Chapter Thirty-Seven

Martha glanced at Charity. ‘You can put that mendin’ down, gal,’ she said. ‘I wanna talk to you.’

Charity’s mind sped back to what she and Joe had decided the day before, and her heart leapt in anxiety. She glanced nervously across the room at Martha, who was standing by the stove.

Martha gave the stew a final stir, went to the store-closet, filled a glass with milk from the pitcher that stood on a slab of stone on one of the shelves, took the glass across to Charity, and then went and sat at the other end of the table.

‘That’s the last thing in the pile,’ she said, nodding at the camisole in Charity’s hand, ‘so it can wait a while. Hiram will be back soon, and maybe Sam, too, and we need to talk before then.’

Charity put down the camisole and needle, and picked up the glass. ‘What about?’ she asked, her hand shaking. She took a sip of milk.

‘That’s what I was hopin’ you could tell me,’ Martha said. ‘Yesterday, I told you I wanted you out of our house. I know you went straight to the mercantile after that, and I thought you were plannin’ on using a woman’s ways to make Chen Fai believe you were keen on gettin’ wed. To him, not Joe.’

Charity made a slight exclamation.

Ignoring her, Martha leaned forward, her forearms on the table. ‘And that would’ve been the sensible thing to do. But next I hear, Eliza’s tellin’ me that when she dropped by the stable later that mornin’, Greg said you’d turned up in a real bad state, and had then run off, and Joe had run off mighty fast after you.’ She sat back in her chair. ‘I’ve waited more than a day for you to tell me what’s goin’ on, and that’s long enough. So you can start talkin’ now.’

Charity shrugged. ‘Like Greg said, I was upset.’ She sighed. ‘I’d realised I didn’t feel about Chen Fai in the right way and didn’t want to marry him, and I told him that. He was upset and so was I. That’s what it was.’

Martha folded her arms and sat back. ‘It sure took you long enough to find out what you didn’t feel about him. Years, in fact.’

‘I know, and I feel bad about that. But I can’t help the way I feel, can I?’ Charity took another sip of her milk, her heart hammering.

Martha stared at her thoughtfully. ‘And where does Joe fit into this?’ she asked at last.

Charity shook her head. ‘He doesn’t. He came after me to see what had happened, and that’s all. He said he wanted to help, but we both know there’s nothin’ he can do.’ She gestured helplessness. ‘I’m gonna do the only thing I can – I’m leaving Carter. I was gonna tell all of you tonight.’

‘Where are you movin’ to?’

‘Green River. And if I can’t get a job there, I’ll get back on the train and go further down the line to Evanston. I can’t stay here. You want me out, and you’re right to want that. You’ve given me a home for long enough, and you’re sufferin’ now because of that. The whites hate me, and now the Chinese will, too. They’ve always mistrusted me, despite the colour of my skin, and they’ll think they were right to do so.’

‘And Joe agreed with you goin’?’ Martha’s voice sounded doubtful.

‘Not at first. But I persuaded him. He can now see, like I can, that I’ve got no choice.’

Martha was silent for a moment or two. ‘Well, as I told you yesterday, I’ve come to feel affection for you, gal,’ she said finally, ‘and I’ll be sorry to see you go, but you’re doin’ the right thing. I would’ve liked you to have stayed in Carter so I could’ve seen you in the street and watched your nippers grow, but that’s not gonna happen now, and that saddens me.’

‘I’ll be sorry to leave you, too – I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for you,’ Charity said, a sudden tremble in her voice. ‘But I know I’m doin’ what’s right. I don’t like bein’ the reason bad things are happenin’ to you.’

Martha nodded. ‘So when d’you plan on goin’?’

‘Monday week, I thought. It’ll give me time to sort out my things. I’ve been savin’ for when I was wed, and I’ll use some of the money to buy a train ticket. And I’ll have enough to get a room for a few days while I look for work. Joe said it costs two dollars a night for a room, and two bits extra if I want hot water brought up.’

‘Well, I can see you’ve thought this out, and that pleases me mightily, gal. You’re a hard worker and reliable, and I doubt you’ll find it difficult to get a job. Is there any way Hiram and I can help?’

