It’s a game of virtual cat and mouse: smart alecks put crazy items up for auction on eBay and eBay pulls them off the site. Here are a few of our favorites. (The winning bids are at the end.)
ITEM: A date
DESCRIPTION: “With our co-worker Brady!!! He drives a Miata!!!”
OPENING BID: 50¢
ITEM: Frog purse, made from a real frog
DESCRIPTION: “Be the first person on your block to own a coin purse made out of most of a frog. Rest assured, you’ll never be asked for spare change again.”
OPENING BID: $1
ITEM: A picture of my butt
DESCRIPTION: “I’m a sexy guy from Florida, you know you want this, you pay shipping if out of USA.”
OPENING BID: 75¢
ITEM: The right to legally represent a plaintiff in a lawsuit over a piece of “tainted” string cheese
DESCRIPTION: “A strand of hair is completely embedded in the cheese cylinder.”
OPENING BID: $500
ITEM: One pound real Arkansas Civil War dirt
DESCRIPTION: “100% guaranteed to be from the Civil War era. Comes with certificate of authenticity if desired.”
OPENING BID: $1
ITEM: “Stuff I found in my couch about an hour ago”
DESCRIPTION: Includes one pack of Big Red gum, one machine-threaded screw, 80¢ in change, two rubber bands—“one needs a little restoration.”
OPENING BID: 80¢
Human kangaroo: Australian athlete Tom Morris once skipped from Melbourne to Sydney, covering 1,264 miles in 28 days
DESCRIPTION: “Own your very own ball of incredibly hot gas! Payment in cash only. Buyer collects.”
OPENING BID: $10 million
ITEM: Pocket lint
DESCRIPTION: “Trust me, you don’t want this.”
OPENING BID: $12
ITEM: “Put a tattoo on my forehead for one year”
DESCRIPTION: “You must be asking why I would allow someone to tattoo my forehead. My wife and I would like to pay off our car and other bills, plus have enough money left over so I could attend school.”
OPENING BID: $33,200
ITEM: Bridal wedding gown
DESCRIPTION: “Very soiled and spotted.”
OPENING BID: 99¢
ITEM: “Semi-new” teriyaki vegetables and rice snack
DESCRIPTION: “M’mm. After I finished preparing the snack I realized I wasn’t so hungry anymore.”
OPENING BID: 25¢
ITEM: WWII novelty Hitler pincushion
DESCRIPTION: “Stick the pins in his butt. A great collectible!”
OPENING BID: $1
ITEM: Francis D. Cornworth’s virginity
DESCRIPTION: “I figured with the latest eBay craze, I’d see exactly how much I could get for my virginity. I live in Miami, FL. If you live in Florida, I could probably meet you halfway up to Orlando. Otherwise you’ll have to arrange to meet me.”
OPENING BID: $10
ITEM: “My conscience”
DESCRIPTION: “I’m selling it, ’cause I don’t want or need it.”
OPENING BID: $5
ITEM: Melissa’s booger—fresh from the pickin’!
DESCRIPTION: “Comes straight from the nostril to your home in less than two days. Free shipping.”
OPENING BID: 1¢
ITEM: Muhammad Ali’s broken-jaw X-ray
DESCRIPTION: “Used to determine the extent of his injuries following his bout with Ken Norton.”
OPENING BID: $9.99
ITEM: Set of 50 “antique” prosthetic eyeballs
DESCRIPTION: “Lifelike detail; the veins in the eyes are stunning!”
OPENING BID: $50
ITEM: The raft Elian Gonzalez’s family used to flee Cuba
DESCRIPTION: “A genuine piece of American history…sure to be a big moneymaker!”
OPENING BID: $20
ITEM: Cadaver bag
DESCRIPTION: “This bag is new, never used. I would have to be a sick freak to sell these used.”
OPENING BID: $15
Brady: $6.19
Frog purse: $5.50
Butt picture: $1
String cheese: No takers
Dirt: $2.75
Couch stuff: $3.06
The sun: No takers
Pocket lint: $10 million
Tattoo: No takers
Wedding dress: $15.50
Teriyaki snack: No takers
Hitler doll: No takers
Virginity: $10 million
Conscience: No takers
Booger: 1¢
Ali’s X-ray: $255.01
Bag of eyeballs: $613
Elian’s raft: $280 (minimum not met)
Cadaver bag: $15
Diet fact: a 5-ounce serving of fish is about the same size as your checkbook.