PARIS, JUNE 1941
A LOVE RETURNED
It has to happen soon, but how do I instigate it? Gertrude asked this of herself a dozen times a day.
There had been several encounters similar to their first. They’d chatted and she’d bathed Kristof. And on the last occasion she had even massaged him, but still they hadn’t made love. Each session had ended with him in a flood of tears. She’d held him until these moments had passed, and in doing so had seen his arousal pass, too.
At least she knew he wasn’t seeking pleasure elsewhere any longer, and this pleased her. He was hers – she knew that and, as she savoured the thrill this knowledge gave her, she also knew that in other circumstances she’d be prepared to wait as long as it took. But now it had an urgency to it, as Juste and Madeline had given her the task of finding out anything she could about the Versanté factory – and gaining access to plans of its layout, if she could. For this she would need the keys to get from her apartment to Kristof’s office, and those for his office and his safe.
Madeline had given her what she would need to make an impression of Kristof’s keys, from which replicas could be made. But he rarely brought any keys with him, except the one for the door in her living room, which he used to access her apartment.
In preparation for the time when she would visit his office to seek information, she had already begun to look for signs of an alarm system: where it led to, and to which doors it was connected. She’d been surprised to find there wasn’t an inner alarm, but of course there was one huge obstacle – there was always a guard on duty outside Kristof’s office.
Frustration soured her mood. Helping him to recover from his demons was one thing, but it was all taking such a long time. She needed to move things along, and she needed to do so by having him come to her on an unplanned visit, when he was more likely to have his keys with him.
Making up her mind that there was no time like the present, she picked up her internal phone and dialled his office. Her hands shook as her finger twisted the dial round and it sprang back to its original position – the number she rang should only be used in the event of an emergency. She feared the anger she would incur for using the phone flippantly. Her heart thudded as he answered, ‘Yes? Are my children all right? What is wrong?’ Despite the worry in his voice, its softness soothed her.
She kept hers low and husky, ‘They are fine. I am not.’
‘Oh?’
‘I rang because I need you. I need you to be ready for me. Have you reached that stage yet?’
The silence went on and on. Into it came the sound of his quickening breath. When Kristof spoke, his hesitancy gave her hope. ‘Violetta, I – I do not know . . .’
‘Can you get away? Can we try? I am aching for you. I love you, Kristof.’
‘I know. And I have feelings for you that sometimes surpass those I had . . . for my wife.’ Again he fell silent.
‘It is all right to feel like that. We can have two loves in our lives. I won’t ever eclipse your wife’s memory, and in time she won’t eclipse my being with you. You will cope with us both in different ways. I promise that if you cannot, it will not matter. I will bathe you as usual, but I want you inside me. I want to give myself to you, and for you to take from me all that you should take from the woman you love.’
He was silent again. Her sham was despicable, and although she meant every word about her love for him, it didn’t sit well with her that she was luring Kristof to her not just to love him, but to dupe him.
‘I will come. Run me a bath. We will bath together, and then we will see.’
She took a sharp breath at the involuntary clenching of the muscles in her groin. Her whole body tingled with the anticipation of having him at last. A warm dampness trickled from her. God, I want him so badly!
As she undressed him she kissed every part of him. The feel of his uniform, rough to the touch, gave her a sensuous sensation when she ran her fingers down his arm while he was still wearing it. His aftershave gave out a subtle aroma that reminded her of the woodlands she had played in as a child. And as she removed his shirt the smell of his body added to this and further heightened her senses. She wanted to suggest they make love now and forgo the bath, but could sense a tenseness in him and knew she had to deal with that first.
‘I am sorry, my dear, I hold back because I know that once we make love, it will be a beginning and yet an end. None of those other women meant anything to me. I may even have taken them were my wife still alive. They were just extra needs that I had. But I know that coming together with you will mean so much that it will hurt. It will scar the memory I hold of my wife. I don’t mean it will taint it, but it will take some of it away and replace it with a feeling of disloyalty.’
‘It doesn’t have to. All our sessions have been about making a place in you for your wife, without holding anything back from me. That place she has can be sacred. I need you, my darling, I need you so much.’
Something in what she said, or the proximity of her, triggered his passion. He pulled her to him, his lips bruising hers. His tongue prised them open to explore her mouth. Dare she let go? Dare she give her all? What if he rejected her or stopped her, wanting her to bathe him as they had planned? But the decision wasn’t hers to take. Her resolve collapsed, leaving her no choice as he guided her towards the bed.
