquorice. That was back when I was young and Mom was still in the picture. I feel a little raw, remembering a nice scene with my dad.
“Thanks,” I mumble.
“Sure,” Dad says. “Listen, last time I was here I didn’t get to finish telling you that thing I figured out.” He looks up at me, like he’s expecting me to blow up again.
I sit quietly, waiting to hear what he has to say.
He takes a deep breath. “When I was walking Gemini, he was tugging on his leash. I mean, tugging hard. He misses being able to run with you.” He pauses. I stay chill and Dad continues. “It made me think of you and me. We’re kind of leashed up too. Tied up . . . tied together. Oh, crap. That’s not what I mean. What I am trying to say is . . . this isn’t making any sense, is it?”
I shrug my shoulders.
“The past. Everything that happened. It’s where you and I are stuck. We’re both stuck back then. Like we’re tied to that one day. Like a leash, that’s holding us back.”
Before I can respond, Dad shakes his head. He takes a long swig of his drink. “Just forget it. It made sense at the time.”
I run his words through my head. Dad and I are tied to the past. I guess that’s like being leashed up, or tied to one memory. We always end up back there, at that one day. At the exact same thing. It ends up in the same place every time. I don’t know if we can break free.
But Dad is trying to sort things out. That is something. So I nod, and Dad seems satisfied. That is as good as it will get. For now.
Larkyn stands up and my eyes are drawn to her again. She’s wearing pink and blue leggings and a matching top. They cling to her curves. She turns and smiles at me as she leaves the room. Wired heads out of the visitors’ area.
The CO calls, “Time.”
Dad stands. As he begins to head for the door I say, “Thanks for coming.”
I can’t see the expression on his face, but I see him nod his head. I head back to my room.
I pull out my chair at the desk and plop down. I look up at Weed. “Do spiders have mates?” I ask her. “I mean, I’ve never seen another spider in here. Ever since I’ve been in, I’ve convinced myself the only thing I miss is my dog, Gemini. But the way I feel right now, I guess I miss having a chance to be with people. To hang out at the beach. To chill with friends. Or to be with a girl. A girl like Larkyn. Know what I mean?”
Weed doesn’t answer me. But as though she knows I am in deep, she slides down a thread of silk and hangs above my head.