‘I don’t reckon so, but I thank you for the thought.’ Charity gave her a slight smile, and picked up the needle again.

Her fingers drumming quietly on the table, Martha sat watching the needle move back and forth across the hole in the camisole. ‘You’ll never be a good needlewoman,’ she said after a few minutes, ‘but you’re gettin’ better. At least at mendin’.’

‘I’ll never like sewin’, but it’s gotta be done.’ Increasingly nervous beneath Martha’s probing gaze, Charity forced a smile to her face.

The drumming stopped. ‘You’ve obviously told Joe your plans. You gonna tell Chen Fai and Su Lin, too?’

Charity looked up from her sewing and shook her head. ‘I won’t be goin’ into the store again. But if I see Su Lin around, I’ll tell her. I’ll miss her,’ she added. ‘I know she’s gettin’ wed, but I’d have liked us to stay friends and I know it won’t be possible, not now I’m movin’ away. And if I ever came back to see you, I know Chen Fai would forbid her to see me. She wouldn’t disobey her brother again or her husband. But Chen Fai’s a good man, and I’ve treated him badly, so I’d never reproach him for stoppin’ her from meetin’ me again. Everythin’ that’s happened is my fault.’

‘Well, a part of it is, but not all. It’s not your fault you’re Chinese,’ Martha said bluntly. Her gaze travelled around the room, then returned to Charity, whose head was again bent over her sewing. ‘I wonder why I don’t believe you, Charity gal,’ she said slowly.

Charity looked up sharply. ‘What d’you mean?’ She attempted a laugh.

Martha leaned forward. ‘I would’ve thought my meanin’ obvious,’ she said. ‘You’re real calm and you’re sayin’ all the right things. But the gal I’ve been seein’ since Joe came back – since she was born, in fact – had fire in her eyes. And she’s had fight in her since the day she started school. In all these years that fight has never gone out of her. Not till now, that is. Where’ve that fire and that fight gone, I wanna know. Are they’re still there, but you’re hidin’ them for some reason? I’m wonderin’ if there’s somethin’ you’re not tellin’ me.’

Charity stared at her. ‘That fire, as you call it, has been put out. I can’t keep fightin’ a fight I’m never gonna win. I have to accept that or go plum loco.’ She injected an air of despair into her voice. ‘Joe’s back in Carter now, and as he’s gonna have the livery stable he’ll stay here. I can’t live with him – and yup, you’re right; that’s what I wanna do more than anythin’. But it’s not gonna happen. Even if the law allowed a white and a China woman to marry, the Carter townsfolk wouldn’t. So what can I do but go to another town?’

‘You could try your luck with Chen Fai again.’

She vigorously shook her head. ‘He wouldn’t agree. And I couldn’t bear to wed him. I could’ve done if Joe hadn’t come back, but not now I know what it feels like to love someone so bad that it hurts. You once talked about feelin’ as if you were bein’ buried alive. Well, bein’ Chen Fai’s wife would bury me alive. Better almost anythin’ than that.’ She slumped back in her seat. ‘Anyway, that’s my way of thinkin’.’

‘Okay, you’ve convinced me, I guess. If you wanna take—’ There was a rap on the door and Martha stopped abruptly. She glanced at the schoolhouse clock on the wall. ‘That’ll be Phebe,’ she said with a sigh, getting up. ‘She’ll want to borrow somethin’ again. Not that borrow’s the right word – I’ll not see it back.’ She went to the door and opened it. ‘Come on in, Phebe,’ she said, her voice resigned, and she stood back from the doorway.

Phebe stepped into the room, saw Charity and stopped. She glanced at Martha. ‘I thought she’d still be at the store,’ she said sharply. ‘Sam would be real mad if he knew I was in the same room as her. And so would my pa.’

‘Then don’t tell them,’ Martha said, and closed the door behind her. ‘You gonna take what you want at once or sit with us a while?’

‘I can’t stay. I’ve left Thomas asleep, and he could wake at any time.’

‘So what’s it you need to borrow?’ Martha asked, and she started to walk over to the store-closet.

