Often it is the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.
(KAREN SALMANSOHN, THE BOUNCE BACK BOOK)
Brenna gets up before her alarm sounds on the day of the relay. The sun is cresting the horizon while the moon still hovers in the western sky. There are no clouds, but the forecast predicts it won’t be too hot. The entire race should be over by noon anyway, so she’s not concerned about the heat. It’s her stamina she’s worried about. She’s hardly slept all night. Has Ryan really returned for the relay? Why else wouldn’t he have told her who it was that was taking his place? She’s afraid to get her hopes up, and yet…
There’s a tap on the front door and Brenna lets Georgialee in, then checks to be sure that Naysa is up. She pulls their breakfast out of the fridge, a concoction she made up the night before with oatmeal, milk, yogurt, chia seeds and fruit. Energy food, she tells them.
“I can’t believe you talked me into this,” Naysa grumbles when she comes into the kitchen. “I am so not a runner.”
“You’re going to be fine. Walk as much as you need to.” Brenna and Naysa have walked and jogged Naysa’s leg of the route numerous times in the past month, so she knows her sister can do it. “All that matters is that we finish the race, and Georgialee will probably make up for any lost time anyway.”
Georgialee puts her arm around Naysa’s shoulders. “You’re doing it for your mom, right? Remember that. Oh, and that reminds me.” She opens her small backpack and pulls out a bag. “I had these made up, one for each of us.”
She reaches into the bag and pulls out four round discs, each about the circumference of a hockey puck, but thinner, with a pin on the back. She hands a disc to each of the girls.
“Oh, Georgia!” Brenna says when she sees the picture of her mom smiling out at her. “Thank you!”
“It’s your mom we’re doing this for, so I thought it was important that she be with us every step of the way.”
Brenna’s dad drives them to the start of the race. Naysa will take the first leg, the least steep one, and her dad will drop Brenna off at Cleveland Dam to start the second leg. Georgialee will do the Grind portion, and the mystery person will do the last stretch.
“Are you sure Ryan didn’t let either of you know who the mystery teammate is?” Brenna asks the other two yet again as her dad drives through the early-morning light.
She sees them glance at each other and shrug. Their faces don’t give anything away.
At Ambleside Park a huge crowd is gathering to cheer on the runners. The girls collect their race numbers and listen to the instructions being announced over a loudspeaker. Brenna scans the crowd, hoping beyond reason to see Ryan but knowing how dumb it is to do that. Georgialee keeps an arm around Naysa.
“Brenna!”
A young man slips through the crowd and stands in front of her. His smile is huge. She recognizes him from the mountain. It’s Cole, one of the guys Ryan worked with on maintenance. Her heart plummets.
“You’re our fourth teammate?” she asks, the truth sinking in. She can’t believe she really thought Ryan would travel to Canada for the event.
“I am,” he says. “And don’t look so disappointed. You can call me Ryan.”
“Huh?”
He tugs on his T-shirt, and that’s when Brenna notices the enlarged photo of Ryan printed on the front of it. He’s grinning out at her. Cole turns around. On the back of the shirt is the back of Ryan’s head. Brenna would know it anywhere.
Cole is clearly delighted with himself. He puts his hands on her shoulders and looks into her eyes. “Ryan told me to tell you that he really wanted to be here, but, obviously, he couldn’t be. So he did up this T-shirt to make it look like he’s here, because, as he said, he is here in spirit.”
Despite her deep disappointment, Brenna smiles back. Only Ryan would go to such trouble. She introduces him to the rest of the team. Georgialee still has her arm around Naysa.
“And he made these T-shirts for you,” Cole says, pulling them out of a bag. He holds one up. The front of the T-shirt has a picture of Coola’s handsome face, with Team Bear printed below it. Cole flips it so they can see the back, which sports a closeup photo of Grinder yawning. His fangs are huge, and if you didn’t know better, you’d think he was about to chomp someone’s head off. Bears BITE Breast Cancer is written across the bottom of the shirt.
“Awesome!” Georgialee quickly pulls hers over her running singlet. Naysa is less impressed, but she takes off her jacket and slips the shirt over her tank top. Brenna does the same.
The race marshal blows on a horn, a five-minute warning until race time. The girls quickly pin their numbers and the picture of Joanna onto the front of the new shirts.
“This is for you,” Georgialee says, handing Cole his pin.
“Awesome!” He fastens it to his shirt, over Ryan’s left ear. “I’ll see you all at the top!” He turns and disappears into the crowd.
“Not bad,” Georgialee says under her breath.
Brenna gives her a look. Her disappointment is a dead weight in the pit of her stomach. “Remember, go at your own pace,” she tells Naysa one more time.
By noon the entire race is complete. Team Bear gathers in the Grouse Mountain parking lot, where a celebration is taking place. Brenna’s dad, who has been handing out water at a checkpoint, joins them. He pulls his daughters into a hug. “I am so proud of you girls.”
