Bound for NYC
After a cramped and uncomfortable night spent trying to make the best of the train depot as a sleeping place, the train whistle blew just as Rebekah found a comfortable place to lay her head. Her shoulder ached from the run-in with the doorjamb the night Samuel took sick. As she sat up, she realized something else felt strange. It was her neck, and it refused to behave as it should.
She shook her head, awkwardly, feeling much more tired than she had before she finally went to sleep. Peter and Joseph had camped outside on the boardwalk in front of the depot’s doors, which had disheartened Rebekah a bit. She liked having them to talk to, and perhaps it was her imagination, but it seemed Joseph was being a bit standoffish since arriving in Montgomery.
She shrugged her shoulders and rolled her head this way and that in a futile attempt to entice a relieving pop.
Peter, with a spring in his step, jounced through the unlocked doors. He carried a bag under his arm, and there was no sign of Joseph anywhere. “Well good morning, Sis!”
Rebekah studied him through her sleep-heavy eyes. “You’re awfully chipper this morning. I pray you slept better outside than I did inside.”
Peter’s smile flickered and dimmed. “Oh, we stayed outside in hopes you’d sleep well inside.”
Rebekah hung her head. “I’m sorry. I suppose I’m a bit cranky.” When she looked up, she saw her brother’s face was full of jest.
“I can’t wait to tell Joseph I found one of your flaws. Your only flaw, to hear him tell it.”
Rebekah flushed at Peter’s words. So in true brotherly fashion, he continued.
“All night, I listened to how his wedding to his fiancé was right around the corner...”
“Okay, okay Peter. That’s enough.”
“Here.” Peter sank down beside her on the unforgiving bench that had doubled as Rebekah’s bed. “I bought us some breakfast.”
Rebekah brightened. “Smells delicious.”
Peter reached into the brown sack and produced two biscuits, each stuffed with eggs and bacon. “One for you and one for me.”
Rebekah accepted hers. “And one for Joseph?”
Peter held his hand out to Rebekah. “Let’s pray.”
Brows furrowed, she took it.
“Lord, bless everyone on this journey. Rebekah and Joseph, Katie, and last, me. Please keep Samuel Stoll in your hand, as well as his family while he’s ill. In Jesus’s name, amen.”
“Amen.” Rebekah studied her brother. “And Joseph? Where is he?”
Peter spoke through a mouthful. “I thought you’d never ask. I certainly hope you’re more aware of where he is when he’s your husband.”
Jest fairly dripped from his words.
“Good morning, kids.” In their reverie, Rebekah didn’t even hear the old ticket taker come in. “The missus sent you all some vittles for your trip. We are both mighty sorry you had to wait here, but hope you rested well.”
“Thank you.” Peter rose to accept the large paper-wrapped parcel. He extended his hand. “Good morning, and thank you again for your kindness.”
The glass windows rattled as the eight o’clock to New York City rolled into the station. The old man shuffled across the floor before taking his place behind the counter. “Hey, my spectacles!”
Rebekah studied her breakfast biscuit.
“They’re, they’re perfectly mended!” He shuffled from around the counter to Rebekah. “Thank you, little lady. Thank you.”
Rebekah smiled and swallowed her bite. “You’re welcome. It was the least I could do.” She shifted her gaze to her rumpled quilting bag. “I mend some things better than I do others.”
They shared a smile.
“How did that fabric work out for you?”
“Would you like to see?”
Joseph dashed in and stashed something behind the counter as Rebekah dug in her quilting bag. “I’m here folks, no need to worry!”
Rebekah cast a glance in his direction. Of course, he was staring at her. Emotion flamed in her neck. “Good morning, Joseph.”
“Good morning, indeed.” He came out from behind the counter. “Today we start our journey into the heart of the English world. Are you ready?”
“You can’t see this dress,” she whispered.
“Of course.” He stepped over to the glass to study the train. “I would never, ever try to sneak a peek at my bride-to-be’s wedding dress. No sir, not me.”
The old man chuckled as Rebekah pulled out her creation. “Collar and cuffs,” she whispered. “Thank you again.”
“Well done, young lady.” He patted her hurt shoulder with awkward thumps. Rebekah grimaced, but forced a smile to try and hide the sparks of pain that came with each thump. “You kids have a wonderful trip. We will look for you on your way back.”
He paused. “I hope you find your friend. I sincerely do.”
“Thank you,” Peter whispered.
“Your return tickets, you’ll find them in your vittles bag. My wife and I bought them for you. It’s the least we could do.”
The all-important words came from the other side of the glass. “All aboard for New York City!”
Peter stood as Rebekah closed her quilting bag. “That’s our cue. Ready?”
Rebekah nodded. “Ready.”
Joseph turned back as Rebekah finished her biscuit as quickly as she could. “You two go on ahead. I need to speak to our friend here a moment.”
Rebekah strained to hear their conversation, but Joseph seemed to take care to make sure she couldn’t. At least the old man was nodding.
Rebekah and Peter strode onto the train. “Ever been on a train before?”
Rebekah shook her head. “You know I haven’t. Have you?”