Phebe gave her a wan smile. ‘It’s carrots,’ she said, her voice apologetic. ‘I thought I’d make a stew this evenin’, but I found I didn’t have carrots.’

Martha raised her eyebrows. ‘Isn’t it a bit late to start a stew for this evenin’?’

Phebe shrugged. ‘Maybe. But as I was comin’ back from gettin’ some cans of condensed milk in town, the air smelt so sweet as I passed your house that I decided to make some myself. As soon as I’d fed Thomas and settled him, I came straight up for the carrots.’

‘You’ve got Charity to thank for the nice smell. She did most of the work. Like she always does. But not for much longer,’ she added. ‘She’s not marryin’ Chen Fai; she’s leavin’ Carter.’

Phebe pulled out a chair and sat down. She glanced at Charity, and then back at Martha. ‘Sam’ll be pleased to hear that,’ she said. ‘And I am, too. I won’t have to listen to Sam goin’ on nightly about the Chinese. It’s bad enough he’s gotta work with them in the mines, with all their cheatin’ ways, but he shouldn’t have to know there’s one of them livin’ in his home, no matter how she got there.’ She indicated Charity with her cool gaze.

‘When I last looked, this was my home and Hiram’s; Sam’s home was further down the row,’ Martha said tersely.

Phebe shrugged her shoulders. ‘You always think of the house you were brought up in as home. No, her not marryin’ that Chen man is a real good thing. If she had, she’d have stayed in Carter and kept on comin’ to see you, and every time Sam saw her, he’d get all fired up again.’

‘Since you recognise the feelings Sam has for the house he’s always lived in, I take it you’ve got some sympathy with Charity havin’ to move away. Or haven’t you? She’s been in this house since a few days old, and now she’s gonna have to leave it and go to a town where she doesn’t know anyone. Just because her skin’s a different colour.’

Phebe looked at Charity with dislike. ‘It’s not my fault she’s Chinese. When’s she goin’?’ she asked, turning back to Martha.

‘Soon. But she can speak for herself, you know.’

‘Maybe I don’t want to speak to her.’ Phebe paused. ‘Can I have the carrots, then? If not, I’ll get off.’

‘Sure, but they’ll need soakin’. You know, it’s high time you quit beatin’ the devil around the stump and started plantin’ your vegetable patch. It isn’t much of a patch, I know, but nor’s ours, and you’d be surprised what we can grow, even on stony ground like this. If you plant it in spring, you’ll have greens, peas, and radishes, and then plant it in summer and you’ll have what you need for the winter: things like pumpkins, beans, potatoes and squash. I’m surprised your ma didn’t teach you that.’

‘We had a Celestial for a cook, didn’t we? It was his job to put food on our plates. I’d kinda thought I’d have the same when I was wed.’

‘Well, you haven’t. And you and Sam have been married for long enough now for you to be thinkin’ about preservin’ and the like. Thomas is easier now so you’ve got more time. Sam does a man’s work, and he needs food on his plate when he gets in. The garden’s the woman’s chore, and it’s time you started workin’ on it.’

Phebe stood up. ‘I reckon I can manage without the carrots,’ she said stiffly.

‘Sit down, Phebe, gal,’ Martha told her, her voice softening. She stood up. ‘I doubt you’ll want to take dried carrots back with you and start soakin’ them – not this late in the day – so you can take some stew home with you.’ She went over to the dresser, lifted down an earthenware crock and took it across to the stove.

‘I’m obliged to you,’ Phebe said. She hesitated, and then turned to Charity. ‘I won’t pretend I’m sorry you’re goin’,’ she said slowly, ‘’cos you know I’m not. But I feel for you havin’ to leave the place that’s always been your home, and I hope you find a job it pleases you to do, and in a place where they like the Chinee more than Carter folk do.’

‘That was real prettily spoken, Phebe,’ Martha said, coming over with a crock of stew. She handed it to her with a smile. ‘You’re a good gal at heart.’

Phebe stood up and took the crock. ‘Thank you,’ she said. She nodded to Charity, turned and went to the door.

When Martha had closed the door behind her, she returned to the table and stood staring thoughtfully down at Charity, who’d resumed her mending.

