Chapter Thirty-Six

Winded from running at speed out of the town, across the bridge and up to the top of the snow-frosted rock, Charity was bending over, her hands on her hips, drawing her breath in jagged gasps when Joe drew close to her.

He paused for a moment on the rock beneath hers, and watched as she gathered her breath, then straightened up and stared towards the plain, a slender figure in a dress the colour of ripe corn, her black braid lying over her shoulder, an air of deep misery engulfing her.

Then he walked slowly up the last few steps, and took his place at her side, his gaze following the direction of hers.

‘It’s been a long time since we stood here together, just you and me,’ he said. ‘And you were a mite bit smaller then,’ he added, the trace of a smile in his voice.

Her eyes fixed ahead of her, she didn’t speak.

‘But why come up here?’ he asked, glancing sideways at her. ‘Why not go to the river? That’s where you always used to go when you wanted to think. You’d crouch down at the water’s edge, shut your eyes, screw your face up tight and think real hard.’ He smiled at her. ‘So hard I could almost hear the thoughts movin’ around in your head.’

‘Life was easy then,’ she said flatly. ‘It’s gotten more difficult now. Just shuttin’ my eyes doesn’t work any longer.’

He waited, but she didn’t add anything.

‘I know there’s a problem—’ he began.

‘You are the problem, Joe,’ she said quietly, and she turned to him, her face stained with tears. ‘It’s you.’

He frowned. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘It’s real easy to explain.’ Her voice caught. ‘I was okay with Chen Fai when we were walkin’ out, and I was sort of okay when he asked me to wed him. I did hesitate a moment when he asked me – it was like I could hear you whisperin’ to me from afar – but the whisperin’ died away and I said yes. Marryin’ Chen Fai was the obvious future for me. And then you came back, and nothin’ was okay any more.’

He gestured helplessly. ‘Tell me what I can do.’

She shook her head. ‘There’s nothin’,’ she said. ‘I let him see today that I didn’t feel about him as a wife should her husband. If I’d been brought up a real Chinese girl, I’d know that didn’t matter – the most important thing would be to do my duty. My duty as a wife would be to try hard to give my husband a son, and my feelin’s about what we were gonna have to do to get that son would come way behind. But I was brought up American.’

He stared at her in surprise. ‘But you must have thought about that side of things in all the time you’ve been friendly with the man. You’ve been walkin’ out with him for years, and you must’ve known he intended to offer for you. At some point since you’ve gotten to be a woman, you must’ve thought about what you’d have to do, as you put it, to get a son with him.’

‘You’re right, I did. And when Su Lin and I used to talk about getting wed and havin’ a husband, I didn’t think I’d have any problem being a wife to Chen Fai. He’s a good man, and he’s a good son and brother; I’ve seen this for myself. He’s clean in his ways and he’s got a pleasin’ face. Also, he’s smart. You can see that from the way he runs the business. And in a way, I do love him – but as a friend, and not in the way a wife should. I didn’t think about bein’ with him at night, what I’d have to do …’ She shuddered. ‘Though even if I had, I still may not have felt about it as I do now.’

He stared at her, mystified. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘I didn’t know what I wasn’t feelin’, what I should’ve been feelin’. I didn’t know what it was like to want someone so bad that it hurt. I learnt that by feelin’ the way I do about you. Since you came back, I’ve not been able to bear the thought of touchin’ his body, or him touchin’ mine.’

‘Oh, Charity,’ he said, and he caught her hand.

She pulled her hand away. ‘So I’m leavin’,’ she said.

‘Leavin’!’ He grabbed her hand again. ‘You can’t leave. I won’t let you. I love you.’

His words echoed around the rocks and returned to them.

She gave him a sad smile. ‘But there’s no future for us together; not as man and wife.’

He shook his head in desperation. ‘Don’t say that. Out there on the plain that mornin’, we admitted we loved each other. From the moment I saw you again, I’ve not been able to think of anythin’ else but you. We’re never gonna be apart again.’

