The day of the memorial passed in seconds. It was small with barely ten people there. We huddled around the grave marker while Saint said some prayers from his crutches. I put her ashes in the concrete hole, wiping my eyes as I sat a copy of Charlotte’s Web on the other side. She used to read that to me as a child, and it was one of my most cherished memories of her.
Aris put a sunflower in next, and I tried not to let that affect me.
Mom’s favorite flower.
He knew that.
Then we left her there and headed to my house for the wake. Mom wouldn’t have wanted anything fancy, and I didn’t have the energy for much else. Aris threw some burgers on the grill and Selene made a salad. Jericho held my hand while the medical equipment company packed her bed and the machines into their box truck.
And just like that… the house felt empty. Despite all the people there. Despite the fact it hadn’t been this occupied in years. I wanted to curl up in the basement and never leave again.
“C’mon,” Jer said, nodding out back. “You should eat something.”
My stomach knotted. I hadn’t eaten much in a few days; I’d been too anxious and depressed. But I sensed that if I didn’t agree, he’d find some dastardly way to coerce me. So I complied. I swallowed down the burger and chips, but tasted none of it. I smiled at the MC members who stopped by to pay their respects, but it didn’t feel genuine. I forced my way through the formalities because the wake wasn’t really about me or my mom. It was about all of them. It was about making them feel better being around us during our grief.
I lost it when Ru showed up.
Tears streamed down my face, and I threw my arms around her to pull her into a hug. I didn’t know why. Perhaps it was the straw that broke my back. Now that I knew who she was, I saw the resemblance clear as day.
My sister.
I had a fucking sister.
I’d been raised without any family. I had my mom, and that was it. I’d thought my father was gone. I’d thought my grandparents had died. No cousins. No aunts or uncles. Just Mom. But, as a normal, functioning human, it was natural to want to see myself in others and feel a familial bond with someone else. Humans were pack animals, after all.
To see myself in her? It was like a missing puzzle piece I’d never known I yearned for.
She hugged me back, whispering, “I’m so sorry,” over and over again.
“It’s not your fault,” I said. “I’m happy you came.”
Ru pulled away and wiped at her eyes, cupping my cheek. “How are you holding up?”
Not well.
We chatted for a bit, but someone called me away to decide what to do with the leftovers, and she’d gotten distracted by her dad… our dad… before I could come back. Now wasn’t the right time to talk to her, anyway. I wanted to heal first and take some time to process before we put all the cards out on the table.
“Hey, kid,” a deep voice said from behind me.
Crow.
I hadn’t officially met him, and I loathed the fact it had to be today of all days. But time stopped for no one, so when he asked, “Is there somewhere we could talk?” I agreed and took him back to my mother’s old bedroom, closing the door slightly but not shutting it completely.
Crow was tall, well over six feet, and had long, dark hair down to his waist. Covered in tattoos, he scared the shit out of me with his alpha vibe. Even though I knew he was a softy deep down inside, like Jericho and all of those dominant assholes out there.
“I know you got no reason to trust me,” Crow said. “I know you got no reason to believe what I’m about to say, but I gotta say it.”
I cleared my throat and blinked back tears, sensing where this was going.
“I knew your momma when all this was going down. She was a brave lady. Smart.” Crow crossed his arms over his chest. “Real ride-or-die woman. I knew Aris loved her the moment I saw them together, and it sucks she left us before her time.”
My clothes suffocated me, and I glanced at the door, desperate to get out of this conversation. I didn’t want to rehash this. I just wanted to move on with my life.
“But Aris is a good guy, yeah? One of the best. He’s saved my life more times than I can count.”
I furrowed my eyebrows. The fucking audacity of this guy to make a pledge for his VP while I was still mourning my mother.
“All I’m saying is… give him a chance. He’s mourning her, too. Not the same as you. But he loved her.”
I ran my hands over my face and sighed. “Thanks for the advice. Anything else?”
“That wasn’t what I wanted to talk about.”
“Okay?”
“KC tell you about Benito?”
I nodded.
“So you know why you gotta stay outta sight, right?”
I whipped my attention to him. Where was this conversation going?
“If I were you, I’d be thinking some stupid things right now. Like maybe this all started ’cause of me. Like maybe I could finish it.”
My heart pounded, and I fisted my hands. How could he have known that? Not that I thought I could do much. Who was I compared to the Caputi crime mob? But my mind was all over the place.
“In this life,” he continued, “there’s no half-assed one foot in, one foot out. Now, I know you didn’t get much choice, but I gotta ask… You’re not planning to run off half-cocked and disappear on me, are you?”
