But women will be saved through childbearing – if they continue in faith, love, and holiness with propriety. – I Timothy 2:15
Rebekah’s head spun as Joseph scooped her off the barn floor. “No, please…” Another surge of hot vomit broke her sentence in two. “Want to sleep…” she muttered as she weakly wiped the vomit from her face.
“Rebekah, Rebekah!” Joseph held her head as he dashed her into the house. “Do not try to talk. Do not worry, I will take care of you.” He stomped up the stairs. “Thomas, get the door!”
The door opened at once, and Joseph rushed her in.
“Go get your folks,” Joseph said, “quick as you can.”
“Okay, Joseph.”
The door slammed shut as Joseph reached the stairs. “Gotte, please, take care of my fraa.” His voice was frantic and charged, very much unlike him. Rebekah was too sleepy to think about it further. She closed her eyes, leaned into his chest, and ceased to hear anything else at all.
***
Rebekah roused long enough to see her mother’s face hovering above her. “Am I dead, Mamm?”
Elnora smiled. “No, child. You are not dead. But you are unwell. Your fater even came with me to see to you when Thomas told us of your having collapsed in the barn…”
Her voice faded off as Rebekah closed her eyes. She scarcely felt the cool rags and fresh clothes as Elnora turned her this way and that cleaning, undressing, and redressing. What seemed like hours, maybe even days later, Rebekah woke again to her mother bathing her face with an icy rag. She dipped it into a bowl on the nightstand, wrung it out, and bathed her face and neck. A moment later, she repeated the entire process. Rebekah flickered a smile at her mother.
“Danki, Mater, for taking care of me,” Rebekah said. Her throat was scratchy and sore from vomiting, so her voice came out as a whisper. Weakness ensured her arms stayed down and her legs did not move. “Am I going to die?”
“Someday, yes, you will die,” Elnora said. “As will I.” A sideways smile tilted her lips in an odd manner that Rebekah had never seen before. “However, it is not death that makes you ill now. It is life.”
***
“Pregnant?” Joseph started to fall.
Rebekah’s fater, Samuel, grabbed a chair and stuck it under his son-in-law before he hit the ground. “Gute thing I came with you, Elnora,” he said. “Otherwise, you would have had two patients to nurse. One in the bed, one on the floor.” His voice was weak but still tinged in his trademark jocularity.
Elnora smiled and wiped her hands on her apron. “Ja, sure, Fater. I would have had to call for Thomas to help me drag him into the bedroom with his fraa.”
Thomas stood barefooted in the corner of the hallway but said nothing.
“Mater Elnora?” Wide-eyed, Joseph sat in the chair, dazed, as though he had been struck on the head or kicked by a horse. “Is Rebekah going to have our child?”
She laid her hand on her son-in-law’s shoulder and nodded. “It is still early. She is having some bleeding, and that is not gute for the bopplin. She needs to stay in bed for a while and rest.”
Joseph mopped at his sweaty brow with shaky hands. He cleared his throat, then cleared it again. “Can I see her?” Still, his words squeaked a bit.
Samuel chuckled weakly. “She is your fraa. I would hope so.”
Joseph swallowed hard and stood. He took off his black felt hat and held it at his middle. He glanced over his shoulder at Rebekah’s parents, then eased open the door to the bedroom he shared with his wife.
There, in their tiny bed, sat his smiling, tear-streaked fraa. “You’re going to be a fater,” Rebekah whispered.
Joseph’s face lit up like a summer sunrise. His full lips spread into a wide, white grin and he dashed to her side. “And you’re going to be a mater.” He flung his arms around her. “We are going to be parents!”
Rebekah’s cheeks ached from smiling. Katie’s letter forgotten, she squeezed Joseph. “We are going to have a bopplin of our very own!”
Thomas sniffled from the doorway, a sullen look on his normally sunny face.
Joseph shared a look with Rebekah, who nodded. He patted the bed beside them. “Come here, Thomas.”
Thomas dragged his feet and did as he was asked.
Rebekah took her little bruder’s hand and held it in hers. “Will you help us when bopplin comes?”
“I suppose.” Thomas gave her hand a squeeze and tried to smile. “‘Fraid you won’t have much need of me then, since you will have grown your own helper.”
“You will always be my best helper.” Joseph reached over and flicked the brim of his straw hat.
“Mine too,” Rebekah said. “This little bopplin will love you so much.”
He snapped his fingers. “Hey, I have an idea,” Joseph said. “Thomas, would you like to help us come up with a name?”