He unclothed her, his hands probing, his mouth kissing, licking, sucking little parts of her skin and bringing her desire to an orgasmic peak that needed release. It came the moment he entered her. A crescendo of sensations gripped her, pulsating through her in powerful waves that left her gasping and crying tears of joy. It was a freeing of her soul, a splintering of who she had been. From this moment on she would be changed forever. Part of her would belong to Kristof. Without him she would be nothing.
She knew he’d felt the power of their union, for his gasps told her he couldn’t cope. ‘Be still, my darling. Rest in me a while. We are too sensitive to each other. Hold me . . .’ This was where she belonged, filled with him, snuggled by him and loved by him.
His movements, when they happened again, gave her feelings she had never experienced before. This wasn’t a sexual act; this was the strong bonding of a man and woman who were one soul. A joining of lives. Taking all he had to give, she wrapped her legs around him and rocked with him. The moans that came from deep in her throat had started in the pit of her, where a fire burned that she knew would never be extinguished. His cries told her he was feeling the same. His kisses covered her face, his gentle nibbling of her breasts seared her with an exquisite pain. Words of love tumbled from him as they rode a crest of sensations, taking them to a peak so intense it hurt, before showering them with a release that had them gasping for breath and clinging onto one another as if they would never let go.
They lay, still joined, not speaking – looking at one another. They had no need for words. She watched a bead of sweat trickle down his cheek. When it reached his lips she bent towards him and licked it away. His smile lit his lovely grey eyes. She smiled back.
The soft dampness of him as he pulled from her left a trail on her leg. It reminded her that they hadn’t taken care, but then it didn’t matter. If she was to have his child, it would be a gift she would treasure.
Her mind left this thought and gave her another – one that dampened her happiness and brought back to her guilt at the reason she had lured Kristof to her. It hurt to re-engage with her deceit of him. But then she thought of what Kristof and the regime he belonged to were doing to her people – and to the world – and her resolve renewed itself. She had to get access to his keys. But how?
She could see nothing in the way he lay looking at her, and twirling a lock of her hair, that said he was ready to move from her side. This suggested that even if she encouraged him to take his bath, he would want her to stay with him and to wash him, as she usually did.
‘How long can you stay with me, Kristof?’
Turning and looking at his watch on the bedside table, he shot upright. ‘I need to go very soon – I have a meeting. I will take a quick dip in that water you have ready for me . . . I am sorry, my dearest, I should not be leaving you after what we just shared. But I have to. Thank you, my love. My precious.’ He kissed her forehead and then her lips, allowing his kiss to deepen for a moment before he pulled away. ‘Tonight. I will come back tonight and we will lie in each other’s arms all night long.’
She had never heard anything she wanted more in all her life. Placing her hand on his chest, as if she would help him on his way, she told him, ‘I can wait. And I will be ready for you. Go . . . go on, have your bath. We mustn’t let anyone suspect anything. The boys will be coming down from the schoolroom for their French lesson soon, and the girls will be back from their walk with the nursery nurse. So hurry.’
He did not object or ask her to go and bathe him. She rolled over at the sound of Kristof moving in the water, and pulled a case from under the other side of her bed. It glided soundlessly, although its latches clicked as if a gun had been fired. Keeping still, she waited. Still the water splashed. Grabbing three of the square tins that Madeline had given her, Gertrude removed the lids and rolled back to the side of the bed where Kristof’s keys lay. With her heart pounding fear all around her body, her hands shook as she took the keys one by one and pressed them into the soft moulding clay in each tin. One, two, three. And then a small key, which she pressed into the side of one of the indents. Sweat trickled in little beads from her forehead, leaving a cold trail as it ran down her cheeks. Somehow she managed to replace the lids and put the tins back in the case. Now for the final stage. Grabbing the damp cloth she’d prepared earlier, she pushed the case back into its hiding place, not daring to close the latches for fear of the noise they made.
Frantically rubbing each key clean of residue, she’d just finished the last one when the bathroom door opened. In the split second that followed, and with her nerves making it difficult for her to breathe, she tucked the cloth and the keys under the bedclothes. Putting the keys back where they were would be impossible without Kristof seeing her do so.
