| |
Alicia felt certain that she had never looked at the clock as often as she did on Miles' wedding day.
At eight in the morning, she imagined how he must be dressing, perhaps stressing to look his best. At nine, she imagined him in church, standing next to his soon-to-be-wife. A woman who only figured in Alicia's imagination as a blonde head in a light blue dress.
At ten, they had to be done and at eleven, they had to be well into the lavish breakfast at Lindley House that Alicia knew Miles' mother was hosting for them.
Alicia decided to go to the garden behind the house. The weather was spectacular, almost too hot to be inside, and most importantly, there were no clocks in the garden. She sat on a bench in the back of the garden under the shade of several blooming rosebushes. Their scent was too strong, too overwhelming, but she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, nevertheless.
Surely knowing that Miles belonged to someone else would quench her feelings once and for all. They had not talked about what would happen when he married, but she assumed that they would keep meeting. At least, she could not imagine not seeing him again after today. He would be gone for two weeks on his honeymoon and that felt as an eternity . . . not seeing him at all was not an option for her right now.
When Alicia next checked the clock, it was ten minutes to two in the afternoon. She assumed that Miles and his new wife were still at the reception, being congratulated by all the guests. He had told her when she had been bedridden two weeks ago due to her monthly courses that five hundred people would attend. She imagined it would take quite a while to greet and mingle with five hundred guests.
He had stayed with her for two nights when she'd had her monthly courses. They had talked and laughed, and he had read to her. She had never passed the time in a more leisurely manner. Her house had felt empty when he finally left. It had taken her days to become accustomed to it only being herself, Martha, and Jane in the large house. As if Miles was able to take up at least half the space of the house.
Alicia was able to busy herself with needlework, mending several of her stockings, and not look at the clock until five o'clock in the afternoon. This was mainly due to the fact that she turned the clock on the side table in her private drawing room toward the wall. She glanced at its backside countless times, but managed to will herself not to turn it.
At five, however, she had gotten so restless that she needed to head out. She had Martha accompany her and she engaged her in discussions of practically all matters related to the house, including which upholsterer to choose for the golden sofa and what fabric.
Alicia had thought about redecorating the two purple rooms; they didn't really fit with who she had become, but she had not decided on a color yet. Perhaps tones of blue. From the lightest ice blue to the deepest indigo. Blue was Miles’s favorite color, she knew, yet told herself that it was not important. She would need to take this into consideration as well before she had the sofa re-upholstered, she hastily added to the other mental notes.
She supposed that a couple eager to depart for their honeymoon would have already departed by five in the afternoon, but Miles didn't seem eager and thus she expected that he was still at the reception.
“I’m sorry to say, Miss Alicia,” Martha said with a smile as they entered the house. “You shouldn’t expect anything special for dinner, since you have dragged me around town all afternoon.”
“Everything you make is delicious, Martha,” Alicia said and tried to return the smile.
“You’re too kind, Miss Alicia,” Martha said, frowning. She hesitated for a moment. “It will become easier, I promise you,” she then said in a soft voice.
Alicia felt her eyes fill with tears for the first time that day. She hurried to the stairs so Martha wouldn’t notice.
“I’ll be down in an hour,” she mumbled, her voice hoarse, before she hurried up the stairs to her private drawing room.
At eight in the evening, they ate in the kitchen. Alicia told Jane of all their considerations regarding the sofa. She tried to ignore the fact that, by now, Miles would have definitely departed for his honeymoon. Even the most reluctant couple would have had to depart if they wanted to reach a destination suitable for a wedding night.
She went to her own drawing room after dinner, trying to concentrate on mending the hem on one of her dresses without success. She wanted a drink, no, needed a drink, but drinking alone was such a sad affair. Perhaps she should visit Jemima, but when she checked the time, it was already ten in the evening.
If Miles and his bride had arrived . . . No, she wouldn't think about that. No. Alicia quickly turned the clock around again and walked back to the settee. This one was in a dark green fabric that matched the light green walls very well. Finding she was unable to rest on the settee, she got up again and walked to the window overlooking the garden. She could go to bed early, but she doubted that she would be able to sleep.
She would have one glass of liqueur. She had a fine apple liqueur, and it would be perfect to calm her nerves and help her go to sleep. Yes, that was what she needed. She was overwrought and just needed one drink to settle her nerves. She went to the purple drawing room, poured a glass, and emptied it before she left the room and immediately refilling it. As she left the room with the bottle in her hand, she looked back at the table and the different decanters.
