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“Have you had any interesting cases the past weeks, Licia?" Jemima said and dabbed the corners of her mouth with her serviette.
Alicia thought about the last couple of weeks for a moment as she placed her cutlery next to her plate. She had seen a young man who was horrified that he preferred the company of men over women. They had talked a great deal and he had seemed reassured that this was, in fact, not the end of the world.
She had asked whether he wanted to be put into contact with a man that felt the same way, who might better help him learn to navigate the difficult path ahead of him. He had agreed and she had set up the meeting three days later in her purple drawing room, keeping out of it herself this time.
"Oh, poor boy. He must be horribly confused," Alicia's mother said as Alicia told them.
She had also met with a woman who had been widowed about a year ago and wanted to know about preventing a pregnancy, since she had found a lover. The woman had found it very shameful to talk about, and when she kept saying that her lover had told her the same thing as Alicia about the different types of precautions to take, Alicia had finally had to ask her why she had come if she already knew.
"Oh, because he will say anything to have me in his bed. You, I trust," the woman had said.
"Why would she take on such a lover? Surely, she should be able to find someone that she trusts," Jemima exclaimed, as Alicia recounted the details of the interaction.
"My thoughts exactly," Alicia agreed, although she had not voiced her opinion with the lady in question.
And then there had been Lindley. He had been by ten nights the past fortnight and they seemed to be making progress. Rapid progress. At least she was able to please him with her hands and mouth now, without him going limp. And he would please her in the same way, multiple times per night. As lovers went, it was very satisfying.
"Are you still seeing the man who had a problem with getting it up?" Jemima said.
Alicia looked at her and nodded. There was no reason to lie about this.
"You didn't end up sleeping with him, did you, Licia?" her mother asked in a tone of voice that meant that there was only one right way to answer:
"Of course not," Alicia said and gained a happy smile from her mother. She skewed her eyes at Jemima and found her sister frowning at her. Alicia shook her head with a miniscule motion, hoping that Jemima caught her hint to not talk about it here. There were some matters that mothers need not be privy to.
"Do you think that it's possible that it's his upcoming marriage that is causing his problem?" she asked to divert their attention. "He claims that it isn’t, but I find that it's the only instance that has changed in his life. He refuses to talk about it, however."
Her mother and Jemima weighed in their opinions, both being that it was, indeed, possible.
"Then how do I make him to talk about it?" Alicia complained. Lindley's refusal to talk about it was frustrating her. It seemed obvious to her that his impotence was linked to his upcoming marriage, even though he would not discuss it.
Her mother and Jemima laughed and looked at each other as if sharing a secret. It was a knowing look they sometimes shared, saying that they knew men — and implying that Alicia didn't. True, she hadn't lived with a man or been in love with one, but she did know them.
"You can't force a man to talk about his emotions. The fact that he keeps coming to see you is a good sign. I'm sure he will open up to you eventually then," Jemima said, and their mother nodded in agreement.
Alicia pursed her lips, thinking that there was an entirely different reason for Lindley to keep seeking her out, but of course she couldn't say that.
The conversation moved in other directions, but Alicia felt her thoughts returning to Lindley over and over. Being with him was easy and she understood why so many women enjoyed his company. It wasn't merely that he was handsome and a skilled lover. He was also funny and intelligent; they would end up having the strangest conversations that would often have the two of them bent over with laughter.
Alicia knew that she needed to be careful not to fall in love with him. It would be easy enough if he gave her just the slightest hint that he would reciprocate the feelings. But he wouldn't; of course he wouldn't, and she should just take what she could from him and enjoy it while it lasted.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a footman delivering a note. Jemima quickly read it, then sighed, and handed the note to their mother. She read it as well before placing it on the table under her plate.
"I'm just so tired of him making promises he doesn't keep," Jemima complained, and Alicia became aware of the conversation again. Clearly, they were talking about Mr. Ramsbury. “I don’t understand why his wife would want to keep him from me and the children. I’m only giving him what she refuses."
The rest of the evening was spent bickering about men, Mr. Ramsbury in particular. Alicia was glad that she at least did not have that kind of trouble.
She departed around ten, feeling a bit reluctant to leave their company, but also just fed up with hearing about Mr. Ramsbury. It would be at least a couple of hours before she could fall asleep, and she did not know what to do. She suddenly couldn't remember what she used to do at night before she had started seeing Lindley and they had not arranged to see each other tonight.
After having paid the hackney driver, she ascended the dark stairs to the house. There was light in the hallway, and she knew that Martha would always wait up for her.
She had put the key in the lock and was about to turn it when she heard someone behind her. She quickly turned to see a man standing behind her. It took a moment for her to recognize him.
"Lindley," she panted.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you," he said as he approached her slowly.
"It's fine," Alicia said as she turned around and unlocked the door. "I trust that you want to come inside?” she asked with her back still toward him. He didn't answer, but simply followed her inside.
Martha appeared as Alicia closed the door behind them.
