Chapter Twenty-Seven

His hand on his mug of coffee, Joe leaned against the back of his chair and stared across the table at Charity, who was sitting at the other end. ‘You must be tired,’ he said. ‘You should’ve done what Ma and Pa did, gone to bed.’

She smiled at him. ‘No point. I wouldn’t be able to sleep, not now you’re here again.’ She glanced at him shyly. ‘Every time I wrote to you, I tried to picture what you’d look like, bein’ older and workin’ real hard. But in my head you always looked like you did when you left. Maybe a bit taller. But now I don’t have to imagine you any more because I can see you.’

‘I’m afraid it’s not a pretty sight,’ he said ruefully, running his hand through his sun-streaked brown hair. ‘I gotta get to the barber first thing in the mornin’ to have my hair cut and this beard shaved off.’

‘But your eyes are the same. They’re the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. And they look even bluer now you’ve got such a brown face.’

‘Are you tryin’ to tell me you think of saddle leather when you look at me?’ he asked with a grin.

She giggled.

‘You look all grown-up, Charity,’ he said, his voice smiling at her. ‘But you’ve still got that real cute way of laughin’.’

A blush spread over her cheeks, and she took a sip of her coffee. ‘I knew you’d come home when you got my letter.’ She stopped and looked at him, her face suddenly anxious. ‘Or don’t you feel like it’s home any more, now you’ve been gone for so long? Your ma said you might prefer to live at the stable on your own.’

He looked around the room, then his gaze returned to her. ‘Nope, this still feels like home. Bein’ on the move all the time – out on the range in the summer; on someone’s ranch over winter – you’re never long enough in any one place to pick up any feelin’ for it. And anyway, it was like a part of me was still in Carter, even though it wasn’t, ’cos I always knew what was goin’ on in the house and the town. I appreciated your letters more than I can say, Charity.’

‘I’m glad,’ she said. ‘I liked writin’ to you. It made me feel you were still close by.’

Their eyes met. They stared at each other for a long moment, the length of the table between them, then Charity dropped her eyes and took another sip of her coffee.

Joe glanced towards the windows. ‘If it wasn’t so cold, we could’ve sat outside on our chairs like we used to do at times when you were little.’ He turned back to look at her. ‘Or perhaps you’re too grown up now,’ he said. He gave an awkward laugh. ‘You kinda take my breath away. I was expectin’ a little girl with a round face and a big wide smile. I wasn’t expectin’ you as you are now, all grown up and lookin’ lovely. I don’t really know how to talk to you any more.’

‘You’re doin’ real well,’ she said quietly.

‘I’m glad.’

They smiled at each other.

‘I’ll never be too grown up to sit outside with you,’ she said, breaking the silence that had fallen upon them. ‘I’d’ve liked that, too. D’you remember the day I started school and came home and almost cut off my braids?’ She pulled a face. ‘And we sat outside and talked after that?’

He laughed. ‘I certainly do – I had a shock that day.’

‘You gave me this. Look.’ She put her hand into her pinafore pocket and pulled out the wooden brooch. Leaning across the table, she showed it to him. ‘I always keep my golden tiger with me. It reminds me of my ma, and it reminds me of you. You saved my life, Joe.’ She closed her hand over the brooch and put it back in her pocket. ‘I’m never gonna forget that.’

‘You’re makin’ more of it than it was,’ he said, awkwardness in his voice.

‘No, I’m not – it’s the truth. Like you said, I’ve grown up. I now know what would’ve happened to me if your folks had left me at the railway office that day – the railway people would’ve taken me out of town and left me somewhere in the open to die. Chen Fai told me. Your ma and pa knew that, so they kept me. But they only kept me because you begged them to.’

He nodded slowly. ‘That’s as may be. But they’ve never regretted their decision. Not for so much as one day in the past seventeen years. None of us have, and that’s also the truth.’

She pushed her empty mug away from her. ‘You were only here for ten of those years, Joe, so you don’t know what it’s like in Carter now, with the whites hatin’ the Chinese like they do. I know you haven’t regretted takin’ me in, and I know your pa hasn’t.’

‘And nor has ma,’ he said quickly.

‘Maybe she has; maybe she hasn’t. Maybe regret is the wrong word. I believe she’s grown fond of me in her own way and I’m certain she’s never wished that she and your pa had left me to die—not at all. But at the same time, she’s real unhappy. She feels the whites’ meanness more than your pa. I’ve heard Sam tell your ma that the miners see your pa workin’ real hard, anxious to keep his job, and they leave him alone. Your ma reckons they look at his leg and figure he’s had his punishment. And he’s so tired all of the time he wouldn’t notice anythin’, anyway. But they turn away from your ma; no one talks to her now. Nope, I’m sure that whatever she now feels about me, she’s got some regret that you ever found me, and I don’t blame her. And Sam certainly has – he hates me.’