Peter motioned to a set of four seats, two facing forward and the other two facing backward. “Looks like the old man gave us the best seats in the house.”
“Looks like a parlor setup, with all the seats facing each other.” Rebekah slid into one of the seats. “And look! A little table pulls down from the wall!”
She giggled. “This is really something.”
The conductor’s booming voice sounded again. “Last call!”
Rebekah’s face went stoic. “Peter, is Joseph acting strangely to you?” She peered down the aisle toward the front of the train. “I’m not entirely sure if he’s going to make this train or not.” She dropped her voice. “Or if he wants to.”
The train car jerked and shuddered as it sprang to life. Black billows of steam puffed out of the chimney and turned the world around them inky black. Her eyes widened and she stood.
Peter chuckled. “What are you going to do, Little Sister? Run off the train and grab your fiancé and force him to come with us?”
She tried to ignore Peter’s smirk.
“Right about now,” he continued, “you would tell me to just have a little faith.”
Rebekah sank back down into her seat and returned his smile. “Just a little faith. That does sound like something I’d say.”
Through the thick blackness, Joseph appeared. He grabbed the handrail and swung neatly up onto the step just as the train started to inch forward.
Rebekah exhaled.
With his hat clutched in his hand and a glimmer of sweat dotting his forehead, Joseph strode down the aisle toward them. “Phew,” he exclaimed, sinking into the seat next to Rebekah. “Adventure already.”
***
They rode along in silence for a fair clip. However, Peter’s jovial mood soon gave him an excuse to break the quiet. All of his worry from the day before seemed to have morphed into sass overnight. “So Joseph. You had Rebekah pretty worried with your late arrival here.”
Rebekah stared into her hands and willed the fire to cool in her cheeks.
Peter continued. “I had to remind my dear, sweet sister that she had to keep the faith.” He reached across their little parlor seats and tapped her with his toe. “Isn’t that right, Rebekah?”
She looked up and smiled. “Yes, Peter. That’s correct.” She shifted her gaze to Joseph. “I was worried about you.”
“Why is that?” Peter continued. “Why did you falter in your faith...you mentioned it earlier too, though you didn’t think I heard you.”
Both men focused their attention on her. Her heart quickened to a gallop within her chest. “You’re right. I didn’t realize.”
“You don’t have to doubt me, Rebekah.” Joseph’s voice was low. “I’ll never give you a reason to doubt me.”
Rebekah shrugged. “My head knows that, but something seems to be niggling at my heart.” She tried to look over toward Joseph, but the catch in her neck caught her off guard. She winced.
Slowly, she turned in her seat to face Joseph. He had turned to face her too. “It’s not you that I doubt.”
Joseph’s dark brows furrowed over his clear, blue eyes. Silently, he nodded her on.
Rebekah drew in a breath. “I didn’t want to say anything, really. Because it’s so silly...”
Joseph reached across the seat and laid his hand over hers. Heat immediately fired to life beneath it. “Anything that gives you pause, Rebekah, we should discuss.”
“Well...” Rebekah shifted her gaze from Joseph to Peter. “I’m not sure Peter should hear this.”
Peter leaned forward on his elbows, his smile replaced by a look of consternation. “Peter shouldn’t hear this because, why?”
“Because it involves the woman you love.” Rebekah fidgeted until Joseph moved his hand. “And not in a positive way.”
Peter sat back with a sigh and looked out the window. “I know there was some bad blood between the two of you; I probably know more than I should.” He sighed again. “I never wanted to say anything to you about it.”
Joseph wrung his hands in his lap. “I think it’s all the more important we talk about it, then. If we are all going to be family, there can’t be any secrets.”
Rebekah thought briefly about her happy home in Gasthof Village. Samuel and Elnora, her parents, always seemed so in love. There was nothing they couldn’t talk about, nothing they couldn’t discuss. And love permeated every inch of their farmhouse, and every child knew exactly how loved they were.
Will my and Joseph’s home be as happy? Rebekah ran her tongue over her teeth and tried to will the tremble in her hands to still. If we are going to have a happy home, we need to be able to talk to each other. May as well start now.
“I have faith in you, Joseph. And I trust you.” Her voice began to shake. She hoped she wouldn’t cry, though her throat burned. “But there’s just something about the way Katie looks at you.”
The truth leaving her lips was freeing, like when she emptied her apron after gathering eggs. Careful, heavy, fragile. And who knew the mess that would ensue if things went wrong.
“I don’t trust her, Joseph. I don’t trust Katie.” Rebekah licked her lips. They were dry as sandpaper. “And I think she would stop at nothing to win your affections—”
Words, please don’t hurt Joseph or Peter.
“Pray continue.” Peter’s voice was flat. Any semblance of a smile was gone. Long gone.
“And I can’t rightly figure if she would stop at nothing to win your affections because she truly loves you...” She dropped her voice and her gaze. “Or if it is because she truly despises me.”
Silence hung over the three of them like a death shroud. Rebekah tucked one of the covering strings into the corner of her mouth and wished she could melt into the floor. If little Thomas could see her now, he would be ashamed. So would her biggest little brother, Jeremiah.