"It's fine, Martha. We will manage on our own. You can retire now, Jane, too, if she is still awake," Alicia said as she removed the pin from her hat and took it off.
Martha wished them a goodnight before she went back toward the kitchen. Alicia placed her hat on a side table, along with her gloves, before unbuttoning the light coat she was wearing. It was the end of May and warm during the day, but there was still a bite in the air at night. She placed her coat in the cloakroom before she turned to Lindley. He was still wearing both his hat and coat.
"Where were you tonight?" Lindley said in a tone of voice that Alicia couldn't decipher.
She frowned, trying to figure out why he asked. It could not be out of possessiveness. She could not believe that he would feel that way about her. They were sleeping together, nothing more.
"Just out to dinner," Alicia answered, although she did not think it was any of his business. She reached out a hand to indicate that he could hand her his hat and overcoat.
"To dinner?" he repeated, ignoring her outstretched hand. "With whom?"
Alicia withdrew her hand, sighing impatiently.
"I really don't see how that's any of your concern, but if you must know, it was with my mother and sister."
Lindley stared at her with wide eyes and mouth slightly open. Alicia turned away from him, snorting with laughter, but not because it was funny. She had seen that look on men's faces before, as if they could not believe that she had a family.
"I'm sorry," Lindley said, relief in his voice. He shook his head as if he himself could not even believe that he had asked. "I'm sorry," he repeated, smiling sheepishly, an expression Alicia had not seen on him before. "Of course, it's none of my business where you go. Can I stay?"
She nodded hesitantly, trying to figure out why he was reacting this way. Perhaps it was simply not finding people in the place that you expected them to be. He handed her his hat, gloves, and overcoat, and she placed them in the cloakroom. She moved to step into the hallway, but found that he had moved to stand behind her.
"I'm sorry," he said again as he steadied her with his hands on her shoulders. His voice was back to its regular register and charming undertones. Alicia wasn't exactly sure what he was apologizing for, but found that it did not really matter. The feeling of his strong body was enough for her to forget what they had been talking about.
He kissed her neck and Alicia pressed herself against him.
"I want you," he murmured as he kissed his way up to her ear.
It seemed a redundant statement, but Alicia was not going to point that out, since it was fueling the fire starting to build inside of her.
"Here?" was all she could think to ask.
"Why not?" Lindley murmured, his voice hoarse with desire, his hands running up and down the front of her body, cupping her breasts.
"Why not?" Alicia echoed as she turned around to kiss him. They kissed each other fiercely, tugging at each other's clothes. Lindley yanked her dress down, baring her breasts. He lowered his head to kiss them at the same time as one of his hands travelled up under her dress, finding the opening in her drawers.
"You want me," he stated, clearly satisfied by feeling how moist she already was.
Alicia only moaned in response, rubbing her hand over the front of his trousers, as he kept caressing her most intimate folds. Surprisingly enough, he seemed to be ready as well. She unbuttoned his breeches and reached inside for him. She gently let her hand slide up and down the length of him. He was definitely ready.
"I want to take you from behind, like the first time," Lindley said huskily.
Alicia simply nodded, moving to stand close to the wall, hoisting the skirt of her dress and her petticoats above her hips. Lindley was right behind her and then inside of her.
Yes! This was what she had wanted. This was what she remembered him to be like. Alicia moaned with pleasure as Lindley thrust into her, a sound somewhere between a pant and a gasp escaped him.
He thrust deep and hard inside of her and sounded like he was close to climaxing already and then it hit her; they weren't using any contraceptives. He had to be aware of that; she had said she had just come from a dinner. But what if he forgot? She almost had and she was usually extremely thorough on this point.
"You need to be careful," she moaned.
Lindley stopped moving immediately.
"Am I hurting you?" he breathed.
"No." Alicia couldn't help but laugh. "Far from it, but I haven't had time to take any precautions."
"Oh, right," Lindley murmured and started moving again. But already the second thrust felt strange and by the third Alicia could feel that he wasn't hard any longer.
He buried his head at her shoulder, letting out a string of curses.
"It's alright; it was my fault," Alicia said, reaching over her shoulder in an awkward pose to cup his cheek. It was rough with day-old stubble. "I knew it might unnerve you if I spoke . . ."
"You should be able to speak," Lindley said, pained. He leaned his cheek into her caress for a moment before stepping away from her.
Alicia turned around to see him buttoning his pantaloons.
"Do you want to come up stairs?" she asked, her voice a bit breathy and her hands fidgeting with her skirts.
Lindley shook his head.
"No, I'll go home." He straightened and looked at her. "It wasn't your fault. I hadn't thought about it . . . taking precautions, but I’m glad you did."
Alicia nodded. She longed to ask him when she would see him again, but it really wasn't her place. She didn't want to be needy. He would send a note, asking if she was available, and she would have Martha answer it.
Lindley put on his coat and hat, gave her a peck on the cheek and mumbled:
"I'll see you soon."
Then he strode through the front door. Alicia looked at the closed door for a moment before she slowly made her way upstairs.