Joe straightened up. ‘I’m sure you’re wrong about that. I know you’ve never been close to Sam, him bein’ much older and already down the mine at the time you were growin’ up, but that don’t mean he hates you.’

‘He does,’ she said bluntly. ‘Not me as a person – after all, he doesn’t know me – but he hates all the Chinese, and I’m Chinese. Like all the whites, he’s afear’d for his job. I’m not blind – I can see the miners workin’ harder each year and takin’ home less.’

Joe sat back in his chair and stared at her. ‘Why, Charity; you just said somethin’ I’ve never heard you say before – you said, “I’m Chinese”.’ There was a tinge of sadness in the smile he gave her. ‘The little girl I knew always insisted she was American.’

A slow smile spread across her face. ‘And I’ll always be American in my head, Joe, and in my heart, even though I’m gonna have to do some things the Chinese way in future. But to the whites, I’ll always be Chinese. Chen Fai made me see that. And not just see it, accept it.’

‘He’s been a good friend to you,’ Joe said. He paused. ‘But when I used to say you should have another friend apart from me, I was thinkin’ more about Su Lin than her brother,’ he added with a wry grin.

She smiled. ‘You were right about Su Lin, and you were right about me needin’ a friend. I’ll always stay friends with Su Lin, even when she’s wed. They’re lookin’ for a husband for her now, but it’ll be someone in Carter so she’ll carry on livin’ here, which I’m pleased about. I’d miss her if she moved away. It might even be Ah Lee’s son. He used to work for Ah Lee’s brother in San Francisco, but he’s just moved to Carter to live with his folks.’

He smiled. ‘Well, you’ve got two friends now that I’m back; three, if you count Chen Fai.’

She laughed. ‘You’re right; I have. But you’ll be goin’ away again, and then it’ll be only two.’

He looked at her in surprise. ‘What makes you say that? You heard Ma tell me at dinner that I’ll have Seth’s livery one day if I want it. And his house, too. Don’t you think I’d stay here if I had a business of my own?’

She shook her head. ‘No, I don’t. For as long as I can remember, you’ve wanted to live somewhere else. You’ve always wanted wide open spaces and green fields, somewhere with clean air, where you can’t hear a mine pump.’

‘But I’d get to ride outside the town each day if I worked at the stable. Horses need regular exercise.’

She stared at him, disbelief on her face. ‘Are you sayin’ you don’t think you’d get restless being tied to a business that keeps you in a town – a minin’ town at that, with dirt and coal-dust everywhere? Because I think you would. You’ll stay until Seth’s well enough to start runnin’ the stable again, and then you’ll leave.’

‘You might be right; I don’t know,’ he said, staring into his coffee. Then he looked across the table at her and smiled. ‘I don’t know about Su Lin, but there’s definitely gonna be at least one weddin’ in Carter from what I hear. Ma and Pa tell me you’re gettin’ married.’

Her eyes widened in surprise. ‘I didn’t think you knew,’ she said, and she gave an embarrassed laugh.

‘You’re gonna wed Chen Fai, aren’t you?’

She bit her lip. ‘I guess so.’

He stared at her, frowning slightly. ‘Pa said you accepted his offer a few weeks ago. That’s right, isn’t it?’

She nodded.

‘It’s what you want, isn’t it?’

She nodded again. ‘Of course. He’s a good man.’ She stood up. ‘I should go to bed now. It’s late.’ She started to turn away.

He rose quickly to his feet and moved to stand between her and the corridor.

She stopped.

Glancing up at him in sudden nervousness, at the strong planes of his face that was only inches away from hers, a sudden heat rose within her at the physical closeness of the man himself. This was no longer the laughing young Joe of her dreams, but a Joe made of flesh and blood; a Joe who was lean and beautiful, with eyes as deep blue as the summer sky; a Joe who carried the wildness of the open range with him, whose movements spoke of power and strength.

Every muscle in her body tightened.

She dragged her eyes from his face and stared down at the pine floorboards.

‘A good man, is he?’ she heard him say, his voice low. ‘Well, I guess that’s a reason to marry someone. But me, if I was about to get wed, I’d wanna be able to say somethin’ more than that she was a good woman. Is there anythin’ more you can say about him, Charity?’

She looked back up into his face, and a shiver ran down her spine.

‘Good night, Joe,’ she said, and she took a step back. ‘I’m tired.’

They stood for a moment, each gazing at the other. Then she turned away from him, took a kerosene lamp from the shelf on the wall, went to her bedroom and closed the door firmly behind her. Putting the lamp on the bedside table, she lay down on the bed in which Joe used to sleep, and stared at the ceiling, her eyes wide open.