Rebekah smiled. Sometimes, Joseph’s actions threatened to crack her heart—like in the barn with Katie’s letter. However, the majority of the time, it was her mann’s selfless actions that made her heart swell and her fall in love with him all over again.
You have to remember that in those trying times, Rebekah. She cleared her throat. “Do you have any names that you like, Thomas?”
“Ja.”
Thomas was silent as he studied the quilt over Rebekah’s feet.
Joseph nudged him. “Well, what is your name?”
Thomas looked up at him. “Can Schwestie tell me hers first?”
Joseph shared a look with his fraa. “You heard your bruder’s request, Rebekah.” He offered a wink that made her flush. “Let’s hear your names.”
“There are so many.” Rebekah’s excitement threatened to bubble over within her breast. “I like Abraham. Josiah. Jedidiah. Zechariah.”
“I detect a trend.” Joseph laughed. “I also see that you seem to think we are having a sohn.”
Rebekah froze. “A sohn.” A slow smile spread across her face. Never in her wildest dreams did she think she would become someone’s mater someday. Sure, she silently hoped she would, but she, herself, a mater? She had not thought that was a blessing Gotte had in store for her. To dare to dream that perhaps this was a blessing meant for her, too, was almost too much to comprehend.
“A sohn.” Rebekah’s heart beat faster. “Perhaps I do.”
Joseph’s hand found hers atop the blanket. She could feel his excitement mixing with hers.
“I would love that,” she said. She gave his fingers a squeeze. “What names do you like then, Mr. Graber?”
Joseph’s eyes widened. Their mysterious sparkle was even more so today. “I like Ruth, Rebekah, Jesse, and Judith.” He offered another wink to his fraa. “But my absolute favorite name of all is Thomas.”
He smiled down at his little bruder-in-law. “How would you like it if the bopplin were named after his Oncle Thomas?”
“I like that,” Samuel offered from the doorway. He had taken over Joseph’s chair and offered a wan smile as he mopped at his forehead with a hanky. Elnora stood beside him, a worried look on her face that would have been imperceptible to anyone but Rebekah.
She narrowed her eyes at her father. He did appear to be breathing heavier, as Thomas said earlier, and his skin had taken on a haggard, gray appearance. He had leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.
“Danki, Joseph.” Thomas shrugged. “But I like Lil’ Bit.”
Rebekah tore her gaze away from her father and met Joseph’s grin. She was powerless not to return his bright smile.
“Lil’ Bit,” Rebekah repeated.
Joseph mouthed the name. The pair of them shared a look.
“Lil’ Bit,” Rebekah said again. “I like that, wonderful gute.”
Joseph nodded. “So do I.”
Encouraged by their reactions, Thomas continued. “And it goes for a boy or a girl, too,” he said wisely. “So, we all win, whether I’m an aendi or an oncle.”
Rebekah cocked her head. “An aendi or an oncle?”
“Well, doesn’t that depend if you have a boy or a girl? If I’m an aendi or an oncle?”
“You’ll be a fine oncle, no matter what.” Joseph chuckled and stood. “You, Oncle Thomas, will have a niece or a nephew.” He held out his hand to the youngster.
“Oh, that makes sense.” Thomas jumped up and linked his hand into Joseph’s. “Where are we going?”
“We have work to do. Your mamm said that your schwestie has to rest. That leaves the chorin’ to us.”
All hurt feelings forgotten, Joseph and Thomas strode out the door, hand in hand. Elnora waited for the front door to close whispering something to Samuel before stepping ever-so-quietly from the hallway into Rebekah’s room.
“You are going to be a grossmammi,” Rebekah whispered. She stretched her hand toward her mamm, who took it but did not sit. Something in her hesitation melted the newfound grin from Rebekah’s lips. “Mater?”
Elnora drew in a deep breath. Long fingers of wrinkles crept from the corners of her eyes when she smiled, however, today, they were deeply present with her frown. No smile was in sight. “I have things to tell you, Dochder.” Her slightly gnarled fingers tightened around Rebekah’s. “This bleeding. I have seen it before.”
Rebekah tried to still her beating heart and ignore the icy chill within her veins at the same time. “You have?”
“Ja.”
She gulped and dared a peek at her mamm. “When?”
“With all of your bruders and schwesters who passed to heaven before you came to be my dochder.”
Rebekah’s throat tightened. “How many?”
Elnora closed her eyes. “I quit counting at one. Lieb isn’t something that you can number, sweet dochder. Each time my heart broke as though it was the first time, again and again.”