Still, I said nothing, refusing to incriminate myself. I considered his calm, collected stature and his rough around the edges nature. He had a scar across his eyebrow, cutting down his cheek to the corner of his mouth. Crow had been through some shit and lived to tell the tale.
This. This is why he’s their leader.
“Right.” He nodded. “That’s what Aris told me. And that shit’s not gonna fly with me. Or KC.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “There’s nothing left for me here—”
“Maybe so, before you started fucking a Rose. But now? The Caputis saw you with KC, and the minute they catch wind of who Penelope Wright was, they’re gonna come straight for you.”
That’s what I was afraid of. Sure, I had a gun and knew how to shoot it. But I was one girl against an army of mafia motherfuckers who wanted me dead. Running off and getting away from it all was the best thing for me.
“That’s the look I’m talking about.” Crow mirrored my stance, folding his massive arms over his chest. “I see those wheels turning, and I’m warning you to pump the fucking brakes.” He took a step closer. “What do you think happens to KC if you run and the Caputis find you because he wasn’t there to protect you? What do you think happens to Aris or Ru?”
“I’ve only known them two weeks.”
“More than enough time to find a family, I’d say. You think you got nothing left for you here? I’d say there’s nothing for you out there.”
“Isn’t that up to me to decide?”
He smirked. “Just like your mother.”
“I’m not offended by that.”
“It wasn’t meant to offend you. That’s a compliment. She was smart, too. But she knew when it was time to lay low.” He took another step toward me. “So, I’m telling ya now. Lie. Low. Benito is coming, and the safest place for you is on our territory, surrounded by the motherfuckers who kept your mom safe all these years.”
My jaw trembled, the thought of all she’d sacrificed for me, because of me, nearly bringing me to sobs again. What would she want? What would she say?
“Benito can never find out I survived. He can never find out about you.”
She wouldn’t want me to go off half-crazed into danger. She wouldn’t want me thinking about tracking him down or luring him out. She’d want me to be safe. Otherwise, everything she’d ever done for me would have been in vain.
“Okay,” I finally said, swallowing down the bitterness that welled in my throat. “I’ll lay low.”
“I’m gonna need you to swear it to me.” Crow raised an eyebrow. “I know your mother was a woman of her word, so I am going to trust you are, too.”
Goddamn it.
Way to lay it on thick.
“Fine.” I forced the words out, even though I wasn’t sure I totally meant them. “I swear. I’m not going to disappear. I’m not going to do anything stupid.”
He nodded. “In exchange for your loyalty, I’ll provide around-the-clock protection until this blows over. You might not always see us, but from now on, a Rose will always be close by.”
It didn’t make me happier, but the thought of constant protection did make me feel safer. “Thanks, Crow.”
He turned toward the door, but stopped before leaving. “You’re the best damn thing to happen to that boy. You know that, right?”
He meant KC. He meant this rare, once-in-a-lifetime love that had blossomed between us. I felt it in my molecules, so I nodded. He didn’t have to say anything else for me to understand what he meant. KC was the best damn thing to happen to me, too.
* * *
About two weeks later, Selene packed what she had at my house and went back to Thor’s place. I didn’t know if they’d made up or if she’d gotten tired of my weeping, but once she was gone, it was just Jer and me.
Thor had given him time off work, but now he had to go back.
We had to appear as normal as possible, like a mafia princess turned protected MC secret hadn’t just died.
Life moved on, but I had a different perspective now.
Like Crow and Jericho, I blamed Benito for all of it. If he hadn’t run her out of town, maybe things would have been different. If he hadn’t sent someone to raid the SR property, Saint wouldn’t have gotten shot. It wouldn’t have landed on my doorstep. Maybe Mom would still be alive and I’d have gotten another few days, or a week, or a month.
In any case, the longer Mom was ashes, the more bitter I grew.
I’d given Crow my word I wouldn’t do anything stupid like running off, but I still had an obligation to keep myself and the people around me safe, right?
I kept seeing Saint on my dining room table and picturing Jericho in his place. Perhaps a bullet to the gut or a slug to the head.
If Benito was after me, Jericho would be safer as far away as possible. If it would end this, Benito could have me. If it meant no one else had to run or die for this stupid blood feud, then bring it on.
I loved Jericho, and I wouldn’t have him wrapped up in it.
Which meant he had to go.
“We need to talk.” We sat at the new dining room table Aris had brought over a few days ago, coffee steaming between us and a plate of bagels in front of me.
“Uh-oh.” He narrowed his blue eyes. “What’s that look?”