Naysa, face flushed, eyes shining, smiles up at him. “I’m proud of me too!”
Brenna scans the crowd, looking for Angie, who she knows was also volunteering somewhere along the race course. Georgialee and Cole are sharing a joke, and Brenna can see that her friend is in full-on flirt mode. Catching her eye, Cole approaches her. He pulls off his T-shirt, holds it to his nose and then hands it to her. “For you,” he says. “Though you may want to wash it before you wear it.”
Brenna takes it, holds it up to study the photo and then brings it to her face and kisses the photo of Ryan right on the mouth. “Oh you,” she says.
“Oh, I almost forgot.” Cole pulls Brenna into a tight hug. His skin is damp, his body hard. She suddenly longs for Ryan’s body. Cole holds her for a moment and then releases her. “That was from Ryan too.”
“Thanks,” she whispers.
The mood at the celebration is exuberant. A small band is playing in one corner of the parking lot, and smoke from a barbecue wafts over the crowd. Cole grabs Georgialee’s hand and pulls her over to join a bunch of participants who are dancing to the music. Naysa, who has consumed a lot of water, heads to the washroom.
Scanning the crowd again, Brenna spots Angie close to where the Skyride docks. She waves to her. Angie smiles and waves back. She begins to weave her way through the mob toward Brenna. An older couple follows her, at a short distance behind.
“Congratulations, Brenna, you did it!” Angie wraps her arms around her.
Even while she is being hugged, Brenna can see that the older people, who are standing back a short ways, are studying her closely. Could it be? The man is Caucasian, and the woman is Asian.
“My parents are here,” Angie whispers in Brenna’s ear. “They’d like to meet you if you’re okay with that.”
Brenna nods, and Angie steps aside so that there is now no one between Brenna and the couple. The sound of the crowd and the music fade away, and Brenna looks from one to the other. The woman’s eyes are glistening. The man has his arm around her.
“Brenna,” Angie says softly, “these are my parents.”
Brenna doesn’t respond, but continues to look from one to the other. They, too, seem beyond words.
After a few moments Brenna’s dad, who had moved away to speak to friends, returns to Brenna’s side. He looks at his daughter and then at the couple she is staring at.
Angie is the first to speak. “Brett, these are my parents, Anthony and Marcia Hazelwood.”
“Oh. Right.” Brenna’s dad also takes a moment to comprehend. Eventually he extends his hand, first to the woman and then to the man. “We met once in the hospital. Sixteen years ago. Nice to see you again. I’m sorry. I’m just completely surprised.” He turns to Angie. “You didn’t mention you were bringing your parents.”
“I didn’t know until this morning.”
“We didn’t know Angie had connected with Brenna,” Angie’s father says. “And then it all came out last night when we met her for dinner. We were kind of…kind of shocked to hear what Angie has been doing, but by this morning we’d gotten used to the idea, and, well…”
“We wanted to come and cheer Brenna on,” Angie’s mom says, helping her husband out. “And we made a donation online to your team,” she adds.
“Thank you,” Brenna says, still numb with shock.
Through the loudspeaker the event MC’s voice booms. “Could I have everyone’s attention for a few minutes? There are a few people we need to thank and recognize. People who made this fantastic event possible.”
Georgialee and Cole join the group again, and they all turn to face the stage, but Brenna’s mind is elsewhere. She has just met Kia’s parents, her biological grandparents, her flesh and blood. She struggles to wrap her head around that.
The MC thanks the sponsors and recognizes the teams who have raised the most money in donations. Brenna’s mind eventually returns to the event.
“Seek the Peak is a grueling race, yet it is a walk in the park compared with the battle that those with breast cancer face. And it has been brought to my attention,” he says, “in an email from a former Grouse Mountain employee—” he checks his notes “—Ryan Kirkwood, that Team Bear has raised money for a very special woman who had to fight that battle and who also once worked on this mountain. Team Bear, can you raise your hands and make some noise so we can see you?”
Cole and Georgialee already have their hands in the air and are cheering madly. Naysa looks at Brenna, and they raise theirs as well.
“Ah, there you are!” the MC says. “And not only did Team Bear raise a lot of money in memory of Joanna Yokoyama, but on their team is the youngest participant in today’s event. Naysa Yokoyama, we have a special medal of achievement for you. Will you come up to the stage to receive this recognition, please.”
Naysa glances at Brenna before Georgialee gives her a shove toward the stage. With her eyes lowered, she makes her way through the crowd and up to the platform. The MC puts the medal around her neck and turns her so she is facing the crowd. “Your mother would be very proud of you today, Naysa,” he says. “And with the help of the money we have raised, we expect that a cure will soon be found for breast cancer, so that no one else has to pay the ultimate price as your mother did. Maybe this will be the first of many fundraisers you’ll participate in. As you know, your own life becomes richer when you work to make a difference.”