“What was the first time like, Mamm? When you lost your baby?”
Elnora shifted her weight. Rebekah could see that her question made her mater uncomfortable, but she really wanted to know. “Do you really want to know, Dochder?”
Rebekah was not quite sure that she did, but her curiosity won out. “Ja.”
Elnora looked as though she would rather be anywhere else, talking about anything else. “I had just begun to feel different. Sick at my stomach at odd times. Dizzy. Much like you felt in the barn today if what Thomas tells me is accurate.”
“Thomas.” Rebekah smiled. “My little angel bruder.”
“He thinks the same as you.” Elnora returned her smile. “As soon as I started feeling strange, I started bleeding. And bleeding. And bleeding.”
Rebekah’s heart went out to her mother. “Oh, Mater.”
“I thought it was my normal monthly, with cramping and pain in my stomach and back, but then I saw something else there.”
Rebekah leaned forward. “What?”
“A tiny baby. Perfectly formed. My first baby.” Elnora looked everywhere but at Rebekah. “And I could not keep her safe.”
Rebekah’s voice was a whisper. “She was a girl?”
Elnora shrugged and appeared to look off somewhere, maybe somewhere into the past. “I do not know for certain. But I like to think so.” She took a deep breath, then came back to the present. “Or maybe it was just Gotte’s voice, deep inside me, telling me my first child would be a girl.” She looked at her daughter and smiled her sweet, motherly smile. “You.”
Rebekah laid her hand atop her mother’s. Words could not express the sentiment of love and belonging that came from her mother’s words, so Rebekah opted for a comfortable, shared silence instead.
The twinkle of genuine happiness had gone from Elnora’s eyes, leaving a ghost of nostalgia in its wake.
Rebekah dared continue. “Were they all like that?” She swallowed hard. “All of the passing’s of my siblings?”
“Some were. Some were worse.”
“Worse?”
Elnora’s free hand went to her belly. “Ja. As in further along in my pregnancy. And a bigger bopplin.”
“You never told me…”
Elnora cut her off. “I never told anyone. Not even Heloise, my best friend apart from your fater.”
Rebekah thought to herself before she spoke. “Did you name them, Mamm?”
Elnora’s lower lip quivered. “The answer to that question, my darling dochder, is something I talk about only with Gotte. Not even with your fater.”
Finally, Elnora eased down onto the bed next to her. “So, you must do as I say. Rest as much as you can, even if it means staying in bed. Let your bopplin grow. Everything else in your life can wait. Remember, you are all that your bopplin has, and it is a hard burden to carry. One that you alone must carry. Believe me.”
Rebekah offered a pallid smile to her mamm. “I understand. Danki for talking to me about your secrets.”
“Gute.” Elnora rose. “I will bring you something to eat in a little while. And Rebekah?”
“Yes, Mamm?” Her clammy hand slid from Elnora’s, so she clutched the quilt instead.
“The chamber pot is right here, beneath the window. You can reach it easily.” Her mother motioned to the blue pot beside the nightstand. “If the need strikes, use it.”
Heat crept into Rebekah’s cheeks at the prospect of using the chamber pot. “Yes, Mamm.”
“I must get your fater home now. He was so worried about you. I fear he tired himself out even further by coming with me here.”
Rebekah shifted her weight in the bed, uncomfortable under the weight of her mother’s words. “I am so sorry for falling ill.”
“No child. Do not be sorry. Look at your fater and see what love does. See how it gives you courage and strength to do things that you might not otherwise believe you could.” She offered her daughter a wry smile.
Rebekah kissed her fingers and held them out to her mother. Then, as quietly as she’d come, Elnora made her exit. As she eased the door closed behind her, Rebekah saw her lean to help Samuel to his feet. Her heart twisted in her chest. Love.
When I become a parent, will it change the way I love, too?
From somewhere in the hallway, bopplin Beanie, the baby Rebekah herself helped deliver, squeaked his trademark toddler squeak. Elnora called that particular squeak his mamm call.
Rebekah shifted on the bed again. “Mamm had a gute idea about the chamber pot.” She leaned carefully toward the nightstand, but something else caught her eye. Something that had more urgency in it than her need for the chamber pot. The letter from Katie lying there. Innocent. Forgotten.
Rebekah chewed her lip and, without too much forethought, pinched the envelope between her thumb and forefinger. “Time to find out what was so intriguing in Katie’s letter to my mann.”