I bit my bottom lip, nervous. He wouldn’t like it, and after all we’d been through together, it would feel like a slap in the face.
But it was the only way to end this, the only way I saw.
“I need some space,” I said.
“Space.” He tilted his chin up at me, rubbing a hand over his mouth. “What kind of space?”
“I think you should go home for a few days.”
Silence. He blinked, perhaps taking a moment to make sure he’d heard me right. “Are you breaking up with me?”
“We don’t have anything to break up. We never put a label on this. We’re barely friends. And I don’t need the money anymore, so there’s nothing left for us as coworkers.”
Fucking. Ouch. It hurt me to say it. I could only imagine how it must have felt to hear it.
He snorted out a sardonic laugh through his nose. “Wow.”
I didn’t expect that response. “I mean, c’mon, Jericho. We’ve known each other, what? A month?”
“You tell all your coworkers you love them?”
I cleared my throat and choked back a sob. “Please don’t make this difficult for me. I’m going through a lot.”
“I’m trying to be here for you,” he said, “to support you.”
“I don’t want your support,” I said. “I want you to go.”
“Goddamn it, Alba.” He banged his hands on the table and stood, leaning over it like he hoped to intimidate me with his height and build. When I didn’t back down, he said, “Don’t fucking do this.”
“I’ve already done it,” I said. “I called Aris earlier. He’s sending some prospects to watch me until it’s safe.”
“Prospects?” His jaw hung open. “You’d rather have random fucking prospects here than me?”
I licked my lips, refusing to say something that wasn’t true. I wanted him to leave, but I didn’t want to hurt him. “I’m asking for some room to gather my thoughts, Jericho. Please.”
The frustration in his eyes broke, and he squared his jaw, hanging his head between his shoulders with resolution. “How long do you need?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’ll call you when I’m ready to see you again.”
He sighed, ran a hand over the back of his head, and went down to the basement. I heard him packing up his stuff, and when he came upstairs, he paused to stand in front of me in his jeans and cut, looking just as beautiful as the first night I’d met him.
Except he was really fucking pissed.
“What’s going on?” he said. “This isn’t like you.”
“How the fuck would you know?” I threw it in his face. Out of everyone alive on this Earth, Jericho probably knew me the best. But I aimed to hurt, not to speak reason. “It’s only been a month. You have no idea who I am.”
“Maybe so.” Jericho’s eyes nailed me to the spot, that brilliant mind at work behind them. “But you wouldn’t throw me out on your worst day. You’re doing this because you’re up to something.”
I swallowed down the truth, keeping it from tumbling over my lips.
“When I find out what it is, I’m gonna take it out on your ass.” He took a step closer to me. “I told you at the beginning, I don’t do this on-again, off-again bullshit.” One more step brought him next to me, and he kicked my chair out from under the table in one quick motion, turning me so I faced him. He put his hands on the wooden arms, leaning down to be level with me.
I wanted to kiss him, even now in the middle of trying to break up with him.
I still wanted him.
I’d always want him.
“So tell me, Alba,” he said. “What the fuck are you up to?”
“I’m not up to anything.” Not technically a lie, if not the whole truth.
He moved closer, bringing his face millimeters from mine, and my heart pounded. Could he see through me? Could he see how badly I wanted to protect him? He shot out a hand and wrapped it around my throat, his palm right up against my pulse and his thumb under my jaw, wrapped around my windpipe. I stiffened, my back straight against the chair.
“Your heart is racing,” he said. “You’re nervous.”
“You’re making me nervous,” I said. “You’re scaring me.”
His teeth brushed my ear when he hissed out, “Why?”
“Because you’re angry.”
“Angry.” He leaned back so he could look down at me. In that moment, I’d never felt so small, so utterly helpless against whatever he planned to do to me. “You think I’m angry?”
“No? What would you call it?”
“Fucking furious.” He yanked me up and turned me around, bending me over the dining room table so fast that I didn’t understand what had happened until I had the cool wood under my face, my hands spread out on either side. I tried to push myself up, but he slammed me back down again, and I winced against the jolt of pain that erupted across the front of my body.
He stood behind me, his cock pressed into my ass and his hand on the back of my neck, pinning me in place. He leaned his hard body over me, his chest to my spine and his mouth next to my ear. “You wanna know what I think?”
I shivered as a response, giving him all the ammunition he needed to keep going.
“I think you’re pushing me away because you’re scared. I think you’re trying to get rid of me because you think it’ll keep me safe.”
I swallowed, my pulse throbbing. In my clit. In my hands and feet. In the space where his cock slid in between my ass cheeks. Every part of me was so aware of every part of him.