So what if drinking alone was sad. She was sad! The man she loved — yes, loved, she might as well admit it — had married another woman and he probably didn't reciprocate her feelings. Even if he did, they had no future together. He was an earl and she was a former courtesan from the East End. She could only ever be his mistress.
She should ask Martha to buy another bottle of apple liqueur, she thought as she took a swig of the liqueur directly from the bottle. It was heavenly, tasted just like fresh apples. Why didn't she do this more often? Get foxed on her own. Why did she think that she needed a man to get foxed with? Or do anything else with. She was fine on her own. Just fine. She needed nobody. And she never had.
When she'd finished the bottle, she staggered to her bedroom, undressed, and crawled into bed. She couldn't find her nightgown, but who would care that she slept in the nude?
Her room spun slightly as she placed her head on the pillow, but the apple liqueur had had the wanted effect: she fell asleep instantly.
***
Alicia awoke by someone kissing her cheek. She froze, realizing that an intruder was in her room, kissing her cheek, her ear, and her jaw with soft open-mouthed kisses. Whatever this pervert wanted to do, he would not be doing it to her. Without the man noticing, she reached for the books on the nightstand. The top one was an atlas that Miles had used to teach her the geography of Europe. She managed to get hold of it with both hands and thwacked the person over the head.
"Ouch," a familiar voice said as he ducked from the heavy atlas.
"Miles?!" Alicia asked and sat up in bed. If she had not emptied the bottle of apple liqueur, she might have realized sooner. His scent hung heavy in the air and now that she thought of it, she should probably have recognized his kisses.
"How are you even here? I thought you were on your honeymoon?" Alicia asked. She could hear her voice being too high-pitched and cleared her throat. She wanted to reach for him, pull him into bed with her again, but restrained herself.
"I wanted to see you," Miles said as he sat down on her bed and took her hands. "In fact, I needed to see you."
He caressed the length of one of her arms, making goosebumps travel the length of it. His caress and his shining eyes made her aware that she was naked.
"I couldn't find my nightgown," she mumbled and stroked her arm her absentmindedly.
"I don't mind," Miles murmured and leaned forward to kiss her. This was all she had wished for all day, yet there were several things that did not make sense to her.
"Wait," she said as she broke of the kiss, keeping hold of his upper arms to keep him close. "How did you enter my house?"
Alicia knew that Martha had a very thorough routine in locking and checking all doors and windows.
"Did you know that seventy-five percent of all cellar doors can be opened with the same key?" Miles asked in a know-it-all voice.
"I didn't, but that sounds disturbing. I'll have Martha change the locks tomorrow," Alicia answered grimly, trying not to think of the implications of someone else having that knowledge and entering the house in that fashion.
Miles chuckled.
"But why are you here? You should be with your wife," Alicia said to interrupt her own thoughts and saw how Miles' grin disappeared.
"It didn't work . . . I couldn't . . ." he said as he looked at her hands. Alicia squeezed his in comforting him. "I missed you so much," he mumbled as he slowly drew her into his embrace. "I don't know how I will ever be able to be with her."
He was hugging her tightly to his body, her naked breasts pressed against his light woolen coat, his head hidden in the crook between her neck and shoulder. Alicia ran her fingers through his hair in a soothing manner. She didn't know what to say. She couldn't promise him that he would be able to be with his wife, nor did she wish for it.
She kissed his jaw and felt the stubbles under her lips.
"You will be fine," she finally mumbled. "One way or another, you will be fine."
She felt Miles' lips on her neck. She leaned her head back to allow him to his kiss way up to her mouth. Her whole body seemed to come alive, and she couldn't help but arch her back to press her breasts more thoroughly against him. Her nipples puckered as the wool of his coat grazed them.
Miles had kissed his way to her mouth, and they were kissing each other with an intensity and urgency that had never been there before. She wanted him. She needed him.
Quickly she started tugging on his jacket, unbuttoning his waistcoat, and then pulling his shirt over his head. Miles helped her, while his mouth only left hers when he needed to peel another layer of clothes off.
As his shirt fell to the floor, he quickly stood up and divested himself of boots, breeches, stockings, and small clothes. He was already aroused; she could see in the dim light of the summer night. She pulled back the thin covers and opened her legs invitingly.
Miles lay down upon her, kissing her tentatively as he ran a hand down her body. He cupped her womanhood, gently playing with her folds, then dipping a finger inside of her.
Alicia knew that she had been wet before he even touched her. She hadn't tried it before, being ready for a man without being licked or touched. But she hadn't tried wanting anyone as she wanted him now.
She sighed and arched her back as a second finger joined the first. She could feel Miles' smile against her lips. She writhed as he moved his fingers; she wanted him inside her, but she did not dare say it. She could still feel his erection against her hip and was adamant that it didn't go away.