His gaze held hers as he approached the bed. Trying not to appear frozen with fear, she knew she had to cause a diversion. His question – ‘Are you all right, darling?’ – held concern. Answering him released some of the tension within her and allowed her thoughts to process an idea concerning how to get rid of the keys. Her hand closed around them.
‘Yes, more than all right, but disappointed.’ Swinging her legs off the bed as she said this, she purposely knocked her trinket box off the bedside table where his things were, then stood up and, under the guise of picking up his undergarments, dropped the keys close to her necklaces and bangles, which were sprawled out in a glittering pile. ‘Oh, now look what I’ve done!’
‘Never mind that. Why are you disappointed? I thought we had—’
‘No. Not disappointed in you, darling. It’s just that I wanted to come in and dry you, but you were so quick.’ She moved towards him, but he stopped her.
‘No, just hand me my pants – I will see to myself. I cannot let you near me. I am already feeling the need to take you again, and that cannot happen.’ He grinned, a boyish grin that released more of the tension in her, causing her to give a little giggle and ask, ‘Why not?’
‘Because, I am supposed to be working, and I will miss my meeting with Herr Dansk. But I will secretly dream about doing so, whilst he drones on about what he must have and what I must agree to.’
‘Ha, you’d better remain seated behind your desk then, as you know what that will do to you!’
He laughed out loud at this and she relaxed further.
While he dressed, she gathered up her things and his keys, and put them back where they had been. He showed no sign of noticing anything.
Still naked, she ignored what he’d said about staying away from him and helped him on with his jacket. The magnificence of his body curled her insides into a delicious knot. Though she hated what his uniform stood for, she loved him in it and the feel of it. Kissing him, she told him, ‘I love you. I don’t know where that will lead us, as we cannot be public with our love. I will be vilified and maybe even killed for fraternizing, but we will have my rooms as our haven, our love nest.’
‘Oh, you French! That is ridiculous – we are not your enemy, or won’t be the minute you realize that we’re not. You will see, things will improve once this war is won. Anyway this will not be our only place to meet. I will invite you to my suite. I have some trusted servants. They will see us dine in the manner that we should, and I will have things prepared for you the way I want them to be for my woman. I will buy you gifts and shower you with all that I have. I love you with a completeness. And I know my wife has her place in me and is at peace. You did that for me. You, my love.’
She drank in Kristof’s gentle and loving kiss, allowing her deceit to find a place to rest easy in the part of her conscience that held her devotion to France and its people. This meant she was able to send him away with a promise of good things when he came to her later, instead of feeling the guilt of her actions.
Relaxing into the bath water, Gertrude didn’t let her thoughts linger on the part of her that Kristof had unlocked and made his own. Like him, she dared not think about what had just happened, as still she tingled with a need for him. There was so much they had to explore together. This first union had been a miracle in unlocking a broken heart and allowing the fusion of two people in love.
No, the thoughts must stop there! She had to plan how and when to get the tins with the moulds of the keys to Juste, so that he could take them to a locksmith. They had one, a genius with all metalwork, in their group. For a small group they were lucky to have the skills amongst them that they did. Forced labour had kept many experts in different fields in the area, instead of having to go into the German Army, as was the fate of so many.
She had to be quick, for Herr Dansk headed the SS assigned to the factory. He probably wished to talk about the security there. If he wanted to increase it, he would need Kristof to authorize a request to go to Himmler for more men. She knew, from the intelligence gathered by agents before she moved into this house, that all communication and requests had to go through Herr Eberhardt. And so the quicker she had access to his office and found any information on the factory, the better. The thought of having to secretly enter Kristof’s office set up a palpitation of fear in her heart, which upstaged any lingering feelings of their lovemaking that she’d been harbouring.
An idea occurred to her. She would take the boys on a walk to teach them some French through experience: have them name things they passed, and then take them into the cafe and ask them each to order their own drinks. Somehow she would find a way of giving the tins to Paulo whilst they were occupied. He would help her, as he would know by what she would wear that she had something to pass to him.
The coded message had said ‘Keys ready’ and had given her instructions about where she should rendezvous with Madeline to pick them up. Thank goodness the urgency of her request had been adhered to, Gertrude thought, as she read it. It had been imperative that she collect them today, not only because this was her only day off this week, but because after the meeting Kristof had held with Herr Dansk yesterday, they had to act quickly. If decisions about security were being made, there might still be vital information in Kristof’s office – information that would help the group in its mission to destroy the factory.