‘Oh, Joe,’ she breathed wistfully. ‘How I wish that was true. But it’s not; it’s impossible.’

He cupped her face in his hands and stared into her eyes, his breath hot against her cold face. ‘Nothin’s impossible; not when you love someone as I love you. I’ve always loved you. I loved you as a child who was real nice to be with. When I grew up and left home, I loved you as a friend who made sure I always felt part of my family; and now that I’m back, I love you as a man loves a woman. I’ve met many women in the past seven years, and I won’t lie to you, I’ve been with some of them, but no one has ever made me feel the way you make me feel when I look at you, and I’m not leavin’ you again.’

She stared up at him, her eyes open wide, questioning. ‘But you have to. Whatever I feel inside, to the rest of the world I’m Chinese. There’s no future for us together.’

‘We’re gonna have the future we want,’ he said.

She took a step back. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘We’re gonna get wed, and we’re gonna have a home and a family.’

‘But we can’t,’ she said, her eyes filling with tears. ‘Someone else will have to give you that family.’

‘It’s you I’m gonna marry,’ he said firmly, and he put his arms around her and drew her close. ‘At least, I’m hopin’ you’ll agree to be my wife.’

‘No, Joe.’ She raised her head and looked up into his face, her eyes full of longing. ‘I love you with all my heart, and you know that. But like I said, I won’t be part of anythin’ that might end up with you bein’ thrown into jail or killed.’

He tightened his arms around her.

‘Your ma wants me gone from Carter,’ she said, sinking against his chest, her voice muffled by his jacket, ‘and she’s right. She and your pa will do better without me. And I’ve broken my promise to Chen Fai, which will be seen as very bad by the Chinese. I’ll never again get work in Carter so I’m gonna go to Green River and find a job.’

He put a hand on each of her arms and held her from him at arms’ length. ‘You’re right about leavin’ Carter,’ he said quietly and firmly. ‘But you’ll be leavin’ as my wife.’

‘How?’ Her question trembled with hope.

‘For the last few days, I’ve been thinkin’ about what we can do, and I reckon I’ve worked it out now.’ He turned her gently to face the dusty white plain that lay to the left of the town. ‘There’s a whole other world out there,’ he said, putting one arm round her shoulders and pointing with the other to the empty expanse ahead of them. ‘Somewhere out there, we’ll find a place to live, a place with real good ranchin’ land.’

She glanced at him in surprise. ‘But you like being a cowboy and travellin’ around.’

‘Yup, I did. It was a great life for the years I did it, and I learnt a heap of things that’ll be of use. But even before I came back to Carter, I knew I’d gotten drovin’ out of my system and I was ready to stake me a homestead and start buildin’ up a ranch.’

‘A homestead,’ she echoed.

He pulled her to him as they stared towards the plain. ‘That’s right. Just think of it,’ he said, his words falling over themselves in his enthusiasm. ‘A hundred and sixty acres of our own! We’ll head for one of the towns growin’ up in the north of Wyoming, far away from the railroad and far away from minin’ towns full of hate. Everyone’s buildin’ a new life in a town like that, and no one cares about laws they probably don’t even know exist.’

She felt excitement start to build up inside her. ‘D’you really think it’s possible?’

‘I reckon it is,’ he told her, his eyes shining. ‘And I’m certain my trail partner, Ethan, will join us when we’ve got the claim and he’ll help us build it up. I know he’d like that a lot, and I know you’d like him. Ethan’s someone to ride the river with – you couldn’t have a better man at your side.’

‘But what about the livery stable?’ she asked, her face suddenly anxious. ‘You’ll be lettin’ Mr Culpepper down.’

‘The stable’s not a problem. Greg’s a good lad and I’ve been teachin’ him what he needs to know about horses. I’ve set a routine for the stable, and he’ll be able to carry on with it quite easily. Seth will know that. I’ve already ordered all the supplies they’ll need till the fall, and by then, Seth will be able to take over. The stable will be fine, and so will Seth.’