“Is that what you’re doing?”
Was I so easy to read?
I couldn’t lie, not to him, so I didn’t answer. I balled my hands into fists, and again, I tried to push myself up, to struggle against his weight. But he held me tighter.
“Oh yeah. Keep fighting it.”
I growled, actually fucking growled, and tried to claw at his face to get him off me, but he grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head, which stretched him out on top of me completely. He kicked my legs open and moved his free hand to my shorts, digging his fingertips under the waistband.
“You remember your safe word?” He yanked my jeans down to my ankles.
“Of fucking course,” I said, the word crimson on the tip of my tongue. “But if you try to fuck me, Jericho, I’ll bite your Goddamn dick off.”
He laughed out a dark, sick noise. “If I don’t fuck you, you’ll never learn your lesson.”
“Yeah?” I sounded like an animal, like a caged wild beast that had reached my breaking point. I’d lash out at anything that came too close. “What lesson is that?”
He speared his fingers into me, and I arched off the table, my ass pressing back against his hand, wanting his touch even though I was supposed to be repulsed by it.
“You’re fucking mine,” he said. “You need space? Fine. Take it. But if you break up with me, you better have a good Goddamn reason.” He bit my shoulder hard. Agony radiated down that whole side of my body, amplifying what he was doing between my legs.
“I can’t break up with you if we were never together.” It was mean. I knew that. But I was saying whatever I could to get him to leave. If he wasn’t here, if he was with his brothers, he’d be safe. They’d protect him. I couldn’t. “We’re just friends, Jericho. Just friends.”
The word squeezed a trigger between us, and I pulled it. I remembered how passionate he’d been at the clubhouse on our first date, when I’d told Hollywood that’s all we were. We may not have made it official, but Jericho and I had never been friends. This had been lust, love, and hormones from the beginning.
He stood and wrapped my arms behind my back so they were pinned above my ass. He held them there with one big hand, snarling, “Say it again.”
This was fucked up, so fucking fucked up, but I stood by it. I had to keep up the charade, or he would never leave.
“We’re coworkers,” I said. “Friends.”
The sound hit me before the feeling did. A fleshy slap echoed off the walls, and then agony surged up my spine. He’d spanked me.
Hard.
Harder than he’d ever done when we’d had sex. This was… kind of fucking hot, even though it pissed me off. Maybe even hotter than it should be because of how it enraged me. I moaned and sank into the feeling, arching into him and urging him on.
“Say it.”
“We’re friends, Jericho. That’s all.”
Another spank, this time harder. I hissed and winced.
“One more time.” He tightened his hold on my wrists, his cock digging into my hip. I wanted him to fuck me in the worst way. “Just so we’re clear.”
“We’re friends.”
His slap hit my pussy this time, and I howled, even when he massaged the skin afterward and he sank his fingers into me again. Pumping me once. Twice.
“Please,” I cried, pushing up on my tiptoes to get closer to him. I wanted his big dick inside me. I wanted him to prove I was his, to remind me again and again until I never forgot it.
“Please what?” He bit my neck. My ear. My jaw. Marking me. Making me break out in gooseflesh.
“Please fuck me,” I moaned. “I want you so bad.”
“Yeah? You’re wet as fuck for me right now. My good fucking girl, getting so ready. So willing.”
I moaned, rolling my pelvis against him.
“Which makes you a fucking liar.” He ripped his fingers out of me, the absence of him more painful than his earlier spanking. He twisted his hand in my hair and yanked me up, my arms still pinned behind my back. “We’re more than friends and you fucking know it.”
He shoved his fingers in my mouth, the ones that had been inside my body, and I tasted the evidence of how badly I ached for him.
“Tell me you love me.”
His middle and index finger pressed on my tongue, so I mumbled the words around his grip. “I wub ’ou.”
“Now, there’s the first honest thing you’ve said all morning.”
He moved away, leaving me cold and empty and trembling. He laughed and picked up his bag while I struggled to right myself, scrambling for my shorts to pull them up again, wiping the tears from my eyes and the spit from my chin.
“You rented your old room to me. I already gave you the money for this month, so I’m not leaving.” He palmed his dick and adjusted it in his pants while I shook from the adrenaline fading in my bloodstream. “You don’t wanna see me? You wanna clear your head? Fine. I’ll stay out of your way. But I’m not fucking going anywhere. You don’t like that? Tough shit.”
He stalked down the hallway to the room, pausing to say, “I fought for Nikki for twelve fucking years, and I didn’t even love her. Imagine what I’ll do for you,” before slamming the door closed behind him.
I collapsed on the chair and let the tears come.