These are 100% honest-to-goodness headlines. Can you figure out what they were trying to say?
Factory Orders Dip
SUN OR RAIN EXPECTED TODAY, DARK TONIGHT
PSYCHICS PREDICT WORLD DIDN’T END YESTERDAY
CAPITAL PUNISHMENT BILL CALLED “DEATH ORIENTED”
CHICAGO CHECKING ON ELDERLY IN HEAT
TIPS TO AVOID ALLIGATORS: DON’T SWIM IN WATERS INHABITED BY LARGE ALLIGATORS
Here’s How You Can Lick Doberman’s Leg Sores
Coroner Reports on Woman’s Death While Riding Horse
CHEF THROWS HIS HEART INTO HELPING FEED NEEDY
CINCINNATI DRY CLEANER SENTENCED IN SUIT
High-Speed Train Could Reach Valley in Five Years
FISH LURK IN STREAMS
KEY WITNESS TAKES FIFTH IN LIQUOR PROBE
JAPANESE SCIENTISTS GROW FROG EYES AND EARS
SUICIDE BOMBER STRIKES AGAIN
DONUT HOLE, NUDE DANCING ON COUNCIL TABLE
POLICE NAB STUDENT WITH PAIR OF PLIERS
MARIJUANA ISSUE SENT TO JOINT COMMITTEE
Girl Kicked by Horse Upgraded to Stable
KILLER SENTENCED TO DIE FOR SECOND TIME IN TEN YEARS
COURT RULES BOXER SHORTS ARE INDEED UNDERWEAR
Nuns Forgive Break-in, Assault Suspect
ELIMINATION OF TREES COULD SOLVE CITY’S LEAF-BURNING PROBLEM
No wonder they’re skinny: lobsters can crawl as far as a mile a day looking for food.