‘But you could have had it for yourself one day.’

‘But I couldn’t have had you, too, and I’d rather have you.’

She thought for a moment. ‘Even if we settle miles away in a place where folk don’t know we’re breakin’ the law by bein’ together, we still won’t be able to get wed.’

‘I think we will – in a way.’ He glanced up at the sky. ‘It’s like I can feel the touch of your ma’s eyes on me, willin’ me to find a way to do the right thing by you.’ He looked back down at her, and a broad smile spread across his face. ‘And I think I’ve come up with an idea. It involves the Chinese priest. The law that’s stoppin’ us from gettin’ wed is an American law, and it’s a law that’s hurtin’ all the Chinese. I reckon there’s many a Chinaman who’d choose to live with a woman rather than live alone, if they could, even if the woman was white.’

She nodded. ‘I’m sure you’re right. I don’t think they’d gamble as much, or use opium like they do, if they had a woman to go home to. I know they use the tong women, but for most of them that’s because there isn’t a choice.’

‘And the law that’s stoppin’ them from goin’ to China and bringin’ their wives back here is an American law, and I reckon both of those laws stick in their craw. Just think of Chen Fai and the bride he was gonna have. No, there’s not much love for the whites in the Chinese community, just as there isn’t the other way round, and I’m thinkin’ the priest might help us.’

‘How do you mean?’

He took a deep breath. ‘First of all, he owes me a favour as I stopped him from bein’ lynched, and I reckon he’ll want to clear the debt. Secondly, I can see him being persuaded to think himself outside American law when it comes to what the Chinese do among themselves, and you’re one of his people. I think he might agree to marry us. If he married us, we’d have a sort of certificate, and we’d have a marriage recognised by one of our communities. It’s just that it won’t be a marriage in the eyes of American law. But married by the priest, you’d be as close to a lawful wife as can be. If you agree.’

He looked anxiously at her.

She bit her lip, thinking about his words. ‘I do,’ she said slowly, and her face broke into a radiant smile. ‘Oh, Joe; yes; I do,’ And she threw up her arms up to the sky and shouted, ‘I do, I do, I do.’

He caught her arms and pulled her to him.

Tilting her face towards his, he cupped it in his hands. For a long moment, neither moved, each gazing deep into the eyes of the other, their hearts thudding loudly, their breaths swift and shallow.

Then she took a step closer to him. Pressing her body against his, she slid her hands under his jacket, and ran her fingers across his lean chest, flooding his body with desire.

Blood thundered in his head, in his groin. ‘Oh, Charity,’ he groaned, and he brought his mouth hard down on hers.

‘I reckon we should plan on gettin’ wed in a couple of weeks, and leave Carter straight after,’ Joe said as they made their way down the side of the rocky outgrowth. ‘It’s Tuesday today. If we marry a week on Monday, as early in the day as the priest will do it, assuming he’ll do it, and then head north at once, we should be pretty far from Carter by sundown.’

‘So we’re definitely goin’ to the north of Wyoming, are we?’ she asked, clinging to his arm.

‘Yup. We’ll skirt round the south of Sheridan and head for one of the valleys due east of the town. The grass there is as green as it can be, and there are acres of land just waitin’ to be staked. With mountains around there’s plenty of water, and you’ll see fruit trees and flowers you’ve never seen before. Watercress grows wild along the rivers, and there are thickets of chokecherries and huckleberries just there for the pickin’.’

‘It sounds perfect,’ she said, her voice trembling with excitement.

‘It is. When I was last that way, we passed through a small town that was just startin’ up, and that’s the place we’ll head for. We need to be near somewhere like that so’s we can get our provisions. While I was there, I saw a white man walkin’ along the street with an Injun woman at his side, and no one was bothered. That’s a place we can live in.’

‘Where’ll we sleep when we’re travellin’?’