A sigh of anticipation left her lips as he removed his fingers from her, placed himself between her thighs and joined them. Their coupling was fast and intense. Alicia held unto him tightly with both her arms around his neck and her legs around his hips, keeping him as close to her and as deep inside of her as possible. She forgot everything except giving him pleasure and seeking her own.
Her moans became shriller as she neared her climax, her whole body tensing. She clung to Miles as she felt his climax nearing as well. He was panting and groaning, resting on his lower arms and holding on tightly to her shoulders.
They came almost at the same time. Alicia cried out with pleasure as he thrust into her one last time and cried out himself. For a moment they were lying still, holding each other tight, panting into each other's ears. Then Miles started laughing, a rumbling that shook his entire body. The laugh transferred to Alicia through his vibrating stomach and heaving chest. She couldn't stop laughing, even though she didn't know what they were laughing about, except she'd never felt this happy before.
Miles rolled off her, holding his stomach as he tried not to laugh.
"That," he said when he was finally able to talk. "That was perfect."
He kissed her soundly.
"It's the first time in two months I've been able to . . . God, it was great. You're great, Alicia. You're perfect."
Alicia didn't have time to say anything before he kissed her again, squeezing her bottom, pulling her tightly to his body. Alicia felt giddy over his strong reaction. She giggled into his mouth as he kissed her. His tongue met hers and teased it, danced with it and explored it.
Miles abruptly broke of the kiss and looked at her with an almost horrified expression.
"We forgot to take precautions," he said breathlessly, smoothing her hair away from her sweaty forehead.
"Oh," was all Alicia could manage. She had been so caught up in being with him that she hadn't even for a second considered that she hadn't placed a sponge inside. She could have asked him to pull out but had forgotten that as well.
"I'll rinse in a moment " she said, feeling the joy seep out of her.
It had happened before a couple of times. She had rinsed with water, washing the seed out. Luckily it had worked every time. Or she could visit the doctor that Jemima’s girls used when their precautions hadn't been enough. She didn’t feel like it, but it was on option.
"I'm sorry," Miles mumbled and kissed her temple. "Everything was perfect up until now."
Alicia kissed his mouth, hoping that it would convey how happy she was that he was there, despite everything.
"It was still perfect," she said. "I'll go rinse."
After washing thoroughly and placing a brandy-soaked sponge inside, she returned to the bedroom. She felt her smile fading a little as she saw that Miles was asleep. She supposed he'd had a long day and had a right to be tired.
She pulled the blanket from under him, tucked it around him, then she crawled into bed and snuggled up close to him. Miles turned in his sleep, hugging her tightly.
***
When Alicia woke next, she wasn't startled when someone kissed her. Grey morning light was seeping in through the cracks between the curtains. But given that it was summer, the sun rose very early. It couldn't be more than four in the morning.
"I'm sorry I fell asleep last night," Miles said as he kissed her neck.
"You were exhausted." Alicia tried to keep her voice neutral, but she could not keep her smile out of it.
"I'm not exhausted now," Miles mumbled as his mouth reached hers. As they kissed, he came to lie fully on top of her. "Did you take precautions?" he murmured against her skin when he kissed his way down her body.
Alicia only sighed in response as he kissed her nipple. Their love-making that morning was as slow and lingering as it had been fast and intense the night before. They licked, kissed, touched, and teased each other for what felt like hours until Miles finally joined them. Even then, it was slow, an almost sluggish rhythm that Alicia felt could in no way make her climax and yet she found it was the only way she could be satisfied.
To her complete surprise, she found her whole body tensing with an orgasm without Miles having quickened the pace at all. She dug her nails into his upper arms, vaguely registering that he finished as well.
This time it was her turn to laugh when she opened her eyes and looked at Miles. Not wild and uncontrollably as he had done the night before, but a surprised giggle.
Miles smiled beamingly at her before he lowered his head to kiss her.
"That was perfect. I can't believe it worked a second time as well," he mumbled. "I wish I weren't going away for two weeks . . ."
He moved to lie on the bed next to her, holding her tightly for a minute or so, then he slowly let go of her.
"I need to go," he said before kissing her temple and climbing out of bed. "We'll leave in only a couple of hours."
Alicia nodded, but did not comment. She watched him dress in silence, afraid that if she did speak, she would blurt out babble like: "Don't go," "Stay here with me," or even worse: "I love you."
Miles gave her a quick kiss on the mouth before he left.
"I'll see you as soon as I return," he said in a voice that he probably thought sounded reassuring although Alicia didn't know whether he was reassuring her or himself.