A huge cheer goes up as the MC shakes Naysa’s hand. Smiling, she returns to the place where the rest of the team is waiting. Angie hugs her, and her dad puts his arm around her shoulders while wiping his eyes with his other hand.
Brenna takes a deep breath and looks at the faces of the people assembled at the large round table at Wo’s Chinese Restaurant. Team Bear is there, as are her father, Angie, Angie’s parents and Justin, who joined them after his Sunday service. The server is dropping off plate after plate of food at the table. Everyone is chatting. Georgialee and Cole are oblivious to anyone else at the table, Angie and Naysa are deep in conversation, and her father and Angie’s parents are listening carefully to something Justin is telling them.
Once again Brenna is feeling her mother’s absence, but, unlike at her sixteenth-birthday party, she’s also keenly aware that they are assembled here because of her mother and what her life meant to them. She is also aware of Ryan’s absence, especially because it was Ryan who had talked her into participating in this event in the first place. She hands her phone to the server and asks him to take a candid photo of the group that she can send to Ryan later.
Justin catches Brenna’s eyes across the table. He smiles at her, then stands up and gently taps his water glass with his knife to get the attention of everyone at the table.
“I have a bad habit of turning almost every occasion into a small ceremony,” he says once everyone is listening, “but I think today’s gathering truly warrants one. Please bear with me for just a few moments.”
One by one, he looks at each person sitting at the table.
“The word that comes to me today,” he says, “as I look at each of you, is connection. Each of us is connecting in a different way, but at the root of all these old and new connections today is Joanna, who is the reason for us gathering and connecting like this. She is no longer with us in the physical world, but her spirit is truly alive and well, as we can feel from the energy around this table.”
“A toast to Joanna,” Cole says, raising his water glass. Everyone joins him, and they all clink glasses with each other.
“Joanna would be so proud of her daughters,” Justin continues once everyone is quiet again. “Grief often steals all our energy, making it difficult to even function day to day, but her daughters have worked hard to get in shape for this grueling race and have raised a lot of money for breast cancer research. Joanna’s untimely death has not ended the contribution she continues to make in life, but now it comes in the form of her daughters’ actions.”
Justin sits back down. “Does anyone else want to say anything?”
After a moment Brenna clears her throat. “I just want to say that one of the things I’ll always remember about my mom is that she fought her cancer without ever complaining, and she even kept smiling to the very end. She also shared her beautiful self with so many people, and it was one of those people, Ryan, who encouraged me to pull this team together. I now know exactly what you meant, Justin, when you said at her service that her spirit is indomitable and that it would live on.” Her voice cracks. “It really has.”
Her dad places his arm around his daughter while she wipes her eyes.
Angie’s father stands up next. “Marcia and I feel like we’ve crashed your party today. After all, we didn’t know most of you before this morning, but I really appreciate that you’ve welcomed us to this event and to this lunch. It is great to see firsthand that Brenna’s family has been so loving, and she’s been well taken care of.” He looks directly at Brenna. “We have always wondered how your life was turning out,” he says, “and although we’re terribly sorry that your mother passed away, we can see that you are a remarkable young lady. Joanna, and Brett, of course, have raised you well. This brings us great peace of mind.” He looks at Angie and then Justin. “Thank you for helping us reconnect with this lovely young woman, her family and her friends.”
Cole stands up next. He’s found another T-shirt, and Brenna notices he’s fastened the pin of Joanna to the front. He holds up his water glass. “And this is a toast to my buddy Ryan. Thanks to him, I was able to race with you today and meet some really cool people.” He smiles at Georgialee. “To Ryan!” he says and guzzles his glass of water.
Yes, Brenna thinks to herself. To Ryan. She also gulps down her entire glass of water.
Brenna’s dad clears his throat. “Thanks, Justin, for reminding us of how we remain connected, even after death.” He turns and looks directly at Cole. “And if Ryan were here,” he says, “I can assure you that there’d be no food left on this table. But there is. So unless anyone else has anything to say…in honor of Ryan, let’s eat.”
Brenna checks her personal page on the Seek the Peak website. The total amount that Team Bear raised has far exceeded her goal. Her mom’s friends all donated generously, and Kia’s parents, the last to donate, matched what she had already raised.
All the hikes. All that pain. It was worth it.
From: brennayoko@gmail.com
To: ryanfromdownunder@hotmail.com
Dear Ryan,
You really were with us in spirit today. We all felt it. Cole was great too, and, of course, I LOVED his T-shirt. He gave it to me, and I think it will now be my go-to pajama top. That way I can sleep with you every night.
Love you and miss you.
May 26
I used to worry it was inappropriate that Ryan and I got together BECAUSE MY MOM DIED, but today Justin made me think about it differently when he talked about connections. Maybe I can see this as Mom’s parting gift to me. It sounds like she really liked Ryan, and, obviously, she loved me. Her death connected us. I think she would have approved.
Thank you, Mom.