Holding the message to her breast for a moment before ripping it into small pieces and disposing of it in the nearest rubbish bin, Gertrude had felt a moment of elation and had thought, At last I will meet Madeline again and have a chance to carry out my first real assignment!
Now she had the keys in her hand.
‘Are you sure about this?’ Madeline had asked, as she’d passed Gertrude the keys from her position directly behind her outside the cafe. The pavement narrowed where their two tables stood.
As she had turned the corner into Rue Abel, just a short walk from where she had alighted from the bus, Gertrude had seen Madeline standing outside a shop a little way away. The tables they were to sit at had been occupied. Through Madeline’s gesture not to approach she had known there was going to be no social contact between them. This had disappointed her, but she should have realized it would be so.
Taking her cue from Madeline, Gertrude had stood looking at the items in a shop window, marvelling there still was jewellery of such beauty and high price for sale.
They hadn’t had to wait long. Unlike Paulo’s, where they dared not meet, this wasn’t a cafe where people lingered, but more somewhere they stopped for a quick refreshment before continuing their shopping.
Gertrude had crossed over to it first and sat with her back to the chair facing the next table. Madeline had followed and claimed the one behind her. The other tables were around the corner. In answer to Madeline’s question she wanted to say, ‘No, I am not sure. I want out. I want to go back to Mama’s and be safe again.’ But instead, while pretending to look through the magazine she had brought with her, she said, ‘Yes, I will be all right. I wandered near Herr Eberhardt’s office the other day and no one questioned me. The guard at the door chatted with me. I told him I was exploring, as I hadn’t seen much of the house other than the children’s and my own quarters. He was quite friendly and a little suggestive. Most of them are lonely for a woman’s company. I will use that fact tonight in my quest to have him turn a blind eye to me entering the office.’
‘Tonight? You’re going to attempt it tonight? And what is your plan to get the guard to let you into the office?’
‘I will lure him into a side office to have sex, then tell him before it gets that far that I will scream rape unless he gives me a few minutes inside Herr Eberhardt’s office. And yes, it must be tonight. Herr Eberhardt had a meeting yesterday with Herr Dansk, the officer who heads security at the factory, and it is likely there is still information in his office relating to that meeting. I will start in his PA’s in-tray. I noticed on the day of my interview that she had a lot of work outstanding. I just might get lucky and find she hasn’t yet dealt with the papers from yesterday’s meeting, and then I’ll be able to get in and out of there very quickly.’
‘But it all sounds so dangerous. How can you be sure the guard won’t squeal, once you are in the office?’
‘I can’t . . . Oh, it’s hopeless.’
‘I think this is something I will have to handle. The guard will need to be disposed of. Can you sneak me into your room, so that I can gain access to Herr Eberhardt’s office from there?’
‘No, that is impossible, for everyone has to have clearance. I cannot just arrive with a guest, and I have no way of getting you in without you being seen.’
‘Couldn’t I climb into your room from that tree? The branches hang very close to your balcony.’
‘I don’t know. Let me think about it for a moment.’
Sipping her coffee, Gertrude screwed up her face at the bitter taste. Obviously not a cafe frequented by the Germans, and that’s probably why Madeline chose it. Around them the street buzzed with shoppers. Mostly elegant women who gave an air of the war having had little impact on their lives, whereas she and Madeline had to meet in this clandestine way to work out ways to help the liberation of France. Somehow it didn’t seem fair.
Brushing the thought away, she focused on Madeline’s proposal. It did sound like a good idea, but could they pull it off? What if Kristof came looking for her . . . ? That’s it! As if a light had been switched on, a foolproof way that Madeline could get into his office without encountering Kristof came to her. She could make sure he visited her tonight, and keep him busy in her bedroom. That would leave the lounge and the route into the corridor leading to Kristof’s office clear. She could leave the window to the balcony open . . . But no, there would be too much danger for Madeline, she couldn’t suggest it.
‘Gertrude?’
‘Oh, sorry. Look, I have a plan, but you must get one of the others to do it. I don’t want you to – it is too dangerous.’ ‘Don’t worry about me, Gertrude, I am highly trained. I have skills the others have never seen. Just tell me what it is, and let me decide if I can do it.’
‘Well, what if . . .’ Telling of her plan and having Madeline shape it, it seemed feasible. Yes, they could do it. But if only Madeline would agree to one of the others carrying it out.