I wish I could go somewhere else. Anywhere else. Anywhere to escape this deafening silence.
After a mini-eternity, finally, someone broke the silence. Joseph.
“You know, my ma always told me, ‘trust your gut feeling.’ Something about it being true no matter what.” He laced his long fingers together and leaned forward. “Your feeling is right on.”
Rebekah stopped fidgeting. The covering string dropped from her mouth. “It is?”
“Katie tried to make us a couple for as far back as I can remember. Usually, it was embarrassing, because I only have had feelings for you, Rebekah.” Joseph’s words ended, but his tone left room for interpretation.
“And?”
“Well, the night you turned me away. I faltered.”
“Faltered?” Rebekah’s heart skipped a beat, then raced to catch up. “Faltered how?”
“I didn’t want you to get mad, Rebekah. That’s why I never told you.” When he looked at her, it appeared as though his eyes had paled to almost white from their normal blue. “It wasn’t anything. It meant nothing. And I stopped it.”
Peter’s voice made them both jump. “What happened, exactly?”
A woman pushing a food cart, stocked with breads and sweets, stopped beside them. “Good morning. What can I get you?” Her voice was chipper. Too chipper.
Nobody answered.
In fact, nobody even looked at each other.
Finally, Rebekah offered her a meek smile. “I think we will pass. Danke.”
With a curt nod, the woman and the cart clattered down the aisle of the mostly-empty train car. When she was gone, Joseph drew in a breath.
“I didn’t want to see you, Rebekah. When Peter appeared and everything fell into question, I felt like you were questioning me. Questioning us.”
“I was. I was questioning everything. About me, mostly.” Rebekah’s palms went clammy. “Mostly, I thought you would not want me anymore. Wouldn’t want there to be an us anymore.”
Joseph nodded. “I understand. Because if you don’t truly understand something, you can’t love it. Right?”
“Right. Exactly right.”
“Sounds like you two think the same already.” Peter huffed. “I don’t see how there could be any problems here.”
Joseph continued. “Well, that night I went for a walk. Katie was there.”
Whatever comfort had creeped in between the three of them disappeared with Joseph’s words.
“Shall I continue?”
Rebekah and Peter nodded, but said nothing.
“She asked what was wrong, and we spoke a bit. I told her I was going for a walk, and she joined me. Over the course of the walk, I realized she was growing closer and closer. I poured out my heart to her.” He faltered. “I should have been pouring out my heart to you, Rebekah. And I knew that.”
Cool tears tracked down Rebekah’s flushed cheeks. Despite trying to quell them with a sniffle, they refused to be staunched. It should have been me, I agree.
“She moved in to kiss me, saying it should have been she and I the entire time.”
Rebekah found a loose pillow and clutched it to her middle. It did nothing to stop the dull ache there.
“That was when I did what I should have done before and I stopped it.” He lifted his face and looked first at Rebekah, then at Peter. “I stopped what never should have started. And it will never start again. Even if you’d said no to me, I still wouldn’t have gone to Katie.”
He reached his hand over and placed it on hers. It wasn’t until then Rebekah noticed that Joseph’s was quivering just as much as hers. “You’re the one for me, if you’ll have me. I’m sorry, Rebekah; I’m sorry for not telling you before. Can you forgive me?”
God help me. Please.
“Only if you can forgive me, Joseph. Forgive me for doubting you, for doubting us.” She turned her hand over and accepted his trembling fingers. She gripped them tightly, and he did the same.
“There was nothing to forgive. I just regret that I wasn’t mature enough to stand by you in your time of need.” His blue eyes were hot sapphires. And they burned. “I will never make that mistake again. Let me prove it to you.”
“And me to you.” She didn’t have to force the smile that found her lips. “Let’s never let this happen again.”
Joseph raised their clasped fingers to his lips and brushed her skin with a dry kiss. “Never again.”
Peter propped one leg up on his knee. “Well, I am certainly glad you two worked out your differences.” His voice wasn’t demeaning and it wasn’t taunting. It was morose. He sucked in another breath. It sounded as though it was holding back tears. “I knew you two had your issues with Katie, and I knew that she had her issues with you two. But from the sound of it, she brought all of this on herself.”
“Oh Peter,” Rebekah began.
Peter held up one hand. “You two got to talk. Now it’s my turn.” He sniffled and brushed his nose with the back of his hand. “She told me things.”
Rebekah took care not to untwine her fingers from Joseph’s, but turned her attention to Peter. Joseph did too.
“She told me how she feels she pales in comparison to you, Rebekah. How she feels her faith isn’t as strong as yours, and her piety isn’t as strong as yours. That you, my sweet sister, are closer to perfection in every sense of the word. You’re a more perfect Amish and a more perfect person. And she wants what you have.” Peter glanced at Joseph. “I think that’s where you come in, Joseph. She wants what Rebekah has. To be looked at as Rebekah is.”
Peter continued. “I knew all of this. Yet I still wanted her for my own. To join in a life with me. I just don’t know if I’m going to be enough for her. Or if she ever even wanted me at all.”