Simone poured out her heart to her beloved Mister S until she had nothing left to tell him.
“‘You’re pretty weak-willed for a master…’” Mister S repeated in a solemn tone. “You do go for the jugular, don’t you, Jellybean?”
Simone snorted a liquid weepy laugh and blew her nose again on his handkerchief.
“I’m a horrible slave.”
“No, no, no,” he said gently. He patted his leg, a signal for her to get off her knees and sit on his lap. As soon as she was in his arms, she rested her head on his shoulder, and he held her close like a father. “You can’t be in a relationship like that without speaking your mind. And a real master can take it.”
“I don’t know if he took it or not,” she said. “I hung up on him right after.”
“For the best,” he said. “It’s easy in those situations to say things you’ll immediately regret. Silence has its virtues at times.”
“Here’s the thing, though,” Simone said, pulling back to look him in the eyes. “He was fine with me. Just great. Happy. Totally into it. And then—bam!—he just decides that it’s all wrong and weird. It came out of nowhere.”
“Did it?”
“What do you mean?”
“You told me his family is very conservative, that his father whipped him with a belt for even daring to raise his voice at his sister. He’s twenty-nine years old,” Mister S said. “Twenty-nine years is a long time to live with a lie in your head. A few days with you, no matter how blissful, might not be enough time to completely dislodge that lie. And the lies our parents tell us have barbs in them. They not only stick, but they tear when you pull them out.”
“I just…I’m so crazy about him,” Simone said. “I thought we had it figured out.”
“If it’s any comfort to you at all, I’ve fallen in love twice in my life and both relationships involved long difficult separations. Even when it’s meant to be, it isn’t necessarily meant to be easy.”
“But I really want it to be easy,” she said and collapsed onto his shoulder again.
“Don’t we all, Jellybean.” He patted her back and she sighed. At least Mister S loved her and that was something special.
“What should I do?” she asked.
“Nothing,” he said. “You’ve made up your mind. You know how you feel about him, how you feel about the both of you as a couple. You can either wait for him to make up his mind, or end it completely with him and move on. You can’t force someone you love to be someone they aren’t. Take it from me.”
“I just want him to be who he was when we were together. I think his sister must have got to him. When she found out he watched some kinky porn, she told him to get therapy.”
“I’m sure she received many of the same toxic messages he did growing up under that roof,” he said. “And if they’re close, he’ll take what she says to heart whether he should or not simply because he loves her and trusts her.”
“I thought he loved me,” Simone said. “A little anyway.”
“The new lover versus the family,” he said. “One of the older battles in human history.”
“I want to win,” Simone said, raising her fist in determination.
“I know you do. And you might,” he said, pushing a pink lock of hair off her face and tucking it behind her ear. “You were his first submissive, first woman he ever hit. Even when it’s consensual, hitting a woman is a harrowing experience for any man with a conscience. I would counsel you to give him the grace of a few days to process the strong emotions he’s undoubtedly feeling. I would ask him to do the same for you were the situation reversed, give you enough time to deal with your conflicted heart. You remember how badly you wanted to quit graduate school, but you were afraid of disappointing your mother? You were dying to quit but stayed in your PhD program for her sake for another miserable year.”
“Ugh,” Simone said. “Don’t make me empathize. I hate that.”
Much as she hated to admit it, he was right. She’d been where Jason was, wanting something for herself but ignoring her own better judgment, her own passions, because she loved her family so much and couldn’t bear to disappoint them.
Mister S lightly pinched her thigh. She sighed again and rested her head on his chest. He patted her back gently, like a father tending to a tired child.
“It might be for the best,” he said after a long silence, “that it ends now, early, before you grow any more attached than you already are.”
“You think so?” she asked, sitting up in surprise.
“You and Jason have so little in common. I can certainly foresee a painful breakup in the future if you stayed together.”
“Really?” His words broke her heart.
“I’m afraid so. I’ve seen it too many times to count.”
Her bottom lip quivered but she tried not to cry again. She nodded slowly. “You’re probably right. We…we don’t have a lot in common, really.”
He smiled. It was a wicked smile. Positively satanic.
“What?” she asked.
“You see how easy it is?”
“What do you mean?”
“You care about me. You trust me. Although you were certain of your feelings one minute ago, I was able to plant a seed of doubt in your brain with just a few barbed words. This is how it happens when someone you trust and care about makes you second-guess your own heart.”
“You did that to me on purpose?” she asked, staring at him in wonder and horror.
“Of course I did.”
“You’re evil.”
“I proved my point.”
She lightly beat her head against his shoulder. “Evil. Evil. Evil,” she chanted. He only laughed.
“So you don’t think Jason and I are bad together?” she asked him.
“If you say you are a good couple, I believe you. You’ve always been a thoughtful, rational person. Even when your hair isn’t.”
Simone smiled.
“Sweet-talker. I can’t believe you messed with my head so easily. No, wait, yes I can.”
“Are you feeling any better?”
“A little,” she said. “I don’t want to scream anymore.”
“Let’s go and have a glass of wine, and we’ll take you home after. You’ll feel better in a few days once you see the world hasn’t ended.”
“You’re so smart and wise.”
“Yes, I know.”
“Pretty arrogant, though.”
“Well aware, Jellybean. Well aware.”