‘Is there anythin’ you wanna add to what you said before?’ she asked at last.

‘Nope,’ Charity said, looking up from the camisole. ‘I’m leavin’ on Monday week, and that’s the truth.’

‘This feels real good, Martha,’ Hiram said, stretching his injured leg out as much as he could. ‘It’s a fine feelin’ to be able to sit outside the house in the evenin’ again. Sure, there’s a chill in the air, but there’s also a feel of spring, and the breeze is gettin’ warmer each day.’

Martha glanced across at him and smiled. ‘Sure is,’ she said, and she turned slightly to look to her left. Her gaze settled on the hills opposite Carter where Charity and Joe had occasionally walked in years gone by, charcoal-grey shapes that stood proud against the darkening sky. She stared at their jagged outline, her expression thoughtful.

‘Where’s Charity?’ Hiram asked after a while.

‘Sortin’ out her things for when she leaves.’

‘You’ll miss her help.’

‘That’s for sure. But I’ll miss her for more than that. She never became that daughter we wanted, but nevertheless I’ve gotten real fond of the gal. I hadn’t realised how much.’

He nodded. ‘I know you have, and so have I. But we’ve got our Joe back now and that’s gonna help.’

‘But for how long?’

He looked at her in surprise. ‘What d’you mean? For always, I reckon. He’s gonna take over the livery stable, isn’t he?’

She turned her head and stared hard at him. ‘Is that what you truly think, Hiram?’

‘Yeah, it is.’ He frowned. ‘Don’t you?’

She looked back at the darkness gathering ahead. ‘I don’t know.’

‘What d’you mean?’ He twisted in his chair to face her. ‘Look at me, Martha.’

She turned to him. ‘I know my Joe, and I know what he’s like,’ she said slowly. ‘I remember him when he was workin’ for Seth, a lad between hay and grass, neither man nor boy. He liked the work well enough, but he still talked of leavin’. The times he was happiest was when he was out in the corral with the horses or ridin’ them hard across the plain, exercisin’ them for Seth.’

‘I know that. So what are you sayin’?’

‘That I never heard him say that if the livery stable was his, he’d never leave. Think about it, Hiram. He’s always wanted the open fields. He only worked in the stable to bring in money and that was the best job for him in Carter. But it was never anythin’ more than a job – it wasn’t his dream.’

‘So you think that first Charity will leave, and then at some point next year, when Seth’s fit and well again, Joe will ride off, too? And we have to be prepared for it. Is that what you’re tellin’ me?’

‘Maybe. To speak the truth, I’m not sure what I’m tellin’ you. When Joe came back to Carter, you could see he was a man ready for a woman, and I don’t mean in the passin’ through town kinda way, the kind cowboys look for when they’ve money in their pockets – not that sorta woman. He already knew Charity was lovely inside, and when he saw her again on the night he returned, and saw how lovely she was outside, too – well, I reckon he fell for her real hard.’

‘And what about Charity?’

‘You only had to look at her to know it wasn’t just Joe feelin’ that way, and I’ve been scared about what could happen ever since. Whatever Charity says, I can’t see the Joe I know givin’ her up without a fight.’

‘Can you see the Joe you know settin’ up home with her without them bein’ wed? You’re always sayin’ how like you he is. What would you do if you were Joe?’

She gave him a rueful smile. ‘I only have to look back at what I did do. I wed a man I hardly knew, a man with dreams, who was full of charm and sweet-talk. I took him to the home I loved, and when he didn’t like the life I wanted to live, and told me to choose between stayin’ there or followin’ him to some godforsaken place or other, I packed my bags, picked up the kids and followed him.’

‘If he loves Charity, he’ll do what’s best for her,’ Hiram said quietly. ‘I know that, and in your heart, so do you. Them bein’ killed is what could happen if they decided to do what you fear they might, but Joe would never put her in any kind of danger.’

Martha nodded. ‘Not deliberately, he wouldn’t. But I reckon he might just think he could get away with somethin’. I’m not too sure what that could be. But I reckon he won’t just sit back and do nothin’, and that’s what makes me afear’d.’