MY END IS NEAR

Uncle John predicts that his death will come…on the last day of his life. As creepy as it sounds, some people have actually been able to predict their deaths much more accurately than that. Take these folks…

ARNOLD SCHOENBERG

Claim to Fame: Austrian composer… and a man obsessed with the number 13

Prediction: Schoenberg was born on September 13, 1874 and believed he would probably die on the 13th as well. Which month and year? Probably, he decided, on a Friday the 13th, and most likely in 1951, when he was 76 (7 + 6= 13).

What Happened: That year, July 13 fell on a Friday, and Schoenberg stayed in bed all day, awaiting death. Late that night, his wife went to his room to check on him and scold him for wasting the day so foolishly. When she opened the door, Schoenberg looked up at her, uttered the single word “harmony,” and dropped dead. Time of death: 11:47 p.m. …13 minutes before midnight.

FRANK BARANOWSKI

Claim to Fame: Host of “Mysteries Around Us,” a radio show that dealt with issues of the paranormal

Prediction: Early in January 2002, Baranowski announced to his listeners that he expected to die on January 19.

What Happened: As advertised, Baranowski became an eerily suitable topic for his own show by dying on January 19—exactly as he said he would. Cause of death: congestive heart failure. “It’s like he just produced his last show,” a co-worker told reporters.

DAVID FABRICIUS

Claim to Fame: German astronomer and Protestant minister

Prediction: For some reason, Fabricius became fixated on the idea that he would die on May 7, 1617. Rather than tempt fate, when the day came, Fabricius decided to play it safe and stay home.

What Happened: About two hours before midnight, he decided that the danger had passed. He stepped outside to get some air…and was promptly murdered by a man from his own church.

Tablecloths originally served as big napkins: people wiped their hands and faces on them.

THE REVEREND FREDDIE ISAACS

Claim to Fame: Founder of the Reformed Apostolic Church in Cradock, South Africa

Prediction: In January 2002, Reverend Freddie told his followers that he would soon be “going home.” He had received a message from the Lord to join Him in Heaven, he said, and God had set the date for Saturday, February 2. He had his grave dug in advance and even booked the town hall for the funeral, busing in hundreds of “mourners” from all over South Africa. He also went on a shopping spree of Biblical proportions, sure that the Creator would take care of the bills after he was gone. “We will miss his earthly body,” one church member told reporters, “but we know that he will be sitting at the right hand of the Father.”

What Happened: February 2 came and went…and Freddie didn’t die. A spokesperson explained to his enraged and humiliated followers that there had been a misunderstanding, saying, “His actual announcement was, ‘I am going home.’ That is why it is important for us to sit down and clarify certain words and terms, such as the difference between death and going home.”

FELIPE GARZA, JR.

Claim to Fame: A 15-year-old high school student living in Patterson, California, in 1985

Prediction: Felipe had a crush on a classmate named Donna Ashlock, who had a degenerative heart disease and was only weeks away from death when Felipe’s mother saw a newspaper article about her condition and read it to Felipe. “I remember his voice in the next room,” Mrs. Garza remembered. “He said, ‘I’m going to die, and I’m going to give my heart to Donna.’”

What Happened: Although Felipe seemed to be in perfect health, he died a few days later when a blood vessel in his brain suddenly burst. His family donated his heart to Donna the following day.

Final Chapter: Unfortunately, the ending was not a happy one. Donna’s body rejected Felipe’s heart a few years later, and she died in March 1989 before another suitable donor could be found. She and Felipe are buried in the same cemetery.

Q: Why six-packs? A: Breweries thought six beers were “the maximum a woman could safely carry.”