Canadians have a well-deserved reputation for being polite. Turns out it’s all an act—at least for politicians. This excerpt from the “Dear Miss Parliamentary Manners” column in the Canadian National Post shows us that American politicians have a lot to learn.
A recent news story contended that decorum is taking a bruising in Canadian legislatures. The article quoted a Cabinet minister as saying, “There is a certain level of civil discourse to be expected in the house even during heckling.” How can you be civil and heckle at the same time?
ANSWER: Actually, it’s very easy to hector with ferocity and yet remain civil and mannerly—once you’ve mastered the subtle nuances of the parliamentary vernacular.
Expression: “My learned colleague.”
Translation: “You cheese-eating throwback.”
Expression: “If the honorable member will forward his request to my department, we will provide the relevant documents.”
Translation: “Talk to the hand.”
Expression: “I would be happy to address the member’s question.”
Translation: “I yearn to bleach your skull and use it on my desk as a novelty pencil holder.”
Expression: “If the member had concerns, he should have made them known at the proper time.”
Translation: “Your mother didn’t have any complaints last night.”
Expression: “Mr. Speaker, the people of Canada deserve an answer.”
Translation: “Leave my mother out of this—I swear, I’ll cut you!”
Expression: “I am outraged by your craven duplicity!”
Translation: “I’m not really upset; I just wanted to get on the news. Want to have dinner tonight?”
No way: According to one expert, the most frequently used English noun is “way.”