‘In the wagon for the first three weeks or so as it’d be too risky to get a room. But you’ll like sleepin’ beneath the stars. It’s a special feelin’. And we’ll get the water we need from rivers and streams. Once we’re far away from any minin’ towns, we should be able to stop the night in a roomin’-house. It’s two dollars a night for a room, and two bits extra if they bring hot water up to us.’

‘How long will it take to get where we’re goin’?’

‘Around seven weeks, I reckon.’ He grinned down at her. ‘We’ll do what we do when drivin’ cows – we’ll go as far as possible in the first few days to put as much ground as we can between us and Carter, and then we’ll go at a slower pace. But we must make sure not to push the horses too far without a break, or let them get winded – it’s not like on a drive where we’ve got remuda horses to swap with, and our horses will be pullin’ a wagon.’

She nestled closer to him, feeling the hard muscle beneath his jacket. Every nerve in her body tingled. ‘I can’t wait for us to be wed, Joe,’ she breathed.

He tightened his hold on her. ‘Nor can I,’ he said. ‘I wanna kiss you so badly right now, but it’s too close to town and someone might see. But once we’re away from this part of Wyoming, we’ll be free to do whatever we want.’

‘I’m scared,’ she blurted out, glancing up at him. ‘So much could go wrong.’

‘Trust me, I’m scared, too. We’d be loco not to be, things bein’ as they are. But if I didn’t think it could work, I wouldn’t suggest it. I couldn’t bear it if anythin’ bad happened to you.’

The bridge came in sight. Instinctively, they dropped their arms and drew apart.

‘Your folks will miss you,’ she said as they started walking across the bridge. ‘I hate to think of them hurtin’; they’ve been real good to me.’

‘We mustn’t tell them what we’re plannin’ on doin’,’ he said quickly, alarm in his voice. ‘No one must know. We’ll leave them a note to find when we’re gone.’

She frowned slightly. ‘What if they see me gettin’ my things together, and guess we’re leavin’?’

He shook his head. ‘They won’t, not if we’re real careful. We’ll fetch the things we’re takin’ across to the stable in stages. Seth will have to know, of course, but no one else. He knows the danger we’ll be in and won’t say anythin’.’

‘You don’t think your folks would tell the Marshal if they knew, do you?’

He shook his head. ‘Nope, they’d never do that, no matter how upset they were. But I don’t know about Sam. And I couldn’t ask Ma and Pa to keep it a secret from him – it wouldn’t be right.’

‘Surely Sam wouldn’t tell the Marshal!’ she exclaimed. ‘You may not be close, but he is your brother.’

‘The truth is, I don’t know, and we can’t take a chance. You didn’t see the hate in Sam’s eyes when I stopped the lynchin’. I know he’d never willingly see someone from his family livin’ with a Chinese woman, and possibly havin’ children with her, and there’s a real chance he’d try to stop the weddin’.’

‘D’you want me to ask the priest? It’d save you goin’ into Chinatown, a white man amongst the Chinese. I’ve seen him in the mercantile, but I’ve never said much to him, but bein’ Chinese …’ Her voice trailed off.

He shook his head. ‘It’s me he owes the favour to, so it’d better be me who asks. And you bein’ Chinese could make him say no. From what you’ve told me in the past, a Chinaman brought up in China, which he obviously was, might think badly of a Chinese girl approachin’ him in such a way. You told me unmarried girls aren’t seen in public in China, and even wives walk behind their husband and don’t speak out for themselves. A priest is the sort of person to cling to tradition, and he might not like our American ways.’

‘That makes sense.’ She stopped and stared over the side of the bridge at the patch of ground where her mother died, her eyes on the white pebbles at the water’s edge. She looked back at Joe with a smile. ‘I know my ma’s hearin’ this and I can feel her happiness.’

He grinned at her, and they continued walking, several paces apart from each other.

‘I’ll go to the priest tonight,’ he said when they reached the other side of the bridge and turned to the left to go to the miners’ houses. ‘I’ve got a real good feelin’ about this, Charity.’